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Father’s Day

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By Serena Carpino

Father’s Day is always a special time of the year. Families go out for breakfast at Sweet Mama’s, rent kayaks in the Stony Brook Harbor, play a round of golf at St George’s in Setauket, or continue their own fun traditions. 

As Father’s Day approaches, TBR asked local personalities, “What does Father’s Day mean to you? How do you celebrate Father’s Day? What’s the best present you’ve given your father over the years?”

— Photos by Serena Carpino

Eric Rectanus, Stony Brook 

Father’s Day is “a way of honoring the person who took care of you. It’s the person who put a roof over your head, made sure you had food in your belly, loved you and cared for you no matter what.” Rectanus, who lost his father last year, said. “Seeing Father’s Day now compared to when I had my dad, I see really what Father’s Day means because I don’t have him anymore. It’s just that person who gives you unconditional love, no matter what you do in life.” 

Mario Solis, Stony Brook 

“For me, it’s just a time that [my family] can get together, especially with my dad. We don’t have that close of a relationship, so that’s really the only time that I get to spend time with him.” 

Solis said that he and his family celebrate Father’s Day with food. “We eat — eat and just spend time together. It’s nothing special but it means a lot to us.” Solis added that the best gift he has given his father was a tool set. 

Solis declined for his picture to be taken. 

Tatjana Trajkovic, East Setauket

 “Father’s Day is a day to celebrate your dad because a lot of us who have dads sometimes take them for granted and don’t realize that some people aren’t as fortunate as us. So, it’s a day to appreciate these special people,” Trajkovic said.

The family celebrates her father and sister as a “two-for-one special” since her sister’s birthday is the same day. “Usually, we get a cake and split it between them,” she said.

 Trajkovic will be attending college in the fall and hopes to give her father a meaningful present before she leaves. She explained, “On TikTok there’s a special Father’s Day present that’s trending where you have your dad write down all of his important memories and the best stories of his life. I want him to write all of these in a notebook so that I can carry them to college. That’ll probably be the best gift I’ll ever give him, but I suppose it’ll be a gift for me too.”

Christian McClain, Shoreham

Christian McClain, a student at Shoreham-Wading River High School, said that, to him, “Father’s Day means celebrating and appreciating the love, guidance and support my father has given me throughout my life.”

On Father’s Day, McClain always has baseball tournaments. So, to celebrate his father, he wears light-blue socks and a light-blue wristband. In addition, McClain said that the best gift he ever gave his father “was when my family surprised him with a trip to Italy over the summer.”

Karen Gilmore, Stony Brook 

For Father’s Day, Gilmore said that her “daughter gets a present and gives it to him. We usually take him out to dinner or something like that … we like to go to Ragazzi [Italian Kitchen & Bar, in Nesconset].”

This year, Gilmore’s daughter made her dad a nice picture with watercolor in a recent art class. Gilmore said, “She’s really proud that she’s going to give it to him. [It’s important because] it’s something personalized, something that she made, more than just buying something. It’s something that means something from the heart.”

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Kona Pineapple Chicken Kebabs

By Heidi Sutton

This Father’s Day, go ahead and shower dad with some love straight off the grill. You can make the day even more memorable by sharing the experience together. Grilled skewers keep the whole family happy and come together in less than 30 minutes, making them perfect for quick and healthy meals without the hassle. Serve with a side salad and rice for a satisfying feast.

Kona Pineapple Chicken Kebabs

Recipe courtesy of Perdue Farms

Kona Pineapple Chicken Kebabs

YIELD: Makes 4 skewers

INGREDIENTS: 

1 can (6 ounces) pineapple juice

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 lime, zest and juice only

1 tablespoon sugar

1 package diced chicken breast

1/2 fresh pineapple, cut into 16 chunks

1 large red bell pepper, cut into 16 chunks

4 metal skewers or 8 wooden skewers (12″)

DIRECTIONS:

In bowl, whisk pineapple juice, vegetable oil, lime juice and zest, and sugar until sugar dissolves. Add diced chicken breast, cover and marinate in refrigerator 30 minutes. Thread alternating pieces of chicken, pineapple and red bell pepper onto skewers. Discard remaining marinade. Heat lightly greased grill or grill pan to medium-high heat. Grill kebabs 10-12 minutes, turning every 3-4 minutes until chicken feels firm to touch and a meat thermometer inserted in the center reaches 165 F. Remove kebabs from grill, rest 2-3 minutes and serve.

