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Times of Middle Country

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Pixabay photo

Things aren’t back to normal yet, and unfortunately for a few good weeks, we got a taste of what freedom from the pandemic was like. 

People began getting vaccinated, families were reunited, and parties were officially free of restrictions. 

The people that got vaccinated knew they could still be carriers, but a little cold is better than being on a ventilator, right? 

Businesses were thriving at the start of the summer — after more than a year of having their doors shut and no revenue coming in. 

But things turned pretty quickly, and we’re disappointed now. 

The fact that people threw their masks away when Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) lifted the state restrictions was not the brightest move — we should have kept the restrictions just a tad bit longer because now we have the Delta variant and it’s not looking too good. 

Since people (vaccinated or not) have had the chance to breathe again, party again and feel 90% normal again, they don’t want to bring back the masks. 

We understand that. They’re uncomfortable and for us ladies, it takes our makeup off rather quick. 

But we’re keeping them on (again) to keep other people safe. 

Remember in the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was all in this together? We thanked first responders and believed the science. What happened? Why is this, all of a sudden, a hoax? 

Some people cannot get vaccinated right now, and that’s okay. But there are other people who are choosing not to and are not being honest about it. They’re either too lazy or too afraid. 

With schools reopening in a few weeks, the debates are increasing as to whether or not children should wear masks in school. Considering those under 12 cannot get vaccinated yet, and many parents have chosen not to have their children get the shot, we feel it’s imperative that students be required to mask up. With the surge of the Delta variant and the possibility of another one, the virus could potentially spread quickly in classrooms and then in the surrounding communities.

New vaccines, new medications and new things are terrifying — but public health is more important, and we still need to be in this together.

COVID-19 is never going to leave, but we can alleviate it. 

Be smart and do your part to keep your loved ones, neighbors and yourself healthy.

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Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Years ago, restaurants had smoking and non-smoking sections. Airlines reserved parts of the plane for people who smoked and those who didn’t.

How, after all, were people addicted to nicotine supposed to get through a meal or a plane ride, especially one that could take hours, without lighting up?

Society knew back then that smoking was harmful for the smoker. We knew that each person ran the risk of lung, mouth and throat cancers, among others, from inhaling the toxins in cigarettes.

Slowly, we also started to learn about the dangers of second-hand smoke. People who didn’t light up cigarettes and cigars couldn’t simply move away from that smoke, especially if they were in the same house, the same car, or even, for several hours, on a plane together.

Over time, health officials started to piece together the kind of information that made it clear that non smokers needed protection.

Slowly, restaurants and planes banned smoking. And yet, despite the years of no-smoking policies on planes, the flight attendants or the videos we watch before take off include threats about the consequences of disabling or dismantling smoke detectors in bathrooms.

We also knew, at great cost, that drinking and driving was enormously problematic. People getting behind the wheel after having a few drinks at dinner or while watching a sporting event with their buddies risked the lives of those in their own car, as well as anyone else unfortunate enough to be on the road at the time.

Groups like Mothers Against Drunk Driving and Students Against Drunk Driving came together to fight against habits that put others at risk. While drunk driving still occurs throughout the world, the awareness of the dangers of drinking and driving and, probably just as importantly, the vigilance with which police forces cracked down on people while they were driving impaired has helped to reduce the threat. In 2018, alcohol-impaired driving fatalities was 3.2 per 100,000, which is a drop of 65% since 1982, according to Responsibility.org.

Drunk driving remains a public health threat, with advertisements encouraging people not to let friends drive drunk and organizations like MADD continuing to fight to reduce that further.

While risking the potential for false equivalence, the current pandemic presents similar challenges, particularly regarding wearing masks. Yes, masks are a nuisance and we thought we were done with them, particularly in the early part of the summer when the infection rate declined and vaccinations increased.

With the Delta variant raging throughout the country, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends masks for anyone indoors and for those in larger, outdoor settings, regardless of their vaccination status.

