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Between You and Me: Thanks to our sixth grade teacher, we won the education lottery in NYC

by Leah Dunaief - May 7, 2025

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6388222_TeacherChalkboardRevC0605 — METRO photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Tuesday was National Teacher Appreciation Day, which reminded me of Miss Rigney, who changed my life.

Miss Rigney was my sixth grade teacher in the perfectly ordinary elementary school I attended. Housed in a cement building, in the midst of a residential area, it served the neighborhood according to the rules for education in mid-century New York City, with two classrooms and two teachers for each grade. I was assigned to 6A. Next door was 6B.

Soon after entering sixth grade, we became aware of the goal for the coming year. We needed to pass the Hunter Test for the honor of the school and our own benefit.

The Hunter Test, we discovered, was a one day affair that, if successfully navigated, would win us admission to Hunter College High School where classes started with seventh grade and ended with graduation from high school. Open to students from each sixth grade in all five boroughs, a handful of us would be eligible, after scoring well on a standardized test in fifth grade, to travel to the school on the appointed day to take the test.

I liked the sound of that because it was the closest junior high school to where I lived. I sympathized with those students who would have to ride from Brooklyn, Queens and even Staten Island.

There were several special schools throughout the city whose admission was via a challenging test: Stuyvesant, Bronx High School of Science and Brooklyn Tech were three. They were also public schools and were run by the Board of Education with the idea of giving some students a head start.

But Hunter was different. It was initially started in 1869 as a model school in which to train teachers who were matriculating in Hunter College and was administrated by the Board of Higher Education. Its 1200 students in six grades “represent the top one-quarter of one percent of the City” based on the test scores, according to the school. It was composed of all girls for its first 105 years. The student-teacher ratio was 13:1, and its faculty for the most part had advanced degrees.

“Aim of the entire course through which the Normal students pass is not so much to burden the mind with facts as it is to develop intellectual power, cultivate judgment, and enable the graduates to take trained ability into the world with them,” wrote Harper’s Magazine in 1878.

Now we kids didn’t know any of this. I just wanted the shortest commute, and it was impressed on us that Hunter was a good place to be. So we prepared for the test, which was months away, with the coaching of our teachers, four girls from 6B and two from 6A.

Only Miss Rigney, a trim, freckle-faced redhead with a gentle manner, who seemed old to me, but was maybe 28, stayed after school twice a week and drilled Carol and me with a workbook. When we didn’t do the homework she then gave us, both arithmetic and English, she was uncharacteristically stern with us. It was clear that this was a challenge she wanted us to surmount.

On the day the results of the Test were sent to the school, the principal called the six of us down to her office, along with the teachers, and with a great deal of excitement, opened the envelope and read the results out loud. Carol and I had been admitted; no one had from the other class.

There was screaming and moaning. Miss Rigney smiled, quietly congratulated the two of us and returned to her classroom. I was happy because I thought I should be. I knew my parents would be pleased, but I had no understanding of what had just happened.

I had no idea that my life would be unalterably changed — that I would be attending what was thought to be one of the finest high school in the country, ranked number one by The Wall Street Journal, one of only 225 pupils, with some of the most accomplished teachers for whom teaching was an art, that I would mingle with far more sophisticated students, and because of them, freely explore the City.

I had a remarkable high school education. When I landed in college, I was immediately offered second year standing because of my AP classes. Miss Rigney knew.

Former Port Jeff Mayor Harold Sheprow passes away

by Sabrina Artusa - May 7, 2025

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This article was updated on May 7, 2025.

By Sabrina Artusa

Harold J. Sheprow, six-term mayor of the Village of Port Jefferson, passed away on May 1 at age 95, surrounded by family.

Sheprow was born Dec, 25, 1929, in Queens to Harold Sheprow Sr. and Gladys Petrie. As a teenager, he joined the Merchant Marines and became chief engineer at 18. Upon his return, he was drafted in 1954 to serve in the Korean War. On Feb. 9, 1957, he married Margaret Mary Katherine Kerr (Peggy) with whom he spent 68 years.

He then began working at Grumman Corporation, requiring he and Peggy to move to Port Jefferson Village from New Jersey in 1961. As an engineer, he worked on aircrafts like the F14 Tomcat, eventually retiring in 1990.

