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Father Francis Pizzarelli

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Every day I am amazed with the young people that I meet both in the classroom and on the street. So many of them express a sincere desire for wanting to make a difference. They’re seeking how to do that.

A while back I met a young man who was struggling with alcohol. On paper, his life was most impressive. He was captain of the football team in high school, got a scholarship to a university in upstate New York became the captain of that football team and graduated with honors.

In his senior year, he was struggling with what to do with the rest of his life. He decided to pursue a law degree. After graduation, he was hired by a prestigious law firm in New York City. He did an extraordinary job for them but his alcoholism got in the way. He resigned before he lost his law license.

With encouragement from family and friends, he went into residential treatment. After his assessment, it was determined that he would benefit from long-term treatment. After a few months, he thought he knew everything and he left against the council’s advice.

He had saved some money, was able to rent an apartment and set up a private practice. He is a very good attorney and did very well in the courtroom and for his clients. Unfortunately, he started to isolate and drink again. It got progressively worse to the point he almost died. His family conveyed they wanted nothing to do with him unless he was willing to go back into treatment.

Being a very stubborn young man, it took him landing back in the hospital and almost dying to agree to go back into treatment. He reached out to the program that helped him reclaim himself, the same place where he thought he knew more than the people running it. They welcomed him back.

He came back to treatment with a renewed commitment to surrender and listen to those who were entrusted with his care. In his third month, he had a painful awareness; he acknowledged that for a better part of 30 years he was harboring a traumatic event that changed his life forever.

When he was six years old, his father came home drunk and very angry at his mother. He had a gun and intended to kill her. He, his mother and baby sister were in the kitchen. His mom was holding his sister; his father was out of control he was sitting just a few feet away and the father’s gun went off missing his faced by inches and struck his baby sister. He never told anyone about that horrific event. He was embarrassed and ashamed.

Since letting go of that burden, he is determined to live his life differently, to live a life of wellness and recovery. He has decided to go back to school and become a nurse practitioner so he can give back to the recovery community that saved his life.

Change and transformation are possible, if we are willing to support those men and women who struggle with this serious health issue.

We need more beds for treatment not for next week or next year but for now. Go to Hope Academy at Little Portion Friary in Mt. Sinai and visit the Garden of Remembrance to see first-hand the 120 crosses for those who weren’t given a chance to reclaim their lives because we did not have the beds available for treatment. However, I believe hope springs eternal! I will continue to advocate for the most vulnerable among us!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

It’s hard to believe that another school year has begun. I’ve started teaching again at Suffolk County Community College (SCCC). I have 35 extraordinary young men and women in my Introduction to Sociology class. That same week I started back at Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service. I teach second-year students clinical practice. They inspire me to keep coming back because of their passion, compassion, and commitment to wanting to truly make a difference in the world. I’ve been taking the 6:09 a.m.  train from Ronkonkoma every Tuesday morning for 21 years. I look forward to it.

In the first week of September, I return to St. Joseph’s University in Patchogue. I will be teaching social science and social work to undergraduates.

Since the pandemic, I have observed a number of things with all of my students, no matter what the school or their level. In general, their capacity for concentration seems to be clearly impaired. I find a growing number of students more anxious and more distracted. The most disturbing observation is how many students are obsessed with their cell phones.

Recently, I asked my 35 college coeds at SCCC if they would be willing to freely surrender their cell phones at the beginning of each class. There were three or four students who volunteered and said they would be willing. The request ended with a very powerful conversation regarding cell phones. Their self-awareness and their honesty were most impressive.

Many college coeds are beginning to see the damage that cell phone obsession and dependency is causing. I think we need to continue the conversation and confront this issue because of the tremendous impact it is having on the next generation of students.

It is no secret that mental health among our students is a real concern. Many school districts and our larger community have increased their social work and mental health staff. We need to continue to address with outrage that many still attack mental health and substance use disorders with disdain.

As the new school year begins, I would encourage all our local schools, pre-K through 12th grade, to prohibit cell phone possession and use on all school grounds. On the high school level, I think there are creative ways to keep cell phones out of instructional settings and allow students to have access to them at the end of the school day.

