Times of Huntington-Northport

Photo from past press conference from Suozzi’s office

On Dec. 7, in a virtual press conference, U.S. Rep. Tom Suozzi (D-NY3) announced matching federal agency grants that will bring nearly $3 million in funds to the 3rd Congressional District to help to protect and preserve the Long Island Sound.

The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Services and the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation have all contributed funds to the grants. The organizations or agencies receiving the grants will need to match the funds.

Suozzi, who is the co-chair of the bipartisan Long Island Sound Caucus, said during the Dec. 7 press conference that the main problems environmentalists have encountered with the waterway through the years have been hypoxia, and nitrogen being released into the Sound from sewage treatment plants. He called the waterway “our national park” and said it has improved over the last few decades but still needs more care.

“If you look at the water, just look at it, it’s clearer than it used to be,” he said. “If you look at the wildlife, you see more osprey and more red-tailed hawks.”

He added there has also been more bunker fish in the water.

Also taking part in the virtual press conference were Curt Johnson, Save the Sound president; Cecilia Venosta-Wiygul, Udalls Cove Preservation Committee and Douglaston Civic Association board member; Adrienne Esposito, executive director of Citizens Campaign for the Environment; Vanessa Pino Lockel, executive director of Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk; Eric Swenson, executive director of Hempstead Harbor Protection Committee; Carol DiPaolo from the Coalition to Save Hempstead Harbor; and Heather Johnson, executive director of Friends of the Bay located in Oyster Bay.

The groups will benefit from the grants, and Suozzi praised them for their efforts in protecting the Sound.

“It’s a constant effort by all the people on this call working together as a team,” he said.

Also, speaking during the virtual press conference, was Northport Mayor Damon McMullen. He said the village has been working on upgrading the sewer system, and doing so has made a “huge difference.” He said the village has been able to reduce its nitrogen output from 19 pounds a day to less than 2 pounds. The mayor said the village has put money in next year’s budget for stormwater control which will help to catch pollutants and pesticides before they enter Northport Harbor and ultimately wind up in the Sound.

There will be $105,001 made available in a program known as Green Infrastructure to Improve Water Quality in Northport Harbor and Long Island Sound. Grant money will go toward rain gardens to capture stormwater in the village which the mayor said he believes is the next step in achieving the goal of cleaner water.

The grants include $170,000 to develop a Long Island Sound Student Action Plan, and among the projects that will benefit from the funding is the Long Island Sound Summit for High School Students, Esposito said. The project included 125 students from four schools this year, and she said they are anticipating 250 students from eight schools in the upcoming year, including Northport, Smithtown and Rocky Point. Part of the project includes students taking water samples and looking at microplastic content of the Sound, studying the effects of nitrogen on the native cordgrass along the shore and more.

Among other grants, $729,606 is earmarked for new methods to enhance coastal restoration and resilience at Centerport Harbor; and $152,314 for expanding oyster sanctuaries in Oyster Bay and Cold Spring Harbor.

When Suozzi first came into office in January of 2017, he said funding at the time for the Sound was about $4 million. This year it was more than $30 million, according to him.

While Suozzi was pleased his district will be granted money, he said any area along the Sound getting help is a plus.

“If we get money in Connecticut, if we get money for New York City’s combined sewer outfall, it helps all of us, because there’s no geographic boundaries,” he said. “There’s no congressional boundaries in the Long Island Sound. We’re all in this together.”

File photo by Steve Silverman

The best part of the holiday season can be celebrating with family members and friends. Often alcohol can be part of these events, and if a person doesn’t drink responsibly, their actions can lead to dangers on the road.

If drinking is part of the festivities or ingesting any other substances that can impair the senses, a plan of action is needed before the partying begins. There is no excuse for driving under the influence.

For decades, we have been familiar with sage advice such as having a designated driver, planning to sleep over at the home where the party takes place or calling a taxi. Of course, sometimes the designated driver decides to join in on the fun or it turns out there is no room to sleep at the house. In many areas, especially in our towns, there aren’t many taxi services. Just a few years ago, scenarios such as the ones mentioned could spell danger if a person under the influence decided to get into the driver’s seat because they just wanted to go home.

