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New Dean of Stony Brook’s College of Engineering and Applied Sciences appointed

by Press Release - February 21, 2023

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Following a competitive national search, Andrew Singer, PhD has been appointed Dean of the College of Engineering and Applied Sciences (CEAS) at Stony Brook University, effective July 3, 2023. Singer will come to Stony Brook from The Grainger College of Engineering at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. While there, he has held a number of administrative and service positions, with activities focused on innovation and entrepreneurship, capital building projects, new degree development, and diversity, equity and inclusion programs.

“Stony Brook’s College of Engineering and Applied Sciences has quickly become one of the most exciting drivers of innovation and entrepreneurship across the state. Andy’s compelling leadership experiences and vision are a perfect combination to accelerate the trajectory of growth and excellence of CEAS,” said Stony Brook University President Maurie McInnis.

“Andy’s experience is an ideal match for CEAS at Stony Brook. Throughout our search process, he demonstrated a deep understanding of the opportunities and needs for CEAS to grow as a nationally renowned hub of excellence and innovation,” said Carl Lejuez, provost and executive vice president for academic affairs. “I look forward to partnering with him and our extremely talented faculty, staff, students, and alumni of the college to implement his vision.”

Currently, Singer serves as Associate Dean for Innovation and Entrepreneurship and professor of Electrical and Computer Engineering in The Grainger College of Engineering at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. In this role, he oversees activities of the college’s Office of Innovation and Entrepreneurship, including the Technology Entrepreneur Center, Innovation Living Learning Center, and the cross-disciplinary Innovation, Leadership, and Engineering Entrepreneurship (ILEE) degree program. He also advises the dean on matters related to innovation, translational research, and entrepreneurship. Illinois’ Grainger College of Engineering enrolls more than 16,500 students, with more than 600 faculty members, and 40 degree programs ranked in the top 10.

Singer has led large-scale administrative and research efforts, including serving as Co-PI and associate director for the Systems on Nanoscale Information Fabrics, a $35 million research center across 10 universities and 10 sponsors. He also played a leadership role in securing a $50 million gift for the Siebel Center for Design at Illinois, and oversaw the development and construction of the center as chair of a campus faculty committee. He has worked extensively to broaden participation across Illinois’ innovation ecosystem, including development of the Advancing Women And under-Represented Entrepreneurs (AWARE) program, which helps launch Small Business Innovation Research (SBIR) teams led by women and researchers underrepresented in the university’s ecosystem.

He is an internationally recognized scholar in the field of statistical signal processing and communication systems, having won numerous awards for his research and is a fellow of the Institute for Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE). An accomplished entrepreneur, he co-founded two companies in the areas of optical communications and underwater acoustic communication systems, and he has served frequently as a consultant and expert witness for the communications, audio, and sensing industries. Singer holds the Fox Family Professorship, one of only 18 university and campus-wide endowed positions on the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign campus.

“I’m excited by the opportunity to serve as Dean and to lead in the expansion of the educational, research, and innovation activities of another great institution and flagship university. This is a momentous time in history, with the state of New York and the nation investing deeply in our future,” Singer said. “As a leader in social mobility, Stony Brook University has had a tremendous impact on the lives of the students and the economy in the region and will continue to lead in developing the diverse and inclusive engineering teams and leaders needed for this next exciting chapter of American engineering innovation.”

Singer earned a bachelor’s, master’s and doctorate in electrical engineering and computer science from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT).

Singer will succeed Jon Longtin, PhD, who has been serving as interim dean since June 2021. Longtin has led several endeavors for the college, including launching a new graduate program in Data Science, increasing overall research expenditures and research expenditures per faculty in CEAS by 40%, partnering to secure funding for a $100 million multi-disciplinary engineering building, and leading CEAS’s contributions to Stony Brook’s bid for the Governors Island Center for Climate Solutions.

Suffolk County restores main website

by Rita J. Egan - February 21, 2023

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Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone (D) and county officials announced Friday, Feb. 17, that Suffolk has made progress restoring cybersecurity.

Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone, County Clerk Vincent Puleo and Chief Deputy County Executive Lisa Black were on hand Feb. 17 to announce the county’s progress in restoring cybersecurity. Suffolk County photo

The announcement comes after county websites, servers and networks have been offline since September last year — the results of cyberattacks that first struck at the end of 2021. The county’s main website was restored online Friday, with more services coming online this week.

Bellone thanked everyone involved, including county IT professionals and County Clerk Vincent Puleo (R), who entered office earlier this year.