Now, living without a mask and drinking or smoking are not the same. Drinking and smoking are riskier activities adults engage in and that are not a basic necessity, like breathing.

At the same time, however, people opting not to wear masks because they don’t want to or because that was so 2020 are risking more than their own health. They are sharing whatever virus they may have, in some cases with people whose health might be much more at risk.

When I’m sweating at the gym, I find the masks uncomfortable and distracting. I do, however, continue to wear them because they are a way to protect other people in the room.

I hope I don’t have COVID-19, but I can’t be sure because I have been vaccinated and I could be an asymptomatic carrier.

Students, many of whom can’t receive the vaccine, are better off learning at school than at home or, worse, in a hospital bed. If you’re not wearing a mask for you, consider putting one on for everyone else. 

Together, we can and will get through what seems like a viral sequel no one wanted. Until there’s a better way, consider wearing a mask to protect others. If people could do it during the Spanish Influenza in 1918 and 1919, we can do it, too.

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METRO photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

An advertiser was chatting with me the other day and mentioned that he was going down to South Carolina for his father’s surprise 80th birthday. “It’s going to be a surprise for him?” I asked, clenching my teeth. “Totally,” he said with a big smile. “My brother and his wife and children are coming from St. Louis, my sister and her family from Denver, nieces and nephews from California. We haven’t been together like that in a long time.” 

I was quiet. “What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing the pause. “Oh, it sounds wonderful to be with family and at such a terrific occasion,” I answered. “But …” 

“Yes?” he encouraged. “May I tell you a quick story?” I asked. He nodded. I proceeded to share the following.

We were once invited to a surprise birthday party that a good friend was giving for her husband. She left the basement door open for us all to gather while the couple finished dinner upstairs. After some minutes, she quietly slinked down the carpeted stairs, and in a stage whisper told us that her husband had fallen asleep on the sofa, so she was going to call to him to come down. When he did, she suggested, we could then yell “Surprise!” She also had some sparklers that she would set off as he began his descent. There were probably 30 of us in the basement, and we eagerly agreed.

“Honey!” she yelled. Then louder, “Honey!!!”

“Uh, what?” came the groggy response.

“Come downstairs! Now!”

“Coming!” he yelled back, and as we readied ourselves, we could hear his footsteps above rushing to the stairs. The sparklers started to go off. Then there was a thud. Another thud. And to our growing horror, we realized he was falling down the steps. We waited helplessly until he landed in full view on his bottom, his trousers around his ankles. Someone weakly yelled “surprise.”

He slowly looked around his basement at all our faces, as the last of the sparklers subsided, then at his wife. who seemed suddenly stricken.

“What the hell….?”  He had opened his pants belt and top button after a sumptuous birthday dinner, and when he jumped up from the couch, they had dropped to his feet, tripping him as he reached the head of the stairs.

It was at this point that my husband leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Promise you will NEVER make me a surprise party!”

Our friend did survive his unexpected celebration and went on to enjoy many more unsurprising birthday parties, but then he was only 40 at the time. Imagine if he had been 80.

Then again, I give further evidence that surprise parties can boomerang even at a younger age. My middle son was turning 16, and a couple of his friends secretly came to me to ask if they could stage a surprise party at our house. I enthusiastically joined in the plot. They would leave school early and beat my son home. Quickly they would decorate the living room, which was not immediately observable from the entryway and hide there until he arrived, ready to greet him.

All went according to plan. My son came in the door, said “hello,” dropped his heavy backpack on the floor and continued into the house. His buddies jumped out from the living room doorway as he walked past and yelled “Surprise!” at the top of their lungs.

He stopped in his tracks, turned pale, teetered for a moment, then ran for the bathroom sink and threw up. It definitely put a damper on the occasion.

The advertiser had listened to my stories, then said he would prepare his father somewhat by telling him that something nice was going to happen shortly. It wouldn’t exactly ruin the surprise but would relieve a little of the shock. I look forward to hearing how it all went.

