Cona Elder Law, the Melville-based firm focused on elder law, estate planning, estate administration, special needs and health care law, has announced the opening of its new office in Port Jefferson at 41 North Country Road, across from Mather Hospital.
Jennifer B. Cona, Esq.
“With a 20-plus year history in Melville, we are excited to bring our elder law and estate planning firm to Port Jefferson. We want to be available and accessible to our clients, including those in East Setauket, Miller Place, Mount Sinai, Rocky Point, and Stony Brook, meeting them closer to their homes and businesses,” said Jennifer Cona, Founder and Managing Partner of Cona Elder Law.
The office will be led by Melissa Negrin-Wiener, Senior Partner at the firm, who concentrates in elder law, Medicaid benefits, estate planning, government benefits eligibility, asset protection and special needs planning.
“As someone who was raised in Smithtown, I am excited to serve my neighbors in our new Port Jefferson office. The attorneys of Cona Elder Law are involved with local organizations and will contribute to the community through educational programs and support of nonprofit groups, as we already do in Melville,” said Negrin-Wiener.
In addition to its main Melville office, Cona Elder Law has an office in midtown Manhattan. For more information, visit www.conaelderlaw.com.
A retired toy designer fires up a new career as a ceramic artist
The Reboli Center for Art and History’s September Aristan of the Month, Mark Strayer, has had a long career as an Industrial Designer, designing toys and furniture for manufacturers. He has a Bachelor’s degree in Industrial Design from California State University and is a native Californian who now resides in Lamar, Missouri. While a designer at Fisher-Price Toys, employees were encouraged to learn other creative disciplines so that they could utilize that experience in their designs. He enrolled in a ceramics class at the Buffalo Clay Art Studio in Buffalo, NY. Little did he know then that this decision would create another career path.
Samples of Mark Strayer’s work
The work that will be on exhibit and for sale at The Reboli Center for Art and History will feature miniature houses, buildings, trees and other designs. He uses the Japanese technique of Raku for firing. Raku is a low heat firing process where the heat in the kiln reaches to about 1800 degrees within a short period of time. The pottery is removed when glowing red and placed into a container with combustible materials, such as sawdust and newspaper, to give them color.
According to Mark, “My ceramic business, North Star Pottery, is a place of experimentation and having fun with clay. My work is primarily functional ware, but I also love small architectural forms using the Raku process of firing.” He added, “Clay is an amazing material, natural, fluid and organic to touch, and my ability to transfer a lump of clay into beautiful and useful objects gives me joy. Being the artist of the month at the Reboli Center is a milestone in my career.”
Samples of Mark Strayer’s work
Lois Reboli, president and one of the founders of The Reboli Center said, ““I am thrilled to showcase Mark’s unique and intriguing creations. The shapes, style, and color of his pieces are fascinating. Another founder of the Reboli Center, Secretary Colleen Hanson, serendipitously discovered Mark when she relocated to Missouri. It’s wonderful when looking for art we discover such fabulous artisans, like Mark Strayer.”
The Reboli Center is located at 64 Main Street in Stony Brook and is open Tuesday – Saturday from 11 a,m, to 5 p.m. and on Sunday from 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. Admission is free. For more information, please call 631-751-7707 or visit www.rebolicenter.org.
The Joseph Lloyd Manor property will serve as a pilot site for the grant project.
Preservation Long Island (PLI) has been awarded an Inspire! Grant for Small Museums from the Institute of Museum and Library Services (IMLS). Collecting since its founding in 1948, Preservation Long Island’s diverse and comprehensive collections comprise approximately 3,000 objects and 185 cubic feet of archival materials.
The grant will enable PLI to undertake an assessment of its inventory practices to improve access and the long-term care and maintenance of the collections displayed and stored at its historic sites and facilities — the PLI Headquarters building in Cold Spring Harbor, Joseph Lloyd Manor and Collections Storage in Lloyd Harbor, Sherwood-Jayne Farm in Setauket, and the Custom House in Sag Harbor. The grant funded project runs from September 1, 2022 through December 31, 2023.
