By Greg Catalano
Benner’s Farm in East Setauket hosted easter egg hunts on April 18, 19 and 20. Children, baskets in hand, enjoyed the beautiful weather as they eagerly searched for the hidden eggs, toured the working farm and met the Easter Bunny.
– Photos by Greg Catalano
By Julianne Mosher
If you have a little one in your life, My Little Bestie is about to be your little bestie.
The store, which opened in East Setauket in November of last year, is celebrating six months of being in business and owner Sara DiFalco said it’s been one of the best rides she has ever been on.
Located at 248 Main Street, the shop has two purposes: In the front, a colorful boutique of everything a mama and child needs decorate shelves and displays. As you head to the back of the store, racks of clothing, accessories and toys, donated by other mamas and caregivers, are available for purchase—basically a tiny thrift store with brand names to help families who may not be able to afford luxury.
“I love thrifting,” DiFalco laughed, “But I also love new stuff.”
To combine the best of both worlds, DiFalco’s business model allows families to donate bags of their preowned items. There are specific criterion, like no stains, holes or heavy wear, and it can’t be from a retailer of fast fashion like Old Navy, Target or Walmart. After DiFalco examines and approves each piece, the donator is given 50% off items in the store for the next 30 days.
“It’s really nice because our kids grow out of things and we never know what to do with them,” she said.
After the donation is made, then it’s time to shop for something new. Tote bags, book, puzzles, toys, home décor and clothing for mom, baby and child. DiFalco said that all the new clothing she sells is organically made by small batch retailers and are almost entirely eco-friendly.
“People tell me that they have never seen a store like this before that has luxury in the front and thrifting in the back,” she said.
Originally from Toronto, Canada, DiFalco moved to Deer Park with her now-husband more than a decade ago. She worked in retail, but soon after having her daughter, who is now two years old, she decided she wanted to be her own boss. After searching the Island for the perfect spot to open a brick-and-mortar shop, she stumbled across Setauket and fell in love with the area.
“There’s nothing like this around and it’s so needed,” she said.
Along with becoming her own boss and making her own schedule, DiFalco wanted to create a community for moms out there. Since opening My Little Bestie, she said many of her customers have become her friends, bonding over their love for shopping and embracing motherhood. DiFalco loves the North Shore so much, she and her family are moving to Smithtown this summer.
Named for her daughter, Athena, who DiFalco says is her “little bestie,” the store has constant revolving inventory and a plentiful online shop to order from.
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My LIttle Bestie is open Tuesday through Sunday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., closed on Mondays. For more information, please call 631-800-9800 or visit www.mylittlebestie.shop.
By Steven Zaitz
Adrian Gilmore, Shoreham-Wading River High School’s girls varsity soccer coach, has died at the age of 42.
Gilmore, who led the team to two Long Island championships and one New York State championship during her 13 years as coach, collapsed at Albert G. Prodell Middle School on April 22, where she was a sixth-grade teacher. Suffolk County Police arrived at the school at 100 Randall Road in Shoreham a few minutes before 3 p.m. and shortly thereafter, a Rocky Point emergency vehicle rushed Gilmore to John T. Mather Hospital in Port Jefferson. Gilmore died two days later – the cause is unknown at this time.
Gerald Poole, superintendent of the Shoreham-Wading River Central School District issued a statement that read: “For 20 years, Adrian Gilmore was not only a dedicated and passionate educator, but an outstanding coach, mentor and source of inspiration to many generations of SWR colleagues, families and students. More than her impressive achievements, Adrian will be remembered as a mentor for other coaches and teachers, a passionate advocate for children and a trusted colleague whose impact reached far beyond school walls. Her legacy lives on in the countless lives that she touched as a teacher, coach and community leader. She will be profoundly missed by all who had the privilege of knowing her.”
Ava Gengler is a senior captain who fought for a state title this year with Gilmore and her Lady Wildcat teammates. Gengler was a varsity player for Gilmore for four years and will attend the University of Miami in the fall. She remembers Gilmore as not just an effective coach of X’s and O’s, but a caring and compassionate leader.
“I’ll never forget my freshman year — I had a panic attack right before one of our biggest games, and instead of focusing on winning, she stayed with me the entire time, making sure I was okay,” Gengler said. “It was in that moment she showed me how much she truly cared about us as people, not just athletes, and how special of a person she was. Her loss is heartbreaking for all of us, but we’re coming together to honor everything she stood for and everything she gave us.”