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Photo from Pixabay

Looking out the window on a sunny day, one might notice a not-so-subtle haziness in the sky. However, that haze isn’t harmless clouds or fog, it’s smoke that’s traveled a far distance across the nation from raging wildfires in California and Canada.

As concerns grow over the impact of these wildfires stretching their way over to the East Coast, Long Islanders are beginning to become uneasy about the repercussions the hazy smoke might have among residents. 

With multiple reports of poor air quality in the past few weeks, people who have vulnerable conditions such as asthma, emphysema, or heart disease need to be wary and avoid going outside or doing strenuous activity. 

“There is something called fine particulate matter, which is very small ash,” said Adrienne Esposito, executive director of Citizens Campaign for the Environment. “The cause of concern is that this is the type of material that causes respiratory ailments. It irritates the throat and respiratory system, but most importantly fine particulate matter can lodge in your lungs and make microscopic perforations, much like asbestos.”

According to Esposito, It is highly likely the ash will also be deposited into Long Island’s estuary and could affect the marine environment. However, it is uncertain exactly how much will accumulate due to the variables of wind speed and the amount of ash that will be pushed toward the Island. 

“The East Coast should absolutely have an increased concern of weather events associated with climate change,” she added. “What we are having right now is an increase of torrential rain, and an increase in intensification of storms which means that hurricanes that might normally be a Category 1 [the lowest] now have the ability to reach 2, 3, or 4.” Esposito said. 

Kevin Reed. Photo from Stony Brook University

Although air pollution issues are nothing new to New York, there are always certain times of the year, particularly in the summertime, that fine particulate matter can get trapped. The question of the future frequency of surrounding wildfires still stands.

While Long Island is experiencing a rainy season, California is currently facing one of the worst droughts in history. Within a two-year period, rain and snow totals in parts of the West have been 50 percent less than average.  

“Just because Long Island is having a really wet season right now doesn’t mean it couldn’t shift later this year,” said Kevin Reed, a Stony Brook University School of Marine and Atmospheric Sciences researcher. 

According to Reed, the winds that blow from out West don’t always streamline toward the East Coast. Direction in wind patterns could cause the air flow to “wobble,” so it is uncertain whether or not Long Island may face more smoke pollution in the future. 

“Drought is certainly becoming more severe, potentially longer lasting, and at a larger extent, which means larger parts of land will be susceptible to wildfire,” Reed said.

Adding that wildfires are typically a natural occurrence and benefits land by replenishing it, Reed said the extent of the current wildfires is most likely a result of climate change and has potential to harm people and the environment.

“Air pollution could really affect our human health, especially to certain groups that are more susceptible to issues with air quality,” he said. “Even if it’s here for one day it could have an impact and of course the impact is going to be multiplied if it’s a longer-term event.” 

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From New York State website

On Tuesday, Aug. 10, New York State Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D) announced his resignation.

The announcement came a week after the release of a report by state Attorney General Letitia James (D) saying independent investigators concluded that the governor harassed multiple women from 2013-20. The resignation came after a virtual press conference held by his attorney Rita Glavin. She criticized the attorney general’s report and said it contains errors and omissions when recounting allegations made against Cuomo. Glavin added that each account needs more investigation.

“I think that women should be believed and they should be treated fairly,” she said. “I also believe men should be believed and treated fairly. All people should be given that, and everybody should have a chance to respond, and everybody should be scrutinized with what they say by facts, context and evidence. That hasn’t happened here.”

After the attorney general’s report was released, one of the alleged victims, former executive assistant Brittany Commisso, filed a criminal complaint saying the governor groped her and fondled her breast.

Cuomo said during his announcement that he will step down in 14 days. He will be replaced by Lt. Gov. Kathy Hochul (D) who will become the state’s first female governor.