Upon moving to the village and paying to take his family to the beach, he was galvanized to get involved in village politics, first as a member of the Planning Board, then as a trustee and finally as mayor.

Sheprow was mayor for a total of 12 years — his lengthy tenure showcasing his dedication to serving his community, transcending his role as mayor and extending throughout his life.

Under Sheprow’s leadership, the village acquired the 170-acre Port Jefferson Country Club. He worked tirelessly for almost a decade to achieve his vision of a Port Jefferson where residents could have a private property they could call their own.

Famously, he attended a party where he made a connection to the country club’s owners. The acquaintance introduced him to the estate owners of the property. In a meeting, they agreed to lease the property to the village. They signed a $1 bill, sealing the agreement until a proper contract could be made.

The country club, an acquisition that required years of effort and planning and some spontaneous creativity, now bears his name.

Former Director of Recreation and Parks Ron Carlson said he was working in town hall while Sheprow was on a phone call with attorneys from Winston estates. “He came into my office, sat down, and said ‘Ron, guess what’,” Carlson said. “I said, ‘What?’ He said you may not believe this, but we are going to buy that golf club.”

“He said he wasn’t positive, but I think he was,” Carlson added. “He knew deep down that the village would vote ‘yes’ to the acquisition.”

Father Francis Pizzarelli, who formed Hope House Ministries while Sheprow was mayor in 1980, said Sheprow’s “creative genius” and “tender heart” helped make the village what it is today.

“He was a law-and-order tough guy but I was always amazed with him,” Pizzarelli said. “He was always thinking and he would think outside the box.”

Sheprow also worked to open the waterfront for public use through the development of Danfords Hotel & Marina in 1986, making the village less “heavily industrious” and developing a sense of place, former Mayor Margot Garant said.

As a father of six and an active golfer, Sheprow understood the need and value of recreational services in the village.

“What was very fun about him was he was very pro-recreation and parks,” Carlson said.

Indeed, he organized a bus service to ferry residents to the beach during the summer; he held Halloween parties at the Village Center; he promoted sports programs to make the athletic fields more accessible, with fields booked almost every day of the week; and even formed a team with other village employees, participating in softball and bowling games against the Village of Patchogue employees.

He strived to make the village a pleasant place to live, full of beauty, recreation and accessible parkland. His leadership style inspired his successors, including Garant.

“He was a man for everybody. He wasn’t pretentious. You always felt comfortable around Hal,” she said. “He never made any situation feel like it was something that couldn’t be handled. He wasn’t mayor for title or prestige, he was mayor for helping the people.”

Pizzarelli said that, although Sheprow was hesitant to support Hope House Ministries at first, he gave Pizzarelli the opportunity to argue his case and actively listened to other positions.

“He was always open-minded, and that is what always impressed me,” Pizzarelli said. “Whatever you brought to him, even though he may push back, he allowed you to push back to him so he could have a better understanding of whatever the issue was you were bringing to him.”

The Village of Port Jefferson made a social media post after Sheprow’s death, stating that the Sheprow family is “lightened by the fact that he was resting comfortably in his final moments, surrounded by loved ones.”

In an interview by Chris Ryon and Mark Sternberg in 2023 on the occasion of the 60th anniversary of the incorporation of the village, Sheprow said, “Being a mayor for Port Jefferson has got to be the most exciting experience anybody, laymen, could have. There is no better. I don’t care what you do in Port Jefferson, whether you go water-skiing, whatever you do, golf…nothing. Nothing is better than this — working in the Port Jeff government.”

Sheprow served as mayor from 1977 to 1985 and 1987 to 1991. His daughter, Lauren Sheprow, continues his legacy as mayor. He is survived by his wife Peggy; daughters Madelyn and Lauren; sons Dennis, Warren, Glenn and Brendan; 14 grandchildren; and eight great-grandchildren. He is predeceased by his parents, brothers Ralph and Warren and son Neil Harold.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Hope House Ministries of Port Jefferson. Visitation was on May 6 at Moloney’s Funeral Home in Port Jefferson Station. The funeral Mass was held on May 7 at St. Charles Chapel, 200 Belle Terre Road, Port Jefferson. Graveside service was be held at Cedar Hill Cemetery in Port Jefferson following the Mass.

