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Exercises that involve balance, strength, movement, flexibility and endurance all play significant roles in fall prevention. METRO photo

By David Dunaief, M.D.

Dr. David Dunaief

Taking a tumble can cause broken bones and torn ligaments. While these might not be life-altering in younger folks, they can have serious consequences for older patients, including a decrease in functional ability and a decline in physical and social activities, which can lead to a loss of independence (1)(2). One recent study found that older adults who had suffered a fall had poorer health and well-being two years later when compared to those who had not fallen (3).

What increases your fall risk?

Obviously, environmental factors, like slippery or uneven surfaces, can increase your risk of falling. Age and medication use are also contributing factors. Some medications, like those used to treat high blood pressure or those targeting anxiety, depression and insomnia, are of particular concern. Chronic diseases may also contribute.

If you have upper and lower body strength weakness, decreased vision, a hearing disorder or psychological issues, such as anxiety and depression, these conditions predispose you to falling (4).

How can you reduce your fall risk?

Most importantly, exercise. Exercises that involve balance, strength, movement, flexibility and endurance all play significant roles in fall prevention (5). The good news is that many of these can be done inside with no equipment or with items found around the home. We will look more closely at the research.

Nonslip shoes are a big help. Look for slippers and shoes with non-skid soles. During the winter, choose footwear that prevents sliding on ice, such as boots with cleats or slip-on ice cleats that fit over your shoes.

In the home, secure area rugs, remove tripping hazards, install grab-bars in your bathroom showers and tubs, and add motion-activated nightlights.

And, of course, always pay attention when you’re walking. Don’t text, read or video chat while you’re moving around. A recently published study of young, healthy adults found that texting while walking affected their gait stability and postural balance when they were exposed to a slip hazard (6).

How do medications increase risk?

Several medications heighten fall risk, including psychotropic drugs and high blood pressure medications.

A well-designed study showed that those taking moderate doses of blood pressure medication had the greatest risk of serious injuries from falls, a 40 percent increase (7).

Because these medications can reduce cardiovascular risks, physicians must consider the risk-benefit ratio in older patients before prescribing or stopping a medication. We also should consider whether lifestyle modifications can reverse your need for medication or your dosage (8).

Using exercise to reduce fall risk

A meta-analysis showed that regular exercise significantly reduced the risk of a fall (9). It led to a 37 percent reduction in falls that resulted in injury and a 30 percent reduction in falls that required medical attention. Even more impressive was a 61 percent reduction in fracture risk. The author summarized that exercise not only helps to prevent falls but also fall injuries.

Unfortunately, those who have fallen before often develop a fear that leads them to limit their activities. This leads to a dangerous cycle of reduced balance and increased gait disorders, ultimately resulting in an increased fall risk (10).

Any consistent exercise program that focuses on flexibility and muscle tone and includes core strengthening can help improve your balance. Among those that have been studied, tai chi, yoga and aquatic exercise have all been shown to reduce falls and injuries from falls.

A randomized controlled trial showed that those who did an aquatic exercise program had a significant improvement in the risk of falls (11). The goal of the aquatic exercise was to improve balance, strength and mobility. Results showed a reduction in the overall number of falls and a 44 percent decline in the number of exercising patients who fell during the six-month trial, with no change in the control group.

Tai chi, which requires no equipment, was also shown to reduce both fall risk and fear of falling in older adults (12).

Another pilot study used modified chair yoga classes with a small, over-65 assisted-living population where participants had experienced a recent fall and had a resulting fear of falling (13). While the intention was to assess exercise safety, researchers found that participants had less reliance on assistive devices and three of the 16 participants were able to eliminate their use of mobility assistance devices.

Our best defense against fall risk is prevention with exercise and managing our environments to reduce fall opportunities. In addition, if you are 65 and older, or if you have arthritis and are over 45, it may mean reviewing your medication list with your doctor. Before you consider changing your blood pressure medications, review your risk-to-benefit ratio with your physician.