We no longer can ignore the evidence-based research that underscores how negatively cell phone access 24 hours a day is impacting on our youth. Hopefully, our school communities including parents, will have the courage to take this issue seriously and to acknowledge how this is impacting on our youth’s mental health.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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Father Gerald Fitzsimmons

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Our community has been blessed with so many extraordinary people who by the power of their example have inspired many of us to stay the course and continue to build bridges and not walls.

One of those powerful bridge builders who touched so many of us died on July 19 of ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease, at the age of 76. Father Gerald Fitzsimmons, known to most of us as Fr. Fitz was a powerful preacher and teacher. 

In 1974, Fr. Fitz came as an ordained deacon for the Montfort Missionaries and was assigned to Infant Jesus Catholic Church in Port Jefferson Village. In 1975, he was ordained a Roman Catholic priest. He was young and filled with tremendous energy with a powerful voice.

In 1979, another young Montfort Missionary came to Port Jefferson’s Infant Jesus Church to replace him. Yours truly was assigned as a parish priest. Fr. Fitz stayed an extra year. I learned so much from him about ministry, about priesthood and about basketball. We were both fierce competitors.

However, what impressed me most was his compassionate heart and his profound commitment to the most vulnerable and broken among us. After Infant Jesus, he served as the pastor of St. Mary Gate of Heaven church in Ozone Park, Queens. Also, during the years after he left Port Jefferson, he became known throughout the region as an extraordinary preacher and retreat master.

Father Gerald Fitzsimmons

His ministry extended around the world. He became a real agent of compassion and justice for those who were victims of clergy sexual abuse. He became internationally known for his compassionate heart and his wisdom.

Hope House Ministries was founded in 1980. In the 1990s, as we were experiencing a lot of growing pains, he was elected Provincial Superior of the Montfort Missionaries in the United StatesDuring his tenure, he was extremely supportive of my ministry in Port Jefferson and supportive of me personally. He always urged me to stay the course and I have.

Having accompanied a number of people who died from ALS, I have always been amazed with their courage, kindness and wisdom.

During the two years with ALS, Father Fitz never stopped working, preaching and healing. Quickly the disease caused him to be confined to a wheelchair; then he became unable to use only a few fingers. However, he continued to use his powerful voice of compassion through Zoom meetings with the international community and celebrating mass regularly for the Sisters of St. Joseph up until a week before he died. 

His voice and compassionate heart will always be remembered. I am grateful that I got to know him and was able to walk with him on part of his journey. I know I am richer for it.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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Christine Pendergast with her late husband Christopher

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Kindness. It is not a noun but rather an action word. As I’ve been reflecting on the state of our nation and our world and how out-of-control we are, I was thinking about what is profoundly missing and it is genuine kindness.

Random acts of kindness seem to have been lost in the storm of selfishness and narcissism. We can’t have a simple conversation about anything. Words like us and them have further paralyzed any bridge building. Finding common ground seems like an impossible task.

We are a polarized nation. The extremists on both sides are weaponizing our justice system, our schools and even our religions.

I am disappointed in all of our major religious traditions including my own, because our silence means complicity — supporting behaviors and attitudes that lack mercy, compassion and humility.

Our religious voices should be urging that we find a common ground with respect as our foundation. I believe we can change the world for the better with kindness.

Contrary to the cynicism and negativity that is so infectious, I have seen how the heart of kindness can transform people’s lives.

Fifty-one years ago this year, two young idealistic teachers who wanted to change the world got married. One was a science teacher, the other a special education teacher and school administrator; their power of example and kindness inspired generations of students.

Ten years into his teaching career the science teacher was struck with a terminal illness known as ALS-Lou Gehrig’s disease. For more than 27 years, Dr. Christopher Pendergast lived with ALS. He lived with courage, compassion and kindness. His lifelong companion, his wife, walked with him on this challenging journey.

He and his wife founded “The Ride for Life” — a program to raise awareness and money for ALS research that hopefully someday will find a cure. As this disease continued to limit Dr. Pendergast’s ability to move freely, it never impaired his kindness and compassion for others. His random acts of kindness touched so many people throughout his life.