The outgoing governor said he thanked those with sincere complaints as the women coming forward taught him an important lesson, and he said he took responsibility.

He added he felt that with some there are other “motivations at play.”

Local legislators react

Shortly after Cuomo announced his resignation, U.S. Rep. Lee Zeldin (R-NY1), who has been named the presumptive Republican nominee for governor in the 2022 race, released a statement saying the governor was “resigning to skirt all repercussions for his actions as opposed to accounting for his misconduct. He knows he would be impeached. He knows he would be voted out of office.” 

“Andrew Cuomo broke the law and criminal repercussions must follow, despite him no longer serving in public office,” Zeldin said. “From his deadly nursing home order and cover-up, to his $5.1 million self-congratulatory book deal and serial harassment and abuse of others, he’s been unfit to continue serving for a long period of time.”

Zeldin also criticized Hochul in his Aug. 10 statement.

“Unfortunately, for New Yorkers, we’re left with Cuomo’s lieutenant who empowered this disgusting behavior while Andrew Cuomo cultivated this toxic culture, leaving a trail of victims in its wake,” Zeldin said. “Kathy Hochul has been silent scandal after scandal, from fatal nursing home policies and cover-ups to rampant harassment, intimidation, bullying and abuse.”

State Sen. Jim Gaughran (D-Northport) called the past few months “a very difficult period for the people of New York state” in a statement.

“I thank and commend the incredibly brave women who stepped forward and spoke truth to power,” he said. “No one is above the law.”

In the statement, Gaughran praised the next NYS governor and said he looks forward to working with her.

“I have known and worked with Kathy Hochul for years and there is no one better equipped to step in and lead New York as the state continues to navigate the pandemic and heal from these past few months,” he said. “Her decades of public service across the local, state and federal levels will serve New Yorkers well and help lead the state through this tumultuous time.”

State Sen. Anthony Palumbo (R-New Suffolk) said Cuomo’s “impending resignation is welcome news to New Yorkers.” He said the move saves the time and money that would be invested in impeachment.

“Now, state government must refocus its energies on defeating the COVID Delta variant, working to rebuild New York’s struggling economy and infrastructure, and combating the rise in violent crime,” he said.

“I look forward to working with New York’s first female governor, Kathy Hochul, to put this dark episode in state government behind us and work to heal the state as we move forward through these times of great uncertainty,” Palumbo said.

State Sen. Mario Mattera (R-St. James) on his official Facebook page said the resignation announcement should have happened months ago.

“Andrew Cuomo has abused his power in a truly reprehensible manner and it is unacceptable that he and his team attempted to hide or excuse his disgusting behavior,” Mattera wrote. “They must all be held accountable and it is imperative that all ongoing and future investigations be allowed to proceed to their rightful conclusions.”

Mattera said he is ready to work with Hochul.

“I congratulate her on this historic moment and promise my support and cooperation as she begins her tenure,” he said. “This is a truly tragic story of abuse and betrayal that has now reached its conclusion, and we need to make sure that today serves as the dawn of a new era for every New Yorker.”

Hochul’s first day in office will be Tuesday, Aug. 24.

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Photo from Town of Brookhaven

The Town of Brookhaven Youth Bureau’s INTERFACE Back to School Drive is currently underway and will run through Friday, August 27. Last year, the INTERFACE Program collected enough supplies to help 1,200 children in need to enter the school year prepared to learn. Collection boxes for the Back to School Drive can be found at:

  1. Town Hall Lobby – 1 Independence Hill, Farmingville
  2. Parks Department Administration Building – 286 Hawkins Road, Centereach
  3. Highway Department Facility – 1140 Old Town Road, Coram
  4. Vehicle Control Building – 550 N. Ocean Avenue, Patchogue
  5. College 101 – 290 Main Street, East Setauket
  6. Modular Devices – 1 Roned Road, Shirley
  7. All For You Hair Salon – 161-1 Long Island Avenue, Holtsville

The Youth Bureau’s INTERFACE Program is asking for donations of pens, calculators, backpacks, notebooks, lunch boxes, folders, glue, binders and more. The supplies will be distributed to families in need who otherwise would be unable to provide them to their children before school begins.

