Times of Middle Country

Season 1, Episode 13 of 'The Sopranos'

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Having been exposed to the pleasure of streaming movies on my “smart” television, I now look for good stories and have caught up with “The Sopranos.” I well remember how popular the series was, running from Jan. 10, 1999, to June 10, 2007, winning all kinds of awards and addicting millions with its 86 episodes. Somehow I never caught up with the drama, but now, thanks to HBOMax, I have turned the family room into a nightly theater and watch as Tony Soprano tries to balance his work “family” and his biological family responsibilities, thanks to the help of an Italian-American woman psychiatrist. 

At the end of the latest installment, Tony, his wife Carmela and his daughter and son are driving at night when they are deluged by a wild rainstorm. Unable to see the road ahead, and with all of them feeling in peril, Tony parks and ushers his family into an Italian restaurant nearby. There, despite the loss of electricity, the proprietor cooks a marvelous pasta dinner for them, which they finally calm down and eat by candlelight, huddled together at a table in the warm and dry dining room. As he is appreciating the spaghetti on his fork, Tony looks up and says to his children something like, “When you think back on your childhood, it will be scenes like this that you will remember,” while the camera fades out.

That got me thinking. Can I recall such scenes from my childhood, when being with my family in a safe place was so comforting?

One of the first such memories for me was of an intense rainstorm in the Catskill Mountains. I was perhaps 5 or 6 and with my mother and sister in a dilapidated cabin, whose roof leaked ominously. After my mother put pails under the leaks, she realized I was frightened. “Just wait,” she said with a smile, “This storm has brought us pancakes.” With that, she took out a large frying pan from the cupboard, mixed together flour, eggs and milk, poured Hi-Hat peanut oil (the popular brand then) into the pan, and started cooking the mixture, as thunder cracked overhead. Almost immediately, the irresistible smell of the pancakes started to fill the rustic room. 

My mother dabbed the extra oil from the dollar-sized pancakes at the stove, put them on a platter on the kitchen table, brought out a bottle of maple syrup, and my sister and I started to eat ravenously. Soon, my mother joined us at the table, and despite the frequent bolts of lightning I could see through the windows behind her head, and the dripping water in the buckets, I felt warm and safe.

The only trouble with that memory: every time there is a heavy rain, I get the urge for pancakes.

I asked my middle son if he had such a memory, and he remembered when we were out in the Sound in our 22-foot Pearson Ensign day sailboat, and the wind and seas suddenly picked up. We had been enjoying a sunny, peaceful sail near New Haven harbor, my husband and three sons and I, sprawled out in the big cockpit, when the unexpected shift in weather occurred. 

With the waves towering around us, we pulled down the sail, put the outboard motor at the stern on high speed, and made for the harbor. My husband, at the tiller, gave each of us a task. My sons were to bail out the water that was flooding the cockpit with every crashing wave, and I was to sit on top of the motor to try and keep it in the water every time a wave pushed us up.

Needless to say, it was a harrowing ride until we finally reached shore and tied up at the marina, onlookers clapping. We left the boat and were thrilled to be on the sand. Drenched as we were, we walked the short distance to the harborside restaurant, Chart House and, laughing by then, had one of the best meals of our lives. 

By the way, if you, too, missed “The Sopranos” the first time around, I heartily recommend it.

File photo

Suffolk County Police arrested a Middle Island man who allegedly robbed a Centereach bank on Jan. 31. Ralph William Dominguez allegedly entered M&T Bank, located at 1919 Middle Country Road, and handed a note demanding cash to a bank teller. The employee complied and Dominguez fled on foot at approximately 3:20 p.m.

Approximately 25 minutes later, a man matching his description was located by Sixth Precinct patrol officers in the parking lot of 1740 Middle Country Road, Centereach. He was taken into custody and charged with Robbery 3rd Degree, a felony.

Dominguez, 65, will be held overnight at the Sixth Precinct and is scheduled to be arraigned at First District Court in Central Islip on February 1. Anyone with information on this incident is asked to contact Major Case Unit detectives at 631-852-6555.