“His leadership and his partnership in the brief time that he’s been on the job has allowed us to make incredible progress, and he’s responsible for the announcement that we have today,” Bellone said.

The county executive reviewed key findings from a forensic investigation of the cyberattack that began in the County Clerk’s Office in December of 2021. According to Bellone, hackers were able to enter the clerk office’s system, and for eight months were able to operate before securing additional credentials to migrate into the general county system.

Bellone added that an IT director in the clerk’s office had been placed on administrative leave after, the county executive said, the director obstructed efforts, resulting in countless delays to restore security.

Bellone said every county office was deemed clean by Oct. 17, except for the County Clerk’s Office, and the expense of the security breach has been “extremely costly to taxpayers of this county.”

Despite hackers demanding $2.5 million from the county, Suffolk refused to pay the ransom.

Bellone said the county had replaced the County Clerk Office’s firewall with the most updated protection.

“The clerk’s office has been deemed clean, and we are able to start to restore online services beginning with the county website,” he said.

The county executive said he knows now the segregated IT environment within the various county offices was a mistake. He added it was fair to criticize him.

“I should have more quickly implemented the recommendations in the 2019 cybersecurity assessment, which I commissioned, to hire an additional executive level leader focused on cybersecurity,” Bellone said.

Puleo said the county’s IT department’s dedication has been unwavering during the process.

“Going forward, we will do everything we can in the clerk’s office to cooperate and get things where they belong and keep the protection so that the whole county IT is protected from future attacks,” the county clerk said.

Greek eclipses 1000, leads Ward Melville over Centereach in Suffolk quarterfinal

by Bill Landon - February 20, 2023

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Ward Melville senior point guard Julia Greek made history during the Suffolk Class AA quarterfinal playoff game between Ward Melville and Centereach, scoring her 1,000th career point before her home crowd on Saturday, Feb. 18.

The game’s outcome was a toss-up as both teams deadlocked at 45-45 with 1:49 left in regulation. But the Patriots were successful in containing the Cougars’ last-minute surge.

Ahead by three points in the final 30 seconds, Centereach had no choice but to foul Greek to stop the clock. The senior made the Cougars pay at the charity stripe, securing a 54-46 victory and leading her team to the semifinal round.

Greek again led the way in scoring for the Patriots with four field goals, two triples and eight free throws for 22 points on the day. Grace Balocca added 15, and Catie Edson netted eight.

Centereach freshman Hayley Torres topped the scoring chart for the Cougars with 19 points. Sophomore Meaghan Grieco netted 15, and senior Alexandra Madrigal added six. Centereach concluded its 2022-23 campaign with a respectable 12-8 record.

The third-seeded Patriots will face second-seeded Walt Whitman on Wednesday, Feb. 22, at Longwood High School. Gametime is set for noon. Tickets for the game can be purchased at gofan.co/app/school/NYSPHSAAXI.

— Photos by Bill Landon

Suffolk DA’s office welcomes emotional support dog

by Raymond Janis - February 18, 2023

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Tillman III, the newest member of the Suffolk County District Attorney's Office. Photo by Raymond Janis

The Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office welcomed its newest hire, an emotional support canine named Tillman III, on Tuesday, Feb. 14, at the William J. Lindsay County Complex in Hauppauge.

Tillman with Suffolk County District Attorney Ray Tierney. Photo by Raymond Janis

Tillman is a 2-year-old Lab/golden retriever mix, bred and trained as a facility dog by Medford-based Canine Companions. Assistant District Attorney Melissa Grier, of the Child Abuse and Domestic Violence Bureau, paired with Tillman, who will assist her as well as victims, witnesses and officers during traumatic events.

“This is a tough system for victims, especially child victims,” District Attorney Ray Tierney (R) said. Tillman is “very comforting, and it’s just a good opportunity to help the kids with a very recognizable and lovable thing in a very unrecognizable and tough situation.”

Together, Tierney and Tillman strolled through the various rooms and hallways throughout the office building, the staff greeting their newest colleague with delight.

Kevin LaValle sworn in as Brookhaven town clerk

by Press Release - February 17, 2023

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Kevin LaValle Swearing In 1 — Brookhaven Deputy Town Clerk Lauren Thoden (left) swore Town Clerk Kevin LaValle into office on Wednesday, Feb. 1. Photo courtesy the Town of Brookhaven’s Public Information Office

Brookhaven Town Clerk Kevin LaValle (R) formally took office during a swearing-in ceremony on Wednesday, Feb. 1. He is the 44th occupant of the clerk’s office in the town’s 368-year history.

