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Plain Talk

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Every month it seems that the world is becoming more unsettled and divisive. No matter what one’s political affiliation, all of us would agree that there is waste and mismanagement within the federal government. It is very troubling.

However, it doesn’t help that all kinds of accusations are being made about theft, fraud and mismanagement and very little is substantiated with legitimate proof. Dedicated public servants with impeccable records, some with spouses and children, are being fired without real notice. We can and should do better.

Attempting to freeze federal grants that benefit the poor, the needy, those battling mental health issues and our veterans, honestly is unconscionable and heartless.

For more than 40 years, I have refused to take federal money because I worried that one day I would have to face what my colleagues and the nonprofit world are facing. The anxiety and unconscious stress that so many are feeling right now is so unnecessary.

The work that the not-for-profit community does in our local community and in our county is beyond words. The countless lives saved and transformed could fill pages upon pages of any newspaper if their stories were told.

As an educator, what is equally troubling is how we cannot have transparent, critically thought out conversations about the real issues that concern all of us. It seems sometimes that the people we elect leave their heart and soul at the steps of the Capitol. We have elected a senator and a Congress person to represent us, not to mindlessly repeat what the party leadership speaks.

The next generation is watching us and what we are showing them from the classroom to the workplace. 

We are so blessed to live in one of the greatest countries in the world. We are a melting pot of every race, creed, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation and social status. Every American has a voice that must be heard. We must not be afraid to express ourselves, especially if it goes against our leadership. That’s the beauty of our nation. Every voice, no matter who’s speaking, is important and must be respected. 

Americans should never be afraid of reprisal for expressing respectfully what they feel and what they think.

When are our elected representatives going to represent us and what we feel is important? When are we going to elect representatives that lead and not follow?

Isn’t that what democracy is all about?

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

There is so much conflict and polarization in the world today. We need to work harder at building bridges instead of walls. DEI — diversity, equity, and inclusion — is such a powerful way to build those bridges that are so crucial.

To blame tragedies on DEI is unconscionable. DEI should be woven in all of our workplaces, in our schools and in our sports. We are a nation founded on diversity; hopefully a nation that practices equity and is continuously looking for ways to be more inclusive.

Unfortunately, discrimination, lack of equity and inclusiveness have been part of our history. Many have worked to correct those areas that are not inclusive at all and open to diversity.

Wherever DEI is present, it strengthens the workplace. It does not weaken it. Standards are not compromised. Expectations are not minimized. Inclusivity is an attempt to make sure that everyone is welcomed;  equity is an attempt to make sure everyone is treated fairly without compromise or discrimination.

To eliminate DEI would be a step backwards; it would once again reinforce prejudicial attitudes and behaviors. No matter what our political affiliation, we need to be advocates for inclusivity equity and diversity. We have made such great strides in combatting, exclusivity, injustice, and blatant discrimination. We have an opportunity as a country to transcend political differences and find a way to work together to make all Americans feel welcomed, respected, and included.

These are definitely challenging times, but also an opportunity to come together despite our differences. It is an opportunity to move forward as a stronger nation respecting the gifts and talents of all people and using their gifts and talents to build a stronger and more resilient nation.

DEI and its initiatives are aimed at fostering a culture that embraces and values differences; ultimately leading not only to better outcomes for organizations that embrace these initiatives, but also an opportunity to strengthen not only our communities, but our nation. It is an opportunity to really build strong bridges, and not walls.

DEI is a framework that can promote a more inclusive and fair environment for all individuals regardless of their backgrounds or their identities. Our nation was founded on freedom and respect for all people despite our ethnic differences. We are a melting pot nation and stronger because of that.

As we welcome a new leadership team, they represent us and what we believe is important for our country. Unity, inclusiveness, respect and equity are critical for our future and for the strength of our nation. We don’t want the next generation to be blinded by race, religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. We want the next generation to celebrate our diversity as a gift and a blessing.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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Former President Jimmy Carter Photo courtesy of WikiMedia Commons

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

The year 2025 has already begun. New Year’s Eve was marked by a terrible act of senseless violence in New Orleans; killing and hurting many innocent people who were celebrating the dawn of a new year.