References:

(1) MMWR. 2014; 63(17):379-383. (2) J Gerontol A Biol Sci Med Sci. 1998;53(2):M112. (3) Aging Ment Health. 2021 Apr;25(4):742-748. (4) JAMA. 1995;273(17):1348. (5) Cochrane Database Syst Rev. 2012;9:CD007146. (6) Heliyon. 2023 Aug; 9(8): e18366. (7) JAMA Intern Med. 2014 Apr;174(4):588-595. (8) JAMA Intern Med. 2014;174(4):577-587. (9) BMJ. 2013;347:f6234. (10) Age Ageing. 1997 May;26(3):189-193. (11) Menopause. 2013;20(10):1012-1019. (12) Mater Sociomed. 2018 Mar; 30(1): 38–42. (13) Int J Yoga. 2012 Jul-Dec; 5(2): 146–150.

Dr. David Dunaief is a speaker, author and local lifestyle medicine physician focusing on the integration of medicine, nutrition, fitness and stress management. For further information, visit www.medicalcompassmd.com or consult your personal physician.

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This bar graph shows the various forms of violence victimization over a 24-hour period as reported in more than 12,000 mobile phone surveys of almost 500 adolescent boys. Credit: Rachel Kidman

By Daniel Dunaief

Rachel Kidman

Researchers have long connected exposure to violence, particularly at a younger age, to expressions of violence as people age.

In a recent study of boys between the ages of 15 and 19 years old published in the journal PLOS One, lead author Rachel Kidman, Core Faculty in the Program in Public Health and Associate Professor in the Department of Family, Population and Preventive Medicine in the Renaissance School of Medicine at Stony Brook University, however, has made a connection between various types of violence adolescent boys witnessed or were subjected to and violence within 24 hours towards intimate partners.

“Those boys who experience violence that day are much more likely to act out and engage in intimate partner violence against their girlfriend or boyfriend,” said Kidman. 

Adolescent boys are getting “trapped in a cycle” in which they experience and then perpetuate violence, Kidman said.

In parts of Africa, in particular, intimate partner violence could be particularly dangerous as the rate of HIV infection — the virus that causes AIDS — is higher.

This study, which was conducted with 498 adolescents living in Soweto, South Africa who responded to cell phone surveys from November of 2020 to June of 2022, expands the understanding of the development of abuse and violence.

Amy Hammock, Associate Professor in the School of Social Welfare at Stony Brook University, who has collaborated on research with Kidman but was not a part of this paper, lauded the work for its “strong design” which relies on surveys that measure violence within 24 hours. The surveys allow for “more accuracy in reporting” than a typical question about violence within the last year.

“Many of the boys in the sample experienced significant violence, both at the community level and the interpersonal level,” Hammock explained.

Previous evidence indicates that men who experienced or witnessed childhood trauma or domestic violence between their parents perpetrate intimate partner violence at higher rates.

“We don’t have a lot of evidence of what happens during the teenage years,” said Kidman. “This could be setting the course for relationships in the future.”

Adolescents could be responding to triggers and may not know how to cope with their own emotions, which leads to their own violent actions.

Working with boys

Public health programs typically focus on ways to protect people in relationships, often women, against violence, by encouraging them to take self-defense classes and to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship. Many of these approaches place the onus on the victim, which seems too narrow, Kidman said. As a next step, “we can work with boys, acknowledge the trauma.”

By exploring the link between physical, verbal and sexual violence perpetrated against adolescent boys, researchers are taking a first step towards developing methods that might help boys cope with their own emotions without lashing out at their partners.

“We need to learn more to design the right intervention,” Kidman explained.

Breaking the cycle

The real-time mobile phone surveys revealed a sharp increase in the odds of intimate partner violence (IPV) when teenage boys were victims of violence within 24 hours, particularly sexual violence. Credit: Rachel Kidman

Kidman chose to work with adolescents in this area of South Africa in part because she had forged connections with researchers in the area in previous studies and in part because of the high levels of HIV and violence for an underserved population.

She feels it’s important to understand the epidemics of violence in low and middle income countries.

“The area we work in has a history of apartheid and racial and economic segregation and a long history of violence and a high rate of HIV,” Kidman said.

To be sure, ideally, these adolescents wouldn’t experience any violence. Many of the adolescents who participated in this study experienced intimate partner violence directed against them as well, which could be initiated by a girlfriend or be used by a girlfriend in self defense.

“Some of this may be in the context of bi-directional violence in the relationship,” said Kidman.

Participants in this study could ask to speak with a counselor. Kidman appreciates the adolescents who shared personal and painful details their lives.