Ranging from artistic and technological masterworks, to documentary imagery and everyday artifacts, PLI’s collections represent the social, cultural, political, and economic history of Long Island over four centuries.
“PLI holds its collection in trust for the public. The IMLS grant represents a strategic investment in the management of its permanent collection,” said Alexandra Wolfe, Preservation Long Island Executive Director.
“Organizationally, the project will enhance how PLI preserves and cares for its important artifacts of Long Island’s history,” said Lauren Brincat, Curator, Preservation Long Island. “Nationally, this project will promote access to and interest in Long Island’s history and cultural heritage.”
“As pillars of our communities, libraries and museums bring people together by providing important programs, services, and collections. These institutions are trusted spaces where people can learn, explore and grow,” said IMLS Director Crosby Kemper. “IMLS is proud to support their initiatives through our grants as they educate and enhance their communities.”
The Joseph Lloyd Manor property will serve as a pilot site for the grant project. The house was the center of the Manor of Queens Village, a 3,000-acre provisioning plantation established in the late 17th century on the ancestral lands of the Matinecock Nation. Jupiter Hammon (1711–before 1806), one of the first published African American writers, was one of the many people of African descent enslaved at the site.
The collections inventory project will help bring to light new stories that can be told with the existing collections at PLI’s historic sites. In addition, with the information gathered through this project, PLI will be able to seek new acquisitions that help make PLI’s collection—and the public programs, exhibitions, interpretations, and digital content the collection supports—more relevant to more people while also enhancing public knowledge of unrepresented stories.
About Institute of Museum and Library Services
The Institute of Museum and Library Services is the primary source of federal support for the nation’s libraries and museums. We advance, support, and empower America’s museums, libraries, and related organizations through grantmaking, research, and policy development. Our vision is a nation where museums and libraries work together to transform the lives of individuals and communities. To learn more, visit www.imls.gov and follow us on Facebook and Twitter.
About Preservation Long Island
Preservation Long Island is a not-for-profit organization that works with Long Islanders to raise awareness, appreciation, and support for the protection of our shared past through advocacy, education, and the stewardship of historic sites and collections.
Northport Symphony Orchestra. Photo by Hayao Nakahara
The Northport Symphony Orchestra has announced the creation of a Student Scholarship Program for the 2022-2023 season. The Orchestra will offer three deserving music students a chance at a scholarship worth $500. The program offers talented musicians performance opportunities outside the academic program, and is an excellent addition to extra-curricular activities for college applications. The scholarship is repertoire-dependent; this year, we can offer scholarship opportunities to qualified students who play violin, viola, cello, string bass, bassoon, and French horn.
High school seniors and college students qualify for the NSO scholarship program. Each scholarship winner will have the full experience as an active NSO member for a two-concert cycle. Please visit www.northportsymphony.org/nsoscholarship for complete details and links to the application form, complete requirements, and additional information.
You may have heard that you can simplify your investment strategy just by owning index-based or passive investments. But is this a good idea?
You’ll want to consider the different aspects of this type of investment style. To begin with, an index-based investment is a vehicle such as a mutual fund or an exchange-traded fund (ETF) that mimics the performance of a market benchmark, or index — the Dow Jones Industrial Average, the S&P 500, and so on. (An ETF is similar to a mutual fund in that it holds a variety of investments but differs in that it is traded like a common stock.) You can also invest in index funds that track the bond market.
Index investing does offer some benefits. Most notably, it’s a buy-and-hold strategy, which is typically more effective than a market-timing approach, in which individuals try to buy investments when their prices are down and sell them when the prices rise. Attempts to time the market this way are usually futile because nobody can really predict when high and low points will be reached.
Plus, the very act of constantly buying and selling investments can generate commissions and fees, which can lower your overall rate of return. Thus, index investing generally involves lower fees and is considered more tax efficient than a more active investing style. Also, when the financial markets are soaring, which happened for several years until this year’s downturn, index-based investments can certainly look pretty good — after all, when the major indexes go up, index funds will do the same.
Conversely, during a correction, when the market drops at least 10% from recent highs, or during a bear market, when prices fall 20% or more, index-based investments will likely follow the same downward path.