Despite that horrific act of violence, the country has been blessed with countless acts of kindness and generosity. Even locally our community has been blessed with countless people constantly thinking of others.

On December 29, 2024, one of the greatest humanitarian, world leaders of our time died at the age of 100. Jimmy Carter was the 39th president of the United States. He is known more for what he has done since he left the presidency then when he was president. When I heard he had passed, I stopped to think of where was I when he was elected president in November of 1976. I was finishing my graduate studies for the priesthood at the Catholic University of America in Washington D.C. and was teaching and assistant principal of a small Catholic school. Those were wonderful years for me.

I was the seventh and eighth grade basketball coach and the assistant principal in charge of the junior high division of a struggling Catholic school. I learned so much from those years in the classroom and working with my students, many of whom still reach out and drop me a line to let me know how they’re doing and what they’re doing.

Carter was such a powerful role model for me. He was so committed to his faith, to social justice, to peace and to the respect for all humanity. He did not just talk the talk; he walked the walk. He was a constant voice for human rights and respect for all humanity. His power of example inspired many of us to work to become the best versions of ourselves and for those of us in leadership, whether big or small, his power of example should inspire us to do more for the sake of others.

A new year has just begun; the chaos and polarization continues. As our former president begins a second term as our newly elected president, let’s hope he and his team can build bridges and not walls.

Let’s work harder at respect and collaboration, truth and honesty, respect and integrity. May 2025 be a year of new beginnings, new relationships, new friendships. May this new year empower us to work hard at unity and respect for the dignity of all people, no matter what their race, color, gender, sexual orientation, social status, or ethnicity.

May our religious leaders have the courage to speak out about injustice, hate, discrimination, and the weaponization of religion, for the sake of political gain. May 2025 be the year where we all make room in our hearts for more love, compassion, forgiveness, and social justice. Blessings for all of us as this new year unfolds.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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Founder of Christmas Magic, Charlie Russo, far left, accepts a check on behalf of the charity.

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

It is hard to believe that the holiday season 2024 is so fast approaching. As I write this column, it is still a week before Thanksgiving and the holiday lights are appearing everywhere. For college students, final exams are fast approaching. 

This has been a really challenging year for us as a nation. The election of our President brought out great divisiveness. The negativity was painful and the intense polarization was so infectious.

However, the mood is changing. Thanksgiving is upon us. It’s a time for building bridges, not walls. It’s a time to take pause and be profoundly grateful for all of our blessings. It’s a time for reaching out to our neighbors, even if we’ve disagreed with them. It’s a time for us to celebrate the greatness of our nation.

We should take a moment this holiday season to give thanks for what we have and build upon it in the new year.

Every year I am so impressed with my college students and what they do for others. My university students at St. Joseph’s are so generous with our Thanksgiving and Christmas projects that serve those in need. My Suffolk County Community College students are equally generous with their time and talent. They give so much during this wonderful season that it really makes a difference. I am so proud of them. They inspire me to stay the course and continue in higher education.

More than three decades ago, a young lawyer named Charlie Russo wanted to teach his children the real meaning of the Christmas season. It gave birth to a program that has grown tremendously known as Christmas Magic (christmasmagic.org). It reaches out to all of our children that must spend the Christmas season in our county homeless shelters.

Now more than 30 years later, the organization continues to inspire young people and adults from all over the county to give their time and talent during the holiday season. Hundreds of our high school students volunteer to wrap presents and volunteer as elves. A growing number of college students are also volunteering every holiday season to help and support the efforts of Christmas Magic. 

We also cannot forget the extreme generosity of our larger community who contribute money and presents so Christmas Magic can continue to touch the lives of thousands of little kids who are in our county homeless shelters.

By the time you read this column, you will be in the midst of celebrating this wonderful time of year, a time for love for peace and for gratitude. May this holiday season be a real blessing to all of you.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

By next week we will have elected a new President of the United States. Hopefully, whoever is elected, he or she will use language that unites us and language that divides us. The new president must be a bridge builder not a wall builder.

One of the many things that has been buried in the rubble of negative rhetoric is a respect for the human dignity of every human person. We must hold our president to a higher standard of respect for all people.