Nowadays, there is no excuse for driving under the influence of any substance with phone apps to order car services such as Uber or Lyft providing another way to stay safe on the roads.

According to Mothers Against Drunk Driving, better known as MADD, there are more than 300,000 drinking and driving incidents a day in this country. According to the grassroots organization, in 2019 this reckless form of driving led to 10,142 deaths that year, which breaks down to almost 28 people killed a day. There are also 300,000 injuries a year due to drinking and driving, according to MADD.

All of these deaths and injuries could have been avoided if the drivers who caused them had a plan before drinking. And, let’s not forget, everyone can play a part in keeping impaired drivers off the road. When hosting a party, make arrangements for your guests who will be indulging themselves. Keep in mind the Suffolk County Social Host Law, which is primarily intended to deter underage drinking parties or gatherings where adults knowingly allow minors to drink alcohol or alcoholic beverages.

The holiday season is a time for celebrating the accomplishments of the past year and the promises of a new year. Let’s keep the roads in our communities safe to enjoy during the next few weeks and all year long.

Taking a solo backpacking tour through Europe proves the scars of COVID-19 are deep

Zurich, Switzerland, along the river Limmat. Photo by Kyle Barr

This is part two of a two part series.

The Netherlands and Denmark

In Amsterdam, the classic Bulldog hostel, just one part of the company known for its pervasive marijuana products, was practically full to the brim compared to other hostels along my route. And still, people kept to their little groups, barely interacting with each other even in the spacious bar area. Rosie, a young woman I met in Amsterdam and fellow American traveler from Detroit, talked of her own lonely experiences after she left friends in Istanbul, Turkey, to travel up to Dutch country.

attendees during a pared-down August pride celebration in Amsterdam. Photo by Kyle Barr

There are ways to mitigate the loneliness. Apps like CouchSurfing have the capacity for travelers to create hangouts. It’s how I managed to meet a group of international travelers all shut together in a tiny apartment in Amsterdam’s canal district for a house party/barbecue, where alcohol and marijuana loosened enough tongues to break through the concerns of pandemic life. Though that’s easier for young people, many of whom crowded along the rain-slick streets just outside the Amsterdam Centraal train station for a slimmed down version of Pride month festivities. None were wearing masks.

There are certainly places that seem to be trying to capture more of what prepandemic life was like. In Amsterdam and Denmark, masks are only worn in places where one can’t stay 1.5 meters away from people. Of course, it’s a policy that is rarely if ever enforced, despite COVID cases peaking to a new high for the Netherlands in mid-July. Despite what Dutch officials have recently said about limiting international travelers who come to revel in the famous smoke-filled streets of the city center, the travelers there are undaunted.

Switzerland

The international travel industry grew to new heights up until just before the pandemic, but now many towns, cities and countries are starting to consider whether the general wealth that tourists bring to their homes is worth what they lose in a sense of place and community. The outdoor shopping malls of a city like Bern, Switzerland, are no longer flooded with travelers, and more locals can take the time to walk past the old town and up the hill to the Bern Rosengarten to enjoy a beer and the cool afternoon air with friends and family.

While in Switzerland I stayed with a native Swiss man named Pascal for two nights in his home, just a 20-minute train ride from Zurich. That city, so well known throughout the world as a tourist hotspot, no longer sees the crowds it once did. The surrounding mountains are trekked by locals, with more mountain goats than people. The way Pascal kindly greeted his fellows on the slopes of the Etzel mountain, located on the southern end of Lake Zurich, it seemed that a strong sense of polite community was still alive, and better exemplified away from the international crowds of a national center like Geneva or in the resort town of Zermatt, lingering under the craggy gaze of the Matterhorn.

The Gullfoss Waterfall in Iceland seen from high above. Photo by Kyle Barr

Iceland and back home

On the final leg of my trip into Iceland, I reconnected with my brother. It was the first time I met somebody I knew in seven weeks. We didn’t rent a car and were forced to take guided tours, one running down the brilliant length of the country’s south coast. The other was a tour of the Golden Circle to massive sites around the center of the country. We were the only two people in a van with our tour guide. The other people scheduled for the tour bailed last minute and, instead of canceling, the tour operator still offered us our ride. The pandemic had been hard on tour guides. They are making less than 50% what they had been doing just two years ago. Iceland’s economy, and so many other countries in Europe, relies on tourism. In 2019, over 15% of the workforce in Iceland was in the tourism industry. Many European countries accounted for close to 10% of their total gross domestic product. Some countries, like Greece, accounted for about 20% of their GDP. What will they do if travelers do not show up at the rates they once did in the years to come?