Gilmore, whose maiden name was Adrian Weger, was a graduate of William Floyd High School, class of 2000, where she was a standout in both soccer and track and field. She went to Concordia College in Westchester County and was a four-year starter for the Concordia soccer team. In 2006, she became a teacher in the SWR school district and in 2012, she was named the Wildcats girls varsity soccer coach.
She met her husband Timothy Gilmore while at Concordia where he was an outstanding baseball player. The couple married in 2009 and they had three children — Kayla, 18, a freshman lacrosse player at the University of Maryland; Cameron, 13, and Colby, 3. A GoFundMe page has been set up to financially assist the devastated family.
Gilmore’s friend Charisse Jamroz organized the page and on it she says, “Adrian’s life was a beautiful reflection— full of grace, strength, and a deep love for others. She poured her heart into everything she did, whether she was raising her children, nurturing her students, or guiding her athletes.”
The page has raised over $162,000.
Superintendent Poole also said in his statement that the SWR district will be honoring Gilmore, “as we reflect and remember her legacy. In the meantime, please keep Adrian’s family and friends in your thoughts. Together, we will continue to support one another with compassion as we navigate this loss as a school community and school family.”
In addition to coaching the varsity team, Coach Gilmore was involved in local youth lacrosse developmental leagues around the Shoreham area.
In 2019, the Lady Wildcats won the New York State title by beating upstate Spencerport 2-0 and Gilmore was named as East Regional Coach of the Year. In the spring of 2021, Gilmore’s girls were a perfect 12-0 in the COVID-shortened season and they outscored their opponents by an astounding aggregate of 61-5. The Wildcats have made it to the Long Island Championship game every year for the last three years.
“Having Mrs. Gilmore as both my teacher and soccer coach honestly changed my life,” said Gengler. “She pushed me to be better — not just as a player or student, but as a person. She was tough, but it was the kind of tough that made you stronger. She taught me what it means to be disciplined, to never give up, and to always give my best. At the same time, she had this really compassionate and caring side.”
A viewing for Adrian Gilmore was held on April 30 at Moloney-Sinnicksons Moriches Funeral Home in Center Moriches and a Mass was held on May 1 at 9:30 a.m. at St. John’s the Evangelist Roman Catholic Church in Center Moriches. In addition to her husband and children, she is survived by her parents Cathleen and Gary Weger and her brothers Mathew, Christopher and Joshua.
If you wish to make a donation, go to https://www.gofundme.com/f/in-her-honor-supporting-a-devoted-mother-teacher-coach
By Daniel Dunaief
The federal government took them away and has, for now, returned them.
Amid a national crackdown on international students throughout the country, the federal government’s Student and Exchange Visitor Program removed the visas of 11 international students at Stony Brook University on April 10, without providing any public information about the reasons for the decisions or the process that would follow.
Early this week, the downtstate flagship university announced that the student visas, which are necessary for work and, in some cases, to remain in the United States, were reinstated.
“We are delighted to share that all 11 Stony Brook students whose immigration status was terminated by the federal government several weeks ago had had their status reinstated,” Provost Carl Lejuez, Vice Provost for Graduate Educate Celia Marshik and Senior Associate Provost for Global Affairs Lindsi Walker announced in an email to faculty, staff and students.
The 11 Stony Brook students were among the 1,500 students nationwide whose visa status was terminated. Most of those students have also had their visas restored, although the government indicated that it was creating a new system to review and terminate student visas.
At the University of North Texas, 28 international students had their visas restored on Tuesday, while Rutgers students also had their visas restored this week.
Judges in numerous juridsictions had temporarily restored student record amid lawsuits challenging the decision by Immigration and Customs Enforcement about the Student and Exchange Visitor Information Program (SEVIS) withdrawals.
District Judge Ana Reyes in the District of Columbia on Tuesday called the withdrawals “arbitrary and capricious” and suggested that the terminations “showed a lack of concern for human individuals,” according to ABC News.
In their joint email, Stony Brook officials expressed appreciation for the community support for these students.
“Stony Brook is deeply enriched by the perspectives and contributions of our global community, and we are proud to learn, teach and conduct research alongside exceptional international students and scholars,” the officials wrote in their email.
The reversal comes as litigation against the federal government mounts, with student arguing that the revocations were unconstitutional.
After Stony Brook University announced the visas had originally been removed, students gathered to express their support for the students affected and to urge the university to help defend against deportation and the loss of any work study efforts.
Stony Brook officials indicated that students had continued with their academic pursuits amid the shifting visa process.