And there are also other issues to consider with index-based investments. For one thing, if you’re investing with the objective of matching an index, you may be overlooking the key factors that should be driving your investment decisions — your goals and your risk tolerance. An index is a completely impersonal benchmark measuring the performance of a specific set of investments — but it can’t be a measuring stick of your own progress.
Furthermore, a single index, by definition, can’t be as diversified as the type of portfolio you might need to achieve your objectives. For example, the S&P 500 may track a lot of companies, but they’re predominantly large ones. And to achieve your objectives, you may need a portfolio consisting of large- and small-company stocks, bonds, government securities and other investments. (Keep in mind, though, that while diversification can give you more opportunities for success and can reduce the effects of volatility on your portfolio, it can’t guarantee profits or prevent all losses.)
Ultimately, diversifying across different types of investments that align with your risk tolerance and goals — regardless of whether they track an index — is the most important consideration for your investment portfolio. Use this idea as your guiding principle as you journey through the investment world.
Michael Christodoulou, ChFC®, AAMS®, CRPC®, CRPS® is a Financial Advisor for Edward Jones in Stony Brook. Member SIPC.
Backstage School of Dance ribbon cutting. Photo from Councilmember Kornreich's office
The Port Jefferson Station/Terryville Chamber of Commerce hosted a ribbon cutting ceremony on Aug. 12 to celebrate the grand opening of the new location of Backstage Studio of Dance.
Located at 200 Wilson Street in Port Jefferson Station, the studio is described on its website as “a place where kids of all ages, shapes and sizes learn to dance and perform and where creativity, individuality and self-expression is encouraged through a community of teachers, students and families who are passionate about the performing arts.” Serving the community for 35 years, the studio’s motto is “We don’t just teach you to dance, we teach you to love dancing.”
The event was attended by Brookhaven Town Councilmember Jonathan Kornreich, New York State Assemblyman Steve Englebright, students and staff.
“Thank you to the Port Jefferson Station/Terryville Chamber of Commerce, especially Jennifer Dzvonar, Joan Nickeson and Kristin Winter for their assistance in organizing the ribbon cutting and to Assemblyman Englebright and Councilmember Kornreich for their support,” said Gwenn Capodieci, the executive director of the studio. She also thanked her “incredible staff who make up the backbone of Backstage Studio of Dance and all the loyal families that support BSD and trust us with their children. It takes a village to run a dance studio and we are truly blessed with ours!”
“Backstage Studio of Dance in Port Jefferson Station is home to a passionate group of teachers and trainers who have made it their life mission to not just teach dance, but to teach students to love dancing. They have been committed to serving our community’s kids for over 35 years and are starting a new chapter in their new location,” said Councilmember Kornreich.
“Having a stage and her own location for the studio has been owner Gwenn Capodieci’s lifelong dream. I was so honored to be a part of their grand opening and can’t wait to see their next musical theater production performed at this new location. Congratulations to Gwenn and her amazing team,” he said.
Pictured in center from left, Gwenn Capodieci, partners Nicole Lattanza Terlizzo and Pamela Christopher Strain, Councilmember Kornreich and New York State Assemblyman Englebright.
For more information, call 631-331-5766 or visit www.backstagestudioofdance.com.
