Plain Talk

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

Recently, I had a powerful discussion around a very toxic social issue. It was in my Honors Sociology class at Suffolk County Community College, which is probably one of the best kept secrets in public higher education on Long Island.

My class is diverse on every level. Their commonality is they are all bright and from all over Suffolk County. The respect and critical thinking skills they employed was refreshing. I have been an adjunct professor of Sociology there for over 35 years and I have never had a class that disappointed me.

However, this class has truly raised the bar. They took this very complex opinion piece  and were able to dissect it, respond and not react to each other. They raised phenomenal questions and pursued them. They acknowledged that civil discourse was critical and ad hominem attacks were not acceptable. They agreed to disagree in an acceptable and respectful manner. They also demonstrated a quality that is sadly lacking in Washington —  empathy for each other. Their quest for vetted evidence-based research for some of the more complex questions was refreshing.

The initial issue raised some important life issues and important life questions in a free society. The student’s quest for knowledge and truth was impressive. At the end of our discussion they were amazed at how much they all learned from each other because they were open and responsive instead of reactive and confrontational. They represent a real hope for tomorrow. Some who are leading us would learn much from their wisdom if they took the time to listen!

Recently, the federal government released another disturbing report regarding the heroin epidemic. They spoke about how this unfortunate health issue is out of control and is exponentially taking life senselessly. Most of us already know that!

However, the programs they are recommending money be spent on once again are misguided and will ultimately be ineffective in confronting this national health crisis. We in the trenches are dealing with this painful epidemic every day. The number of young men and women around the country who are senselessly dying is out of control. The lack of resources to make a difference in addicts’ lives and our response, at best, is pathetic.

Education and prevention are important, but we have no long-term treatment beds and no money being allocated to develop them. Our present system of treatment is inadequate and shameful. Every day we are bearing a growing number of young people that need not die. Visit the grounds of Little Portion Friary at Hope Academy in Mount Sinai, go behind the grotto of Our Lady of Hope to the Garden of Remembrance and you will find more than 100 crosses and other symbols that mark the young people who have died senselessly during this pandemic. Every day two or three more crosses are added. When are we going to say no more?

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

It’s hard to believe another new year has begun. There is so much tension and turmoil across our American landscape that is infected with a new COVID variant that is highly contagious. Our essential workers continue to be our heroes, as they quietly take on longer hours and additional shifts to keep people safe and healthy. We are blessed to have three extraordinary hospitals in our larger community: St. Charles, Mather, and Stony Brook University Hospital.

Our political landscape continues to be overwhelmed with hateful and divisive rhetoric that seems to be paralyzing us from moving forward. It is this hateful speech on both sides of the aisle that continues to infect and rip at the heart and soul of America. We need to elect leaders who will represent us and our issues in Washington, no matter what their political affiliation might be.

Our schools are failing at every level to motivate this generation to consider genuine government service and help them to believe that their voice does matter; that their active participation in the political life of our country can and will make a difference.

Active engagement on the part of every citizen will defeat the pharmaceutical industry, the insurance lobbyists and the gun lobbyists. Compromise and fairness once again will take center stage. We are a democracy, not an autocracy. Everyone’s vote and voice matters. Race, religion, sexual orientation or social status should not color how we see and support the issues.

Our public discourse has lost its moral compass. The often vulgar and disrespectful  ad hominem attacks too often have nothing to do with the issue at hand. Social media should be a positive tool to bring us together not a destructive weapon to demonize and destroy. 

Despite this troubling landscape as we begin a new year there are powerful lights piercing the darkness. 

Two young men from two different worlds on the verge of human destruction reclaimed their lives; one was a high school dropout, the other a college dropout. Both spent a significant amount of time living in the streets. Each man graduated in May with Masters degrees in social work from two different universities. Both decided to give back and take jobs as school social workers in different school districts. I asked them why? Both said: “I want to give back and possibly prevent someone else from walking down the wrong road.”