The Ward Melville Patriots looked for a much-needed win against Centereach in a League II matchup at home, but the Cougars were able to keep the Patriots at bay, snatching a 57-53 victory Friday, Jan. 27.

Ward Melville, trailing by nine points to open the second half, were able to trim the deficit by one point late in the game, but the Cougar defense was able to thwart the threat. 

Senior Derek Zhang topped the scoring charts for the Cougars with 14 points, and senior Christopher Buzaid netted 13. 

Lorenzo Beaton scored 17 points for the Patriots, and Devin Lynch banked 13. 

The win lifts the Cougars to 8-5 in the division, securing a playoff berth. The loss drops the Patriots to 5-7 with four games remaining before postseason play begins. 

The Cougars retake the court Feb. 4 with a road game against crosstown rival Newfield at 11:15 a.m. Ward Melville will take on Longwood during a road game on Jan. 31 at 5 p.m.

Holtsville Hal and his handler, Greg Drossel, during a previous Groundhog Day celebration. Photo by Kristen D'Andrea/Town of Brookhaven

By Heidi Sutton

“Well, it’s Groundhog Day, again.” — quote from Groundhog Day (1993)

Pennsylvania may have the legendary groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, but here in Suffolk County we have our very own prognosticator of prognosticators, Holtsville Hal. The cute little rodent with his buck teeth and short bushy tail will be the star of the day as the Holtsville Ecology Site & Animal Preserve celebrates Groundhog Day with a special event on Feb. 2. Hundreds will gather to hear Brookhaven Highway Superintendent Daniel P. Losquadro announce Holtsville Hal’s famous forecast. 

According to tradition, if a groundhog sees its shadow after stirring from hibernation on Groundhog Day, there will be six more weeks of winter weather; if not, spring should arrive early. Superintendent Losquadro will reveal Hal’s prognostication at approximately 7:25 a.m.

“Our annual Groundhog Day celebration is an enjoyable tradition for many local families,” said Superintendent Losquadro in a press release. “I’m always hopeful Hal will predict an early spring to help my snow removal budget, but either way this is a much-anticipated event each year in Brookhaven Town.”

“Holtsville Hal’s prognostication is anxiously anticipated every year and it’s always a relief when he predicts an early spring. Let’s hope that he doesn’t see his shadow on Groundhog Day and we can look forward to a short winter season,” added Brookhaven Town Supervisor Ed Romaine.

Although he’s sure to be the center of attention, Holtsville Hal will not be the only animal available for viewing on Feb. 2. Following the ceremony, residents are welcome to enjoy some free hot chocolate and visit the more than 100 non-releasable, wild or injured animals residing at the Animal Preserve, including its latest resident, Leonardo “Leo” DiCatprio, the Eurasian Lynx, from 7 a.m. to 11 a.m. 

The Preserve is also home to a buffalo, black bear, bobcat, coatamundi, hybrid wolves, an artic fox, goats, horses, pigs, cows, alpaca, deer and many more.

Gates will open at the Holtsville Ecology Site & Animal Preserve, 249 Buckley Road, Holtsville, at 7 a.m.; parking is free. 

Residents are asked to arrive as close to 7 a.m. as possible to get a good view of Hal. Call 631-451-5330 for more information.

Leslie Mroz

Suffolk County District Attorney Raymond A. Tierney announced on Jan. 27 that Leslie Mroz, 39, of Selden, was sentenced to two to six years in prison for allegedly embezzling more than $340,000 from her employer over the course of approximately three years.

“This defendant wasted no time abusing the trust that her employer placed in her by stealing from her employer,” said District Attorney Tierney. “She will now face justice and serve prison time for her greed.”

An investigation conducted by the Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office and the Suffolk County Police Department revealed that from February 2016 to February 2019, Mroz was employed by a Medford company where she handled payroll as part of her responsibilities as the Human Resources manager. The position gave her the ability to manipulate her salary and the benefits she received. At the time her theft was discovered, Mroz was paying herself more than double the salary that her employer had authorized. A review of company records also revealed that Mroz was also making unauthorized contributions to her retirement fund and health insurance.

The owner of the small family-run Medford business where Mroz worked, who asked not to be named for privacy concerns, stated that Mroz’s theft of over $340,000 had the potential to ruin her company. However, she said what hurt her the most was that Mroz was considered a trusted employee and had been accepted as part of her family.