“We are not aware of students missing classes as a result of their status being revoked,” Lejuez explained in a written message, “and now, with this restoration, they are able to simply continue in their studies without further distractions.”
Political support
Local politicians from both parties welcomed the administration’s decision to allow these students to continue with their educational programs.
“I am pleased that the visas of the international students at Stony Brook were restored,” County Executive Ed Romaine (R) explained in a written message. “Educating international students in the U.S. helps those around the world better understand our country and apprecaite the many good things and freedoms we enjoy.”
Democratic State Assemblywoman Rebecca Kassay, whose district includes Stony Brook, Setauket, Port Jefferson, Port Jeffferson Station, Mount Sinai and Coram, appreciated the support of the university and of the office of Sen. Charles Schumer (D).
As soon as she learned that these student visas were revoked, Kassay connected with Stony Brook University’s Associate Vice President for Government Relations Carl Mills and with Schumer’s office.
Once the students had legal representation, Schumer’s office was able to ensure that the appeals process proceeded fairly, Kassay said.
At the time, and as a part of her ongoing responsibility to the district, Kassay urged anyone with concerns to reach out to her office to “make sure you are getting the calls back” from any of the various entities involved in the process, she said.
Kassay suggested that her staff works to make sure constituents are getting service from all levels of government.
Kassay recognized that this visa issue could return for international students in the area.
“We stand at the ready to help navigate whatever might come about with issues resulting from federal executive orders or policies,” Kassay added.
To be sure, Kassay suggested that students on visas don’t have the freedom to break laws or to violate the terms of their time in the country.
“If individuals are found to have a criminal background, or to have cause for removal from our country and that is proven by due process, then so be it,” she said. “We all deserve due process. Now is the time to make that clear.”
Kassay suggested that she felt sympathetic to students who didn’t face any public charges and whose futures had suddenly become uncertain.
“My heart goes out to the individuals and their families,” Kassay said.
Hildegard “Hilda” McDowell passed away peacefully at her home in Venice, Florida, on April 14 at the age of 92.
Born on January 23, 1933, in Rechnitz, Austria, to Dr. Hugo and Elsa Graner, Hilda was a Holocaust survivor who immigrated to New York in 1939. She grew up in Elmhurst and graduated from Newtown High School.
In 1955, Hilda married James “Jim” Stephen McDowell. Together they built a loving home on Howard Street in Port Jefferson Station where they raised five children during their 54 years of marriage.
She is lovingly remembered by her children: James McDowell, Denise McDowell, Elizabeth Randall and Stephen McDowell. She also leaves behind eight grandchildren: Marina Roberts, Katie Johnson, Jason Randall, Dr. Matthew Randall, Shaun McDowell, Lauren Scanlon, Kevin McDowell and Kyle McDowell. In addition, she is survived by 14 great-grandchildren: John, Hallett, Floris and Sylvain Randall; Clare and Henry Scanlon; Alexandra, Cora, Otis and Ethan Roberts; Ellie and Zachariah Johnson and Shane and John McDowell.
Hilda is also survived by her brother Otto Graner. She was preceded in death by her beloved husband Jim and her son Brian.
Hilda found joy in coloring, painting, crafting, crocheting and sewing. She was a proud member of the Moose Lodge and a life member of the Terryville Fire Department Ladies Auxiliary.
A celebration of Hilda’s life will be held in Mt. Sinai, NY.
Her legacy of resilience and love will continue to inspire all who knew her.
Michael “Mike” Cary Wallace passed on April 4 at the age of 85. The son of Mildred and Adrian Wallace, he was born on December 31, 1939, and grew up in Stony Brook. After graduating from high school, Mike enlisted in the United States Air Force and proudly served his country for four years. He was stationed in Europe during the Cold War.
After returning home, he met and married Barbara, and they settled down in their beloved home next to the Setauket Mill Pond where they lived for the next 50 years. During that time, he furnished their home with restored antiques and hand-made cabinetry, filled their yard with flowers and maintained a large garden. In his later years, he rebuilt and restored three Model A Fords which he proudly drove in local parades as well as when he went out to buy a cup of coffee.
Wallace was a member of the Frank Melville Memorial Park board, the Three Village and Port Jefferson historical societies and volunteered and restored clocks for the Port Jefferson Spinney Clock Collection. He was also an usher at the Infant Jesus Chapel.