The book that he and his wife co-authored, “Blink Spoken Here: Tale From a Journey to Within,” is a powerful reminder of how kindness and compassion can transform people’s lives.

Having been blessed to know both of them for more than twenty-five years, I saw firsthand the power of kindness and how it touches people’s hearts and changes people’s lives. When my brother at the age of 36 was struck with ALS, they couldn’t do enough for him, his wife and their two children. My family will never forget their compassion and their kindness.

Their power of example reminds me every day that kindness can change the world and be a bridge for building a better tomorrow.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

On the first Sunday in June myself and a colleague left JFK Airport with 10 university students for Berlin, Germany. Their ages ranged from 19 to 22 with one returning student who is 40. The purpose of this trip was a study abroad experience in restorative justice. My colleague is the chairperson of Criminal Justice at Saint Joseph University, and I participated representing our social science department as a sociologist and clinical social worker.

Our hope is that our students will come home with a better understanding of the profound differences between American criminal justice and German criminal justice. The differences are significant. American criminal justice focuses on punishment; the German system focuses on rehabilitation, transformation and change.

From the moment you walked on the ground of the two prisons we were privileged to visit, you could sense in the air that these prisons are different. The first thing they do when an inmate arrives is a complete psychosocial work up and a life plan that focuses on a positive treatment program with attainable goals.

All of the inmates have single rooms with a bathroom and a TV which they pay for. The walls are painted with bright colors; the inmates are permitted to post pictures and/or posters that are meaningful to them. There are plants throughout the building and outside within the courtyard that the inmates are allowed to utilize. In addition to plants, there are flower gardens and vegetable gardens that the inmates maintain.

They have the opportunity on campus to work in the woodshop and the metal shop. Things they make are sold in the community to support the important work of the prison. Every six months, the social therapy team convene to see how the inmate is doing. If he’s not doing well, they look at what to do to adapt and adjust his treatment plan to better empower him to make the changes he needs.

After three very intense days, I am writing this article with four more days left of our trip. Thus far the students have shared that the experience has been overwhelming; that they learn so much from visiting the two prisons. Each superintendent commented on our students’ questions and their insight. In addition to the two prisons, we’ve visited one of the first concentration camps in Berlin, the Berlin Wall, and the Holocaust memorial in the city. We were all very conscious of the innocent loss of life because of hate.

Despite the intensity of the experience, I was very impressed with these 10 students’ sense of hopefulness, especially in the positive sharing they engaged in. They conveyed in our morning conversations about their experiences and their desire to make a difference, even in the midst of our polarized world.

These students are coming home with a deeper awareness of what restorative justice is and how they can contribute to making it happen in our country. These young men and women are our future. They are amazing and give me renewed hope that tomorrow will be better.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

It’s hard to believe that we are in the midst of another college graduation season. As an educator, I have valued my time teaching college and graduate students.

Since the pandemic, educating college students has changed radically. Their academic skills could be stronger, as well as their critical thinking and analytical writing skills. However, I have still found them open to new ideas and broader perspectives on their view of the world. Like many of my colleagues, I am concerned about their tendency towards isolation and their disconnectedness from their peers.

This graduation season has been challenging with the college student protests around the country. Unfortunately, these protests have further polarized our nation.

The right to protest is every American’s right, whether we support the issue or not. What is important for those who protest to know and practice is peace and nonviolence at all costs. Hateful speech is not nonviolent; provocative speech often spurs on violence. In my Social Science classes and Graduate School classes we discussed the war in the Middle East and the senseless loss of innocent life, among the Israelis and the Palestinians. War never resolves conflict; it only perpetuates more violence and hate. 

Teaching Social Science and Graduate School Social Work provided a forum at the end of the semester to begin this important conversation. As always, I urged my students to be sociologically mindful and when it comes to this very sensitive issue to respond, not to react.

Graduates, as you continue your journey, do not let the social filters of our time enable bigotry, exclusivity and social injustice. Always speak up and work for human rights. Try to realize that being human and sensitive to others is more important than any successful academic record. Try showing compassion and understanding rooted in justice. 

May a kind word, a reassuring touch and a warm smile be yours every day of your life. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending. Teach love to those who only know hate. And let that love embrace you as you continue in the world.