Deputy Town Clerk Lauren Thoden officiated the swearing-in. LaValle was elected after a Jan. 17 special election triggered when former Town Clerk Donna Lent (I) retired after nine years in the position.

LaValle previously served as a Brookhaven town councilman for the 3rd Council District, which includes Lake Grove, Centereach, Selden and parts of Lake Ronkonkoma, Farmingville, Port Jeff Station and Holbrook. He was first elected to the Town Board in 2013.

Before entering elected office, LaValle served for three years as chief of staff for then-Suffolk County Legislator and incumbent Brookhaven Highway Superintendent Dan Losquadro (R).

From 2007 to 2011, he was president and part-owner of Pinnacle Title Agency. He also served as a legislative aide to former Suffolk County Legislator Tom Muratore (R-Ronkonkoma).

LaValle was educated in the Middle Country Central School District, graduating from Centereach High School in 1995. He received a Bachelor of Arts degree in political science from Salisbury University, where he graduated in 2000. He currently resides in Selden.

Building confident LGBT families one storybook at a time on Long Island

by Julianne Mosher - February 17, 2023

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Bella Noche, above, reads children’s books to children and families during the LGBT Network Families Day event on Feb. 12. Below, attendees. Photo by Julianne Mosher

By Julianne Mosher

Bella Noche, a New York City and Long Island-based drag queen, walked up to the stage inside the LGBT Network at Hauppauge in her 4-inch stiletto heels carrying a stack of children’s books. She sat in her chair, while dozens of kids and their families watched in awe as a real-life mermaid read to them “The GayBCs.”

Enamored by the queen — dressed in glitter, a purple wig and starfish accessories — the kids didn’t realize that Bella was in drag.

“The only question I usually get from them is, ‘Is your hair real?’” she said with a laugh.

Bella is the Long Island chapter president of Drag Story Hour – a worldwide nonprofit that introduces storytellers using the art of drag to read books to children in libraries, schools and bookstores.

According to Drag Story Hour’s mission statement, the organization “captures the imagination and play of the gender fluidity of childhood and gives kids glamorous, positive and unabashedly queer role models. In spaces like this, kids are able to see people who defy rigid gender restrictions and imagine a world where everyone can be their authentic selves.”

Founded in San Francisco in 2015, Drag Story Hour has made its way internationally, having chapters across the U.S., as well as in the U.K., Japan, Germany, Sweden and Denmark.

The self-proclaimed “mermaid of New York” said that traveling from Manhattan to eastern Long Island to read to kids is a great experience. Not only does it entertain, but it teaches kids about diversity and shows them they can be creative, too.

“We inspire creativity, we inspire uniqueness, we inspire kids to think outside the box,” she said. “At its core, it’s a pure organization — we can look at things differently, but just adding that different perspective is really important to instill in kids, especially today.”

But while the turnout is usually positive, Bella said she has hosted several story hours that caused large and hate-filled protests — some in Nassau County and some in Manhattan.

In December, while hosting a Drag Story Hour in Jackson Heights, Queens, members of the far-right group Proud Boys drew attention with their signs and Proud Boys-emblemed flags lining the sidewalk.

According to The Armed Conflict Location & Event Data Project, protest visits from Proud Boys had averaged just one or two anti-LGBTQ protests per month for most of 2022. It picked up speed by the end of the year, with 13 anti-LGBTQ protests in December, more than in any other month last year.

“It’s interesting that since last summer there’s just been a lot of hate from these people,” Bella said. “It’s mostly from them not understanding why we’re doing what we’re doing, spreading rumors and creating vicious lies.”

But Drag Story Hour has been criticized locally since before she became involved with the Long Island chapter of the group. In September 2018, people protested the Port Jefferson Free Library for hosting a drag queen who reads. At the time, the library promoted the event on its online calendar as “a program that raises awareness of gender diversity, promotes self-acceptance and builds empathy through an enjoyable literary experience.” At the event, several protesters stood outside the library holding signs and verbalizing their opposition to exposing children to the message promoted by the event.

“It’s insane to think about, but [the protesters] are here and they’re causing calamity,” Bella said. “But the other thing is that there has been such an amazing turn of support from that. So, I try to find the silver linings, and the support that we’ve gotten not just from our own community, but from other families and educators has been amazing.”