Barbara enjoyed cooking, and Mike fully enjoyed eating her gourmet food. They took frequent trips to New York City to eat at their favorite Italian restaurants, see plays, and attend the opera. They also traveled extensively in Europe. When someone they knew died, their reaction was often to say, let’s go to Italy again. They appreciated their time together and made the most of it.
Most of all, Mike will be remembered for his love and devotion to his family. Mike is survived by Barbara, his beloved wife of 57 years, his daughters Chrissie, Elizabeth, Jennifer, and his son-in-law John, and was a proud grandfather of Jack, Rose, and Annie.
Mike was a proud supporter of his daughter “Wiz” in her many years of playing softball, basketball and tennis. He never missed a game if he could help it, and was often seen pacing beyond the outfield walls. Mike and Jennifer enjoyed going to yard sales and shared a love of antiques and furniture restoration. Mike was extremely proud of his grandchildren, and his face lit up when he was able to speak to them on the phone during the final days of his illness. His children and grandchildren grew up believing that they could achieve anything, because he always seemed to know how to do and fix everything.
The funeral was handled by Bryant Funeral Home with burial at St. James Churchyard Cemetery in Setauket.
From Middle Country Public Library
According to the business advocacy organization, Long Island Association, 90% of businesses on Long Island are small businesses. In today’s competitive market, small businesses need every possible advantage to thrive. Membership in the local chamber of commerce is a great way to become a part of the community and networking events like Strictly Business, being held on Tuesday, May 6 at the Middle Country Public Library in Centereach, help get them in front of potential customers and collaborators.
More than 17 years ago, representatives from the Miller Business Center at the Middle Country Public Library, the Brookhaven Chambers of Commerce Coalition and the Greater Middle Country Chamber of Commerce met to brainstorm how they could offer even more opportunities to their members. What could be done to help them meet potential clients and connect with other small businesses and entrepreneurs? Knowing that the cost of big events can be prohibitive, Strictly Business was born!
It is more than a just a trade show or networking event—it is a catalyst for economic development for local businesses in the area.
Lenore Paprocky, President of the Greater Middle Country Chamber of Commerce, captures what small businesses mean to the region when she says, “Small businesses are the backbone of Long Island, driving our economy and strengthening our communities. B2B (business to business) networking isn’t just about connections—it’s about collaboration, growth, and building a thriving local community where businesses support each other and succeed together.”
This is the heart of Chamber of Commerce membership. When small businesses join their local chamber, they gain access to a network that is committed to mutual success, advocacy, and shared progress.
That network includes community resources to help with training, mentorship, research and more. The Miller Business Center at the Middle Country Public Library connects with small businesses at the many chamber meetings and events they attend.
“The Miller Business Center is a part of the local business eco-system,” says Middle Country Public Library director Sophia Serlis-McPhillips. “Not only do we plan and run Strictly Business, we also offer assistance all year with our programming and business research.”
With Strictly Business, small businesses have a unique opportunity to showcase their offerings directly to potential customers and collaborators. These kinds of opportunities can lead to long-term business relationships, client growth, and community recognition. The event also serves as a powerful reminder of the shared mission among local businesses.
Barbara Ransome, President of the Brookhaven Chambers of Commerce Coalition and a small business owner explains that, “The original intention for creating a Strictly Business event was to support our small business communities; that remains the same. This trade show provides a cohesive platform for our Chambers of Commerce partners to participate in networking with one another. They are brought together to share in a unified voice common goals and concerns as well as creating NEW business opportunities and finding that there is strength in numbers.”
This “strength in numbers” idea is a driving force behind the Chamber of Commerce model. When businesses stand together, they amplify their influence. Returning Strictly Business exhibitor, Carmine Inserra, CEO of ProSysCon Computer Technologies, Inc., says, “It’s always advantageous for business owners to be around others who are working on their businesses and Strictly Business is a great way to connect and to have so many successful businesses in one place.” This sentiment underscores the importance of shared energy and collaboration.
Sponsorship from major institutions like TD Bank shows just how much the broader community values these events. Maryellen Ferretti, TD Bank Retail Market Manager, S.V.P. shared that it is “committed to empowering local businesses and fostering economic growth. Strictly Business is a great way to show this commitment as the event offers valuable networking opportunities and resources for entrepreneurs and professionals in the community.” The involvement of such stakeholders is a testament to the real economic impact that local businesses have—and how vital it is to invest in their success.
In the end, the Strictly Business trade show is more than just a day of networking— it is an introduction to the larger economic environment of Long Island.