Gift from inaugural football team member to support comprehensive excellence within Department of Athletics
Stony Brook University President Maurie McInnis and Director of Athletics Shawn Heilbron announced that the University has received a $3 million gift from the Kehoe Family Foundation to support comprehensive excellence within the Stony Brook Department of Athletics. The gift was made by the Kehoe Family Foundation which is comprised of Stony Brook football alumnus Kevin Kehoe ’77; his wife Lorraine; brothers Brian, Tim, Michael, and Jeremy; sister Deirdre Chanis; and daughter Julia. “I really enjoyed my years at Stony Brook and playing on the original club football team. I’ve been fortunate in my career to build a couple of businesses which has given me the opportunity to start the Kehoe Family Foundation. You can’t help but take enormous pride in seeing how far Stony Brook Athletics – and the football program specifically – have come. When I looked at where the program is now and where it can be in the future, I saw a great opportunity to make a difference. I’m happy to be even a small part of what will be an amazing journey,” said Kevin Kehoe as he reflected on what Stony Brook means to him and why he was compelled to have his foundation make this gift. The gift from the Kehoe Family Foundation is the third-largest in department history. The foundation’s donation will fund the replacement of both the north end zone video board and south end zone scoreboard in Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium, launch an Athletics facilities master planning project, support the renovation of the football locker room, and provide operational support to Athletics Career Development & Leadership programming. Through these priorities, the Kehoes’ gift will directly support the department’s vision to positively transform the life of each student-athlete and its mission to elevate the national profile of the University by winning championships; inspiring school pride; and fostering transformational experiences for student-athletes, alumni, and the Long Island community. “I have been inspired to learn about the Kehoe Family Foundation’s approach to generational giving, and Stony Brook University is incredibly grateful for their generosity,” said President McInnis. “The growth of Stony Brook Athletics over the past six decades has been breathtaking, and I’d like to thank Kevin and his family for this meaningful gift, for this wonderful demonstration of team spirit, and for proving, as we like to say at Stony Brook…once a Seawolf, always a Seawolf.” In recognition of the Kehoe family’s generosity, we are proud to submit to the Stony Brook Council and SUNY Board of Trustees the recommendation that the Kehoe name be displayed within Stony Brook Athletics’ facilities where we plan to name the entryway of Island Federal Arena as the “Kehoe Family Atrium” and the south end zone scoreboard in LaValle Stadium as the “Kehoe Family Scoreboard.” “This is a time of tremendous optimism and opportunity for Stony Brook Athletics, and I’m exceedingly grateful to the Kehoe family for their generous commitment at a time when investment is so critical. This gift addresses several vital needs for our department while providing significant momentum as we enter our first year as an all-sport member of the CAA. As a student-athlete when Stony Brook’s football program was in its infancy, Kevin is now graciously contributing to its continued elevation. I am indebted to him and his entire family for their trust and belief in what we are building,” said Director of Athletics Shawn Heilbron. “We are grateful for the vision and generosity of Kevin Kehoe and the Kehoe Family Foundation. Not only are they strengthening the foundation of Stony Brook Athletics, but as an alumnus and former student-athlete, Kevin’s leadership will go a long way toward inspiring the next generation of Stony Brook students and alumni,” said Vice President for Advancement and Executive Director of the Stony Brook Foundation Justin Fincher. “We look forward to the family’s continued partnership as our Athletics program begins this exciting new phase in its evolution.” Kehoe earned his bachelor’s degree at Stony Brook in 1977 and was a founding member of the university’s football team. As members of the inaugural football team at Stony Brook, Kevin and his teammates were pioneers who laid the foundation for what the program has become 45 years later. Kehoe was born in New York City but lived much of his life in Southern California, with stops in Florida and Texas. He began his business and consulting career with Coopers & Lybrand in 1984. Nearly a decade later in 1993, he launched his own consulting firm, Kehoe & Co., where he worked until he founded The Aspire Software Company in 2014. In 2021, he sold Aspire to Service Titan, where he retains a position as a consultant. In addition to his successful business career, Kevin is a published author of his memoir, One Hit Wonder: The Real-Life Adventures of an Average Guy and the Lessons He Learned Along the Way. Today, Kevin and his wife of 20 years, Lorraine, live in Arizona. About Stony Brook Athletics: Stony Brook University’s Athletics Department sponsors 18 varsity intercollegiate athletic programs that compete at the NCAA Division I level. Their world-class facilities include the 12,300-seat Kenneth P. LaValle Stadium, and a sports complex housing the 4,000-seat Island Federal Arena, which opened in the Fall of 2014. All of Stony Brook’s men’s and women’s programs offer athletic scholarships. For more information about the Stony Brook Seawolves, visit stonybrookathletics.com.
What is portability? The word is defined as the ability to be easily moved, but in the context of trusts and estates, it means so much more. In this regard, portability is one of the strongest tools in the planner’s toolbox to reduce or eliminate federal estate taxes after the deaths of a married couple.