These are big questions and impossible for one person to answer. Instead, as time moves on and the memories start to congeal in my brain, I’m left with an impression: Thousands of people laying under verdigris-covered statues built in a time centuries before, the uncertainty, the questions, sitting amid millions of lives trying to be lived day-to-day, wanting to see a future in which all can take one collective breath.

And like us back in the States, we’re still wanting and we’re still waiting.

Kyle Barr is a freelancer writer and the former editor of The Port Times Record, The Village Beacon Record and The Times of Middle Country.

 

Pixabay photo

Get your farm fix in the off-season when the Huntington Winter Farmers Market returns every Sunday, Dec. 5 to March 27, 2022 from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Located behind the senior center at 423 Park Ave., Huntington, the Market has provided Long Island residents with a direct source of local produce and goods during the winter months since 2010. Visitors will find items ranging from hydroponic greens to artisan breads and vegan treats and everything in between. For more information, call 631-944-2661.

Jefferson's Ferry

Part one of three

Over its 20 years in existence, Jefferson’s Ferry has been home to a significant number of accomplished and creative older adults who have been groundbreakers, innovators, educators and artists. All were original thinkers with a desire to do something that hadn’t been done before, and many of these residents wrote books about their work, which can be found in the Jefferson’s Ferry library collection.

Gerhart Friedlander

Gerhart Friedlander and Barbara Strongin: scientist and activist   

Gerhart Friedlander and his wife, Barbara Strongin, were among the first residents of Jefferson’s Ferry when it opened in 2001. He was a nuclear chemist who emigrated to the United States in 1936 from Munich, Germany, when the Nazis forbade Jews from attending university. Friedlander studied at the University of California, Berkeley, receiving his doctorate in 1942. After gaining American citizenship in 1943, he was recruited to work on the Manhattan Project at Los Alamos, New Mexico. He later worked at Brookhaven National Laboratory for more than 30 years, conducting groundbreaking research on how high-energy particles trigger nuclear reactions. Friedlander also co-authored the textbook “Nuclear and Radiochemistry,” considered a classic in its field, with Manhattan Project colleague Joseph W. Kennedy. The book has been translated into 18 languages, and over the years, was updated twice with other co-authors. He received honorary degrees from many universities and countries and was an active elected member of the National Academy of Sciences.

Friedlander died in 2009 at the age of 93. 

Barbara Strongin

Strongin has spent her adult life dedicated to improving the lives of women and girls on Long Island. She met her husband when he was the chair of the board and she was the chief executive officer of Planned Parenthood of Suffolk County. They both received the Family Planning Advocates of New York State award. One of three founding members of the Women’s Fund of Long Island, Strongin was also an adviser and contributor to the Herstory Writers Workshop. She has co-authored curricula and articles on the Jewish perspective of human sexuality and has been honored by the New York Civil Liberties Union (Suffolk County Chapter) and Family Planning Advocates of New York State. Also, she won in 2011 the Good Neighbor award from The Village Times Herald.

Strongin and Friedlander jointly received the Allard K. Lowenstein Memorial Award from the American Jewish Congress, Long Island Chapter, and were recognized by Newsday as “Long Islanders of the Century: Everyday Heroes.” 

Strongin continues to reside in her independent living cottage at Jefferson’s Ferry. 

Joyce Edward: author, advocate, activist

Joyce Edward enjoyed a long career as a respected and influential social worker psychoanalyst, teacher, writer and activist. The co-editor and co-author of several books showing the value of psychoanalytic theory in social work practice as well as in the analytic consulting room, she also authored a book on her own, “The Sibling Relationship.”

Joyce Edward

Edward holds a Master of Social Work from Case Western Reserve University and earned post-master’s certificates in psychoanalysis and psychotherapy.