“These are not easy topics to talk about and they get a lot of credit for being so open,” she said. “This gives us insights into how we can help.”

Meaningful semester abroad

The direction Kidman’s research has taken springs from research she did during her undergraduate training at Swarthmore College, particularly during a semester abroad in Zimbabwe. She was interested in the social dimensions of HIV. During her master’s degree at the Harvard School of Public Health, she studied the survival and education of orphaned children.

As she conducted that research, Kidman considered the many adversities affecting children, including violence, child abuse, neglect, and living with someone who has substance abuse problems, among others. The current project is exploring how these experiences during childhood and adolescence, including child abuse, verbal violence and bullying, affect youth and their behavior towards intimate partners.

Indeed, when youth with HIV experience violence, they sometimes don’t take their medications, which increases the health risks to themselves and their partners.

Role models

Born and raised in Portland, Maine, Kidman received considerable support for her broader interests in the world from her parents Joan and Bruce Kidman.

“When I announced that I was going to Zimbabwe for the semester, they were absolutely on board,” said Kidman.

Indeed, both of her parents, who met in college, worked together for the Peace Corps in Micronesia after they graduated. When she was in college, Kidman was eager to learn about a different culture.

Kidman and her husband Sean Clouston, Professor in the Department of Family, Population and Preventive Medicine in the Renaissance School of Medicine at SBU, live in Stony Brook with their 10 and 12-year old children Riley and Quinn.

As for her work, Kidman suggested numerous questions remain. She urged further studies that could assist with preventing violence and supporting those people who can be victims and perpetrators.

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Fischetti site excavations during the summer of 1981. Three Village Historical Society photo

By Beverly C. Tyler

For over 8,000 years, indigenous people, Long Island’s original settlers, have lived here. Today Native Americans still live in Brookhaven, where their ancestors settled in coastal villages.

Setalcott Indigenous People village, Vance Locke mural at the Setauket School.
Courtesy of TVHS

According to what we know today, the first settlers reached North America at least 13,200 years ago, possibly coming across the land bridge from Asia to Alaska; these Asiatic people were the first humans on the continent. However, there are now a few other sites in North and South America, including one near Pittsburgh, PA that indicate that humans were here earlier. 

Some of the earliest North Americans are called Clovis people. Clovis refers to the Clovis Point that was used as a spear point to hunt and kill the elephant-like Mammoths and Mastodons that populated North America at that time. The Clovis point is unique to North America. It, apparently, was not developed until humans crossed into North America. During a 300 year period Clovis people spread all over North America, including Long Island, and hunted the Mastodon and Mammoth to extinction. The Clovis culture existed from about 13,200 to 12,900 BP (Before Present), coming to an end at the same time that the last Mammoth disappeared from North America. A number of Clovis points have been found on Long Island.

There are three recognized periods of Native American culture. The earliest is Paleo-lndian culture. Paleo means “of ancient origin” (Webster’s New International Dictionary). This period extends from about 12,500 to 8,000 BP. The second period is called  Archaic culture. This is the hunting & gathering period which extends from about 8,000 to 3,000 BP. The third period is called Woodland Culture, the period when Native Americans first practiced agriculture and provided the first indication of the use of clay pottery.This period extends from about 3,000 to 1,000 BP.

The period that ended the isolation of Long Island Indians is called Late Woodland culture. This second part of the Woodland period extends from about 1,000 to the calendar year 1600. Native Americans reached their highest level of art and culture during this period, which also includes the first contact with European explorers, hunters, trappers and settlers.

First residents

We don’t know all the details about life on Long Island before the Europeans came because the people living here did not leave us a written or photographic record of their lives.

Fischetti site artifact – clay pot sherd. Three Village Historical Society collection/photo

Archaeological excavations have given us most of the details of how people lived in this area as early as 5,000 years ago. One of the most famous sites in New York State was a shell midden, along Aunt Amy’s Creek, named The Stony Brook Site, excavated by State Archaeologist William Richie, in 1955. From archaeological digs by Richie and others, we know that between 5,000 to 3,000 years ago, the native people were hunters and gatherers, dependent upon hunting local animals and gathering plants, stones and clay for food, shelter, tools, clothes and medicines.