Rite Aid announces plans to close or sell all New York locations

by Heidi Sutton - May 7, 2025

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By Heidi Sutton

The signs were already there with empty shelves that were never restocked but now it’s official. Rite Aid Pharmacy announced on May 5 that the business will be selling or closing all of its locations in the next few months, including 178 in New York, as it files for Chapter 11 proceedings for the second time in less than two years. The company currently operates 1,245 stores in 15 states, according to its website.

During this process, Rite Aid customers can continue to access pharmacy services and products in stores and online, including prescriptions and immunizations. In connection with the sale process and court-supervised proceedings, the Company is working to facilitate a smooth transfer of customer prescriptions to other pharmacies, according to the press release.

“For more than 60 years, Rite Aid has been a proud provider of pharmacy services and products to our loyal customers. While we have continued to face financial challenges, intensified by the rapidly evolving retail and healthcare landscapes in which we operate, we are encouraged by meaningful interest from a number of potential national and regional strategic acquirors. As we move forward, our key priorities are ensuring uninterrupted pharmacy services for our customers and preserving jobs for as many associates as possible,” said Matt Schroeder, Chief Executive Officer of Rite Aid.

“I will be forever grateful to our thousands of associates for their commitment to Rite Aid and its mission, and I thank our entire team – from store associates to corporate employees – for their dedication to our customers and our company. With their support, we have played a critical role in supporting the healthcare needs of countless Americans across the communities that we are honored to serve,” Schroeder added.

Following the announcement, Rite Aid posted on its website that starting May 6 Rite Aid Rewards points will no longer be issued for qualifying purchases. All accrued points and BonusCash will expire per standard terms & conditions available at riteaid.com/rewards/terms-and-conditions.

The website also said that Rite Aid would no longer honor Rite Aid gift cards or accept any returns or exchanges beginning June 5.

To support Rite Aid during its sale process, which it intends to conduct under section 363 of the U.S. Bankruptcy Code, the Company has secured commitments from certain of its existing lenders to access $1.94 billion in new financing. This financing, along with cash from operations, is expected to provide sufficient funding during the sale and court-supervised process. The Company intends to divest or monetize any assets that are not sold through the court-supervised process. Rite Aid has filed a number of customary motions with the Court seeking authorization to support operations, including continued payment of employee wages and benefits, according to the release.

Currently there are 12 Rite Aids in Suffolk County, including Eastport, Hampton Bays, Huntington, Kings Park, Lindenhurst, Middle Island, Mount Sinai, North Babylon, Selden, Shirley, Southampton, and West Islip. Stores will begin to close or be sold within the next few months.

For a full list of New York Rite Aid locations, click here.

Summer shopping opportunities at the Port Jeff Farmers Market

by TBR Staff - May 4, 2025

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By Benjamin William Stephens

The Port Jefferson Farmers Market is a farmers market created by Port Jefferson Village 15 years ago that is still up and running to this day. The market has over 20 unique vendors selling everything from baked goods, fresh veggies and fresh honey to items you wouldn’t expect like skincare products.

“I think it’s really good because it allows people who have businesses who can’t afford to rent a space,” said Melissa Dunstatter, the market’s manager. Dunstatter had in fact been a vendor at the market before being chosen to run the market. “I started the second year of the market. I was just a vendor in the market and then the third year I took over the market and I’ve been market manager ever since,” she said. While Dunstatter is the market manager she is also with a stall for her business Sweet Melissa Dips selling dips and canned produce.

“Port Jeff is really great. I think the community here really likes to give back,” said Morgan Suchy who has run a stall for the business Pecks of Maine at the market for seven years. “People that come to the farmers market really appreciate local businesses, they’d rather get their fruit preserves, their cheese, their honey from local people instead of big businesses.” Pecks of Maine is a business with a stall at the market selling fruit preserves made from ingredients sourced from Long Island, upstate New York and Maine.

“We love the atmosphere here,” said Naela Zeidan of Naela’s Organics Inc, a vendor at the market which sells homemade traditional Mediterranean foods like Baba Ganoush, spinach pies and date cookies.