Shrimp, Broccoli and Potato Skewers

Recipe courtesy of Family Features

Shrimp, Broccoli and Potato Skewers

YIELD: Makes 4 skewers

INGREDIENTS: 

1 pound small potatoes

1 bunch broccoli

12 large shrimp, peeled and deveined

1 1/2 lemons, juice only

3 tablespoons fresh thyme, chopped

2 tablespoons olive oil

salt and pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

In large, microwave-safe bowl, microwave potatoes on high 5 minutes. Chop broccoli into large pieces. Add broccoli and shrimp to bowl once potatoes are steamed. Add lemon juice, thyme and olive oil; evenly coat potatoes, shrimp and broccoli. Season with salt and pepper, to taste. Build skewers and grill 10-15 minutes on medium-high heat, until shrimp is cooked through.

Note: If using wooden skewers, soak in water 30 minutes to keep skewers from burning on grill. If using metal skewers, remember chicken will cook faster because metal will conduct heat and cook chicken cubes from inside along with grill heat cooking chicken from outside.

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Fresh Strawberry Pie

By Heidi Sutton

Strawberry season marks the beginning of so many wonderful things on Long Island — longer days, warmer weather, the promise of summer … and Father’s Day. Bright red throughout and still warm from the sun, freshly picked strawberries are flavorful and sweet. If some strawberries make it home after picking them out east, try making one of these delicious pies for that special man in your life.

Fresh Strawberry Pie

Recipe adapted from Pillsbury

YIELD: Makes one pie

INGREDIENTS:

1 pie crust

6 cups whole fresh strawberries

1 cup sugar

3 tablespoons cornstarch

1/4 cup water

sliced strawberries

1 cup sweetened whipped cream

DIRECTIONS: 

Heat oven to 350 F. Press pie crust into 9-inch glass pie pan. Bake 9-11 minutes, or until lightly browned. Completely cool pie crust, approximately 30 minutes. In blender, crush strawberries to make 1 cup.

In saucepan, combine sugar and cornstarch. Add crushed strawberries and water. Bring to boil, stirring constantly. Cool to room temperature. Arrange sliced strawberries in cooled crust. Pour cooked strawberry mixture evenly over strawberries. Refrigerate for 3 hours. Top with whipped cream before serving.

Strawberry Cream Cheese Pie  

YIELD: Makes one pie

INGREDIENTS:

1 pie crust, parbaked and cooled 

1/4 cup heavy cream 

8 ounces whipped cream cheese 

1/4 cup powdered sugar 

1/3 cup water 

3 tablespoons cornstarch 

1 pound strawberries, hulled and halved or quartered if large

2 tablespoons sugar 

DIRECTIONS: 

Filling: In a mixing bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the heavy cream for about 5 minutes until fluffy and soft peaks form. Add the cream cheese and powdered sugar and continue to beat until smooth and combined. 

Strawberries: Whisk together the water and cornstarch. Heat a skillet to medium heat. When the skillet is hot, add the berries, sugar, and cornstarch mixture. Stir until the mixture bubbles and thickens, then turn the heat off. Let the berries cool slightly. 

Scoop the cream cheese filling into the prepared pie crust. Use a spoon or spatula to scrape some of the filling up the sides of the crust, essentially lining the crust with the cream cheese mixture. Fill the crust/cream cheese mixture with the still-warm strawberries, mounding them up in the center of the pie. 