The Fischetti Site is a prehistoric Native American site that was discovered during a cultural resource investigation (evaluating the building sites to see what, if anything, is there that might be of cultural/historical significance) of a proposed residential development in November of 1980. Salvage excavations (a more intensive archaeological dig because of the press of time) continued through October of 1981.

Artifacts from the Fischetti site in Setauket, along West Meadow Creek, are from what appears to have been a site for manufacturing stone tools and spear points. 

Fischetti site artifact – stone tool. Three Village Historical Society collection/photo

The site was probably selected by the Native Americans due to the availability of drinking water and food and shelter from the elements. It was occupied by Algonquin Indians about (circa) 3300-1000 B.P. We know the Algonquian used this location then because of the type of arrow and spear points and blades recovered. The major activity here, on the edge of Stony Brook creek, was making stone tools. We know this by the large quantities of stone flakes and roughed-out stones. Although native Long Island quartz was utilized, some flints (darker, almost black in color) from upper New York State and Connecticut were recovered, indicating some trading with other native groups.

The almost total absence of food remains at the site shows that this was not the location of a village. However, a village site–The Stony Brook site–existed approximately 700 meters (765 yards) to the south, along what is now known as Aunt Amy’s Creek, during the same time period.

This stone tool manufacturing site (Fischetti Site) was an area separated from the village, since the making of stone implements involved the hazardous work of chipping stone, resulting in flakes of sharp stone pieces flying all over the area. This area was still in use by Woodland Native Americans (circa 3000 B.P . To 1600) as pieces of clay pottery appear in the upper layers of the site. (From a report by Edward J. Johannemann and Laurie S. Billadello-Long Island Archaeological Project)

The artifacts taken from the Fischetti Site are part of the collection of the Three Village Historical Society. Artifacts from the Richie Site are a part of the collection of the New York State Museum.

Fischetti site artifacts – projectile point. Three Village Historical Society collection/photo

For thousands of years the Indians used natural resources, wood, stone and animals, to make their housing, tools and clothing. About 3,000 years ago, their way of life changed with the introduction of three things: pottery, the bow and arrow and horticulture. Like the earlier American Indians, the Woodland Indians continued to rely on natural resources.

Vance Locke pictures a Setalcott village along the shoreline of Setauket in what archaeologists call the Late Woodland Period from about 1,000 years ago to about the year 1600. 

There is a hunter, a woman making wampum and women grinding corn. Men are smoking fish and spearing fish from a trap. There are many other details in this scene that can be observed. The Setalcotts relied on the use of local trees and plants in their daily lives. Many of the native trees and plants can be found along the nature trails in the Frank Melville Memorial Park and Sanctuary in Setauket. Many are listed in the book Native and Near Native by Albert Hostek.

It is important for me (personally) to say, “I wish to acknowledge that I am sitting on the land of the Setalcott Indigenous people in Setauket and I pay respect to the Setalcott people whose land is where I live.” 

Beverly C. Tyler is Three Village Historical Society historian and author of books available from the Three Village Historical Society, 93 North Country Rd., Setauket, NY 11733. Tel: 631-751-3730. WWW.TVHS.org 

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METRO photo

By Shannon L. Malone, Esq.

Shannon L. Malone Esq.

If you’re thinking of buying or selling a home anytime soon, it’s time to take note: the real estate rulebook has been revised. As usual, any revision results in additional conferring and completion.

In a landmark settlement finalized late last year, the National Association of Realtors (NAR) agreed to pay a whopping $418 million to settle claims that it helped keep real estate commissions artificially high. The changes that came out of that lawsuit aren’t just for the courtroom—they’re now working their way into everyday real estate deals, including right here in New York.

Even though NAR is a national organization, the New York State Association of Realtors (NYSAR) has agreed to follow suit. That means both buyers and sellers on Long Island will notice some new rules—and possibly new costs—when they enter the housing market.

So what’s changing?

Let’s start with the basics. Traditionally, the seller paid both their own agent’s commission and the buyer’s agent’s fee, typically 4% of the sale price in Suffolk and Nassau Counties. Those fees were typically split between the agents and baked into the transaction. Notwithstanding the rule change, this continues to be the practice—for now—although under the new rules, that structure is expected to shift.