Don’t be blinded by those who tend to use shame, blame, guilt and religion to shackle people down and divide them. Set people free with your respect and non-judgmental way.

May your moral compass be grounded in respect for all human beings no matter what their color, their race, their creed or sexual orientation. May this compass guide you on a path that is committed to working for peace and social justice. As Gandhi once said, “be the change you hope for the world.”

Congratulations college graduates of 2024. Thank you for making the world a little richer, a little brighter, and a little bit more hopeful.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

When I first started teaching as a young, idealistic educator, I loved my first assignment to teach in the inner city of Washington, D.C. I was asked to teach seventh and eighth graders and to be the dean of discipline. What I think really saved me in those early years was being the basketball coach of an all African-American basketball team. Some of my students and players still reach out to me today.

Two years in, I was named principal of the junior high school division of this inner-city school. I’m still going for counseling for that experience, but I must admit I really loved my students and faculty and learned so much about what it really means to be an educator.

In the early 1980’s, I graduated to teaching on the college level. I started teaching social science at St. Joseph’s University, formerly St. Joseph’s College, in Patchogue. About the same time, I started to teach at Suffolk County Community College in Selden. After 10 years and being promoted to the rank of full professor, I was invited to teach in the honors college, probably one of the best kept secrets of higher education on Long Island.

Twenty years ago, I was invited to join the adjunct faculty at Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service. I teach second year graduate students clinical practice. Their passion for their profession inspires me to stay the course and continue the journey! 

Over the years, from my perspective, education has radically changed. Technology has been reshaping our schools for the past two decades. The pandemic had the greatest impact; my post-pandemic freshmen have, at best, weak communication skills. Their writing and critical thinking skills have been severely impaired. I have seen firsthand their tendency towards isolation, even in the midst of a crowd. So needless to say, its been a real challenge.

However, hope does live on! This spring semester at Suffolk County Community College, I have a 3:30 p.m. Introduction to Sociology class. It’s a full class with 35 students. I’m known for being tough and for giving a lot of work so I was somewhat surprised that the class was packed.

These young men and women have given me renewed hope for the future. Our class is like the United Nations. They are bright, hard-working and articulate; we speak about every social issue that is happening in our world. Their respect for diversity and difference is refreshing.

Recently, I asked them why they are so free to say what they think; without hesitancy a group of students called out and said because it’s a safe space. Maybe we need to work harder at creating more safe spaces in our schools at every level for the next generation!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

More than 30 years ago on a very cold January morning, a Vietnam vet came looking for me. He found me at the counseling center on High Street in Port Jefferson Village. He was shaking and could hardly speak. He told me that one of his buddies, who was also a Vietnam vet, had died. He had frozen to death along the railroad tracks.

He begged me to go with him. So we walked along the railroad tracks on the south side toward Stony Brook. About 1/4 of a mile down in the woods was a box village of mostly Vietnam vets. Most of them were probably suffering from PTSD, although back then we did not call it that and did not know how to treat it.

His friend was in his late 40’s. At that time, the Veterans Administration was not very helpful towards our veterans. The deceased veteran had no family to speak of. So, I got permission and claimed the body. We did a simple prayer service at Holy Sepulchre Cemetery in Coram where he was buried.

Someone had given me a large grave there a number of years before. I had seven spots. This man was the first to utilize that gift. I have since used it for a few more people who had no family and no one to care for them after they died.

When I got to the boxed village, it was overwhelming  to see so many homeless men with nothing. The homeless man was so grateful that I took care of his friend. I was so saddened that we failed someone who served our country. I asked the homeless man to come with me when I met the Commissioner of Social Services for Suffolk County. He was shocked to hear our story and to hear about the box village. He assured me they would do more.

Some things have changed over the past 30 years but not enough to really make a dent in our homeless population. In the 1990’s, there were certain social safety nets that empowered the homeless to break the cycle of poverty and dependency. Unfortunately, those social nets have fallen by the wayside.

The homeless live in the shadows and in the cracks. They have no fixed address so they have no one to represent them before government.

Thirty years later things are worse; our human resources are dwindling. Our social service system in Suffolk County and around the country is badly broken. We set the homeless up for failure and your tax dollars pay for it.