Chill the strawberry cream cheese pie for at least 2 hours, preferably 4 hours or more. To serve, slice the pie straight from the fridge and enjoy cold or at room temperature.

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Pixabay photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Medical scientists released fantastic news Sunday that made me think of my father and weep. In a small trial of 18 patients with rectal cancer, who took a particular drug, the cancer totally vanished. My dad died of rectal cancer in 1975.

Dr. Luis A. Diaz Jr of Memorial Sloan Cancer Center was an author of the paper published in The New England Journal of Medicine explaining the results, according to The New York Times. He said he knew of no other study in which a treatment completely obliterated a cancer in every patient.

“I believe this is the first time this has happened in the history of cancer,” the NYT quotes Diaz as saying. The trial was sponsored by the drug company GlaxoSmithKline. My dad and all these other patients faced chemotherapy, radiation and surgery with possible colostomy bags as treatment for their cancer. Unlike my dad, with the benefit of the new drug, dostarlimab, 47 years later, they all seem to be cured, although only time will tell. So far, it has been three years. And none of the patients had “clinically significant complications.” The medicine was taken every three weeks for six months and cost $11,000 per dose.

“It unmasks cancer cells, allowing the immune system to identify and destroy them,” according to the NYT.

I guess we are thinking of our dads this month in particular since Father’s Day is coming quickly, and we need a gift for the occasion. This incredible breakthrough seems like the ultimate present for any fathers suffering from this disease, and of course for anyone else, too. But it has come too late for my adored dad.

My father, born in 1904, came to the City from the family’s Catskill dairy farm when he was 13. One of 9 children, “the middle child,” he would like to distinguish himself by saying he was sent off by his father to build his life since he was now considered an adult. He liked to tell us stories about his total ignorance of urban life.

A favorite concerned the boarding house in which he first rented a room. It was in a brownstone a block away from where his next older brother lived in Brooklyn. He had only shortly before arrived, had dutifully sat down to write a letter home explaining his new circumstances and had gone out as instructed by his landlady to mail the letter in the mailbox on the corner. Deed done, he turned around to return, only to discover that each building looked the same. He had no idea which held his room. Ultimately someone came out to find him.

He quickly found a job delivering packages to various parts of the city. But that proved a puzzle. He had a map and was able to figure out his destination for each delivery. He rode the buses so as not to lose his sense of navigation. But he could not understand why one time the bus would go where he wanted but other times would turn off and head in a different direction. So to be sure of winding up where he needed to go, he ran. He ran all over the city until he was fired. He was deemed to be too slow.

Another early instance of having arrived in an alien world happened when he followed his brother into a tiny room in a tall building. Surprised when the doors slid closed behind, he could feel the floor drop beneath his feet. Bending into a crouch, he prepared to cushion the shock of the landing when he realized the others in the space were staring at him. He was in his first encounter with an elevator.

Of course, he was the constant victim of teasing in the next office in which he worked. He still remembered when the office manager gave him a folder to bring to the stationery store down the block. Wise now, he retorted, “I’m surprised you would try to trick me, Miss Murphy. I know every store is stationary.”

My dad went on to become a successful businessman in Manhattan. But that’s a story for a different day.

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METRO photo

Father’s Day presents an opportunity for people to honor the special men in their lives. These include not only dads, but father figures and other influential men who offer care and guidance to the people they love. Many celebrations continue to look different than they were prior to the pandemic, and Father’s Day festivities may still require some modifications this year, even if celebrations are not governed by the same restrictions as in 2020. The following are some ways to show dads they are appreciated.

Backyard bash

Restrictions on outdoor gatherings have eased up considerably in many areas. Outdoor parties are some of the safer ways to bring people together, particularly if attendees maintain their distance. Weather permitting, families can host barbecues and enlist someone other than Dad to man the grill. Serve foods buffet-style and space out tables so people can safely celebrate.