On October 5, 2022, Mroz pleaded guilty to one count of Grand Larceny in the Second Degree before Supreme Court Justice, the Honorable Timothy P. Mazzei. She was sentenced on January 23 to two to six years in prison.

                                         Criminal complaints and indictments are merely accusatory instruments.                                              Defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty. No one is above the law.

Stock photo

After a November and December in which realities like a “tridemic” of viral threats sickened residents throughout Suffolk County, the new year has started off with fewer illnesses and cautious optimism among health care professionals.

“The numbers are coming down now,” said Dr. Sharon Nachman, chief of the Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases at Stony Brook Children’s Hospital. The overall threat is “less” and “we’re in the take-a-deep-breath phase.”

Indeed, the frequency of cases of several viruses is lower.

“Flu and RSV (respiratory syncytial virus) are down,” Dr. Adrian Popp, chair of Infection Control at Huntington Hospital/Northwell Health and associate professor of medicine at Hofstra School of Medicine, explained in an email.

At the Catholic Health hospitals, including Port Jefferson-based St. Charles and Smithtown-based St. Catherine of Siena Hospital, the emergency room visits are down around 10% from a few weeks ago, said Dr. Jeffrey Wheeler, medical director of the Emergency Department at St. Charles.

In between too busy and too quiet, the hospital is in the “sweet spot” where health care providers have enough to do without frantically racing from one emergency to another, Wheeler said.

Among those visiting St. Charles, Wheeler added that health care providers are seeing a smattering of illnesses.

At the same time, the vaccine for the flu has proven to be a “good match” for the current strain, Nachman said. “Amongst those who did the flu shot, they have tended to not get sick enough to go to the doctor.”

According to New York State Department of Health figures, the overall numbers across the state have been declining for the flu. For the week ending Jan. 14, the number of infections was cut in half.

Suffolk County saw a slightly larger drop, falling 59% for the same week, to 571.

This year, people who were going to get the flu vaccine may have helped themselves and their families by getting the shot earlier, rather than dragging out the process of boosting their immune systems over the course of months. Nachman said.

Cases of monkeypox continue to be on the lower side, in part because of the number of vaccines people in the area have received.

To be sure, health care workers are still helping people overcome a range of infections circulating in the county.

“We are still seeing a smorgasbord of flu, COVID and RSV,” said Nachman. Of the people admitted to Stony Brook Hospital, most of them have a comorbidity.

At Huntington Hospital, admissions are “high,” and the hospital census remains high, Popp added.

Health care workers are diagnosing viruses like the flu and COVID-19 and have used available treatments to reduce the symptoms and the spread of these viruses.

New COVID vaccine approach

Earlier this week, the Food and Drug Administration posted documents online that reflected a possible future change in its approach to COVID-19 vaccinations.

Instead of recommending bivalent boosters or a range of ongoing vaccinations to provide protection against circulating strains, the FDA plans to approach COVID-19 vaccinations in the same way as the flu.

Each year, people who are otherwise healthy and may not have high risks may get a single dose of a vaccine based on the strains the administration anticipates may circulate, particularly during the colder winter months.

Health care professionals welcomed this approach.

Nachman and Popp thought a single shot would be “great” and appreciated how the annual vaccine would simplify the process while reducing inoculation fatigue.

“The simplest messages with the simplest strategy often wins,” Nachman said.

Bivalent booster concern

Addressing concerns raised by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention about a potential link between the bivalent booster and stroke, Nachman suggested that was one data point among many.

Israel has used the Pfizer bivalent booster exclusively and hasn’t seen any such evidence linking the booster to stroke.

The CDC data is “one of multiple data points that we use to look at safety events,” she said. “Not a single other one has shown any relationship with stroke among the elderly in the first 21 days.”

The Suffolk County School Bus Safety Program has drawn criticism from Republicans within the county government. Stock photo

The Suffolk County School Bus Safety Program has drawn scrutiny from Republican county officials targeting the program for alleged mismanagement.