Respecting the human dignity of all people means recognizing and valuing each human person’s inherent worth and rights; regardless of one’s background, beliefs or human circumstance; it involves treating everyone with kindness and compassion; acknowledging their feelings and perspectives; always advocating for their rights and freedom.

This kind of respect for one’s human dignity is grounded in the belief that every person has a unique story to tell; deserving of acknowledgment and empathy. It encompasses promoting equality, combating discrimination and ensuring that everyone has access to equal opportunity and the resources that they need to thrive.

Ultimately, we must be committed to building a more just and inclusive society, where everyone can live authentically with dignity and no fear.

Our social justice lens has been blurred in recent years due to the intense polarization of our nation. I think our moral compass needs to be reset. Religion, sadly, has been used as a weapon rather than a profound reminder of the human dignity of every human person; one that is inclusive and that all of our holy books affirm.

The next generation of leaders have tremendous potential and possibility. I see it every day in the students and graduate students I am privileged to teach. My fear for them is that they have very few role models to look up to, to prepare them for the future.

They possess little or no civic responsibility. Many of them believe their vote does not count so why bother! However, some are seeing the value of getting involved and giving voice to the issues that are important to them. They need to hear and see that positive change is possible. Sometimes it just takes one voice to shed light on an issue of deep concern and change does happen.

Hope is a profound and positive emotion characterized by a belief in the possibility of a better future. This year my students have renewed my sense of hope for the future. I listen to their dreams, I hear them speak of a deep sense of purpose. They are resilient. They want to make the world a better place. I really believe they can.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Every day I am amazed with the young people that I meet both in the classroom and on the street. So many of them express a sincere desire for wanting to make a difference. They’re seeking how to do that.

A while back I met a young man who was struggling with alcohol. On paper, his life was most impressive. He was captain of the football team in high school, got a scholarship to a university in upstate New York became the captain of that football team and graduated with honors.

In his senior year, he was struggling with what to do with the rest of his life. He decided to pursue a law degree. After graduation, he was hired by a prestigious law firm in New York City. He did an extraordinary job for them but his alcoholism got in the way. He resigned before he lost his law license.

With encouragement from family and friends, he went into residential treatment. After his assessment, it was determined that he would benefit from long-term treatment. After a few months, he thought he knew everything and he left against the council’s advice.

He had saved some money, was able to rent an apartment and set up a private practice. He is a very good attorney and did very well in the courtroom and for his clients. Unfortunately, he started to isolate and drink again. It got progressively worse to the point he almost died. His family conveyed they wanted nothing to do with him unless he was willing to go back into treatment.

Being a very stubborn young man, it took him landing back in the hospital and almost dying to agree to go back into treatment. He reached out to the program that helped him reclaim himself, the same place where he thought he knew more than the people running it. They welcomed him back.

He came back to treatment with a renewed commitment to surrender and listen to those who were entrusted with his care. In his third month, he had a painful awareness; he acknowledged that for a better part of 30 years he was harboring a traumatic event that changed his life forever.

When he was six years old, his father came home drunk and very angry at his mother. He had a gun and intended to kill her. He, his mother and baby sister were in the kitchen. His mom was holding his sister; his father was out of control he was sitting just a few feet away and the father’s gun went off missing his faced by inches and struck his baby sister. He never told anyone about that horrific event. He was embarrassed and ashamed.

Since letting go of that burden, he is determined to live his life differently, to live a life of wellness and recovery. He has decided to go back to school and become a nurse practitioner so he can give back to the recovery community that saved his life.

Change and transformation are possible, if we are willing to support those men and women who struggle with this serious health issue.

We need more beds for treatment not for next week or next year but for now. Go to Hope Academy at Little Portion Friary in Mt. Sinai and visit the Garden of Remembrance to see first-hand the 120 crosses for those who weren’t given a chance to reclaim their lives because we did not have the beds available for treatment. However, I believe hope springs eternal! I will continue to advocate for the most vulnerable among us!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

It’s hard to believe that another school year has begun. I’ve started teaching again at Suffolk County Community College (SCCC). I have 35 extraordinary young men and women in my Introduction to Sociology class. That same week I started back at Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service. I teach second-year students clinical practice. They inspire me to keep coming back because of their passion, compassion, and commitment to wanting to truly make a difference in the world. I’ve been taking the 6:09 a.m.  train from Ronkonkoma every Tuesday morning for 21 years. I look forward to it.