“Therapists seek to help a patient understand what’s in their way, what’s keeping them from a congenial marriage, for example, or from exploring career options,” she said. “A therapist is a partner in the work. We do not tell you what to do but help identify what may be blocking you and what you can do for yourself to move past these obstacles.”

Edward attended Antioch College in Ohio, attracted by its then unusual work study program. With the intention of becoming an advertising copywriter, Edward was placed in a salesclerk position at Macy’s as part of her work experience. She was uncomfortable in the post and quickly realigned her course, gravitating toward social work after helping Southerners who were recruited to come to work in a bomber plant up North find housing during World War II. At home she was exposed to acts of kindness, generosity and caring for those less fortunate.

“My aunt, who was a social worker during the Depression, would say of the people she helped, ‘They are just people like us.’ At Antioch, there was an emphasis on helping others. For example, as students we helped integrate a barbershop and the local movie theater.”

Edward did not intend being a practicing analyst. Balancing motherhood and career, she first volunteered at a newly founded small private school for emotionally disturbed children. As the school grew, so did her role.

“It was a major and central working part of my life for 13 years and exposed me to psychoanalytic training,” she said. “As the social worker on the clinical team, I wanted more than a handmaiden role. I questioned the prevailing theory at the time that the cause of autism in children was ‘refrigerator parents’ who were cold and did not connect with their children. I saw the ‘coldness,’ when it was observed, as frequently being the result of living with an autistic child, whose needs are tremendous and time consuming. I realized that I had to get more training to gain prestige and acceptance of my ideas, so I enrolled in an analytic training course of study.”

Upon publishing an article on her thoughts and observations, Edward was asked to write a book on the subject. She wrote “Separation-Individuation” collaboratively with two colleagues, with each contributor writing several chapters. The book was well received and provided the basis for greater discussion and ideas about the developmental process that led to subsequent studies, articles and books.

After 13 years at the school, Edward took a position in the Freeport Public Schools in a program funded by Democratic President Lyndon Johnson’s “war on poverty.” When the funding for this program ceased, she opened a small private practice and continued with this until she retired. During these years she also taught in the schools of social work at Adelphi University, Hunter College and Smith College as well as in two analytic training programs.

With the introduction of managed care into the mental health system, Edward and her colleagues founded the National Coalition of Mental Health Professionals & Consumers. The organization sought to restore privacy and to return to the clinician treating a patient their decision-making role.

Edward has lived in an independent living apartment at Jefferson’s Ferry for more than 14 years. Over that time, she has served on the residents council and the health committee, the social activities committee, the education committee as well as others. Through Stony Brook University’s OLLI program, she enjoys courses via Zoom, which currently include a political discussion newsroom, a music course with essayist David Bouchier and a class on the work of Leonard Bernstein.

An avid reader, she participates in book club discussions, one at the Emma S. Clark Memorial Library and the other at Jefferson’s Ferry. Recent reads include “Hamnet” by Maggie O’Farrell, “White Teeth” by Zadie Smith and works by Edith Wharton, George Eliot, George Packer and Anne Applebaum.

According to Edward, the best thing about Jefferson’s Ferry is the people, the residents and the staff — there are many interesting, knowledgeable and accomplished people. “More importantly is the understanding and support that we offer each other,” she said. “The residents have an appreciation of each other gained through our ages and experiences and have come to recognize what’s important in life.”

Linda Kolakowski is vice president of Residential Life at Jefferson’s Ferry Life Plan Community in South Setauket.

Jessica Tollkuhn Photo courtesy of CSHL

By Daniel Dunaief

They are like directors in a carefully choreographed production, instructing certain groups that become active, while giving others a five-minute break.

In the case of the human body, directors take many forms, including hormones; the same hormones that can transform adorable, sweet and well-behaved children into smelly, strong-willed teenagers.

Hormones like estrogen, testosterone and progesterone affect people at various ages and in different ways.

Recently, Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory Assistant Professor Jessica Tollkuhn and her graduate student Bruno Gegenhuber teamed up with University of California at San Francisco Herzstein Professor of Molecular Physiology Holly Ingraham to link the way estrogen in a specific area of the brain turns on particular genes.

