Eye on the Street: Bullying in an adult world
By Carolyn Sackstein
TBR News Media went to downtown Port Jefferson, where we asked people if they had ever experienced or witnessed bullying and, if so, how they dealt with it. While some were willing to share their experiences, few were willing to go on the record with their names and photographs.
One gentleman spoke about his child, who has special needs, being bullied. This man said he has experienced blowback for exercising his First Amendment right to free speech. He discussed the need for accountability for bad behavior. It was his opinion that without accountability people will continue to bully others.
One woman expressed her belief that people today act without love in their hearts. Kindness from others helped her to deal with her daughter’s death due to cancer. This lady wears a golden heart, which a stranger gave to her daughter. “It is a reminder to be kind,” the mother said.
Meg Sayers, Bethpage
A professional social worker in private practice, Meg works with children who are being bullied. She explained, “Bullying can be detrimental to children. Starting from a young age to adolescence, bullying can affect their self-esteem and mental health. Children who are bullied can experience depression and anxiety.”
She defined bullying as, “Intentionally saying and taking action to cause harm to other people when they are asked to stop. Even when they are not asked to stop. It can be unintentional.”
She suggested, “Part of the best coping mechanism is to help a child first identify that they are being bullied and then to help them advocate for themselves by sticking up for themselves or expressing what they are experiencing to others, to adults who can be helpful. Not normalizing bullying.”
Austin Prince, Yaphank
“Growing up I saw my friends and situations where they were getting bullied. One of the biggest things I learned with it is making sure you’re not just standing by, making sure you’re proactively trying to help them at the time or if need be trying to rectify it later on. Sometimes [it takes] talking with the bully: Where is this coming from? What’s going on in their life? Making sure that the person being bullied is OK.”
Jason and Christine Contino, Port Jefferson
Jason, a retired police officer and lead pastor at Harborview Christian Church on East Main Street, said, “I witnessed [bullying] as a police officer. I dealt with it by not only trying to figure out what was happening but getting [victims] to have the courage to come forward, if it got to the point where a criminal complaint was made. Whether it’s a student or somebody who calls the police, they know that the teacher, the principal, the police officer is not always going to be there. If it is someone in their family, they are still going to be interacting with that person.”
“Sometimes the most difficult point is getting them to feel confident in the fact that the system is actually able to protect them.” Christine added, “It is something we instilled in our children — that bullying is not tolerated. Both our boys ended up sticking up for others. … We have to teach our children what is right and wrong. It starts in the home.”
Kurt O’Brien, Connecticut
“There was always bullying in school growing up. It never happened to me, but I saw it happen to other people. I stuck up for them sometimes. I got beat up a couple of times from it.” Kurt added that bullying in the adult world is about “power, it is more hidden. There is bullying in law enforcement, in the court system, everything. It is not just like going after a little kid’s lunch money.”
Laonie, France and Noah, Port Jefferson
Noah recently returned to Port Jefferson after serving in the military for seven years. “I haven’t seen it in the village recently, but as a kid I definitely noticed it around school. I saw it on the bus when I was a senior. A young kid on the bus was getting bullied by a kid a couple of years older. I did tell the kid to stop. It was pretty evident that it was happening a lot.”
Laonie said she experienced bullying in primary school. “I was having bad results at school. My mom moved me twice to get better. I was very quiet. I didn’t talk to my parents about it. I just keep it to myself about it. I thought it was almost like normal.” When asked if it has affected her as an adult, she replied, “I actually have a baby, and I am wondering if it happens to him, how am I going to deal with it? Of course, I am going to be more sensitive and emotional. I am going to be more focused on this because I was so shy when I was so little. My mom was so great, but I couldn’t speak to her.”
Anthony Tallini, Coram
Anthony acknowledged that he was bullied for his weight and glasses. “As a kid in high school, I used to be heavier, [called] “four eyes” and “heavy.” Very standard. I just never cared.”
When asked if he had seen bullying as an adult in the workplace or a social setting, he said, “Yeah, I guess. It’s more just being mean. I haven’t stepped in. If it was someone I knew, I would. If it were someone I don’t know, probably not without knowing the relationship.”