Plan a sports outing

Professional sports teams are once again welcoming fans to stadiums and other venues, albeit with reduced capacities to maintain safety. It may be possible to purchase tickets to an upcoming game and surprise Dad or Grandpa with tickets on Father’s Day. Make Father’s Day festivities sports-centric, with coordinated decorations and themed foods to set the scene.

Plan a game day

Whether your father likes board games, video games or crossword puzzles, gear Father’s Day around fun and games. Let Dad lead the way and choose the activity, and then everyone can step away from their screens and come together at the table over jigsaw puzzles or trivia questions.

Host a beer tasting

If Dad is a beer lover, organize a trip to a local craft brewery to sample their offerings. If establishments are closed or still restricting indoor seating, pick up beers from a few different breweries and create a flight at home.

Set up an outdoor movie night

Perfect for a father who is a movie buff, borrow or purchase a projector and show a movie on an outdoor screen or against a blank outdoor wall. Select one of Dad’s favorite movies to watch and invite friends and family to join in on the fun. Make sure there are refreshments at the ready and plenty of hot popcorn. Celebrating Father’s Day this year may require some ingenuity, but there is still fun to be had.

Happy Father’s Day from Times Beacon Record News Media!

 

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METRO photo

By Barbara Beltrami

Chances are this Father’s Day, if you’re not taking Dad out, you’re probably grilling. And since Dad is usually the one who’s slaving over a hot grill (even though he may have an ice cold beer in one hand), wouldn’t it be nice if you did the grilling for a change? No? Well then, how about you do some marinating to make whatever he’s grilling moist, tender, flavorful and fit for the king of the household and patriarch of the family. Here are some marinades to give that meat, poultry or fish an extra special taste. The rest is up to you. Note: Salt should be added to all marinades just before grilling.

Lemon, Garlic and Rosemary Marinade

YIELD: Makes about one cup.

INGREDIENTS:

Freshly squeezed juice from 3 large lemons

1/3 cup olive oil

1/3 cup dry white wine

1/4 cup fresh rosemary leaves or 2 T dried

2 garlic cloves, minced

DIRECTIONS: 

Combine all ingredients except salt in a small bowl and whisk vigorously; pour into gallon size resealable plastic bag. Place meat in bag and tilt to coat thoroughly. Rotating and tilting bag every half hour, refrigerate for 3 hours. Use marinade to baste while grilling. This is especially good with chicken or pork accompanied by roasted potatoes and Vidalia onions.

Teriyaki and Scallion Marinade

YIELD: Makes approximately two cups

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup soy sauce

1/2 cup dry white wine

3/4 cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon vinegar

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

4 scallions, trimmed and sliced

4 garlic cloves, minced

Freshly ground black pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS: 

In a medium bowl whisk together all ingredients. Pour into resealable gallon plastic bag and add beef, pork or poultry, then seal; tilt bag to coat thoroughly; refrigerate for up to 12 hours, rotate and tilt bag every so often to evenly distribute marinade. Use marinade for basting. This is best with beef but also very good with fish, poultry or pork accompanied by your favorite rice and a cucumber salad.

Cilantro and Lime Marinade

YIELD: Makes about 1 1/2 cups

INGREDIENTS:

1/3 cup vinegar

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

1/4 cup rose wine

3 garlic cloves, minced

Freshly squeezed juice of one large lime

1 tablespoon cumin

3 tablespoons chopped oregano leaves

1 tablespoon chili powder

Hot red pepper flakes to taste

DIRECTIONS: 

In a medium bowl combine all ingredients except salt. Whisk thoroughly, then pour into resealable gallon plastic bag, add meat or poultry and seal; tilt to evenly coat. Refrigerate for up to 12 hours; tilt and rotate bag frequently. Use marinade to baste. This is a wonderful marinade for steak or chicken accompanied by fresh corn and roasted peppers.