The farmers market is located at the Harborfront Park on East Broadway in Port Jefferson. The market has two seasons, winter and summer. During the winter season the farmers market is held indoors inside of the Port Jefferson Village Center but during the summer session the market moves outdoors onto the grassy park grounds. While during the winter session the market is mostly confined to inside of the Village Center there is also an ice-skating rink right next to the center that shoppers can visit during the colder months.

“It’s great that it’s open in the winter . . . we hope more vendors come,” said Anna Hayward who said she shops at the market weekly. “It’s very lovely, everyone is so nice and friendly,” said Megan Leriche, a shopper at the market who said that they weren’t from the area and wanted to see the market before heading home.

April 27 was the last day of the Port Jefferson Farmers Market’s winter session and the summer session will begin on May 18. The final day of the summer session will be November 23, and the winter session will begin sometime during January.

Benjamin William Stephens is a reporter with The SBU Media Group, part of Stony Brook University’s School of Communication and Journalism Working Newsroom program for students and local media.

Editorial: International visas revoked, reinstated but still at risk

by TBR Staff - May 3, 2025

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Aerial Shot — An aerial view of Stony Brook University

When 11 Stony Brook students’ visas were terminated early this month, a state of uncertainty descended on the school and community. Immigration and Customs Enforcement revoked the students’ records, destabilizing them when they should be learning and growing. Their largest concern, no longer exams and school work, was whether they would be able to stay in the country to finish their education. Hundreds of international students across the country were notified by their schools that their visas were revoked, and many times without a public reason.

The school extended resources to help, students and staff gathered in swaths to support the affected students, and local politicians like Assemblywoman Rebecca Kassay (D-NY4) used their resources to help protect and prepare the students for what came next.

While SEVIS records can be terminated on the basis that the student has a criminal record, the federal government has also revoked records of politically active students, reasoning that they interfered with foreign policy. The revocation of the records does not necessarily mean the next step is deportation; however, it is a step in that direction as the student no longer has the legal records to protect against removal proceedings.

Stony Brook University has over 3,000 international students bringing valuable skills and unique perspectives to the Stony Brook community. Their experiences and perspectives prove valuable to the classroom and the broader community; the breadth of cultures and backgrounds produce well-rounded, empathetic and curious professionals.

Once it the government became more aggressive with visa terminations, some students across the U.S. began “self-deporting”, saying they no longer felt safe here. Thankfully, none of the 11 students who had their visas revoked left the country. With the support of the school and their classmates, they kept going to classes. They kept learning.

The visas have been restored and imminent risk of deportation has been abated, but the uncertainty lingers. The federal government reversed itself while under pressure from lawsuits that argued due process was neglected. As ICE hone their criteria and protocols for visa termination, it is unclear whether these students will again be at risk. The school that admitted these students and the local politicians who represent people in the area remain ready to assist these international students as they become a part of the country’s ongoing experiment with democracy.

Mather Hospital achieves milestone of 10,000 robotic surgeries

by Press Release - May 2, 2025

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Mather Hospital in Port Jefferson has announced that it has achieved a significant milestone — completing 10,000 robotic surgery procedures using the da Vinci® surgical system – the most of any hospital in Suffolk County. This achievement underscores the hospital’s commitment to providing cutting-edge, minimally invasive surgical care to our community.

Mather Hospital is in the top 10% of hospitals on Long Island performing robotic surgery, using five da Vinci® surgical robots. The hospital, which is a Robotic Surgery Center of Excellence, the first in New York State, and an Epicenter in Robotic Bariatric Surgery, has performed robotic surgery since 2011, consistently investing in advanced technology and highly skilled surgeons.

The most common robotic surgeries at Mather are bariatric and general surgery, followed by gynecology, thoracic, and urology. Approximately 99% of our bariatric cases are performed robotically. The average length of stay for patients undergoing robotic surgery is two days.

“Achieving 10,000 robotic surgeries is a testament to our surgical team’s commitment to continually elevating patient care,” said Mather Hospital President Kevin McGeachy. “This milestone reflects our ongoing investment in innovative technology and our dedication to providing the best possible outcomes for our patients.”