Most notably, the buyer’s agent’s commission can no longer be advertised in the Multiple Listing Service (MLS)—the go-to database for real estate listings. That alone could shake up how properties are marketed and sold.

Buyers also face a brand-new requirement: before they can even tour a home with an agent, they’ll need to sign a formal written agreement. This agreement must clearly set out what the agent will be paid, how the fee is calculated (flat rate, hourly, or percentage), and—critically—that the terms are negotiable.

No more handshakes and “we’ll figure it out later.” These are binding contracts now.

The key takeaway? Call your attorney first

And here’s the part that cannot be overstated: before you sign anything with a broker—even just to start looking—consult a real estate attorney. These agreements are legal documents, and buyers are now expected to enter into them at the earliest stages of the home-buying process, often before they’ve even settled on a budget or location.

The language in these contracts can be complex, and the financial implications are significant. An attorney can help you understand the terms, negotiate provisions that may be unfavorable, and ensure you’re not committing to obligations you don’t fully grasp.

Why all the fuss?

The aim here is transparency—and fairness. One major concern raised in the lawsuits was the practice of “steering,” where some agents allegedly guided clients toward listings that offered higher commissions, rather than those best suited to the buyer. The new rules are designed to bring those incentives into the open.

A changing landscape—and the need for legal guidance early

If all this sounds a little confusing, you’re not alone. Many prospective buyers and sellers are just now learning about these changes. But the consequences of signing a contract prematurely or without fully understanding it can follow you throughout the transaction.

That’s why having an attorney in your corner from the outset—someone who is not working on commission and who is bound by law to act in your best interest—is more important than ever.

So whether you’re a first-time buyer or preparing to list a home you’ve lived in for decades, slow down, ask questions, and get the right professionals involved before you sign anything. Because in real estate, success isn’t just about finding the right house—it’s about making the right deal.

Shannon L. Malone, Esq. is an Associate Attorney at Glynn Mercep Purcell and Morrison LLP in Setauket. She graduated from Touro Law, where she wrote and served as an editor of the Touro Law Review. Ms. Malone is a proud Stony Brook University alumna.

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From left, organizer Daniel McKiernan, Janet Brennan, organizer Joel Posner and Adrienne McKiernan at the 2nd Annual Polar Plunge. The event raised $14,500 for Hope House this year. Photo courtesy of Hope House

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

On March 15, I was honored to participate in the dedication of a roadway in front of the Port Jefferson Village Center on East Broadway to honor former Mayor Robert Strong.

Mayor Strong was an extraordinary public servant who loved the village of Port Jefferson and its’ people. He was a loving husband and father for more than 30 years and was a social studies educator in a school district on the South Shore.

As an educator he was outstanding; he always related social studies to public service, encouraging his students to be young men and women of integrity and service. I saw this first hand, as I spoke in his school district a number of times.

On the same day the Village of Port Jefferson dedicated a roadway to honor Mayor Strong, about 1000 feet away more than 100 people took part in the 2nd Annual Polar Plunge at Harborfront Park benefiting Hope House Ministries.

The significance of this annual event is not the money they raised and the fact that over 100 people came out to support this event; the real story is about the two young men who founded the Polar Plunge to support Hope House Ministries.

One man is a nurse working in a local hospital. The other young man is a professional entrepreneur who lives out East. These two young men became friends as teenagers while living at Hope House on Main Street in Port Jefferson Village.

A few years ago, they met after not seeing each other for more than 15 years. They started talking about the brotherhood they found living at Hope House and now they wanted to give back, That communication gave birth to the first polar plunge.

Their dedication, hard work and creativity with this event was inspirational to so many who gathered to support them. They drew on other alumni and friends they have made along the way who are now professional adults. These human connections made this event so successful and powerful.

As a nation, we continue to be so polarized. The disrespectful rhetoric and behavior on the part of so many in leadership is unconscionable. So, in the midst of all of our national chaos, it is refreshing to see hope in our midst. 

These young men and so many others that they lived with have changed and transformed their lives despite the many obstacles before them. Today they are contributing members to the various communities they live in around the country. I am so proud of the men they have become and the things that they are doing for others.