Tropical Citrus Marinade

YIELD: Makes about 1 2/3 cups

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 cup pineapple juice

1/2 cup orange – mango juice

1/3 cup soy sauce

Freshly squeezed juice of one lime

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 garlic clove, minced

1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger

Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS: 

In a medium bowl whisk together all the ingredients; let sit until sugar dissolves, then transfer to a gallon resealable bag; add chicken, fish or pork, seal bag and tilt to coat thoroughly. Refrigerate for up to one hour for fish, 4 hours for pork or chicken; tilt and rotate from time to time to even distribute the marinade. This is particularly good with swordfish, chicken or pork accompanied by pineapple salsa and sweet potato fries.

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TBR News Media editorial staff share memories of their dads and other special people for Father’s Day.

Rita Egan — Editor

As someone whose parents separated when she was 9 years old and moved in with her grandparents, I’m an example of a village raising a child. From an early age, I realized that relatives and even friends’ parents can play a role in a young person’s life.

I was fortunate that my new friends and their parents made my transition to life in Smithtown an easier one. There were the Irvolinos, the D’Agostinos, Mrs. Naseem, and later in high school, the Juans, the DeNobregas and the Castros who always made me feel welcome in their homes, even at family gatherings. I frequently was in the Irvolinos’ pool and on their boat. The D’Agostinos introduced me to the beauty of Head of the River and would take me with the family to the Jersey Shore. And of course, there were the rides many parents gave me when it was too dark for my grandfather to drive.

One day on Fire Island, my friend Nancy and I were knocked down by a huge wave. One second I’m hitting my head against something hard, and the next I was grabbed out of the water by Mr. Irvolino. He had me in his right hand and Nancy in his left. I will be forever grateful for my village. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads and a belated Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, too.

Kyle Barr — Editor

When my parents call me on the weekend, we can go through the platitudes of normal life: How is your job, how’s Long Island, how’s your brother?

Dad, you can make comments about how I continue to leave my room a FEMA-designated disaster area. You can talk about my habits of leaving my clothing in the laundry bin after washing them instead of putting it in drawers.

Then we can get into the heavier stuff of national politics and local happenings. We can talk about the issues, and I can get angry and you can deflect. And I can’t seem to stop and ask you how you’re really doing.

You moved away, and I hope you’re doing OK. I hope the pandemic and quarantine has not made you so reclusive you can’t talk to anybody except mom’s parents. I hope the days you spend in retirement allow you to explore things you haven’t necessarily had the opportunity to.

I can ask only so much of you. I can ask you to be patient until I find time to see you. Until then, I can enjoy those platitudes and our conversations.

 David Luces — Reporter

When it comes to Father’s Day, I immediately think of my uncle and my late grandpa, two men I’ve been lucky to have in my life. As a young kid, they were a constant fixture, always there to lend me encouragement and support. Whether it was a Little League baseball game or a band recital, they were there. Sometimes, it would just be us slouched on the couch spending hours watching a Knicks game or WWE professional wrestling. My younger self didn’t know any better, but now looking back I think the one thing I take away from those experiences is to be present and to enjoy those moments with the people you love.

My grandpa passed away before he could see me graduate high school and college, though I know he would be proud of my accomplishments and the person I’ve become. My uncle and family have played a big part in that.

So when I think of this Father’s Day, I think of spending time with my uncle, maybe having a couple of beers and reminiscing of past times with my grandpa. But most importantly, we’ll be with family to make new memories together.

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By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

As we approach Father’s Day, I can’t help thinking that the creators of the alphabet hid important lessons in plain sight when they put the letters “n” and “o” between the letters “m” and “p.”

The letter “m” starts the Latin word “mater,” which means mother. The letter “p” starts the word
“pater,” which, also in Latin, means father.

Between mom and dad, then, resides the simple,
effective and important word “no.”

Parents who aren’t on the same page about decisions will find children who don’t believe a “no” ever means anything because they will run to the other parent to find someone who will render a “no” from the former parent meaningless.

Parents need the word “no” to unite them, bringing together the “m” and “p” that makes it possible to provide consistent parenting advice. When a “no” from dad is also a “no” from mom, children can’t divide and conquer with their parents.