In the first week of September, I return to St. Joseph’s University in Patchogue. I will be teaching social science and social work to undergraduates.

Since the pandemic, I have observed a number of things with all of my students, no matter what the school or their level. In general, their capacity for concentration seems to be clearly impaired. I find a growing number of students more anxious and more distracted. The most disturbing observation is how many students are obsessed with their cell phones.

Recently, I asked my 35 college coeds at SCCC if they would be willing to freely surrender their cell phones at the beginning of each class. There were three or four students who volunteered and said they would be willing. The request ended with a very powerful conversation regarding cell phones. Their self-awareness and their honesty were most impressive.

Many college coeds are beginning to see the damage that cell phone obsession and dependency is causing. I think we need to continue the conversation and confront this issue because of the tremendous impact it is having on the next generation of students.

It is no secret that mental health among our students is a real concern. Many school districts and our larger community have increased their social work and mental health staff. We need to continue to address with outrage that many still attack mental health and substance use disorders with disdain.

As the new school year begins, I would encourage all our local schools, pre-K through 12th grade, to prohibit cell phone possession and use on all school grounds. On the high school level, I think there are creative ways to keep cell phones out of instructional settings and allow students to have access to them at the end of the school day.

We no longer can ignore the evidence-based research that underscores how negatively cell phone access 24 hours a day is impacting on our youth. Hopefully, our school communities including parents, will have the courage to take this issue seriously and to acknowledge how this is impacting on our youth’s mental health.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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Father Gerald Fitzsimmons

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Our community has been blessed with so many extraordinary people who by the power of their example have inspired many of us to stay the course and continue to build bridges and not walls.

One of those powerful bridge builders who touched so many of us died on July 19 of ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease, at the age of 76. Father Gerald Fitzsimmons, known to most of us as Fr. Fitz was a powerful preacher and teacher. 

In 1974, Fr. Fitz came as an ordained deacon for the Montfort Missionaries and was assigned to Infant Jesus Catholic Church in Port Jefferson Village. In 1975, he was ordained a Roman Catholic priest. He was young and filled with tremendous energy with a powerful voice.

In 1979, another young Montfort Missionary came to Port Jefferson’s Infant Jesus Church to replace him. Yours truly was assigned as a parish priest. Fr. Fitz stayed an extra year. I learned so much from him about ministry, about priesthood and about basketball. We were both fierce competitors.

However, what impressed me most was his compassionate heart and his profound commitment to the most vulnerable and broken among us. After Infant Jesus, he served as the pastor of St. Mary Gate of Heaven church in Ozone Park, Queens. Also, during the years after he left Port Jefferson, he became known throughout the region as an extraordinary preacher and retreat master.

Father Gerald Fitzsimmons

His ministry extended around the world. He became a real agent of compassion and justice for those who were victims of clergy sexual abuse. He became internationally known for his compassionate heart and his wisdom.

Hope House Ministries was founded in 1980. In the 1990s, as we were experiencing a lot of growing pains, he was elected Provincial Superior of the Montfort Missionaries in the United StatesDuring his tenure, he was extremely supportive of my ministry in Port Jefferson and supportive of me personally. He always urged me to stay the course and I have.

Having accompanied a number of people who died from ALS, I have always been amazed with their courage, kindness and wisdom.

During the two years with ALS, Father Fitz never stopped working, preaching and healing. Quickly the disease caused him to be confined to a wheelchair; then he became unable to use only a few fingers. However, he continued to use his powerful voice of compassion through Zoom meetings with the international community and celebrating mass regularly for the Sisters of St. Joseph up until a week before he died. 

His voice and compassionate heart will always be remembered. I am grateful that I got to know him and was able to walk with him on part of his journey. I know I am richer for it.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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Christine Pendergast with her late husband Christopher

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Kindness. It is not a noun but rather an action word. As I’ve been reflecting on the state of our nation and our world and how out-of-control we are, I was thinking about what is profoundly missing and it is genuine kindness.