Probably the most touching experience I had this holiday season is when I met an eight-year-old girl named Celia. She came to her mom at the height of the pandemic and said, “I want to do something for the homeless.” This gave birth to “Celia Sews for Socks.” She made scrunchies and hair ties and sold them at a few local community events. She made $1000 to buy socks for the most needy among us. She donated $700 worth of socks to Hope Academy in Mount Sinai and $300 worth of socks to Little Flower Children’s Services.

What a refreshing little girl who has not been infected by all the craziness around us. She brought 10 bags of beautiful socks for some of the most vulnerable among us living at Hope Academy. The men gave her a standing ovation!

“Celia Sews for Socks” is a refreshing reminder that we can do better and this new year can be better. Celia, thank you for reminding me that hope lives in our midst!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

Pixabay photo

By Father Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

A few weeks ago, the federal government announced over 100,000 people died from heroin/fentanyl.  In Suffolk County, the number of senseless deaths is beyond numbers and words.

The pandemic has strained mental health services; and comprehensive residential treatment beds are hard to find. Long-term residential treatment is almost nonexistent.

However, the County Executive’s office allegedly has millions of dollars to distribute that are being held hostage while they decide how to distribute it. Meanwhile, countless lives are being senselessly lost due to this inaction.

It seems pretty clear to many of us in the trenches that a request for proposals should be sent out. Those interested should submit evidence-based proposals that primarily focus on opioid treatment and relapse prevention.

A team of professionals in the field of addiction, County legislators and parents who have lost children to this health epidemic should be left with the task of deciding who gets what, but it must happen soon! Time is of the essence. Every day I get calls from at least two parents representing two different families asking me to pray for a son or daughter that has overdosed and died.

Insurance is useless. It is not shaped on wellness or positive outcomes; it is shaped on saving money, not lives. Outpatient treatment for chronic relapses does not work for most. It is really a death sentence. Look at the data. Too many insurance companies refuse to pay and do the right thing. They should be forced to pay and should have no say in determining the kind of treatment necessary for the patient. That should be left in the hands of trained professionals.

It is December; in the Christian community it is known as Advent — a season of hope. In the Jewish community, they celebrate Hanukkah, also known as the Festival of Lights. Christians light advent candles, Jews light candles on the menorah. For both religious traditions, it is a time for renewed hope.

This holiday season is a powerful opportunity to celebrate the gift of hope — to transcend all the infectious negativity that is polarizing our nation. It is a time to celebrate the goodness that is all around us. The random acts of kindness in our community are inspirational. I continue to be amazed and inspired by our young people.

Christmas Magic, a local charity, collects thousands of gifts for children in our homeless shelters throughout Suffolk County. It engages hundreds of high school and college students who donate their time, collect and wrap gifts for poor children.

Christmas Magic was the creative idea of a dad more than 25 years ago who wanted to teach his children the real meaning of Christmas. That father is a man from our community who has done so much for so many never looking for anything in return. His power of example is extraordinary. He not only talks the talk but he walks the walk.

As we celebrate the Season of Hope and the Festival of Lights, let us make every effort to be beacons of hope and festivals of light for people who often hover in darkness.

May this season be a blessing for all of you — thanks for blessing me!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

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By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

It’s hard to believe that it’s almost Thanksgiving. The leaves are changing colors and will soon fall to the ground once again covering the earth. As we prepare for this most important American celebration, we have so much to be thankful for.

This brutal pandemic seems to be coming to an end; leaving us with so much death, so much sickness and suffering, but also a powerful reminder that life is fragile and sacred and that we as a people and as a nation are resilient.

Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful, to give thanks for our many blessings. It should not be a noun but an action word. In other words, it’s not enough to just say we’re grateful, we need to show our gratitude by our actions.

If we ever needed to come together as a people, it is now. Thanksgiving is a great opportunity for us to build bridges and not walls; for creating a new narrative that is focused on healing and not hatred. It is a time for celebrating our strengths, not harping on our weaknesses.