LGBT Families Day

Attendees leave reasons why the family day is so important to them. Photo by Julianne Mosher

Bella Noche’s Drag Story Hour was one part of the Hauppauge-based LGBT Network Families Day event on Sunday, Feb. 12.

There, hundreds of LGBTQ families were able to meet, mingle and enjoy a fun weekend in a safe, accepting space.

Robert Vitelli, LGBT Network’s COO, said this event was the nonprofit’s third year hosting, and it keeps getting bigger and better.

“Families Day is all about celebrating families and all the different ways that LGBT people start and grow their families,” he said. “It’s a chance for LGBT people to come together and feel free.’

Vitelli said that even in 2023, LGBTQ families still face a lot of stigma, discrimination and harassment. But events like this can “allow them to take a breath of fresh air and connect with other families like their own.”

Tables with information for families looking to adopt, foster and seek legal advice were available for the grown-ups, while their kids got to enjoy an indoor bounce house, cotton candy, a s’mores station and games.

“We have been working hand in hand and organizing with families to create safer spaces — safer schools, safer and more inclusive libraries, and safer and more inclusive communities,” Vitelli said. “When people really want to come together and build community, here at the LGBT network, that’s what we’re all about, and it’s our pleasure to be able to bring an event like this to everyone here.”

Brookhaven receives $380K in federal infrastructure stimulus

by Raymond Janis - February 16, 2023

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IMG_8275 copy — U.S. Congressman Nick LaLota, at podium. Photo by Raymond Janis

Public officials and first responders gathered Wednesday, Feb. 15, at the Terryville Fire Department Station 2 in Port Jefferson Station, announcing the recent injection of federal funding to support roadway safety in the Town of Brookhaven.

The U.S. Department of Transportation Safe Streets and Roads for All grant program was established by the 2021 Bipartisan Infrastructure Law. Under this law, $5 billion will be spent over the next five years to limit roadway deaths and serious injuries.

U.S. Congressman Nick LaLota (R-NY1) announced that the Town of Brookhaven was awarded $380,000 through the grant program.

“The average homeowner here on Long Island pays $14- or $15,000 in [property] taxes,” he said. “What people expect in return are safe streets, good schools and smooth roads.”

The congressman also touched upon the perceived imbalance between taxes contributed and funds received from the federal government.

“For every dollar we send to Washington, Long Islanders get a mere 93 cents back in return investment,” LaLota said. “This infrastructure law is one of the ways that we can make that wrong right,” adding, “We can send money back to our local governments to ensure that we lower the tax burden and improve the quality of life.”

Town of Brookhaven Supervisor Ed Romaine. Photo by Raymond Janis

Town of Brookhaven Supervisor Ed Romaine (R) thanked LaLota for facilitating the additional infrastructure money. He said reducing roadway deaths is a matter of securing the necessary investment.

“For us to be successful, we have got to be the squeaky wheel that gets the grease,” he said.

There are “3,700 miles of roads in Brookhaven Town,” the supervisor said. “We’re concerned about our roads, and the federal dollars will help us maintain [and] make them safer.”

Town of Brookhaven Deputy Supervisor and Councilman Dan Panico (R-Manorville) also attended the event. He thanked LaLota on behalf of the Town Board.

“We have six council districts here in the Town of Brookhaven, and we want to thank Congressman LaLota for bringing this money home and let him know to keep that money coming,” he said.

Brookhaven Highway Superintendent Dan Losquadro (R) called the press conference, saying the location was decided based on a recent nearby traffic fatality. According to him, the federal funds will go toward the town’s plan to reduce traffic fatalities on town roads to zero.

“Grants like this, programs like this … are part of a larger effort to make sure that we make our roads as safe as possible,” he said. “We know we can’t legislate morality. There are always going to be people who don’t obey speed limits or drive distracted or impaired.”

However, the highway superintendent added that local governments “can design roads safer — we can use proven traffic-calming measures.”

Losquadro said the highway department uses several measures to identify problem roadways, such as the number of accidents, fatalities and other traffic-related incidents that occur upon them. When asked which roadways the $380,000 would target, he responded, “There are a number of criteria that go into examining that.”

Representing the Terryville Fire Department was 1st assistant chief Ray Kolb, who said the department responded to approximately 4,300 calls last year, “most of which were ambulance calls.”

Regarding the investment, he said the potential for more roadway repairs would support the work of the various first responder units within the area.