Random acts of kindness seem to have been lost in the storm of selfishness and narcissism. We can’t have a simple conversation about anything. Words like us and them have further paralyzed any bridge building. Finding common ground seems like an impossible task.

We are a polarized nation. The extremists on both sides are weaponizing our justice system, our schools and even our religions.

I am disappointed in all of our major religious traditions including my own, because our silence means complicity — supporting behaviors and attitudes that lack mercy, compassion and humility.

Our religious voices should be urging that we find a common ground with respect as our foundation. I believe we can change the world for the better with kindness.

Contrary to the cynicism and negativity that is so infectious, I have seen how the heart of kindness can transform people’s lives.

Fifty-one years ago this year, two young idealistic teachers who wanted to change the world got married. One was a science teacher, the other a special education teacher and school administrator; their power of example and kindness inspired generations of students.

Ten years into his teaching career the science teacher was struck with a terminal illness known as ALS-Lou Gehrig’s disease. For more than 27 years, Dr. Christopher Pendergast lived with ALS. He lived with courage, compassion and kindness. His lifelong companion, his wife, walked with him on this challenging journey.

He and his wife founded “The Ride for Life” — a program to raise awareness and money for ALS research that hopefully someday will find a cure. As this disease continued to limit Dr. Pendergast’s ability to move freely, it never impaired his kindness and compassion for others. His random acts of kindness touched so many people throughout his life.

The book that he and his wife co-authored, “Blink Spoken Here: Tale From a Journey to Within,” is a powerful reminder of how kindness and compassion can transform people’s lives.

Having been blessed to know both of them for more than twenty-five years, I saw firsthand the power of kindness and how it touches people’s hearts and changes people’s lives. When my brother at the age of 36 was struck with ALS, they couldn’t do enough for him, his wife and their two children. My family will never forget their compassion and their kindness.

Their power of example reminds me every day that kindness can change the world and be a bridge for building a better tomorrow.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

On the first Sunday in June myself and a colleague left JFK Airport with 10 university students for Berlin, Germany. Their ages ranged from 19 to 22 with one returning student who is 40. The purpose of this trip was a study abroad experience in restorative justice. My colleague is the chairperson of Criminal Justice at Saint Joseph University, and I participated representing our social science department as a sociologist and clinical social worker.

Our hope is that our students will come home with a better understanding of the profound differences between American criminal justice and German criminal justice. The differences are significant. American criminal justice focuses on punishment; the German system focuses on rehabilitation, transformation and change.

From the moment you walked on the ground of the two prisons we were privileged to visit, you could sense in the air that these prisons are different. The first thing they do when an inmate arrives is a complete psychosocial work up and a life plan that focuses on a positive treatment program with attainable goals.

All of the inmates have single rooms with a bathroom and a TV which they pay for. The walls are painted with bright colors; the inmates are permitted to post pictures and/or posters that are meaningful to them. There are plants throughout the building and outside within the courtyard that the inmates are allowed to utilize. In addition to plants, there are flower gardens and vegetable gardens that the inmates maintain.

They have the opportunity on campus to work in the woodshop and the metal shop. Things they make are sold in the community to support the important work of the prison. Every six months, the social therapy team convene to see how the inmate is doing. If he’s not doing well, they look at what to do to adapt and adjust his treatment plan to better empower him to make the changes he needs.

After three very intense days, I am writing this article with four more days left of our trip. Thus far the students have shared that the experience has been overwhelming; that they learn so much from visiting the two prisons. Each superintendent commented on our students’ questions and their insight. In addition to the two prisons, we’ve visited one of the first concentration camps in Berlin, the Berlin Wall, and the Holocaust memorial in the city. We were all very conscious of the innocent loss of life because of hate.

Despite the intensity of the experience, I was very impressed with these 10 students’ sense of hopefulness, especially in the positive sharing they engaged in. They conveyed in our morning conversations about their experiences and their desire to make a difference, even in the midst of our polarized world.

These students are coming home with a deeper awareness of what restorative justice is and how they can contribute to making it happen in our country. These young men and women are our future. They are amazing and give me renewed hope that tomorrow will be better.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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