INTERFACE is a partnership between individuals, generous corporate neighbors and the Town of Brookhaven united in a shared effort to give assistance to Brookhaven’s less fortunate residents all year round. For further information about the Back to School Drive and Brookhaven Youth Bureau programs and services please visit brookhavenny.gov or call 631-451-8011.

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Suffolk County Community College interns prepare to take environmental samples in a south shore salt marsh. From left: Jake Montgomery, David Ziff, Jessica Cormier, Field Supervisor Nicholas Cormier, Brendan Lin, Kyler Vander Putten, and Grace Nelson. Suffolk County Community College photo

Six Suffolk County Community College interns are spending their summer monitoring the health of tidal wetlands as part of a multi-year study funded by a grant issued to Suffolk County and the College from the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation.

Grace Nelson holds an American Eel, a common inhabitant of the salt marsh. SCCC photo

Interns Jake Montgomery (Hampton Bays), David Ziff (West Islip), Kyler Vander Putten (Oakdale), Brendan Lin (Stony Brook), Grace Nelson (Selden), and Jessica Cormier (Farmingville) don waders, backpacks and other protection from the heat and biting insects to navigate through the challenging conditions of Suffolk’s south shore salt marshes as part of a multi-year post-Hurricane Sandy tidal wetland restoration project.

Assistant Professor of Marine Biology and grant coordinator Dr. Kellie McCartin said the students are given an orientation before starting their field work to understand the overall goals and science behind the multi-year study and how to safely navigate the salt marshes. “There are three monitoring aspects to this study: measuring the abundance of mosquito larvae, surveying the fish, invertebrate and plant community, and measuring water quality. Our students are learning a wide variety of skills and data collecting methods commonly performed by environmental scientists,” McCartin explained and said that the students are in the field up to four times per week collecting data that are vital to current and future salt marsh restoration efforts here on Long Island.

“Salt marshes play an important ecological role as the interface between the marine and the terrestrial environment, said Project Director of the Coastal Resiliency Internship Amy Dries.

“Salt marshes also affect public health by providing larval habitat for mosquitoes that are vectors for disease,” Dries said, adding that previously, ditching and pesticides were used as a control mechanism. “Ditching requires maintenance, and mosquitoes develop resistance to pesticides in the long term,” Dries said.

Beginning in the summer of 2017, select marshes on the south shore of Long Island were sampled weekly for mosquito larvae, nekton, and vegetation were collected and water quality parameters (dissolved oxygen, temperature, and salinity) were measured by interns from Suffolk County Community College. Hot spots of mosquito larvae were frequently found near locations of the invasive Common Reed, Phragmites australis, where reduced water flow and low salinities were also identified. Based on the data obtained by the interns, restoration of the marshes began in 2019.

Jessica Cormier pulls a minnow trap during a monthly nekton survey. SCCC photo

“We need healthy wetlands for a healthy Suffolk County,” said Edward Bonahue, President of Suffolk CountyCommunity College, “whether it’s water quality, habitat restoration, or aquaculture. Our students clearly feel a sense of urgency about this project, and I’m delighted they’re committing their time and energy to studying our crucial natural resources.”

Suffolk graduate and now Field Supervisor Nick Cormier, himself an intern before earning a bachelor’s degree in biology from Stony Brook University, said it’s nice to combine a passion for science with being outdoors. “It’s a great opportunity that’s also fun,” Cormier said, “the students are engaged and inquisitive. They want to be there,” he said.

Suffolk intern Brendan Lin of Stony Brook said he recommends the internship to anyone who’s interested in environmental science. “It’s quite interesting how the data we collect will help improve marsh conditions,” Lin, who is pursuing an environmental science and forestry degree, said.