They have strengthened my hope that we can do better, one person at a time.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Heidi Sutton

What better way to hop into the spring season than with these adorable bunny butt cupcakes? These Easter bunny cupcakes have a bright, lemony white cake base with a marshmallow and white chocolate bunny diving into homemade buttercream “grass” frosting. Not only does this spring dessert make a delightful addition to your festive Easter spread, it’s also the perfect way to get the kids involved with seasonal activities.

Bunny Butt Cupcakes

Recipe courtesy of Amanda Rettke

Bunny Butt Cupcakes

YIELD: Makes 24 servings

INGREDIENTS:  

1 (2 layer size) white cake mix or your favorite cupcake recipe

1 tablespoon Pure Lemon Extract divided

1 tablespoon Pure Vanilla Extract

3/4 cup white chocolate chips

2 sticks butter softened

16 ounces confectioners’ sugar

2 tablespoons milk

10 drops Green Food Color

1-2 drops Red Food Color

12 large marshmallows halved crosswise

3 tablespoons white nonpareil sprinkles

DIRECTIONS:

Prepare cake mix as directed on package, adding 1 tablespoon lemon extract and vanilla. Spoon 3 tablespoons batter into 24 paper-lined muffin cups. Bake as directed on package for cupcakes. Cool cupcakes on wire rack.

To make bunny feet: In medium, microwave-safe bowl, microwave white chocolate chips on high 30 seconds. Stir until completely melted and smooth. Spoon into pastry bag or re-sealable plastic bag. Snip small corner from bag. Pipe 24 pairs of bunny feet onto parchment or wax paper-lined cookie sheet. Use toothpick to smooth out bumps or rough edges, and gently tap cookie sheet on counter to help settle. Allow to harden 2 minutes in freezer or 15 minutes in refrigerator.

To make frosting: In large bowl, beat butter and remaining lemon extract until light and fluffy. Gradually add confectioners’ sugar, beating well after each addition and scraping sides and bottom of bowl frequently. Add milk; beat until light and fluffy. Remove half the frosting and place in medium bowl. Add green food color; mix until evenly blended. Spoon into pastry bag fitted with grass decorating tip. Set aside. Remove half the remaining frosting into small bowl. 

Add red food color; mix until light pink. Spoon into another pastry bag.Using pink frosting, pipe three toes and padding on each bunny foot. Once frosting has set (about 1 hour) gently press down on pink frosting to create smoother look.

To assemble cupcakes: Pipe green frosting onto each cupcake in series of short motions to create individual grass spots. Cover top of each cupcake completely.

To make bunny butts: Place cut sides of marshmallow halves onto each frosted cupcake, leaving room for bunny feet. Shape remaining white frosting into dime-sized balls then roll with white sprinkles to cover. Pipe small drop of remaining pink or white frosting onto top of each marshmallow. Press bunny tail on top. Place both bunny feet against base of marshmallow with toes facing down.

Decorating tip: If you don’t have a grass tip, simply spread a thick layer of green frosting over the top of the cupcake. Then, using a fork, fluff frosting with an upward motion to create grassy texture.

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By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief,
Publisher

While a little bit of stress in one’s life can be a good thing, enabling high performance, for the most part, stress is a negative I try to reduce for myself as I get older. It took me many years before I even realized what stress was. It didn’t occur to me to think I was stressed the night before a big test or having to give a talk at the front of the class in junior high school. I just knew I first had to spend a long time in the bathroom. 

No one I knew then, teachers, students, or my parents, even used the word “stress.” Today it is frequently discussed, along with how to manage it. Schools of techniques have been developed concerning stress management, such as meditation, deep breathing, and yoga.

What exactly is stress?

Stress is defined by the World Health Organization as “a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. Stress is a natural human response that prompts us to address challenges and threats in our lives. Everyone experiences stress to some degree. The way we respond to stress, however, makes a big difference to our overall well being.”

Here is what I have found to be stressors in my life and what I have done to mitigate them.

One of the most obvious and perhaps the simplest to reduce is time pressure. Being late in my early years—for an appointment or with a delivery of a product or service —might have set me up, I am sure, for a possible ulcer later in life. While sometimes being late cannot be helped, we are lucky enough to live in an age where we can reach out and tell the person who is waiting for us that we are running behind, and when they can expect to see us. That takes away a great deal of stress. Three cheers for cell phones.