For mice that are representative of post-menopausal women, the lower activity of a gene called melanocortin-4, or MC4R causes these mice to become less active.

By activating MC4R neurons in the ventrolateral ventromedial hypothalamic nucleus of the brain in the absence of estrogen, researchers caused a dramatic increase in physical activity and 10 percent body weight loss after one day.

Additionally, turning up the MC4R gene increased their bone density over time.

Linking the gene activated by estrogen in a part of the brain that affects how adult females use energy, the scientists provided a causative link that explains lower energy in this population.

Tollkuhn said her contribution showed that the estrogen receptor binds DNA in the presence of hormones.

The scientists published their research in the journal Nature.

“If anything, this paper is a study of how just one gene can show this exquisite behavioral response,” Tollkuhn added.

The MC4R gene is also found in the male brain, although not in the same area. Experimentally, turning up the gene also increases physical activity in males.

Numerous drugs currently target this gene in connection with increasing libido in post-menopausal women. Using these treatments for other issues, like weight gain and activity level, would require additional study.

Estrogen affects numerous other areas of the body, including some that may cause other problems. Hormone replacement therapy has contributed to the development or worsening of other cancers, such as breast cancer, although it is not clear why or how this happens.

“There’s evidence that there can be positive benefits [like bone and mental health], but also evidence that it can increase the risk of cancers,” Tollkuhn said.

Ingraham knew Tollkuhn from their overlapping research experiences at the University of California at San Diego and, later at UCSF.

Ingraham had reached out to Tollkuhn to see if the experiments in Tollkuhn’s lab could determine the link between the hormone and the MC4R gene.

“It’s always a challenge in biology to get a direct causality” because numerous factors in a living system could contribute to the development of a condition or a behavior, Tollkuhn said.

Tollkuhn suggested that the bulk of the experiments were done in Ingraham’s lab.

Ingraham recognized early on the benefit of finding these direct binding sites.

“We are saying, ‘Here is a hormone and it is acting through this molecule and it’s causing this change … that we know is really important for eliciting this behavior,” Ingraham said.

Ingraham, who worked with Tollkuhn when she was a post doctoral researcher and Tollkuhn was a graduate student in Geoffrey Rosenfeld’s lab at UC San Diego, called her colleague “really talented” and said she “spent years working this whole system out. It’s heroic and nobody else has done it.”

Ingraham sent Rosenfeld a message after the journal Nature accepted their paper, indicating his trainees had “hit pay dirt on this one.”

Ingraham hopes the paper motivates other researchers to think about entering this area and tackling this challenge, which is so important for women’s health.

“The only way we’re going to move forward for women’s health is to understand all these different facets of what estrogen is doing in the brain,” she added.

In press coverage of the research, Ingraham described the comments as falling into two categories. In the first, women suggest that they’re past menopause and have never been more active. In the second, women indicate that getting hormone replacement therapy genuinely helped them, including with brain fog.

Other scientists have sent Ingraham congratulatory emails about the paper. They have “appreciated that this had such a great molecular story,” she said.

In a broader research context, Tollkuhn is interested in determining how hormones affect the brain during sexual differentiation.

She is now focused on identifying a new repertoire that she and others can explore in future studies.

Tollkuhn’s lab is also investigating how estrogen influences brain development. She has found dozens of genes she would like to understand in the kind of detail with which she explored MC4R. Estrogen receptors also are connected to HTR1A and HTR1D, which are genes for serotonin receptors and may connect estrogen to mood.

Studies in scientific literature have shown that numerous psychiatric and neurological conditions have sex differences in terms of their impacts on men and women.

“We have these pieces and we can try to put together this puzzle,” Tollkuhn said. “We can try to understand why this would be the case. The long term goal is to figure out why there is a greater increase in [certain diseases] in men or women, which could lead to the development of better treatment.”

Tollkuhn is also interested in understanding the progression of neurodegenerative conditions like Alzheimer’s, which is twice as likely in women as in men. The symptoms for this disease develops more rapidly in post menopausal women, who typically have a more precipitous decline in estrogen than older men do in their levels of testosterone.