Kyler Vander Putten said the internship is helping him narrow his study choices. “I’ve been really interested in the environmental science world and marine biology,” Vander Putten said. “I’m going to try and narrow it down by taking part in different internships and opportunities wherever I can. The field work we do supports everything we learned in class,” he said.

“The students are excited to be in the field. They’re applying what they’ve learned in the classroom or virtual classroom and it is a fantastic experience for any student interested in a career in the sciences” McCartin said.

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Josh Perry, CCE’s Hatchery Manager, Chris Pickerell, CCE’s Marine Program Director, Legislator Krupski and Legislator Caracappa.
Legislator Krupski, Vaness Pino Lockel, Executive Director of Cornell Cooperative Extension Suffolk County, and Legislator Caracappa.
Legislator Caracappa observes the oyster spawning process at the Shellfish Hatchery at Cedar Beach in Southold.
Legislator Nick Caracappa with Legislator Krupski, picking corn on Krupski’s Farm.

Suffolk County Legislator Nick Caracappa (4th LD, Selden) recently went on a “field trip” to tour the First Legislative District, courtesy of his colleague, Legislator Al Krupski (Riverhead).  The purpose of the visit was to see some of the beautiful farmland, beaches, bays and other natural resources the east end has to offer. The tour included a visit to the Cornell Cooperative Extension’s (CCE) Education Center in Riverhead, as well as the Shellfish Hatchery at CCE’s Suffolk County Marine Environmental Learning Center at Cedar Beach in Southold.

Caracappa was provided with in-depth information from CCE on how public funding and private donations are put to use to preserve resources. Part of Cornell University, and established in 1917, CCE is comprised of educators, researchers, specialists and support personnel who are dedicated to making Suffolk County a desirable place to live and work. CCE’s professional team helps preserve our county’s vast heritage, protect our eco-systems, support families and provide our youth opportunities for community service and research-based education in science, technology, engineering and math.

 “This week I had the pleasure of touring the First Legislative District, and all it has to offer,” stated Legislator Caracappa. “We began our day at Cornell Cooperative Extension, then visited some of the farms, beaches and older structures, followed by a tour of the CCE’s Shellfish Hatchery at Cedar Beach. They do fantastic work in spawning oysters, scallops and other shellfish to assist the repopulation process in the Long Island Sound. I’d like to thank Legislator Krupski, CCE’s Executive Director Vanessa Pino Lockell, Marine Program Director Chris Pickerell, and all of their wonderful staff members for showing me how taxpayer dollars are being put to great use to preserve Long Island’s precious resources!”

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Pixabay photo

Imagine the hope in newsrooms across the nation to know that a bill introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate may resuscitate the news business on local levels.

New outlets, especially print media, have been suffering for decades. In the late 1990s, computers became a staple in homes and gathering information became easier than ever for readers. The introduction of smartphones, social media and apps helped hasten the downward slope of print. The pandemic was the final nail in the coffin of many magazines and newspapers across this nation as they saw advertising dollars diminish due to many businesses shutting down. Even if temporarily, they felt there was no reason to place an ad.

Sponsored by U.S. Reps. Ann Kirkpatrick (D-AZ) and Dan Newhouse (R-WA), the Local Journalism Sustainability Act, if passed, will help local newspapers as well as digital platforms and local radio and television stations on multiple levels, as subscribers, advertisers and news outlets will be able to take advantage of tax credits for five years.

Americans who subscribe to a local nonprofit news publisher will be eligible for a five-year credit of up to $250 annually. That credit means covering 80% of subscription costs in the first year and 50% in the following four years. That credit can even be used when making a donation to a local nonprofit news publishing company.

Businesses will have more financial flexibility to spend on advertising with local newspapers, television, radio stations and digital-only platforms as well as nonprofit news organizations with a five-year credit of up to $5,000 in the first year and up to $2,500 in the next four years.