The 17th annual Strictly Business trade show will take place on Tuesday, May 6 at the Middle Country Public Library, 101 Eastwood Blvd., Centereach from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Attendees have the opportunity to enter a raffle for the chance to win a $250 gift card. Admission is free and there is ample free parking. For more information, call 631-585-9393 x216.
The month of May has been home to many historical events over the years. Here’s a look at some that helped to shape the world in May 1925.
• “Pink’s War” comes to an end on May 1. The campaign was a British aerial bombardment against the Mahsud tribe in British India’s Punjab Province. The campaign began on March 9.
• King Alexander of Yugoslavia signs a decree to have his brother, Prince George, interned as mentally incompetent on May 2. Prince George remained confined in an asylum for nearly two decades until his release was ordered by German occupying forces during World War II. Perhaps thanks to his internment, Prince George was the lone member of the royal family to avoid being exiled and named an enemy of the state upon conclusion of the war.
• James Naismith becomes a United States citizen on May 4. The 64-year-old Naismith, who invented the sport of basketball, was born in Canada but had lived inn the U.S. for 35 years before becoming an American citizen.
• Biology teacher John Scopes is arrested in Tennessee on May 5. Scopes is arrested teaching evolution, which was illegal in Tennessee. Scopes’s arrest led to one of the most notable trials in American history.
• Two students and a teacher are killed during the Wilno school massacre in Poland on May 6. Two eighth-grade students, one of whom was carrying a hand grenade and a pistol, instigated the massacre by attacking teachers.
• New York Yankees manager Miller Huggins benches Everett Scott on May 6, thus ending the player’s record of 1,307 consecutive games played, a streak that began in 1916.
• African American river worker Tom Lee saves 32 passengers who had been aboard the steamboat M.E. Norman on May 8. The steamboat capsized and sank on the Mississippi River near Memphis, Tennessee, killing 23 passengers and crew.
• The Brooklyn Bridge reopens to vehicle traffic for the first time in almost three years on May 12. The bridge was closed in July 1922 due to problems with two suspension cables.
• American Martha Wise is convicted of murder on May 12. Wise poisoned 17 members of her family, killing three. Wise is sentenced to life in prison, where she ultimately died in 1971.
• Editorials in Japanese news media decry American plans to strengthen the naval base at Pearl Harbor on May 15. Some Japanese suggest the decision to strengthen the base is a harbinger of future American aggression towards Japan.
• Casey Stengel plays in his final Major League Baseball game on May 19, ending a 14-year playing career.
• Malcolm Little is born in Omaha, Nebraska, on May 19. Little would grow up and become a central figure in the American civil rights movement, by which time he was known as Malcolm X.
• Visitors from states along the United States and Canada border flock to Ontario on May 21 after legal 4.4 beer goes on sale in the province.
• The crew of the N25 seaplane, part of the Amundsen Polar Expedition led by explorer Roald Amundsen, is forced to touch down on ice on May 22. An accompanying plane, the N24, witnesses the landing and touches down as well. The explorers were attempting to be the first to fly to the North Pole, but spend weeks after touching down trying to chisel a runway out of the ice.
• Chicago mobster Angelo “Bloody Angelo” Genna is shot numerous times during a high-speed car chase on May 26. The North Side Gang is behind the attack, and Genna ultimately dies from his wounds.
• The Los Angeles police announce on May 30 they had foiled a kidnapping plot that targeted Hollywood stars Mary Pickford, Pola Negri and Buster Keaton.
• Peter DePaolo wins the 1925 Indianapolis 500 on May 30. DePaolo becomes the first driver to complete the course in fewer than five hours.
Problems for the Bess Task Force
We now have a newly formed BESS Task Force, assembled for the purpose of evaluating the safety risks of proposed lithium-ion battery systems, apparently concentrating on thermal runaway. One issue that should be addressed by the Task Force is the effect of the discharge efficiency of the battery, which may lead to significant heating in the battery systems. One example is the system proposed by New Leaf Energy, which will provide 8.75 MW of power for 4 hours. Based on experience, a typical lithium-ion battery discharge efficiency is 10-15%. To be conservative, let us assume a discharge efficiency of 15%. Thus, if 8.75 MW is delivered to the external loads (or homes) for 4 hours, the internal power dissipated in the BESS is 1.54 MW. The BESS must have a cooling system capable of removing the heat generated by this power, to prevent the internal temperatures of the BESS cells from reaching temperatures capable of causing thermal runaway.