According to federal law, each person has a lifetime estate and gift tax exemption ($12.06 million per person in 2022). As long as the taxable gifts they have paid out during life and at death is under this exemption, no taxes will be owed on the estate at the time of death. While the current exemption is over $24 million, this will sunset for deaths after Dec. 31, 2025.For any individual death after that date, the exemption will be $5 million, indexed for inflation. Unfortunately, New York State does not allow for portability so other estate tax planning remains necessary.
As an example, take a couple with $14 million total in assets, all held jointly or with the spouse named as beneficiary. The first spouse dies in 2022, the assets all pass over to the survivor and when the survivor dies, all assets will be taxable in that person’s estate. Estate taxes would be owed because the estate is larger than the survivor’s exemption, and if the second spouse dies after Jan. 1, 2026, the tax will be largely based on the reduced exemption amount.
Enter portability to save the day! The IRS allows the surviving spouse to have their own exemption plus any leftover amount of the first to die spouse’s exemption. The first to die spouse’s exemption is portable.However, this is only available if an estate tax return was filed at the time of the first death and election was made for portability. In our example, since the first spouse passed all assets to the survivor, none of the exemption was utilized.
If a tax return was filed for the estate and portability was elected, the estate of the survivor will have the applicable exemption amount from the year of death and the $12.06 million exemption from the first death in 2022. That will amount to over $17 million in exemption, thus eliminating all federal estate taxes.
The election to transfer the first deceased spouse’s unused applicable credit amount must be made on a timely filed estate tax return, usually within 9 months of the date of death or the last day of the period covered by an extension. If the tax return is not filed timely, the estate could utilize a simple procedure to obtain an extension to file a late tax return solely for the purpose of electing portability. The caveat is that the estate was not otherwise required to file an estate tax return. If more than 2 years had expired, the estate could ask the IRS for a Private Letter Ruling to obtain permission to file a late estate tax return.
The good news is that, in July 2022, the IRS amended its regulations to elect “portability” of a deceased spousal unused exclusion amount up to five years after the decedent’s date of death. This is especially relevant with the prospect of the federal applicable credit amount being reduced to $5.0 million (indexed for inflation) after Dec. 31, 2025.
As an example, the first spouse dies in 2018 and leaves everything to the surviving spouse — which would be tax free and no part of the deceased spouse’s credit was used. Now the surviving spouse has assets of $8.0 million. Since the federal credit is $12.06 million, no tax would be due if the surviving spouse died before December 31, 2025. However, if the surviving spouse dies after that date, there would be a federal tax for any estate assets in excess of $5.0 million (indexed for inflation).
Under this new amendment, the estate of the first deceased spouse could file for an extension to file a late estate tax return to capture the unused exemption of the first spouse to die. The survivor would have his or her own exemption plus the unused exemption, escaping all federal estate taxes.
Executors, trustees, or surviving spouses of an individual that died within the past five years should seek advice from a trusts and estates attorney regarding this important change in the regulation. It may be prudent, even in a more modest estate, to file the return and preserve the unused exemption amount as a planning tool for the surviving spouse.
Nancy Burner, Esq. is the founder and managing partner at Burner Law Group, P.C with offices located in East Setauket, Westhampton Beach, New York City and East Hampton.
The entrance to Cedar hill Cemetery. Photo by Chris Ryon
By Tara Mae
From slightly spooky to sublimely serene, the Port Jefferson Village Center’s latest exhibit captures the majesty and tranquility of Port Jefferson’s historic Cedar Hill Cemetery.
Titled Cedar Hill Cemetery: Hidden Sanctuary of Our Past, the exhibit of approximately 60 photos offers insight into the still-operational, non-denominational cemetery as seen through the lens of Port Jefferson Historian Chris Ryon and historic photographs from the Library of Congress.
The Hulse family plot at Cedar Hill Cemetery. Photo by Chris Ryon
Located on the second floor mezzanine of the Center, the show, which opens Sept. 5, features black and white, color, and near-infrared photographs, evoking different emotions and transcending different periods of time.