Robotic surgery offers numerous benefits to the patient, including smaller incisions, reduced pain and scarring, shorter hospital stays, and faster recovery times. Mather Hospital utilizes the da Vinci® surgical system to enhance surgical precision, dexterity and visualization.

Using the da Vinci® Surgical System, the surgeon operates seated comfortably at a console while viewing a high definition, 3D image inside the patient’s body. The surgeon’s fingers grasp the master controls below the display with hands and wrists naturally positioned relative to his or her eyes. The system seamlessly translates the surgeon’s hand, wrist and finger movements into precise, real-time movements of surgical instruments.

“We are incredibly proud of the profound impact our robotic surgery program has had on more than 10,000 lives in our community,” said Arif Ahmad, MD, director of Mather Hospital’s Robotic Surgery Center of Excellence. “This milestone motivates us to continue pushing the boundaries of surgical innovation and providing the highest quality care for years to come. Our world-renowned team serves as an international epicenter for robotic surgery, and we have hosted, through live presentations and Telepresence, surgeons from England and France in addition to multiple centers in the U.S.”

Telepresence with Intuitive Hub allows live sharing of a procedure, using two-way audio and video, enabling surgeons who are in another geographic location to observe and mentor colleagues during robotic-assisted surgeries in real time.

For information about Mather Hospital, visit matherhospital.org or follow us @MatherHospital on Facebook.

Volunteers come out for first Port Jefferson Station Greenway Trail cleanup of the season

by TBR Staff - May 1, 2025

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Friends of the Greenway Chairman Charlie McAteer (left) and cleanup day volunteer David Wang (right) sort through debris from the trail. Photo by Caroline O’Callaghan

By Caroline O’Callaghan

On the morning of April 19, the Three Village Community Trust Friends of the Greenway gathered for its first monthly cleanup of the season, at the entrance of the New York State Department of Transportation parking lot in Port Jefferson Station.

Volunteers contributed their thoughts on how to best protect the environment of the almost 3-mile-long trail. Charlie McAteer, chairman of Friends of the Greenway, explained how waste management is dispersed among various municipalities throughout the trail. “When you talk about garbage cans, that’s a town garbage can, and that is collected by the town during the weekly garbage pickup,” McAteer said, pointing to a garbage can on a corner at the start of the trail.

“This is a NYSDOT garbage can, and they’ll come pick it up accordingly,” McAteer continued to explain, now pointing to the DOT’s garbage can be situated in the parking lot.

The majority of the cross streets at the Greenway Trail have town garbage cans on each corner, which helps to reduce the mounting litter that gets accumulated during the off-season. However, some volunteers have resorted to handling the issue on their own, according to Greenway Trail steward of 20 years Susan Colatosti.

“Whether it’s Earth Day or not, I’m out here. I walk it almost every day, and pick up litter as I go,” Colatosti said. When asked if plans to get more garbage cans for the trail were in the works, Colatosti stated that it was unlikely. “It’s already a job to get the town carter to pick them up on a regular basis. I’m sure they don’t want the responsibility of picking up more cans. Occasionally, I monitor it and I check if they haven’t been emptied, and I reach out to them [the town] to come and empty the overflowing garbage. I don’t think more cans are going to happen, but at least we have cans at most of the crossings, which is a big help.”

In recent years, the trail has been extended to the North Shore Rail Trail in Wading River, which has prompted more organizations and town officials to get involved in its upkeep. Rotary Club of Port Jefferson Rotarian Assemblywoman Rebecca Kassay (D, NY4) came out to the cleanup to volunteer with her dog, Utah.

Kassay revealed a potential project to support cleanup efforts further, “I’ve been talking about an inter-rotary effort to perhaps put more dog bag stations throughout the Greenway — all the way from East Setauket well-beyond Port Jefferson, out East in the ‘new leg’ [Wading River] of the Greenway. It’s great to be a part of a group that’s just keeping this beautiful safe place for people to recreate and keep improving upon it.”

Many of the volunteers who came out to the event were residents who expressed concern for the wildlife in which the trail houses, such as Friends of the Greenway Aaron Hoffman. “There’s tons of deer and birds. They have a beautiful life here,” said Hoffman, adding that the accessibility of the trail has allowed him to experience and stay connected to Port Jefferson Station. “Hopefully we can keep the Greenway around for years because not only do the animals need it, but we need it for our peace and serenity.”

