Opinion

Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Once upon a time, the eight parts of speech came together to compete for supremacy.

Convinced of his invincibility, the arrogant noun stood on top of the mountain, rolling his eyes at the other parts of speech, assured of his victory.

“I am, without a doubt, the most important of the eight of us,” he declared. “I hope you’re not too disappointed when you all eat my dust.”

“You think you’re the best and the brightest,” laughed the adjective. “Without me, you’d be a bunch of people, places and things, without much flavor. Why, you’d be like vanilla ice cream without sprinkles, melting in the hot sun.”

“Well, sure, adjectives are helpful,” the noun acknowledged. “You’re like Robin to my Batman.”

“So, you’re the only superhero with any real value?” the pronoun asked.

“No, you and I are a team, right? You stand for nouns, with your ‘he, she, it’ and your ‘who, which and what,’ but, come on? Where would you be without me? I’m the king, the throne, the empire, the country and the world all at once.”

“Maybe, but people would get sick of reading the same words over and over if they didn’t have pronouns,” the pronoun argued. “I may have smaller words in my part of speech, but I take the place of all your huge words, without needing to repeat them all.”

“Good grief,” the interjection interjected. “Come on! I’m not only a conversation stopper, I am often followed by an exclamation point. See? Well, that’s a question, but I’m a forceful part of speech, dang it! Listen to me! I will win this ridiculous competition!”

Slowly and deliberately, the adverb hopped off his adverb couch, gracefully gliding over to the group.

“Seriously, the adverbs gleefully chuckling over there,” he said, pointing to a group of words with “ly” tails, “are highly useful and critically important.”

The preposition had heard enough. He climbed off the fence, down a hill, and near the others.

“The proposition of a preposition winning this contest is high,” she said. “We provide context for so many activities — on the roof, by six o’clock, beneath the surface.”

That’s when they heard a sound without end. When they looked for the source of the noise, they noticed an endless group of words strung together.

“Hello, all you other parts of speech,” the conjunction said. “I have endless storage space and can carry each you indefinitely. I can also sew together seemingly different ideas.”

The noun laughed at the conjunction.

“What good would all those connections be if you didn’t have the rest of us?” he snickered.

Whirring through the air, the verb appeared, disappeared, jumped over the group, slid beneath them, and ricocheted around the meadow.

“Hello everyone,” the verb snickered. “This competition makes me laugh.”

“Crikey! Why is that?” the interjection asked.

“Well, you’d be a pile of stuff without action verbs,” he said. “In fact, you wouldn’t even be anything without a verb. To do anything, to be anything, and to animate your actions, you all need verbs. We lift you off the canvas, transport you to other places, inspire greatness, and demand attention. Yes, all the rest of you have magnificent qualities (special thanks to the adjective for giving us ‘magnificent’), but verbs drive ideas forward, infuse life into your existence, and encourage discourse.”

“I’d be limited without verbs,” the adverb agreed glumly.

“No, verbs soar majestically because of you,” the verb offered reassuringly. “We count on you.”

“Hey! We’re all important!” the interjection concluded.

“That could be true,” the noun concluded. “I still think none of us would be here without me.”

“True, but you’re a long list of stuff that isn’t doing much and that lacks personality without the rest of us,” the verb said, wanting to have the last word. “Now, let the games begin.”

Golden Retriever puppy. Pixabay photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Recent impressive research tells us something we already knew: not every golden retriever always retrieves. We have been fortunate to enjoy three golden retrievers in a row over four decades, and for the first two, when we threw a tennis ball, it was enthusiastically returned and dropped at our feet. Then there was Teddy.

Teddy came to us at eight weeks, a golden ball of fur with two eyes, two ears, a pink nose and a tail. He passed on 12 years later, and during that time, we were convinced he was the most beautiful, most intelligent and most fun dog in the world. But there was one oddity about Teddy the Golden Retriever. When we took him out on the lawn and threw a tennis ball, he would politely sit down and watch its trajectory. Then he would look back at us as if to say, “Yeah? So?”

However, if we brought him to a beach and threw a rock that landed among thousands of other rocks, he would bring back that exact rock and drop it at our feet, backing off, tail wagging, and wait for the next throw. This had a terrible effect on his front teeth. Over the years, it wore them down, but he never seemed to mind and didn’t appear to be in any discomfort.