It is a time to end the vulgar discourse that is infecting and polarizing our political landscape. It is reprehensible when an elected member of Congress stands in that sacred chamber without a mask that metaphorically gives the finger to the elected President of the United States! What has happened to our elected leadership? Have they lost their moral compass and their commitment to lead by example? What are we teaching our children about respect for the dignity of all people, no matter what their political affiliation?

Thanksgiving can be a time for new beginnings. Let us leave all the hatred and venom behind and focus on all the goodness that makes America great today! Professional football player Tom Brady, after a big win, took the time to shake hands with a little nine-year-old boy who is a cancer survivor. What about local students from a youth fellowship who bake cookies on a regular basis and bring them to a local homeless shelter, or the recovering heroin addict who became a social worker and wrote a book about hope and transformation?

Every day there are big and small miracles that are transforming our world. We need to slow down enough in the midst of all of this chaos and take off the blinders.

This Thanksgiving, as you gather with your family and loved ones to give thanks, set an extra plate at your table for that person in our community who might not have a table to sit at. Be grateful this Thanksgiving and remember “it’s not the breaths you take, it’s how you breathe!” (Augie Nieto).

Happy Thanksgiving. I am forever grateful that I live and work among you!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

Pixabay photo

By Father Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

The pandemic has changed the world forever. It has profoundly reminded us that all life is sacred, but also very fragile. Many families have drawn closer together. More and more people have strengthened their human connections and value their time together.

Unfortunately, it has also further polarized our nation. The heart and soul of our country is wounded and bleeding profusely. Stress and anxiety are on the rise and we are all ill-equipped to meet the escalating need for competent mental health professionals.

Our schools are struggling with this new landscape that our children must travel. There is a great need for a stronger mental health support system to meet the growing number of students who are frightened and anxious.

The lack of quality childcare makes it even more stressful for single moms and moms whose working income is critical for survival.

The light at the end of the tunnel is blurred with mixed messages, conspiracy theories that are blatant lies and elected leaders who are not interested in the people that elected them but rather special interest groups.

Some of our religious leaders have been painfully silent when they should speak to social justice, human rights and doing what’s right for our communities. Our moral compass seems to be broken. How many more lives need to be senselessly lost before we stand up and work harder at building bridges and not walls? 

As a divided nation, we are giving power to divisive mean-spirited persons who do not care about the heart and soul of our country.

We are continuing to bury an epidemic number of young people who are dying from heroin because of our horrific insurance and healthcare system— one that is more focused on the bottom line financially than empowering a person to long term wellness and recovery.

Millions of dollars continue to sit in the Suffolk County Treasurer’s office while the bureaucrats decide who is going to get what. We are in the midst of a national health crisis. We need action now. We need more beds for long-term treatment. We need to support the few hospitals that provide limited treatment to expand their services.

As we bicker, an increasing number of families are burying their children senselessly. What will it take to force us to reclaim our humanity and restore the character and integrity of our great nation?

We the people — what does that mean in a country that is so divided? I have seen firsthand, in the midst of our diversity and difference, people come together to support each other in our times of need. We need to reclaim that spirit, transcend our differences and renew the hopeful spirit of our nation.Hope does not abandon us. We abandon hope.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

Ground Zero. Pixabay photo

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

On September 11, 2001, where were you? I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was teaching my Freshman Seminar Class at St. Joseph’s College in Patchogue. It was a beautiful sunny day. Right after that all of our classes were suspended. I celebrated the campus mass that day. We prayed for all the victims, for all the first responders and for our nation.

It was a scary day, but it also brought out the best in all of us. The solidarity that emerged in the days after 9/11 was inspirational. The spontaneous gatherings to honor our first responders, firefighters, and police were heartwarming.

President Bush brought us together as a nation reminding us “we must never forget!” When he addressed the nation that day he made everyone feel better and feel that we were connected to each other.