“We have paid 24-hour ambulance people, medical people, and they do a lot of our work for us,” the assistant chief said. “Anything we can get to help the safety of the roads is great.”

Editorial: Using music to appreciate history

by TBR Staff - February 15, 2023

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(Portrait_of_Louis_Jordan,_New_York,_N.Y.,_between_1946_and_1948)_(LOC)_(5019795475) (1) — Louis Jordan's Typany Five, New York, N.Y., between 1946 and 1948. William P. Gottlieb/Wikimedia Commons

Black History Month is celebrated throughout February, and for more than 50 years, has provided an outlet for people to remember and reflect upon African American history.

We see many examples of Black history right here on Long Island. Though not fully understood or preserved, the examples feature most prominently in the field of entertainment.

How many readers are aware of the Red Rooster club on Route 25 between Gordon Heights and Coram with its national Black celebrities and advertising a “complete floor show every night” through the late 1940s? How many can recount the contributions made by the Celebrity Club in Freeport in the 1950s and ‘60s, when R&B and soul reigned supreme?

Then there was East Setauket’s own Paula Jean’s club, where not only could one enjoy the top national and local blues artists at the turn of the new millennium but also the most authentic Cajun or Creole cuisine this side of New Orleans and south Louisiana.

Never heard of these clubs and their place in the Black hierarchy? That’s all the more reason why measures should be taken by the state, counties, towns and villages to recognize these sites with heritage plaques. These important and historic local institutions should be studied in local history classes from K-12, community colleges and universities.

In years to come, the investment of time and resources will be paid off in the form of enhanced Long Island artistic recognition, increased tourist traffic and greater cross-cultural understanding.

Today, the local club tradition is continued in honor of many top Black jazz legends at Tom Manuel’s The Jazz Loft in Stony Brook in live performances and at its museum which features pioneering stars such as Louis Jordan — arguably the inspiration for rock ‘n’ roll music — and balladeer Arthur Prysock.

The recently opened Long Island Music Hall of Fame is located on the site of the Dogwood Hollow Amphitheater behind Stony Brook Village Center. It was the place to be for international acts such as Duke Ellington and Louis Armstrong until 1970.

Like The Jazz Loft, LIMHOF is another institution preserving the music history of artists and entertainers of all colors and stripes. Both organizations should be supported and patronized by local residents and tourists alike. But more recognition through plaques and other landmarks should be offered by our municipalities, as is done with music trails in Mississippi and Louisiana.

Months celebrating specific cultures such as Black History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, Asian Pacific Heritage Month and more, are all helpful for reminding us that our country is what it is today thanks to people of all walks of life. Recognizing our accomplishments shouldn’t be confined to just four weeks out of the year.

Let’s think of better ways to share the stories of people from all walks of life, those who accomplished greatly whether in music, politics, the armed forces or other fields. Let us remember and honor their legacy by putting those ideas into practice. Here on Long Island, there is diversity in history from which we can learn so much for our future benefit and enlightenment.

D. None of the Above: The subtle, and not so subtle, meanings behind types of hand waving

by Daniel Dunaief - February 15, 2023

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By Daniel Dunaief

What says hello nonverbally more than a wave? I’m surprised nonhuman animals don’t do it more often. It’s efficient, requires minimal energy most of the time and can be as subtle as a lifted finger or as dramatic as a full-body wave signaling to someone at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

People wave to me frequently, particularly when I’m walking my dog. I suspect many of them are really waving to my dog. He is cuter, more charming and more personable than I am. Sure, I’m happy to engage in a conversation about the weather, the latest “Big Game,” my kids, or someone else’s family, but my dog is prepared to throw his head into someone’s knees as long as they pet him and assure him he’s wonderful.

Back to waving — I think the gesture merits categories, along with a short explanation.

— The-wave-or-maybe-not moment: We’ve all been there. Someone we kind of know or with whom we might want to interact appears to wave at us. Is that for me, we wonder? We consider swiveling our heads to check, but we’re not owls. We raise our hand tentatively. When we realize the more popular person behind us is the wave target, we awkwardly run our fingers through our hair. Great recovery, we mutter to ourselves.

— The “here-but-don’t-really-want-to-be” wave. Remember back when you were in high school, and your homeroom teacher took attendance? He or she would go down the list and when your name came up, you pulled your wrist back as casually as possible and pointed your fingers to the fluorescent lighting on the ceiling? It’s a wave and acknowledgment devoid of any enthusiasm.