Although the occurrence of thermal runaway is clearly a cause for concern, it appears that the attention of the BESS Task Force will address only peaker applications, which will remain powered primarily by “fossil fuel” plants. But problems that are much more serious, and much more complex, will be encountered when we attempt to achieve an emissions-free economy, possibly by 2050. If we attempt to accomplish this by utilizing only solar arrays and windmills as our source of power, we will inevitably face the possibility of blackouts, subject to the available activity levels of the sun and wind. By drastic increases in the size and complexity of our solar arrays, windmills and BESS installations, the probability of a blackout can be decreased, but not eliminated entirely. Once the BESS Peaker Task Force has completed their analysis and issued their report, perhaps they can redirect their attention to this problem.
George Altemose
Setauket
WRITE TO US … AND KEEP IT LOCAL
We welcome your letters, especially those responding to our local coverage, replying to other letter writers’ comments and speaking mainly to local themes. Letters should be no longer than 400 words and may be edited for length, libel, style, good taste and uncivil language. They will also be published on our website. We do not publish anonymous letters. Please include an address and phone number for confirmation. Email letters to: [email protected] or mail them to TBR News Media, P.O. Box 707, Setauket, NY 11733
By Daniel Dunaief
In the best of times, we have the prvilege of living with a lightness of being.
We can anticipate events, opportunities and interactions that we find satisfying or that give us pleasure, like an enjoyable meal, great company, or entertaining or rewarding activities.
In the worst of times, sunlight can seem unbearably harsh to our eyes, the smiles and laughter of other people can feel like they are mocking our misfortune, leaving us isolated, alone and untethered.
Recently, tragedy struck a family we know well, as a member of the family in his 20’s died unexpectedly.
The ripples of that loss spread quickly, affecting everyone who had the privlege of knowing that person far too briefly and who had shared blissful moments without realizing how transient they were. That included siblings who learned of his death while away at college.
The loss had echoes with my own life, as I received a call from my family in my sophomore year. When I returned to my room after studying for a physics midterm, my roommate told me to call home regardless of the time.
My fingers twitched as I dialed the phone. My father had died.
While the memory of the oxygen-sucking reality of that moment has stayed with me decades later, I recognize that my father, who died earlier than the parents of almost all of my friends, lived much longer than this young person who was preparing to graduate from college.
So many moments after that loss and the discomfort it created have stayed with me over the years, even as time has allowed me to focus more on the memories and experiences I had rather than on the agony of what I’d lost.
I remember looking at the happy, worried, excited and normal faces of people in dining halls as I grappled with the reality of a present and future without the possibility of interacting with my father.
Soon after his death, people who knew me or were in the broader circle of friends, gave me “the look.” Some of them said they were so sorry and told me how unfair it all was. Not knowing what to say or how to act, others walked in the other direction or turned around when they saw me. Of course, some of that likely had nothing to do with me, as they might have forgotten a paper they printed out on their desk or realized that it was too cold to walk outside without a heavier jacket.
Even mundane activities seemed to raise questions. Should I shave, should I take a walk or a run, how much did I really care about succeeding on a test, or taking any of the next steps in what felt like an unfamiliar life?
Even the few times I managed to smile in the days after his death, I felt guilty. Was I allowed to be happy so soon after his death?
In those awful first few weeks of pain and numbness, friends who took me to lunch, listened or stayed by my side while I stared out a window provided some measure of comfort and connection.
The shocking relief I felt at meeting someone new, who didn’t know my story and wasn’t still giving me “the look,” was extraordinary.
New people weren’t sorry and didn’t know or see the cloud that rained grief and dumped freezing rain over my head regularly.
Time helped, but so did unexpected moments of escape from the loss, a sense of purpose that came from knowing how my father would have wanted me to live, and an awareness that everyone isn’t living their happily ever after all the time.
Other people are persevering through their challenges, losses, and difficulties. My loss and grief weren’t any less real, but they also weren’t so exclusive or blatanlty unfair.
While I still feel the loss of all the things that would have given my father joy, like meeting my wife or making his grandchildren laugh or the way he made me smile even when I was marinating in my moody teenager phase, I know that I and so many others, including our family friends, are not alone in living our fractured fairy tales.
The days ahead for the family will undoubtedly include difficulties. People who know them can help by checking in and offering ongoing support. At some point hopefully before too long, they may find themselves smiling. They may realize that they are not forgetting or being disrespectful, but they are allowing themselves to breathe in a moment of sunshine, which they can share, in their own way, with the memory of their loved ones.
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