Local news outlets will be able to retain and hire more journalists as their five-year credit will be up to $25,000 per journalist in year one and $15,000 in the following four years. This can cover 50% of compensation up to a $50,000 salary in the first year and 30% of the salary up to $50,000 in the last four years.

The federal government providing tax credits helps news outlets and, at the same time, keeps its distance by not being closely aligned to any media platform. This allows journalists to continue providing unbiased reporting.    

For local publishers and journalists, whose job it is to keep readers up to date on what’s going on in their town and share their neighbors’ achievements, the task has become difficult as the number of newsroom employees has shrunk to a small percentage of what it once was and resources are stretched thin. At times the financial constraints prevent reporters to be everywhere they need to be to ask important questions.

So, it’s no surprise that many newspaper journalists support the Local Journalism Sustainability Act as the bipartisan bill can be the answer in helping to keep jobs.

One problem with tax credits is that they only go to businesses that show profits, because credits come off the top of the taxes they pay. Small businesses can have no profits or razor-thin ones at this time.

With that being said, we applaud our local congressmen Tom Suozzi (D-NY3) and Lee Zeldin (R-NY1) who are co-sponsors of the bill. And, we urge our readers who believe in local journalism to contact their federal representatives and ask them to support this act.

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Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Welcome to the casino. Just by being alive today, you’ve all punched your ticket to the worldwide slot machine.

Now, the machines operate the way people expect, most of the time. They follow their programming, they make the loud noises as the three wheels inside of them spin and then show images on those three wheels.

The machine doesn’t cost anything to play. You don’t have to put in quarters or tokens or anything else. You just sit down and a machine starts spinning.

In fact, when you sit in one of our relatively unclean chairs, because we’re much more about playing the game than we are about cleanliness or safety, the process begins.

The chairs are close together, so you and your neighbor can compare notes on how you’re doing in this game, can share stories about your lives and can enjoy time out, away from the limitations of quarantine and all the other frustrations that you’ve had to endure for so long.

We do everything we can to discourage masks. We want you to be able to share the freedom that comes from seeing each other’s faces clearly.

And, if you should happen to need to use the bathroom, we don’t have any annoying signs about washing your hands. In fact, we don’t even recommend soap. What is the value of soap, after all? It’s probably some corporate scheme to boost profits somewhere.

We mean, come on, right? The cavemen didn’t have soap and they lived long enough to become fossils. That should be good enough for you, too, right? Before they died, they drew cool things on the wall, sharing stories that survived years after they did.

Now, we want to share a few details about our cool slot machines. You want to know a secret? We didn’t build these machines. We know, it’s hard to believe, but they just appeared one day, as if a stork or another kind of flying creature brought them. Well, not all of them. That’s the incredible thing. A few of them appeared and, after we started playing them, they copied themselves. The more we played them, the more they produced new copies.

Now, you might have heard that these machines can be bad for you. But, hey, so many other things are bad for you, too, and you still do them, right? You have a little too much to eat or drink now and then, and you maybe put a recycling bottle in the wrong trash can, but who pays attention to those things?

Anyway, so, these original machines built themselves the same way, most of the time. Each time a new machine appeared, they worked the same way, with images flying across the screen.

Every so often, when the machines made enough copies of themselves, they changed slightly. We’re not exactly sure why or how that happened, but it’s perfectly normal, we think.

The newest versions of these machines spin at a faster rate and also copy themselves more rapidly. One of them, which is now the most common type, has a big D on its side. That’s the dominant machine.

Actually, at this point, we’d kind of prefer people stop playing the game. You see, each time you play the game, not only does that D version copy itself, but our people are telling us that we run the risk of creating other types of the machine that might have worse features.

But, wait, how can you stop playing? What can keep you out of a casino that’s everywhere? Well, there’s a special thing you can get at any local drug store that someone puts in your arm. After you get it, you become almost invisible to the machine. That may be the best way to get away from these monsters.

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