Enacted unanimously by the county Legislature in 2021, this traffic safety program uses cameras attached near the stop arm of school buses to enforce the New York Vehicle and Traffic Law. The county has partnered with Virginia-based BusPatrol to operate the program.

Under state law, offenders caught passing buses while the stop arm is extended receive a $250 fine. The county code states, “net proceeds of any penalty … shall be expended for programs related to improving traffic safety and/or school district safety in Suffolk County.”

County Comptroller John Kennedy Jr. (R) recently announced his office is conducting an audit of the School Bus Safety program. He stated the program had captured his attention when numerous residents complained about receiving potentially erroneous violations.

“My interest in any program is always that a program is being operated as the laws that adopted it … sought to have it operate,” Kennedy said. “How is the revenue that’s being collected from the program being allocated? Is it being done under the terms of the contract? Is the vendor fulfilling all of their requirements?” 

He added, “That’s the audit function, and it is universal across the board.”

Legislative purpose

Marykate Guilfoyle, a spokesperson for Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone (D), summarized the motive for developing the program in the first place.

“The goal of the School Bus Safety program is to protect children as they get on and off the bus and to reduce the number of drivers illegally passing stopped school buses, which endangers the lives of students,” Guilfoyle said in an email. “The program is completely violator funded, and county proceeds are used to support public safety, traffic safety and school safety initiatives.”

County Legislator Kara Hahn (D-Setauket) defended the School Bus Safety program. She said her office’s most frequent complaints are related to roadway safety and other traffic concerns.

“Red light cameras and school bus cameras are a way to prevent death and injuries without needing a paid police officer at every intersection and following every bus,” she said. “It’s a very efficient way for providing the consequence for breaking the rules of the road.”

Before the program took effect, Hahn added, few violators ever got caught. Today, they receive a fine, incentivizing better roadway behavior and creating a safer traffic environment.

“Now people have to change their behavior to no longer do the illegal action that puts people’s lives at risk,” the county legislator said. 

Questions over potential misapplication

County Legislator Rob Trotta (R-Fort Salonga) said the School Bus Safety program is one of the few measures for which he wishes he could rescind his “yes” vote. He said the Legislature was misled when the program was pitched.

Figures obtained by Trotta indicate the program grossed $23 million last year, with $13 million retained by the county and the outstanding $10 million collected by the vendor. Kennedy estimated the county government netted approximately $11 million.

“We don’t have all the net revenue,” Kennedy said. “That’s been another consequence of the hack” against the county government in September. For more on this ransomware event, see story, “Suffolk County cyberattack offers a window into the dangers of the digital age,” Nov. 17, also TBR News Media website.

By statute, the net proceeds generated by the School Bus Safety program must support various educational programs related to school bus and traffic safety. Asked how the revenue is being spent, an administration official said the 2022 revenue figures are still being finalized.

Guilfoyle, however, cited specific examples of how the revenue supports countywide traffic education initiatives: “Examples of the county’s efforts include dedicating more than $1 million to school districts and $125,000 in [public service announcements] during the back-to-school months to educate drivers on the state law surrounding stopping for buses.”

Trotta viewed the school bus program as a lucrative moneymaker for the county and vendor rather than a measure promoting bus safety. He said the law is applied unfairly, ticketing busy multilane corridors in the same manner as residential neighborhoods.

“I’ve checked with all the school districts, and kids aren’t crossing major thoroughfares,” Trotta said. “I’m all for giving a ticket to someone who passes a school bus on a residential avenue because it’s dangerous. I’m not at all for 1,000 people on Jericho Turnpike getting tickets.”

While the county code imposes rigid reporting requirements regarding expenditures of revenues generated from the program, Kennedy said he has yet to see any reports to date.

Competing perspectives

Following an initial spike when programs such as this are first instituted, Hahn said offenses start to wane “because people begin to change their behaviors — they stop at red lights because they’re afraid of getting a ticket.” 

In time, the legislator added, drivers throughout Suffolk “will no longer go around stopped school buses,” but “if they choose to break the law, they will get tickets.”

Trotta said he is pushing to repeal the School Bus Safety program altogether. “The reality is it’s a sham, and it’s not what we were told it was going to be,” he said.