For more information visit the Community Trust website: www.threevillagecommunitytrust.org.

Letters to the Editor: May 1, 2025

by TBR Staff - May 1, 2025

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letters_page-scaled-1-700x467-1-1-1 — File photo by Raymond Janis

Problems for the Bess Task Force

We now have a newly formed BESS Task Force, assembled for the purpose of evaluating the safety risks of proposed lithium-ion battery systems, apparently concentrating on thermal runaway. One issue that should be addressed by the Task Force is the effect of the discharge efficiency of the battery, which may lead to significant heating in the battery systems. One example is the system proposed by New Leaf Energy, which will provide 8.75 MW of power for 4 hours. Based on experience, a typical lithium-ion battery discharge efficiency is 10-15%. To be conservative, let us assume a discharge efficiency of 15%. Thus, if 8.75 MW is delivered to the external loads (or homes) for 4 hours, the internal power dissipated in the BESS is 1.54 MW. The BESS must have a cooling system capable of removing the heat generated by this power, to prevent the internal temperatures of the BESS cells from reaching temperatures capable of causing thermal runaway.

Although the occurrence of thermal runaway is clearly a cause for concern, it appears that the attention of the BESS Task Force will address only peaker applications, which will remain powered primarily by “fossil fuel” plants. But problems that are much more serious, and much more complex, will be encountered when we attempt to achieve an emissions-free economy, possibly by 2050. If we attempt to accomplish this by utilizing only solar arrays and windmills as our source of power, we will inevitably face the possibility of blackouts, subject to the available activity levels of the sun and wind. By drastic increases in the size and complexity of our solar arrays, windmills and BESS installations, the probability of a blackout can be decreased, but not eliminated entirely. Once the BESS Peaker Task Force has completed their analysis and issued their report, perhaps they can redirect their attention to this problem.

George Altemose

Setauket

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D. None of the Above: Enduring an isolating tragedy that fractures the college fairy tale

by Daniel Dunaief - May 1, 2025

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By Daniel Dunaief

In the best of times, we have the prvilege of living with a lightness of being.

We can anticipate events, opportunities and interactions that we find satisfying or that give us pleasure, like an enjoyable meal, great company, or entertaining or rewarding activities.

In the worst of times, sunlight can seem unbearably harsh to our eyes, the smiles and laughter of other people can feel like they are mocking our misfortune, leaving us isolated, alone and untethered.

Recently, tragedy struck a family we know well, as a member of the family in his 20’s died unexpectedly.

The ripples of that loss spread quickly, affecting everyone who had the privlege of knowing that person far too briefly and who had shared blissful moments without realizing how transient they were. That included siblings who learned of his death while away at college.

The loss had echoes with my own life, as I received a call from my family in my sophomore year. When I returned to my room after studying for a physics midterm, my roommate told me to call home regardless of the time.

My fingers twitched as I dialed the phone. My father had died.

While the memory of the oxygen-sucking reality of that moment has stayed with me decades later, I recognize that my father, who died earlier than the parents of almost all of my friends, lived much longer than this young person who was preparing to graduate from college.

So many moments after that loss and the discomfort it created have stayed with me over the years, even as time has allowed me to focus more on the memories and experiences I had rather than on the agony of what I’d lost.

I remember looking at the happy, worried, excited and normal faces of people in dining halls as I grappled with the reality of a present and future without the possibility of interacting with my father.

Soon after his death, people who knew me or were in the broader circle of friends, gave me “the look.” Some of them said they were so sorry and told me how unfair it all was. Not knowing what to say or how to act, others walked in the other direction or turned around when they saw me. Of course, some of that likely had nothing to do with me, as they might have forgotten a paper they printed out on their desk or realized that it was too cold to walk outside without a heavier jacket.

Even mundane activities seemed to raise questions. Should I shave, should I take a walk or a run, how much did I really care about succeeding on a test, or taking any of the next steps in what felt like an unfamiliar life?

Even the few times I managed to smile in the days after his death, I felt guilty. Was I allowed to be happy so soon after his death?