The photos trace the seasons, years, and decades of the cemetery, which was established in the mid-19th century and houses the grave markers for some of the area’s most prominent and historic names, including members of the Woodhull, Roe, and Mather families.
Ryon, who began regularly photographing the cemetery about ten years ago, curated the exhibit and contributed most of the images, including all of the near-infrared pictures, which require a specially outfitted camera. He said he is fascinated by the distinctive, haunting images it can yield.
One striking example is the Mather family marker, a 41-ton obelisk that is the largest memorial in Cedar Hill. Standing high above its neighbors, a focal point in any photo, it features the names of John R., prominent shipbuilder, and his son, John Titus, founder of Mather Hospital.
With the near-infrared, details such as snow covered tombstones and skylines framed by trees and awash in clouds, the hint of the harbor in the background, take on a gothic luster. The cemetery’s gates appear stark and imposing. Names and details of the gravestones are frequently in sharp focus, names clearly visible.
“I just keep going back to infrared; it is just so ominous looking … green turns white, shadows become more pronounced, etc,” Ryon said, adding that he was drawn to the cemetery as a subject because of his dual appreciation of photography and history. However, he sees the exhibit and cemetery appealing to more than photography and history buffs.
The gates of cemetery came from the 71st regimental armory on Park Ave. in NYC. Photo from Library of Congress
“This cemetery has everything: photographic interest, history, insight into the lives of people in Port Jefferson … I return because it is a serene, moody place different from our everyday lives,” Ryon explained. “Through this exhibit, we are trying to encourage people to visit the cemetery; they will be rewarded for it.”
Situated on 23 acres of carefully tended rolling hills (the highest point is 271 feet above sea level), grass roads, and reimagined sheep pasture at the end of Liberty Avenue, Superintendent of the cemetery Ken Boehm described Cedar Hill as “an oasis in the middle of suburbia.”An additional few acres of untouched wooded property enhances the feeling that the cemetery complements and almost sprouts from the natural world.
Architectural details, such a somewhat squat, “brick house” that once housed the deceased awaiting burial and now holds landscaping equipment, are testaments to the cemetery’s evolution from privately owned land to publicly accessible final respite. And, of course, historic Cedar Hill Cemetery continues to function as originally intended.
“Not to sound corny or anything, but we are helping people at the worst time in their lives, so to be able to maintain this place, make it a sanctuary any way we can, is very rewarding,” Boehm said.
In April of 1859 Hubbard Gildersleeve sold 13 acres of his land to the Cedar Hill Cemetery Association, which had been established on March 30, 1859, with the express purpose of establishing a public cemetery. Prior to this, residents had largely continued the long held custom of burying loved ones in family plots on private property.
“These larger cemeteries were all established around the same time; there was a change in the way we thought about the dead, and how we wanted to respect them,” Ryon said.
The Association still exists today and oversees the cemetery’s operations.
Back row, from left, Nick Hartmann, Will Hatfield, Spencer Woolley, Tom Cove and Ken Boehm. Front row, from left, Nick Koban and Dennis Jourdain. Photo by Chris Ryon
Cedar Hill’s first official burial was of Mary B. Hulse, wife of Charles L. Hulse, who died March 27, 1859. Gravestones, belonging to people who predeceased her, soon joined Mrs. Hulse.
Since it was considered both disrespectful and unwise to disinter the actual bodies from their more informal resting places, bits of soil from those locations were moved with the markers to their new homes. Families who visited would often picnic and tend the gravesites; photographs from different eras may show them sitting among the graves or looking towards the water.
People still come to visit their loved ones, do some plantings at the family plots, and take in the views, though they rarely picnic, according to Boehm.
Other modifications, not just in behavior but appearance, have been made over the years. The tall gates, somehow both welcoming and austere, which greet or guard the entrance to the cemetery depending on the time of day, were purchased from a salvage yard in 1971. They once protected the 71st Regiment Armory on Park Avenue in New York City, and need some TLC after so much time on the job.
“The gates will be restored; people want to restore them. Fundraising and other efforts are in development,” Ryon said.