“I’m interested in what hormone receptors are doing in the brain,” she said.

Dave Bennardo, left in above photo, was recently elected as Town of Huntington councilman. File photo from 2015

A former school district superintendent is ready to take a seat at Huntington’s Town Board table.

Dave Bennardo

Former South Huntington school district superintendent David Bennardo was elected as councilman in November. Bennardo, who ran on the Republican ticket, and running mate Sal Ferro, will take the places of current councilmen Ed Smyth (R), who won his bid for town supervisor, and Mark Cuthbertson (D), who ran for Suffolk County legislator and lost. The newly elected councilmen and supervisor will be sworn into office in January.

Bennardo said during campaigning, people would tell him he had a good chance of winning but he didn’t believe it himself.

“I was raised to kind of always believe that you’re an underdog and you hope for the best, so it was a beautiful surprise, and I just am humbled by it,” he said.

The councilman-elect said he and Ferro have been in touch with their Democratic opponents Jennifer Hebert and Joseph Schramm. One of the goals of Bennardo and Ferro during campaigning, as well as Hebert and Schramm, was for a less divisive race, government and town. Bennardo said they have received some good ideas from the two Democrats, and are “trying to keep the relationship alive so we can benefit from each other’s point of view.” Conversations across party lines are something that he believes sharpens and morphs views.

Bennardo said he is looking forward to attending town events and getting out in the community to meet more residents and familiarize himself with their concerns.

“I want to immerse myself in the community — between events and meetings at town halls and anytime I can to meet the constituents — and find out more of the things that are important to them,” Bennardo said.

He added while campaigning he found many wanted “to return to civil conversations and mature government.”

“The first step is to build those relationships across the aisle,” Bennardo said.

He said Ferro agrees with him, and they believe in compromising and listening. Bennardo said he is looking forward to serving Huntington residents along with Ferro. Their goal, he said, is to create a bipartisan team in town government that endures.

Bennardo said he would also like to see a personal touch brought back to Town Hall for the community and that will involve getting to know the staff members.

He said he believes his skill set as a former school superintendent will transfer to town councilman as he always made it a point to get to know those in his school district.

“Your responsibility is to get out there and get to know the people you serve,” he said.

Bennardo added while serving as superintendent of the South Huntington school district and principal at Harborfields High School for nine years, he knew responsiveness was essential, especially in the days of social media where it’s easier for people to communicate with each other.

“There is no place more responsive than school district leadership, because you have to be,” he said. “Your constituents are on your doorstep 45 seconds later, and they always know where to find you. I want to take that same mentality to the town.”

The tree at Heritage Park in Mount Sinai will be lit on Dec. 5 at 5 p.m. File photo by Kyle Barr

By Heidi Sutton

Enjoy caroling, treats, tree lightings, special visits from Santa, and more on the North Shore this weekend. Check next week’s TIMES … and dates for tree lightings taking place on Dec. 11 and 12.

Cold Spring Harbor

The Cold Spring Harbor Fish Hatchery, 1660 Route 25A, Cold Spring Harbor will host a tree lighting ceremony on Dec. 4 from 5 to 7 p.m. Santa Claus will light the hatchery’s Christmas Tree at 5:30 p.m. Free admission. Suggested donation of $10 per family. 516- 692-6768.

Greenlawn

The Greenlawn Civic Association hosts a will host a “Meet at the Tree” Christmas Tree Lighting on Dec. 4 at 3:30 p.m. at the Harborfields Public Library Front Circle. Join them for a celebration that includes holiday music, hot cocoa and treats, and a visit from Santa and Mrs. Claus with the Greenlawn Fire Department. A food/gift card drive will also take place to benefit HACO. www.greenlawncivic.org.

Kings Park

The Kings Park Chamber of Commerce hosts a Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony at Veterans Plaza, King Park on Dec. 4 at 4:15 p.m. Enjoy holiday music selections followed by invocation and welcome remarks from the chamber with hot chocolate and cookies for all. 631-269-7678

Mount Sinai

Join the Heritage Trust and the Mount Sinai Fire Department for a Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony at Heritage Park, 633 Mount Sinai-Coram Road, Mount Sinai on Dec. 5 at 5 p.m. Listen to carols, enjoy hot chocolate and visit with Santa. 631-509-0882.