— The “tickle the piano keys” wave. After lifting their wrists, some people wiggle their fingers next to their heads, as if they are tapping an imaginary musical instrument to send a visual and auditory greeting.

— The eraser wave. This can either be an enthusiastic or an unenthusiastic gesture. With this wave, people keep their fingers together and brush back and forth, as if they have an eraser in their hand and are removing an incorrect answer from the blackboard. This kind of wave can be an Eeyore greeting from the Winnie the Pooh series, in which he sighs and shares a burden with a deflated wave. With a head tilt, an affectionate smile, and faster side-to-side motion, this kind of wave can also signal a responsive and more enthusiastic greeting.

— The stiff-fingered-salute. Often offered by older men, this isn’t a wave so much as it is a signal that the person sees you, but does not intend to encourage any kind of dialog or further gesturing. It’s a nonverbal stop sign, telling you that he’s coming through, he sees you, and he would prefer that you keep whatever eye contact you’re going to make to a minimum. In fact, if you need to look at something, look at his flat and indifferent hand.

— The tree-swaying-in-a-blustery-wind wave. Yes, this is one of those moments when people are so thrilled to see you that they raise their arms over their heads and wave quickly back and forth. They may even catch some air. People waving this way don’t care what others think and, more importantly, want to share how excited they are to see you. This kind of wave transitions into a full-body hug.

— Finally, to end on the opposite end of the spectrum from where we began, there’s the wave from someone you might otherwise want to ignore. That wave says, “I’m over here, I see you, but you’re not responding.” It has the same characteristics as the excited greeting, except that it adds the need for acknowledgment. If you’re embarrassed, that may be a bonus.

Between You and Me: Being single today is dramatically different

by Leah Dunaief - February 15, 2023

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By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Nearly 40% of United States adults are single, which is up from 29% in 1990. Now, I’ve been married, and I’ve been single. My husband died just three months before we would have marked our 25th wedding anniversary and right around when the number of singles was so much lower. Next Friday would have been our 60th anniversary, but instead, I have been single for 35 years, so I know a little about both.

I was intrigued by an article in Time magazine that spoke about being single, asserting that about one-half of all singles aren’t interested in dating or a relationship and were happily single. This is quite a change from when I was newly alone. In the early 90s, single women were at best often ignored, and at worst, stigmatized and even preyed upon. All but the closest friends disappeared, and being the odd number for a reservation in a restaurant was a decided obstacle to being included. I don’t think single men had it all that easy, either. While single men were often invited to gatherings, as opposed to single women, there might have been some doubt about their sexuality. Heterosexuality, as evidenced by marriage then, was the norm.

Today, according to Time, the solo life is thought of as authentic, fulfilling, meaningful and psychologically rich. I have found that to be true as the years have gone by, but what a total shift in popular perspective. The marriage rate has been decreasing for decades, as has the birth rate, and the age at which marriage finally may occur, if at all, is later in life for many.

How has this happened?

For one thing, marriage is no longer considered necessary for having a family or assuring financial comfort. Someone like Alexander Hamilton, who was tortured throughout his life for being a bastard child of an unwed mother, would not recognize today’s values and would certainly have had an easier time of it.

While people in relationships may enjoy greater satisfaction, being married doesn’t guarantee happiness, as in, “They lived happily ever after.” There are people unhappy and even lonely in marriage, although with the decline in marriage, there has also been less divorce. Research shows that people in unhappy marriages have equal or worse health compared to those who never married.

Those who are single as a result of divorce seem to have the most difficult time, according to Time. Widowhood can also be associated with poor mental health, as grief can lead to depression and loneliness. But many of us cherish our freedom, independence, even our creativity and nonconformity, again according to Time, and I wholeheartedly agree.

There was a time when people, especially women, felt they had to have a man in order to define themselves and their position in society. A woman often was the one who sought financial security, while a man wanted a woman on his arm. Today, with the ability to earn a living, sometimes quite an excellent living, women don’t feel the same pressure to marry, nor do their mothers in urging them.

Singles have more time for themselves. They can focus on goals without having to consider the needs of someone else. There is also more time for spending on hobbies and self-care. This is especially true for younger women and for those who consider sex outside of committed relationships. That, of course, doesn’t preclude interest in a romantic relationship, which some enjoy.

As Time points out, being alone is not the same as being lonely. We singles often have strong ties to our families, to friends and to our neighborhoods. We can be actively involved in community organizations, have a sense of purpose and are generally self-sufficient.

We have to be.

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