While Kennedy acknowledged the importance of traffic safety, he held that the audit is to determine whether the program is administered correctly.

“I never want to see somebody blowing a stopped school bus sign — it’s just heinous,” the county comptroller said. “But if [the program] is not being operated in a fair and proper and consistent manner by the school bus drivers and the vendor … then it’s a problem.”

Kennedy expects the audit to be finalized by the second quarter of 2023.

Eric Alexander, director of Vision Long Island, at podium, joined elected officials at the Jan. 20 press conference. Photo by Rita J. Egan

Local elected officials held a press conference Friday, Jan. 20, to make it clear that they don’t agree with Gov. Kathy Hochul’s (D) New York Housing Compact proposal.

Town of Brookhaven Supervisor Ed Romaine, at podium, joined elected officials at the Jan. 20 press conference. Photo by Rita J. Egan

Republican state senators and assemblymembers, county legislators and town supervisors from Suffolk County gathered at the Perry B. Duryea State Office Building in Hauppauge with a message for Hochul. The elected members speaking at the press conference said zoning, land use and development matters are best left to local elected officials.

In her State of the State message earlier this month, Hochul proposed a housing strategy calling for 800,000 new homes to be built in the state over the course of a decade to address the lack of affordable housing. Among the plan’s requirements would be municipalities with Metropolitan Transportation Authority railroad stations to rezone to make way for higher-density residential development. All downstate cities, towns and villages served by the MTA would have a new home creation target over three years of 3%, compared to upstate counties that would need to build 1% more new homes over the same period.

But speakers on Jan. 20 called her proposed initiative “government overreach” and “misguided,” and they said municipalities should create zoning laws, grant building permits and urban plans based on the individual needs of their communities. Many added that a blanket state housing proposal wouldn’t work on Long Island due to lack of sewer systems, also infrastructure and environmental concerns.

The press conference was led by state Sen. Dean Murray (R-East Patchogue).

“We all agree that we have an affordable housing problem,” he said. “What we don’t agree on is how to fix it.”

He added, “The governor apparently believes that one size fits all is the way to go, that heavy-handed mandates are the way to go.”

Town of Smithtown Supervisor Ed Wehrheim, at podium, joined elected officials at the Jan. 20 press conference. Photo by Rita J. Egan

Murray said the Village of Patchogue is the model of revitalizing villages and downtowns across the state. He added local issues must be considered, such as environmental concerns, traffic issues and parking options. He said Patchogue officials worked to rebuild the village’s infrastructure, invested in and expanded sewer plants, repaved 85% of its streets, invested into pools, parks and the Patchogue Theatre for the Performing Arts. Murray added 700 new residential homes were built since 2003, 575 of them are within walking distance from the train station and village.

Town supervisors speak up 

Town of Brookhaven Supervisor Ed Romaine (R) said they were all concerned about what Long Island will look like in the future. He added there is a need for sewer systems in most towns, and local infrastructure needs improvement. He said the three rail lines that cross the town depend on diesel fuel, and he added overgrowth has also contaminated the waters.

“Governor, before you start talking about more housing, how about the infrastructure to support it?” Romaine said. “How about electrifying the rail? How about making sure the roads work? How about making sure that there are sewers?”

Town of Smithtown Supervisor Ed Wehrheim (R) said the town is manufacturing affordable housing “to the extent it’s possible” based on its infrastructure.

In the last five years, he said the town has approved the construction of 450 rental units, 10% of which are classified as affordable per state law.

Town of Huntington Supervisor Ed Smyth, at podium, joined elected officials at the Jan. 20 press conference. Photo by Rita J. Egan

“The only elected officials that know how to do that on Long Island are your local elected officials with the help of our county, state and federal officials as well,” Wehrheim said. “So, we are doing what the governor wants, but we’re doing it the right way.”

Town of Huntington Supervisor Ed Smyth (R) said New York politics “is not Republican vs. Democrat. It’s New York City versus New York state.” He said the governor is affected by New York City extremists. 

“I implore the governor to form a working coalition of centrist Democrats and centrist Republicans in the state Legislature to govern from the center as the vast majority of New Yorkers expect of you,” Smyth said.