Now, valuing and appreciating the word “no” doesn’t necessarily mean parents should say “no” to everything. In fact, when mom and dad agree on something for their children, they can and should celebrate the opportunities they urge their progeny to pursue.

When our children were young, we found ourselves falling into the repeated “no” pattern, mostly to protect our children. “Don’t go in the street, don’t put that toy in your mouth, don’t grab that dog’s tail, etc.” While all of those rules are valid and valuable, they also can create a culture of “no” that constantly reminds children of their limitations, giving them the equivalent of a Greek chorus of “no” that follows them around, preventing them from exploring the world or from considering opportunities and risks worth taking because they expect a giant “NO!” sign to appear in their closet, under their bed, at the entrance to their classroom or in the backyard.

My wife and I put considerable energy into redirecting our children, rather than giving them a negative answer. We suggested alternatives to their suggestion or even, at times, a compromise answer that wasn’t a negative so much as it was a reshaping of an impulse.

On an elemental level, the letters “n” and “o” also seem so apt for the world between mom and dad. After all, N for nitrogen represents 78 percent of the atmosphere while O for oxygen represents 21 percent, which means that, between the letter placeholder for mom and dad resides the letters for 99 percent of the atmosphere of the earth.

The elements nitrogen and oxygen also, like some families, exist in paired form as molecules instead of single elements. These molecules float around in the atmosphere as a duo, with a strong covalent bond keeping the orbiting electron shells full.

For children, saying “no” to their parents starts early as a way to fight back against the world of “no” while they drift into the world of the terrible twos or, in our children’s case, the threadbare threes. When these children are caught between their mother and father, they may find that their only defense against a disagreeable world is to hold up their own “no” shield.

That small word, however, is important to change the world as well, because children who can defend their “no” answer to parents can also refuse to accept problems they see in the world. Instead, they can defy policies or ideas that rankle them. Saying “no” to anything aids cognitive development and, as it turns out, is good preparation for parenting. It has to be true because it’s right there, hidden in place sight, in the alphabet.

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Photo from METRO

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Sunday is Father’s Day. When I think of my father, one of the most immediate memories I have of him is of his telling us stories. He loved to talk about his childhood days growing up on a dairy farm in the Catskill Mountains of New York State. One of nine children, he distinguished himself with his claim as “the middle child,” and made his adventures sound daring and riveting. Somehow he and his siblings always survived, always came through relatively unscathed. And the conclusions to the stories were inevitably happy ones.

For example, there was the time the six boys climbed to the peak of the hill behind their farmhouse, arranged themselves onto an oversized sled and careened down on the hard-packed snow. It was great fun until they saw a train in the distance coming along the track at the bottom of the mountain. Their oldest brother, sitting in the front, quickly calculated the speed of the sled and the speed of the train and shouted a command to those behind him: “Jump off to the left when I count to three.” They obeyed and huddled together watching, as down below the rushing train crushed the sled crossing in its path.

Then there was the day my dad and a couple of his schoolmates climbed atop the one-room schoolhouse roof and jumped down in front of their young teacher just as she was arriving for the day. She screamed, which was satisfying to his buddies, but my dad also screamed as, barefoot, he landed on a glass shard. His father, who was of necessity the “emergency room doctor” for his family, isolated as they were in the rural farmland, stitched his foot and spooked him by saying that he would bear the scar of that misadventure “all the rest of his life.” To my young father, that sounded more ominous than the pain of his sole being sewn up. If we begged, he would show us the jagged scar, evidence of his exciting youth.

What would he say about living through the present pandemic? It still feels like a dream, this novel coronavirus, from which we will shortly awake. I pinch myself, but I know I am not dreaming. For sure these times require daring just to go shopping in the supermarket, and judging by the amount of media coverage, are also riveting.