Much has happened these past 20 years since 9/11. The world has changed and so has our nation. Technology has transformed a whole generation. Unfortunately, it is a double-edged sword. In an instant you can have information about anything you desire that would normally take you days and weeks to gather. It has also become in some circumstances a painful distraction. People are obsessed with their cell phones. Communication skills have become weaker. As a teacher, I have found a growing number of my students have inadequate critical thinking and analytical writing skills.

Recently, I took an informal poll of my college students. 90% of more than 100 students acknowledged being on their cell phone more than being engaged in any other activity. Most of them agreed that cell phone use is out of control.

Ground Zero. Pixabay photo

We talked about the need for more human connection and how polarized our nation is. It was amazing to see how many believe that their vote does not matter. We talked about civic engagement, how they are the future leaders of our nation and that they need to become more involved today.

On the 20th anniversary of 9/11, I was profoundly moved by the words of our former President George Bush at the Shanksville National Memorial in Pennsylvania. He reminded the nation of the need for unity and solidarity; that we need to rediscover the same American spirit that brought us together 20 years ago on that horrific day. He also reminded us that home-grown terrorism is as evil as terrorism around the world because it destroys the fabric of our nation by encouraging violence, hate and destruction.

As we remember 9/11 and the thousands that died on that dark day in American history, let us recommit ourselves to social justice and human rights; let us recognize our greatness in our diversity and our respect for the dignity of all people.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

Pixabay photo

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

There is so much chaos in our midst. As we see a light at the end of the tunnel and start to feel free from the shackles of this pandemic, we need to seek out a deserted place to renew our spirit, recharge our battery and reflect on the things that are most important to us.

These past 18 months have been challenging. We have seen so much suffering, so much death, so much pain. For many of us, over the past few weeks we have been fortunate to reconnect with children, grandchildren, parents and good friends for the first time in more than a year. It’s overwhelming because we are beginning to realize that we have to create a new normal.

Hopefully, this new normal will cause us to value human connections over things; to see the importance of the people in our lives and to try to live every moment to the fullest. Hopefully, this new normal will underscore the importance of human relationships and the need for us to be respectful of all human beings no matter what their social circumstance, their sexual orientation, their race, religion or ethnicity.

As we begin to embrace this new normal, may we appreciate the sacredness of all life at all stages; may we also appreciate life’s fragileness and respond appropriately. We never know the time, the hour or the day that life as we know it might end. So, the challenge is to live life to the fullest, to make every moment count and to communicate to the people we love how much we love them and how important they are to us.

During this pandemic, I have seen so much pain and suffering, so much senseless death. I have deepened my appreciation for the people who give of themselves every day in healthcare and mental health — for all the essential workers that have sacrificed so much so others might live.

This past year has made me appreciate how hard life can be for so many who live in the shadows of mental health and addiction. Recently, I buried a 35-year-old recovering heroin addict who died last year in the midst of this pandemic. He spent the better part of his life in active addiction and destructive decision-making. He was lost and couldn’t find his way. Finally, he made the decision to embrace the road to recovery.

As he began that journey, it was very difficult. He had a number of stumbles along the way. He committed himself to a long term, nontraditional residential treatment program that helped him to change his life. He discovered a voice he never thought he had in poetry. It helped him to see life with a different lens. It empowered him to discover spirituality that helped him to cope with some of the potholes that he encountered along the way. His mother said she discovered a son who she thought was dead and found a son that, at first, she did not recognize. She saw laughter, compassion and concern for others. His new voice provided solace for so many and she found peace of heart. Although brief, she had reclaimed a lost son who was blessed with three years of a wonderful life.

This young man was doing well but like anyone who carries the cross of addiction, it took only an instant for him to disconnect and lose his life. The world is better because he walked among us and shared his new voice of hope, love and life. However, he is also a powerful reminder of how fragile life is and we do not know the time, the hour or the place when life ends. His life is a powerful reminder that we need to live each moment to the fullest, to become the best version of ourselves and to leave this world better than when we found it.