Additional perspectives

State Assemblyman Mike Fitzpatrick (R-St. James) said when he hears the governor talk about local control, he feels she is aligning with the progressive left. He added “everything they touch they destroy,” listing the economy, energy independence and the southern border.

“They want to destroy our local zoning, and they will destroy what makes Long Island and New York state the wonderful place to live that it is,” Fitzpatrick said. “Local control works, and we seek a cooperative relationship, a carrot approach rather than the stick approach that she is putting before us.”

Eric Alexander, director of Vision Long Island, also spoke at the press conference. He acknowledged there is a housing problem on the Island and said the town supervisors have provided hope with past projects.

“They have been behind getting affordable housing in their communities,” Alexander said, adding 20,000 units of multihousing have been approved on Long Island over the past 17 years.

According to Alexander, 10,000 more units are coming down the pike, and 50 communities have had buildings built near transit stations.

State Assemblyman Keith Brown (R-Northport), who has been a zoning attorney for more than 20 years, in an interview after the press conference said incentives and funding are needed.

He said Brookhaven’s Commercial Redevelopment Districts are excellent zoning examples of redevelopment and multifamily houses where there are incentives such as being near transportation and connecting to sewers.

State Assemblyman Jonathan Kornreich, at podium, joined elected officials at the Jan. 20 press conference. Photo by Rita J. Egan

“Those are the incentives that we should be talking about, not creating super zoning boards, and more bureaucracy,” Brown said.

In a statement to TBR News Media, Town of Brookhaven Councilmember Jonathan Kornreich (D-Stony Brook), who was a former president of the Three Village Civic Association, said, “We have to be wise enough to recognize that the land under which our aquifers sit can only bear so much development.”

He gave the example of a parcel of land in Port Jefferson Station on Route 112 and near the train station. The large, vegetated parcel has restrictive covenants to limit the type of development on the site.

“This place is a vital area of green space, where trees can grow, where oxygen is produced and where rainwater is filtered before it goes down to the aquifers we drink from,” he said. “The governor’s proposal would throw all that planning out the window and turn this into a potential development site for hundreds of new units.”

Former state Assemblyman Steve Englebright (D-Setauket), who was chair of the Assembly’s Environmental Conservation Committee between 2015 and 2022, attended the press conference and in a phone interview said, “This is a proposal that attempts to meet one need, but has a likely outcome, if advanced, of completely overriding environmental concerns. Our first limiting factor for sustainable communities is the environment, in particular water — drinking water.”

He added the proposal to increase the density of housing not only overrides local planning but threatens communities’ quality of life.

He added, for example, a village such as Poquott wouldn’t be able to build more housing as it’s “essentially a completely built-out community.” Or, a hamlet such as St. James wouldn’t be able to add more housing near the train station.

“If you impose from above a mandate to change the land use, you’re basically impacting the environment immediately and, for the long term, the quality of life of a community,” he said.

Englebright and current elected officials are concerned that the housing legislation would be included in the state budget similar to bail reform.

Hochul’s administration has said more information on the housing proposal will be released in the near future.

METRO photo

County officials are currently engaged in a contentious debate over the Suffolk County School Bus Safety Program. 

Proponents say the program bolsters traffic safety around school buses. Detractors argue the program represents little more than a convenient revenue generator to plug holes in the county budget.

Promoting safety on public roads remains a priority regardless of where one stands on the program itself.

New York State Vehicle and Traffic Law is a worthy undertaking to protect school children. Whether cameras remain strapped to school buses, drivers should always be vigilant near a school bus with flashing yellow lights. 

Under no circumstances should one ever pass a school bus while the stop arm is extended.

But roadway safety is not isolated to school buses. The U.S. Department of Transportation National Highway Traffic Safety Administration estimates that 42,915 people died in traffic crashes in 2021. That’s a 10.5% increase from the previous year.

NHTSA reports collected from 2016 to 2020 indicate that nearly 1,000 vehicular fatalities occurred on Long Island, more than half of which were in Suffolk County.

Statistics aside, we read almost weekly reports of individuals involved in significant motor vehicle accidents within our coverage area. Many times, they include serious bodily injury to the victims. At other times, they can be fatal.