For many, sheltering in place has proven to be most difficult. Those who like to be in motion constantly are now restrained to their few rooms and a daily walk. Relationships with spouses or others sharing the house or apartment may have become strained to the breaking point. In Wuhan, China, made famous as the origin of COVID-19 for example, suits for divorce have increased appreciably compared to the preceding year. There has been an uptick in the use of alcohol and drugs in the U.S. by those feeling isolated or lonely or simply in limbo from their normal lives. Depression is an increasing complaint.

Yet others, at the same time, have found the pandemic a time for reevaluation of their lives. They have slowed down from their frenetic pace, deepened relationships with partners and children and colleagues, and if they have been fortunate enough not to have anyone fall ill, and to keep their jobs, perhaps have seen a new way occasionally to work: remotely from home or elsewhere in the world. They have probably saved some money by not venturing out to shop, dine or vacation and have maybe enjoyed some healthy home cooking.

There is a better prospect ahead. After all, we are in Phase Two now. It appears that Phase Three is on the immediate horizon. By wearing masks in public, practicing social distancing and avoiding crowded indoor settings, and by sheltering those who would be most vulnerable, we seem now to be co-existing with the virus, at least until a vaccine becomes available or sufficient herd immunity evolves.

How would my dad tell this story? I believe he would share his experience as a great adventure, even as he would hold up his scar.

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Jim Soviero in front of his grandparents’ store with his father. Photo from Jim Soviero

By Jim Soviero

My father, Salvatore (Sam) Soviero, was a loving, devoted husband, father and son. A robust, upbeat man, born in 1914 to Italian immigrants Vincenzo and Louise Soviero, Dad’s life by today’s standards was a tough one. Beginning at a very young age, he caddied, worked construction, ground the grapes for wine and wound up boxing to “put money on the table.”

Given his extraordinary success as an adult, Dad rightly figured it would be smart to raise his son in pretty much the same way he was raised. Dramatic global changes notwithstanding, Salvatore would follow two basic principles: he’d set a good example and enforce firm limits.

Sam lived an exemplary life. He was a man of great integrity who worked tirelessly to support his family.

One of his most poignant lessons on “doing the right thing” came while he and I were going through some of his old fight posters. Sammy was a very good light heavyweight who had trained at Stillman’s Gym with top fighters of the day. Pointing to one opponent, Dad said, “That guy cost me a shot at a big fight.” When I mentioned not recalling him losing to “that guy,” my father looked down, before quietly saying, “I didn’t.”

At his beloved bride Dorothy’s insistence, and during the height of the Depression, Sal became a welder. After my older sister was born, he’d make extra money by working nights and clamming during the day. When we grew out of our tiny two-bedroom bungalow in Huntington Station, he and his brother Joe began dismantling one of Grandpa’s old houses. Over the course of several years, that brick and timber was used to build our family a beautiful, spacious Cape Cod in Halesite.

Given that kind of legacy, when Dad interrupted what looked to be this 14-year-old’s summer fun at the beach with the news I’d begin caddying at the Crescent Club — and putting my earnings on the table — it seemed natural, even flattering.

But while trying to follow Dad’s best life lessons was important, following his rules proved to be equally important. One of the most difficult but critical decisions for parents is to judge when it’s necessary to cause their children short-term pain, in exchange for what Mom and Dad hope will be long-term benefits. My father had uncanny commonsense instincts that led him to set perfectly timed restraints on yours truly.

I, like virtually every 16-year-old boy, couldn’t wait to get my driver’s license. Dad, like most parents of a 16-year-old, knew the inherent risks. He responded proactively. My first moving violation meant Salvatore took my license for six months. An accident that was my fault cost me the car for a year.

Some disciplined teenage driving meant I’d lose neither the car nor my life. Around the same time, over roughly a two-year period, four classmates died in horrific auto accidents, devastating the lives of their families and friends.

Whether leading by example or setting firm limits, having Salvatore Soviero for my father was one of the greatest blessings any son could ever have asked for.

Thanks for everything, Dad.

Jim Soviero resides in East Setauket and is a former teacher in the Half Hollow Hills Central School District who renovated and built houses part-time just like his father.

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