Addiction is like a cancer spreading out of control. People do recover and reclaim their lives but we have to do more to support those who are struggling on that road to find their way.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

Pixabay photo

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

The pandemic has changed the course of human history forever. As we move forward beyond all the restrictions, mask wearing and debate around being vaccinated, we are trying to create a new normal. No one is quite sure what that might look like.

Whatever the new normal looks like, we need to transcend all of the political rhetoric and polarization that has infected the soul of our nation. We need to reclaim basic respect for people, no matter what their race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation and/or socioeconomic status.

Our vision has become so blurred; our moral compass impaired. Those we have elected to lead us, no matter what their political party, need to lead by example.

Our country was founded on diversity and freedom of speech. However, freedom of speech does not give anyone the right to trample on another person’s freedom or perspective. 

The pandemic has consumed so many of our healthcare resources to care for those infected by the virus. Our healthcare community, with great courage, rose to the occasion and have been heroic in their care for all of our sick. Unfortunately, other healthcare concerns have not had the proper attention. Everyone in leadership, on both the federal and state level, have acknowledged the heroin epidemic is a national healthcare crisis. However, no money promised has reached the rank-and-file providers. Insurance companies continue to determine the financial equation for treatment. The recidivism rate based on their equation is dismal and becoming worse by the day.

Outpatient treatment for the heroin addict is a disaster — 28 days for hard-core relapsers is just the beginning. To tell the truth, most insurance companies will only cover 11 days of residential treatment because they’ve decided that after 11 days it’s not a medical emergency! That’s disgraceful!

It is apparent to me that they have not looked at the evidence-based research in regards to chronic heroin users and relapses. The research is clear — they need a minimum of 12 to 18 months with the hope of reclaiming their lives and developing the skills to sustain a life of abstinence and recovery.

What we are painfully learning is that we need to invest more resources after intensive treatment into transitional supportive services to ensure a recovering person success.

In the last six weeks, I have buried six young people who overdosed and died of heroin and fentanyl. Each of these young persons was in a variety of residential treatment settings. I am one cleric in a small region. Sadly, the number is probably triple that and not getting better.

Addicts do recover and reclaim their lives thanks to a collaborative effort on the part of many. On Memorial Day, a young recovering addict who was once a high school dropout and is now a successful attorney was married in New Jersey to another lawyer. I was privileged to preside at the ceremony and when it was finished, he whispered this to me: “thanks for helping me to reclaim my life. I will never forget you. I will always give back!”

On another positive note, a shout out to our Marine Bureau in Suffolk County. On a Saturday afternoon this month I was driving a boat to Davis Park where I am the pastor. The boat was filled with musicians in recovery who were going to play at the 5 p.m. mass there. We got halfway from Patchogue to Davis Park and the boat overheated. We were drifting in the great South Bay. Two police officers who were finishing their tour at Davis Park came out of their way to tow us in time for mass instead of just signing off. I am forever grateful to these two public servants for their service but also for their power of example for the young men in the boat who witnessed their service and kindness.

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

A scene from Stony Brook University's May 19 9 a.m. graduation ceremony. Photo by Greg Catalano

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

Graduation 2021 — what a year! In the midst of this horrific pandemic, so many of you have had the courage, despite so many obstacles, to stay the course and graduate with distinction from high school, college and graduate school.

This year has been plagued by so much sickness, death, and divisiveness. Yet, so many of you have volunteered to help those in need by your commitment to community service.

Graduates, as you continue your journey, do not let the social filters of our time enable bigotry, exclusivity and social injustice. Always speak up and work for human rights; try to realize that being human and sensitive to others is more important than any successful academic record. Showing compassion and understanding rooted in justice is more significant than a science formula. These are difficult lessons to learn because they demand that you risk all that you are now for what you could become tomorrow.

Look around you! We are living in a very challenging world. A new revolution is afoot; your generation is moving away from the indifference and the complacency of yesterday and is moving toward a new idealism of freedom and responsibility. It’s happening around the world, especially in the Middle East and in Africa. It’s not happening among the political elite, but among our young, our students, your peers. It gives me hope that tomorrow will be better.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch and a warm smile be yours every day of your life. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending. Teach love to those who know hate and let that love embrace you as you continue in the world.