Presently, we have a Commissioner of Social Services who has a vision that will empower change, but unfortunately, she must deal with the legislature that does not see homelessness as a priority of real concern.

I guess we have forgotten that all life is sacred, even the homeless!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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Pixabay photo

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

As 2024 unfolds, we find ourselves at war in the Middle East and in the Ukraine. Tens of thousands of innocent people have been slaughtered because of hate.

We have people running for public office peddling the election lie, demeaning and name-calling fellow Americans who are also running for public office. The people in power sit in silence and by their silence they affirm it’s okay to peddle lies and hatefully assassinate another person’s character.

In the religious community, many of our major religious leaders keep silent and are complicit, making excuses for those who hate and have no respect for the human person.

Congress is paralyzed. They were elected to lead and for the most part are frozen in place and distracted by nonsense, instead of really doing the people’s business.

COVID has impaired our educational system. The next generation of college students are ill prepared to continue higher education. Many don’t even know what a declarative sentence is. They possess very weak critical thinking and writing skills. On some levels, we as educators have failed them. We must do things differently.

They have little or no interest in civics, or on becoming the next generation of public leaders. They are more fixated on their cell phones and their social media platforms.

Every semester I ask my freshman at St. Joseph’s University and Suffolk County Community College how many would be willing to hand in their cell phone for the semester. The reaction is unfortunately predictable. You would think I was asking for a kidney. Last semester not one student was willing to take the risk and do this.

As a student of human behavior, I have seen a steady increase in student isolation, student disconnectedness, anxiety, and depression. When I raised these observations, they affirmed what I was seeing. I asked why? They said COVID, cellular technology intensified their insecurity and their fear of reaching out and honestly not knowing how to do it!

However, hope still lives. Those same students indicated that they wanted to make a difference in the world. They wanted to feel and strengthen their human connectedness. I am cautiously optimistic with the right support and education their human connectedness will grow and be strengthened.

They are our next generation of leaders, teachers, social workers, law enforcement professionals, and healthcare professionals just to name a few of the professions before them. We need this generation to recapture compassion, service and the desire to make the world a better place. I am hopeful that they will do a better job than we did.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

The holiday season is quickly unfolding right in front of us. It’s hard to believe that another new year is almost here. 

We are so polarized as a world and troubled by the war between Israel and Hamas; impacting Israelis and Palestinians as well.

Our world is so infected with hate, violence and discrimination. The world is bleeding with no real healing in sight.

Constantly, I hear people complain about how selfish and self-centered the world has become. However, I’ve recently seen a different world. 

On November 1, I finally had the hard cast removed after six weeks. I felt so good to be liberated as I walked out of the surgeon’s office like a new person. I have been struggling with my knee and a tendon repair for almost a year due to a ski accident last year.

On my third day of liberation, I ended up back in the hospital due to an infection. Thankfully, the infection was contained. After a week and a half of intravenous antibiotics, I was able to walk out of St. Charles Hospital slowly and very carefully.

I went back to teaching this semester at St. Joseph’s University and Fordham University. I also usually teach a class at Suffolk Community College but due to poor enrollment my regular class was canceled.

It was great being back with my students. It’s the end of the semester and I returned just in time for final oral presentations. At Fordham, my graduate students were finishing their final papers.

I love teaching. I love my students. Every semester, I learn something new from my students. My graduate students inspire me to stay the course by their powerful commitment to wanting to make a difference and serve others.

Since coming back to school, especially graduate school, it has not been a walk in the park. To protect me from falling, I have my good friend Ethel my walker to keep me balanced.

Everyone complains about how violent the world is especially New York City. I have been teaching on Tuesdays at Fordham University for almost 20 years; I have never seen a violent act. To the contrary, I have seen compassion.

Every Tuesday I take the 5:38 AM train from Ronkonkoma. It is an express train to Pennsylvania Station. Whether I’m getting on the Long Island Railroad or getting on the subway, immediately someone pops up to offer me a seat or to assist me; it has amazed me beyond words, especially since I’m not dressed as a priest.

On the contrary, some would say I look like a homeless man! I am forever grateful for those random acts of compassion. Holiday blessings, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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