Long Island is unique in its autocentric character. Development of our Island happened nearly a century ago, and the suburbanization of Long Island happened almost simultaneously with the growth of the American automobile industry.

Planners, notably Robert Moses, saw the car as offering individual autonomy. They viewed the Long Island Dream as an expression of that individualistic promise. 

Unfortunately, they failed to provide sufficient mass transit infrastructure, twisting a dream into our difficult reality.

Today, Long Islanders are glued to their cars. For most of us, getting to work requires a car. Having success in our professional and social lives requires a car. For those who do not live within walking distance of a train station, accessing the rail requires a car. 

All of this highlights the need to drive responsibly.

When we operate a moving vehicle, we harness the power to unleash great bodily injury — even death — upon ourselves and others. At the same time, we can monitor our decisions and protect our fellows on the roads.

We can make our roads safer by following the speed limits, driving sober and taking extra precautions when we get behind the wheel.

Unfortunately, we Long Islanders are stuck in our cars for the foreseeable future. But we are stuck together. 

Let us be mindful of our neighbors. Let us regard the lives of other drivers as we would our family members or friends. 

We can help make these roads safer for all through our positive choices today.

Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

When our children were young, a friend recently told me, she viewed the parents of people she met through a binary process.

A mom of two boys, she figured she had a better chance, at least in the first 10 years or so of her sons’ lives, of interacting with the parents of other boys. When she met girls and their families, she was polite and friendly, without putting too much effort into getting to know them.

Fast forward almost two decades, and her children, like mine, are out of the house. She and her husband have an adorable small dog that they dote on, transferring their abundant parenting attention to a canine companion.

Nowadays, my friend said, she sees people through a similar lens. She takes her small dog to a dog park, where a fence separates pets under 40 pounds from the bigger, heavier versions. When she meets someone outside the park with a dog, she’s more likely to pay attention to their names and their stories if they have a small dog.

As I considered what she said about the parents of boys and girls, as well as the owners of dogs of different sizes, I wondered about the metaphorical fences we create.

Sure, those fences make it easier for us to find people who have similar interests and opinions and who might not challenge us or disagree with us in our decision-making. Those fences also, however, separate us from others with whom we might have even more connections or common interests than we thought, especially if the filter for our “in” and “out” groups is as arbitrary as having sons, daughters or small dogs.

What if a man with a large dog worked in a similar field, had two children about my friend’s offspring’s ages, and went to the same college at the same time? Then again, what if a woman on the other side of the fence had nothing in common with my friend? She had no children, grew up in another country, worked in a completely different field, and didn’t see any of the same movies or read the same books? Would that make her less or more interesting? Perhaps that woman might be fascinating for her life experiences, compelling for her opinions, and amazing in her own way.

Recently, I sat in the window seat of a plane next to a large man who was stuck in the middle. An army veteran, he laughed as we reached our destination, saying he was unaccustomed to landing in planes. I took the bait, asking him why. He said he’d made over 150 jumps out of airplanes. 

He and his unit jumped out of planes at 800 feet, although he didn’t need to do much jumping, as he felt as if a hand pulled him out when he got to the opening. He never had to pull a chord, as the parachute automatically started opening within a second of leaving the plane.

On one type of plane, he stepped out and immediately started falling. Another had a small “bubble” outside the entrance, where he and others stood before leaving the plane. One of his army unit once forgot about the platform, took a small hop on the landing, and then rolled along the entire side of the plane. The others heard as his body scraped the airplane all the way to the back. Fortunately, the impact didn’t cause severe injuries.

One of the many instructions he received was to keep his chin on his chest as he exited. On his first jump, he didn’t, which caused enough discomfort that he never made that mistake again. He reached the ground at 38 miles per hour, at which point he was supposed to tuck and roll, ending on his back. Once, a crosswind turned him upside down and he landed on his head, cracking his helmet and causing a concussion.

Listening to his stories, I learned about something I will likely never do and connected with someone I will likely never see again. He did, however, expand my horizons and share his compelling life experiences, among other stories. I appreciated the opportunity to connect with someone who lives outside whatever fences I intentionally or unintentionally put up around me.