St. James

The St. James Chamber of Commerce invites the community to a Christmas Tree Lighting at Deepwells Farm County Park, 2 Taylor Lane, St. James on Dec. 4 at 4:30 p.m. with holiday music, pictures with Santa, cookies and hot chocolate. 631-584-8510.

Stony Brook

The Ward Melville Heritage Organization hosts a Holiday Tree Lighting at the Stony Brook Village Center Green, 111 Main St., Stony Brook on Dec. 5 at 5:30 p.m. as part of the WMHO’s 42nd annual Holiday Festival. 631-751-2244.

Wading River

Join The Shoppes at East Wind, 5768 Route 25A, Wading River for a Holiday Tree Lighting on Dec. 4 from 3 to 7 p.m. Stop by to put a letter in Santa’s mailbox, enjoy music and dancing, and more holiday fun including holiday shopping at their Winter Fest. Santa arrives on a Fire Truck to light the tree and take free photo with families. Santa will also be at the Shoppes on Dec. 11 and 18 from 11 a.m to 5 p.m. 631-929-3500

Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

When she was little, my daughter loved to build sand castles. She’d put wet sand in a bucket, gently pull the bucket back and marvel at the details in the castles that came out.

My son wasn’t as interested in building castles. He derived special pleasure out of stomping on the castles she made. It wasn’t just that it gave him power over the sand: he also felt power over his older sister, who was furious with him for crushing her castles.

While I tried to reason with him, which is almost as effective today as it was when he was two, I came up with an alternative plan that required additional energy from me, but that created peace on the beach. I’d quickly put together a ring of 15 castles, grabbing wet sand and dumping it several feet from where my daughter was working on her creation.

Like a young Olympic sprinter, my son would race over to the collection of castles and stomp all over them, while my daughter slowly built her own city of sand.

These days, it seems, we are surrounded by people eager to stomp on everyone else’s sandcastles.

Sure, it’s satisfying to feel the figurative sand in our toes and to revel in tearing down what other people have created.

But, really, given all the challenges of the world, I think we should ask a few questions of all those people who are so eager to belittle, attack and undermine others. What’s your solution? What are you doing better? How would you fix the problem?

Insulting others for their efforts, their awkwardness or their perceived flaws often seems like a form of ladderism. No one wants to be on the bottom rung of a ladder, so people try to push others down or to shout to anyone who will listen about how much better they are than the people below them. That seems to be a sign of weakness or insecurity, reflecting the notion that other people are below them.

In addition to dumping on others, we live in a society of people for whom hearing views that differ from their own somehow turns them into victims. Surely we have more choices than simply, “I’m right and you’re wrong.” If someone doesn’t agree with you, maybe it’s worth finding out why.

Anger, frustration and hatred, while they may make us feel slightly better in the moment, aren’t solutions and they don’t improve our world. They are a form of destructive energy, like stomping on sand castles.

We should ask more of ourselves and from our leaders. I’m tired of hearing about politicians who will fight for me. I don’t want to send people into office to fight against others who are trying to do the best they can for the country. I want leaders who will learn, listen and, gasp, reach across the aisle in the search for solutions.

While platforms aren’t as sizzling as slogans or take downs, they include ideas and potential solutions.

Civility makes it possible for us to hear and learn.

We have enough threats to our lives without needing to turn against other people or to give in to the urge to crush other people’s sandcastles to feel better. We don’t all have to be best friends, but it’d be nice to look forward to a holiday season and the start of a new year that focused on a shared sense of purpose. We need better ideas, not better ways to attack.

Soldiers and Sailors Building

The Huntington Historical Society invites the community to an opening reception for its newest exhibit titled Holiday House Tour in Miniature: Dollhouses from 1920 to 2020 at the Huntington History & Decorative Arts Museum in the Soldiers and Sailors Building, 228 Main St., Huntington on Sunday, Dec. 5 from 3 to 5 p.m. Also on view is an exhibit titled Remembering a Huntington Hero: Peter H. Fleury. Light refreshments will be served. For more information, call 631-351-3244.