I used to be chronically late until I realized what a disservice that was for the person I was meeting, and also to myself, by adding so much pressure to what should be a matter of fact occurrence. Now, I take pleasure in being early, creating a situation in which I can settle in comfortably, study the menu if it is a restaurant, or get rid of some of my emails while I wait. 

Also, I hate to disappoint. As a result, I have learned not to promise or commit until I am absolutely sure I can deliver on my word. And if there is a delay in getting a job done, the sooner I tell the recipient of difficulties, the easier it is to deal positively with expectations.

That goes for declarations. For example, if I insist I will never do such-and-such, and then I wind up having to break my word, it pains everyone. Better just to do without, again, setting up false expectations. 

Then there are the situations where, if I cannot change what is happening, I can change the way I think about the event. 

Example: having a driver abruptly cut me off as I m driving. That could be a stressful moment, but I prefer to consider that the driver might be in some dire need to get somewhere. 

Or, if someone begins to yell at me for some perceived slight, or something we have written in the newspaper, I have to think that person might be having problems at home or some health issue. Which is not to say, I don’t sweep my conscience to determine if I am to blame. Sometimes I am at fault, although I would like to think of myself as Mary Poppins, “practically perfect in every way.” 

Kidding! 

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By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Even for a family that often lives in fifth gear, this weekend is especially frenetic.

First, on Saturday, we’re going to the wedding for a member of my wife’s extended family. We’ve been looking forward to this for more than a year.

Over 25 years ago, the bride attended our wedding in a white dress that, thanks to my mother in law, matched the one my wife wore. It’s so easy to recall her doe-eyed face when she and her younger brother set a speed record as they raced down the aisle.

We had asked the children on both sides to participate, which they did to the delight of our friends and family.

I’m sure memories of the bride and groom will play through many people’s minds during the wedding. As I sit with my wife, son and daughter, I will likely picture the four-year-old version of the bride, whom I used to throw as high and far as I could from the shallow end into the deep end in my father-in-law’s warm pool.

I’ll hold hands with my wife as we share in the excitement of this ceremony, which marks the beginning of their married life and is an extension of a high school friendship that has turned into something much deeper.

After the ceremony, we will reconnect with extended family, finding out recent details of their lives. We will hug and kiss the amazing grandmother, who has provided unconditional family support since the moment I met her close to 30 years ago.

Our niece will also be a major attraction, as she is the seven-months pregnant matron of honor and is the first member of the next generation on either side of our family who is expecting a child.

And then, ahhh, the dancing! My family will be on the dance floor as long as possible, throwing ourselves around as if we were in some kind of Zumba, aerobics, bodies-in-motion session. 

My shirt will become a much darker color as I sweat through it, and our daughter will somehow know the words to just about every song the band plays.

As the party winds towards its conclusion, we will continue moving and cheering, looking to squeeze every last drop out of this wedding.

The next day, we’ll amble out to a Sunday breakfast and recount some of the excitement from the night before.

But, wait, then there’s part two. We’ll head over to CitiField, where we’ll see my side of the family for a Mets game and, more importantly, celebrate a momentous birthday for our nephew.

We’ll share the excitement of this big birthday as we all become die hard Mets fans for the day, even as we also may share a few memories.

Indeed, when the birthday boy’s brother was born, my girlfriend (now my wife) and I drove to Baltimore. She left earlier than I. My then three-year-old nephew joined us as I walked her to her car.

“Bye, love you,” I said to my wife, kissing her through the rolled down window.

“Bye, love you,” our nephew echoed, standing on his tip toes as he offered an irresistible grin.

We’ll likely compare baseball stories and anecdotes about my nephew who has been married for over a year.

I may even tell the story about a memorable phone call.

His father, who wasn’t a morning person, called me early one Sunday. He asked me about my weekend and my plans for the week. Stupidly, I answered all his questions without thinking of the context for his life.

“Great,” he said, sounding both tired and excited. “Well, guess what?”

I shrugged while he paused either for effect or to take a quick rest.

“You’re an uncle,” he declared.

I jumped out of bed and couldn’t possibly get dressed quickly enough to meet someone I’m as eager to see today and any other day as the day he was born.

While we might wistfully recount such stories, we will also have the incredible gift of family time.Amid all the other times that come and go, we will have a full weekend where we won’t focus on whatever worries us about the world. We will share the joy of staying present, reveling in these magical moments that matter.