In those awful first few weeks of pain and numbness, friends who took me to lunch, listened or stayed by my side while I stared out a window provided some measure of comfort and connection.

The shocking relief I felt at meeting someone new, who didn’t know my story and wasn’t still giving me “the look,” was extraordinary.

New people weren’t sorry and didn’t know or see the cloud that rained grief and dumped freezing rain over my head regularly.

Time helped, but so did unexpected moments of escape from the loss, a sense of purpose that came from knowing how my father would have wanted me to live, and an awareness that everyone isn’t living their happily ever after all the time.

Other people are persevering through their challenges, losses, and difficulties. My loss and grief weren’t any less real, but they also weren’t so exclusive or blatanlty unfair.

While I still feel the loss of all the things that would have given my father joy, like meeting my wife or making his grandchildren laugh or the way he made me smile even when I was marinating in my moody teenager phase, I know that I and so many others, including our family friends, are not alone in living our fractured fairy tales.

The days ahead for the family will undoubtedly include difficulties. People who know them can help by checking in and offering ongoing support. At some point hopefully before too long, they may find themselves smiling. They may realize that they are not forgetting or being disrespectful, but they are allowing themselves to breathe in a moment of sunshine, which they can share, in their own way, with the memory of their loved ones.

Between You and Me: You don’t have to go to Finland (survey says the happiest country) to be happy

by Leah Dunaief - May 1, 2025

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By Leah S. Dunaief

Happy May 1st!

Just saying that puts a smile on my face. Why? Because May carries the promise of sunny days, blue skies, brilliantly colored flowers on bushes and trees along with baby green leaves, and birdsong everywhere. I know I can just walk out of my house in my indoor clothing and find the perfect temperature outdoors. I won’t need boots or a parka or even a heavy sweater, just maybe a light rain jacket. The world, my world, for this month, is a perfectly furnished place.

That is not to say that the many troubles in current events don’t cause concern. They surely do. But Nature can help offset some of the anxiety with her splendid technicolor show and demonstration of hope and rebirth.

Another positive beacon is a guy named Roger Rosenblatt. He wrote a column for The New York Times on April 13th headlined, “10 Tips for Being Happily 85 Years Old (Like Me).” I’ll share some of them with you, regardless of your age, because they are applicable to all, but first you must shut off the news—whether on radio or television or your cellphone. Let’s just focus on happiness.

The first of his points is probably the best: Nobody’s thinking about you.

“Nobody ever will. Not your teacher, not your minister, not your colleagues, not your shrink, not a soul. It can be a bummer of a thought. But it’s also liberating. That time you fell on your butt in public? That dumb comment you made at dinner last week? That brilliant book you wrote? No one is thinking about it. Others are thinking about themselves. Just like you.” (Of course, that statement doesn’t apply to parents, who regularly think about children.)

A few of his other heartfelt recommendations include get a dog, don’t hear the cheers (about how wonderful you are, just live the life you’re living), know that everyone’s in pain (of some sort) so be kind, look for the exceptional qualities in others, join a group with mutual interests so you stay social, and just live with your regrets (a part of every life). He also advises starting and ending each day by listening to Louis Armstrong—or your equivalent pick-me-upper.

(Just for those reading this who ARE 85 or thereabouts, he does advise making young friends because they are enthusiastic and don’t know when you are telling them lies, and urges that you try to see fewer than 5 doctors because it takes so much time and is depressing if they are your only social life.)

I can also share some upcoming events that make me happy to anticipate.

Most immediately, my youngest grandson is graduating from college this month. Not only is this a lovely achievement for him, it provides us, the family on both sides of the parents, a chance to get together and catch up with everyone’s lives.

Another joyful occurrence will be a visit from my California cousin, who is coming east in June to celebrate his 65th birthday. I love celebrating birthdays and I also love having visitors. The latter seem to like coming out to stay at our house.

You may not think so, but another singular event next month to which I look forward will be the arrival (finally!) of the plumber to repair an incessant bathroom leak.

Then there are the birthdays of two sons in July, which they will spend here among the whole crew, who will arrive with their bathing suits, and their return in August for another round of birthday observances.

In September I look forward to the resumption of perfect weather and rest.

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