This ties into the larger goal of Hidden Sanctuary: to bring more public awareness to its existence and garner more support for its preservation and maintenance. The Cemetery Association and Village of Port Jefferson are discussing plans to create QR codes, implement cemetery tours, and generally invite people to take advantage of all the cemetery has to offer.
“The exhibit is important to make the public aware of this beautiful sanctuary right in our village. Many do not know it exists. We are hoping to share our cemetery with everyone and take some of the stigma out. We are non-denominational, all are welcome,” President of the Cemetery Association Gail Tilton said.
The Port Jefferson Gallery at the Village Center, 101 E. Broadway, Port Jefferson presents Cedar Hill Cemetery: Hidden Sanctuary of Our Past from Sept. 5 to Oct. 31.Join them for an opening reception on Sunday, Sept. 11 from 1 to 3 p.m. Viewing hours are 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily. For more information about the exhibit, call 631-473-4778 or visit www.portjeff.com/gallery. To learn more about Cedar Hill Cemetery, call 631-371-6113 or visit www.cedarhillcemeterypj.com.
Park sitting at his favorite bench in Stony Brook Village.
Photo by Barbara Anne Kirshner
By Barbara Anne Kirshner
SWEET 16! A milestone in the life of a teenager-a threshold into exciting adventures on the horizon whether it be college, military service, work, Sweet 16 ushers in all of life’s expectations with parents right there to rejoice and take pride in accomplishments awaiting their child.
BUT what if the Sweet 16 is your precious dog? In that case, 16 becomes a dreaded number foreshadowing the impending end. You look at your little charge and instead of being filled with joys for the future, you are reduced to the dread of that haunting overriding question “WHEN?” When will your companion suffer the ravages of old age? When will our time together run out? When will you experience your last day together and be forced to whisper “goodbye”?
All these thoughts fill me with dread. Park has been the BEST boy, my special little man. I’ve written about how we met; how I was hesitant to take on another dog with two at home already; how he became Park The Christmas Puppy having joined our family on Christmas 2006; how he became my traveling buddy; how strangers marveled at how good he was in his stroller as we toured local stores; and how, on numerous occasions, cars stopped, and people called out, “That is the most beautiful dog I’ve ever seen!”
Park sitting at his favorite bench in Stony Brook Village. Photo by Barbara Anne Kirshner
Then the day came when my editor asked me to write an article on the 2014 motorcycle exhibit at the Ward Melville Heritage Organization’s Educational and Cultural Center in Stony Brook Village. The curator asked me to come down on July 3, Park’s birthday. I couldn’t bear to leave my boy on his special day, so I asked if he could join and thankfully, Park was welcomed. They were impressed with how good he was as we toured the exhibit and how he let me work just as long as I was in his eyesight.
The curator suggested that Park and I stop off at the Village Green, a lush park-like section fronting quaint shops at the Stony Brook Village Center. Park and I were delighted with this picturesque spot and we rested for the first time on what was to become “Park’s Bench.” That was the first of our annual visits to this special bench overlooking Stony Brook Harbor. Every year since then, no matter what we have planned for his birthday celebration, we pause at his bench — two friends sitting and enjoying a few quiet moments together before the rest of his birthday festivities begin.
Last year Park was paralyzed, having gone down May 15, 2021, through the summer including his birthday. Then miraculously, through constant visits to the vet for treatments, he regained the use of his hind legs in late September 2021.
Now, at 16, his face shows signs of age though amazingly, he hasn’t grayed, but his eyes now lack that playful sparkle once so prevalent and that constant energy is gone. He has a decided tremor that seems to be more apparent with each passing day and lately he’s faltering again when he walks.
Yet I am blessed to have my little man at Sweet 16, to still be able to pet him and look into those loving eyes. But TIME and the BIG question “WHEN” loom large.
When Park decides he has had enough of this world, it will be one of the greatest hits in my life as there is no consolation for the loss of a loved one. The only solace for me comes from an adage from Brandon McMillan of the original Lucky Dog series:
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
A resident of Miller Place, Barbara Anne Kirshner writes theater reviews for TBR News Media and is a freelance journalist, playwright and author of “Madison Weatherbee — The Different Dachshund.”
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