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Sugar

ADOPT SUGAR!

She’s Sugar, spice and everything nice! Sugar is a delightfully sweet, and petite, chocolate-colored Min-Pin (Miniature Pinscher and Boston Terrier) Mix up for adoption at the Smithtown Animal Shelter.

This six-year-old girl’s journey began under some very unfortunate circumstances, originally rescued by the Shelter from a terrible breeding situation where she was used, neglected, and discarded. After medical care for being malnourished and dehydrated, this tiny survivor was later adopted… only to be returned to the shelter two years later due to her fears when it comes to meeting new people. This little survivor has been let down far too many times… but we know the right family is out there to give her the love she truly deserves.

Because of her difficult past, Sugar can be a little shy when meeting new people — but with patience, kindness, and a few treats, you’ll quickly earn her trust and see her wonderful personality shine. Sugar is smart, energetic, and eager to please. She loves to learn and will thrive in a quiet, compassionate home where she can finally feel safe, loved, and part of the family. If you’re ready to show Sugar that not all humans disappoint, she’s ready to fill your life with joy, loyalty, and unconditional love.

Sugar can become protective of her people, however she will listen when corrected. Sugar would be best suited in a quiet home with no other pets or children. Let’s get her story out to the world far and wide… if you’re not the right person for Sugar, you can still help by sharing her story on Social Media and with friends, neighbors and family.

If you are interested in meeting Sugar please fill out an application and schedule a date/time to properly interact in a domestic setting, which includes a Meet and Greet Room, the dog runs, and a Dog Walk trail.

The Town of Smithtown Animal & Adoption Shelter is located at 410 Middle Country Road, Smithtown. Visitor hours are Monday to Saturday from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. (Sundays and Wednesday evenings by appointment only). For more information, call 631-360-7575 or visit www.townofsmithtownanimalshelter.com.

For more information regarding more rescue animals available for adoption visit:. TownofSmithtownAnimalShelter.com 
URGENT – Foster Opportunity:
If you have no other pets or young children at home, and are looking for a way to serve your community, please consider signing up to be a foster. Foster parents provide temporary care for cats, kittens, and dogs in their own homes. Some animals need as little as two weeks of care, while others may need care for extended periods of time.
Download the Foster Application at:

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Suffolk County residents can call 311 to report an antisemitic incident. File photo from Steve Bellone’s Flickr page

The Three Village Central School District was the subject of much conjecture and anxious speculation last week after Superintendent Kevin Scanlon released a letter addressing incidents of antisemitism and hate speech at their schools. 

Addressing the problem means admitting there is one: something many would be hesitant to do; Scanlon and other administrators took a bold step, opening themselves up to criticism, in making a move towards change. 

In the letter, Scanlon states that current initiatives aren’t enough to abate hate speech and that more needs to be done to educate both students and employees. “It is evident that the numerous resources, programs and educational opportunities that the district currently provides are not enough,” the letter reads. 

The letter is upsetting as students are still being excluded, bullied or harassed in a place they should feel completely at ease and comfortable and where their identity doesn’t cause conflict or discomfort. 

It is comforting to know the district is tackling these problems aggressively and in spite of potentially opening itself up to “bad publicity.” The Anti-Defamation League records a 200% increase of antisemetic acts from 2023 to 2024—over 10,000 in one year.

Bullying is ubiquitous–a weed within every school– but education and thoughtful programing and training, initiatives Scanlon is suggesting, may be able to help. The rising antisemitism, however, is not normal. A 200% increase is completely unacceptable. In schools, it is possible that these children don’t know what they are saying is hurtful–maybe they are trying to be irreverent and rebellious. Hopefully, the Three Village School District is on track to eradicate hate from its schools–to educate and change the narrative around other religions and to promote curiosity and acceptance rather than blind rejection and alienation. After all, hatred often comes from ignorance and a lack of empathy. It’s hard to hate or bully someone you know, understand and respect. 

Rabbi Aaron Benson from the North Shore Jewish Center in Port Jefferson Station said he tries not to dwell on these acts of antisemitism. “I want the experience of the members of the congregation to be about the positive and joyful and meaningful aspects of Judaism,” Benson said, “and not about the people who say negative and cruel things.”

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