The other item he retrieved at the beach was seaweed. He would plunge into the water, stick his nose beneath the surface, then come up with a mouthful of seaweed and bring it about 10 feet up on the shore, where he would deposit it. From his many trips to the beach, there remained a line of seaweed that marked his hunting spot.

Although the current researchers never interviewed Teddy, they did surveys of 18,385 dogs and sequenced the genomes of 2,155 dogs for their research paper published in the journal Science. They were looking for predictors of canine behavior and concluded that by breed was essentially useless. This might surprise you, as it did us, except regarding the retrieving aspect we just discussed. 

But apparently, stereotypes like pit bulls being aggressive were not validated. In fact, they scored high on human sociability, with videos showing lap-loving pit bulls. According to an article reporting on this study in The New York Times this past Tuesday, written by James Gorman, “Labrador Retriever ancestry [most popular breed in America], on the other hand, didn’t seem to have any significant correlation with human sociability.”

However, the research allows, there are some few predictable traits. “If you adopt a border collie…the probability that it will be easier to train and interested in toys is going to be higher than if you adopt a Great Pyrenees.” 

Go figure.

Breed supposedly accounts for only 9% of the variations in any given dog’s behavior. Rather, behavior patterns were strongly inherited, to the tune of 25%, again according to the research, within any given breed. In studying genomes, “several genes [were discovered] that clearly influence behavior, including one for how friendly dogs are.”  So if you are about to buy a dog, check out its parents first.

The researchers found 11 specific DNA regions that were associated with behavior, and an interesting comparison can be made with those same areas in human genomics. A region that affects the likelihood of a dog howling corresponds in humans to language development, and another that marks dogs enjoying being with humans presents in human DNA with long-term memory.

So I will tell you a little more about Terrific Teddy. When company would arrive at our home, he would walk up to each newcomer, wag and, I insist, smile, until the person gave him a pat on the head. He would then go on to the next person and wait until the greeting ritual was repeated. After that, he would withdraw to a corner and watch the socializing quietly unless called.

He was a bit of a terror under the table when we were at dinner. He would stealthily snatch the napkins off the diners’ laps. Some day I will write a children’s book about Teddy, the Napkin Snatcher Dog.

Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Sure, the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” could be helpful.

Until you’ve gone through pregnancy and had a child, you don’t really know what’s around the corner. Other parents sometimes expect you to follow their footprints to the promised land, which somehow didn’t always seem like the happiest place on Earth for them or their screaming kids.

You hear about terms like first, second and third trimester, which sound like safe little building blocks you might want to play with on the floor, stacking one on top of another while Mozart plays blissfully in the background.

But, really, so much of life, even during those days before childbirth, when moms are expecting, doesn’t follow a script or textbook cue cards.

My wife and I tried to keep at least a month ahead of the “nesting phase” and the “tired phase” among so many others in the books.

We went to Lamaze classes where, despite being in our mid 30s, we felt remarkably young in New York City compared to so many other first-time parents in their late 30s and early 40s who were sharing pregnancy stories and preparing to “breathe, honey,” and to count the time in between contractions.

Our birth plan went out the window when, after my wife’s three valiant days of pushing, our doctor decided to do a C section. How do you make important decisions when you’re beyond exhausted and when your excitement and anxiety seem to be in an extended foot race for your attention?

Just before the doctor started the procedure, she told me that if I passed out at any time, they were going to leave me on the cold, concrete floor, stepping over me to tend to my wife and daughter.

Fortunately, everything worked out, despite the challenges for my wife of recovering from abdominal surgery that made even the simplest of motions, like rising out of a chair, difficult and painful.

So, here we are, over two decades later, and we and others are still maneuvering around playbooks we’ve had to rewrite. It seemed fitting, given that it’s Mother’s Day this Sunday, to reach out to a few successful scientists — I cover science, so these are my peeps — to ask them a few questions.

IACS Endowed Chair of Ecology & Evolution at Stony Brook University Heather Lynch explained some of the best parenting advice she got was to think of “running the household like running a business, and outsource what can be outsourced with zero guilt.”

Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory Professor and HHMI Investigator Leemor Joshua-Tor, meanwhile, said she learned to trust her gut, especially for the timing of discussions with her daughter. As her daughter enters her teenage years, Joshua-Tor has taken more of an advisory role, letting her have more control over her life while offering a calming presence.