Photo by Greg Catalano

Let the teachings of those you admire become a part of you so that you may call upon them. It is the content and quality of your character that is important, not merely the actions you take. Don’t judge a book by its cover, or stop at the introduction. Read it through; seek the meaning and messages it offers for life. Everyone’s life is sacred, even those who are different from you or whom you do not like.

Don’t be blinded by those who tend to use shame, blame, guilt and religion to shackle people down and divide them; set people free with your respect and nonjudgmental way.

We live in a world that is very deceptive. Don’t let the corrupt political rhetoric of our time blind your eyes, impair your hearing or shackle your dreaming. As you graduate, the social landscape that you must navigate is treacherous; be prepared to sail stormy waters, but don’t lose heart, draw on the goodness that lives within and the goodness of others to stay the course.

May your moral compass be grounded in respect for all human beings, no matter what their color, their race, their creed or their sexual orientation. May this compass guide you on a path that is committed to working for peace and social justice. As Gandhi once said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Congratulations graduates of 2021! Thanks for making the world a little richer, a little brighter, a little more hopeful and a better place to be! 

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.

Photo from Christine Pendergast

By Fr. Francis Pizzarelli

Father Frank Pizzarelli

Spring is supposed to be a time for new beginnings. Our spring has been marred by senseless shootings across the country, further inflamed by hateful rhetoric on both sides of the aisle that does not address the real heart of our social mayhem.

The vaccine which is supposed to be used as an instrument of healing in some circles is being used as a weapon. We have elected leaders that don’t lead but rather fuel the discontent and polarization that has become so infectious across our country.

It is springtime. Let’s talk about new beginnings, renewal and another way to talk with each other that is life-giving. Words matter. They can heal and help or hurt and destroy.

We need to challenge those with hurtful and despicable rhetoric to express their strong feelings in words that are respectful — words that don’t incite but rather encourage a deeper and more productive conversation about the things that really matter and have a profound impact on our community.

At the beginning of April, a young 16-year-old female Native American and African-American sophomore in high school wrote an op-ed piece in Newsday entitled “Why I sat for the Pledge of Allegiance.” Social media ripped her apart and she was threatened and harassed.

After reading her opinion piece, I decided to have my college and graduate students take a look at her article and discuss it. I saw for the first time what our future leadership could do. 

These students had a real in-depth conversation on a very delicate topic. It was impressive to see them exercise their well-developed critical thinking skills. They were genuinely sociologically mindful. They looked at every aspect of that student’s opinion. Not all agreed with her choice to be seated but they all agreed with her right to self-expression without harassment. They all condemned the despicable ad hominem attacks and rhetoric directed at her.

Ultimately, every class focused on the injustices she raised which led to a lively conversation of where do we go from here? How do we address these inequalities and hold people more accountable? It was refreshing to listen to the next generation of leaders speak passionately about human rights, social justice and express the desire to be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

On October 14, 2020, Dr. Christopher Pendergast, a dynamic teacher, motivational speaker and founder of the A.L.S. Ride for Life, died quietly at his home in Miller Place surrounded by his family. He was 71.

On April 28, Dr. Pendergast would have celebrated his 72nd birthday. Although he is no longer with us physically, his spirit lives on with Ride for Life’s mission and his endless acts of kindness and love that he did for so many while he walked among us.

Before he died he and his wife wrote a very powerful book entitled “Blink Spoken Here.” The last words of this exceptional story say “speech is freedom. Communication is the connection to the outside world. We all have a right to speak and to be heard … even if it’s only one blink at a time … Never be afraid to speak up. Your opinions matter.” Amen!

Father Francis Pizzarelli, SMM, LCSW-R, ACSW, DCSW, is the director of Hope House Ministries in Port Jefferson.