Joshua-Tor wrote in an email that she thought “my daughter would have a good role model with a mom that had a fulfilling career and work life.”

Joshua-Tor was pleased to hear her daughter bragging about her mom’s career.

Lynch, who studies penguins that share parenting duties, credits marrying well for her parental success.

She and husband, Matthew Eisaman, who has a joint appointment at Stony Brook and Brookhaven National Laboratory, “split things 50-50 and if I had to do even 51% of everything, I think this whole house of cards would collapse,” she explained in an email.

Amid the pandemic, which wasn’t in any parenting textbooks (but probably will be in the future), Joshua-Tor said she tried to keep her daughter positive while ensuring her safety.

As a parent, Joshua-Tor added, “nothing was as I expected, but how deep things hit you is a biggy.”

Pixabay photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

The idea that wars would cease if countries were economically tied tightly together seemed to make sense to the world’s leaders immediately following World War II. It sounded like a reasonable premise. After all, why would any nation attack its neighbor if its economy depended on trading with that neighbor, right? In past centuries, wars were started to gain land and the riches they yielded.

Before the Industrial Age, economies were agrarian and depended on land ownership. But by the middle of the 20th century, a huge variety of goods could be exchanged across borders cheaply, especially with advances in transportation. Countries could be locked together by mutual profit rather than by expensive and bloody wars.

For more than 70 years, this theory actually worked in practice. Europe was a prime example. The British had already stopped fighting the French, who stopped fighting the Germans, who stopped attacking Slavic countries, and so on. Instead, they did business together, more or less peacefully, vacationed in each others’ mountains and on each others’ beaches and even formed what they called a European Union. It is not like the United States in that its 27 members must act unanimously or be expelled, but despite infighting, countries want to be in it. Once in, nations can enjoy more cheaply the fruits of economic transactions and a certain amount of financial support. 

The Russians were the world’s third largest producer of oil. They got some $123 billion of their export revenue from supplying crude oil to the rest of the globe, plus refined petroleum-like petrol and diesel at $66.2 billion, gas at $26 billion and coal at $18 billion (2019 figures), especially to neighboring European countries, including Ukraine. Russia was the largest exporter of wheat, plus iron and nickel, nitrogen-based fertilizers and a wide variety of raw materials.

If at war, Ukraine would halt its trade with Russia, which could affect Russia’s economy. So why would Russia start a war with its Ukrainian neighbor? It doesn’t make economic sense. There goes the theory that countries who trade together play nicely together. In fact, it is as if a bully in the schoolyard has begun beating up a smaller child who is supplying him with candy.

President Putin says he fears the encroachment of NATO and must have a buffer between Russia and the other members of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization that was organized expressly to defend against a possibly aggressive Russia. Churchill always considered Russia the biggest threat. Ukraine is not a member of NATO, nor of the European Union. Putin further says more that makes no sense about denazifying Ukraine.

One thing seems to be obvious. Putin is not trying to grab Ukraine for its GDP. His army is pursuing a scorched earth attack, destroying apartment buildings, hospitals, industrial plants and whole cities, as it tries to establish a land bridge between the Donbas in eastern Ukraine and Crimea, which Russia annexed in 2014. This would afford Russia uninterrupted access to the Black Sea, a goal of landlocked czars for centuries. But what he is really after is power.

Perhaps, Putin thought that his trade ties with other countries would keep them from interfering in his “special military operation” in Ukraine. No military riposte materialized after he grabbed Crimea. Perhaps he hoped his actions would serve to divide NATO members in their response to him. In fact, only Viktor Orban, the Prime Minister of Hungary, has refused to condemn Putin, straining what has been a Warsaw-Budapest alliance within NATO. On the opposite side of the spectrum, German Chancellor, Olaf Scholz, said that no one could assume Russia would not attack other countries given its violation of international law in Ukraine, and that he would support Finland and Sweden if they decided to join NATO. Scholz made his comments despite Germany’s dependence on Russia for most of its import of gas.

So much for the hope that economic ties peacefully bind.

Pixabay photo

The warm weather is here, which means more people will be out walking, many with their furry best friends.

It’s important to remember to keep your dog on a leash, whether when walking down the street, in a park or along the beach. Some may think that their dog is friendly and wouldn’t hurt a fly — and they may be right — but that doesn’t mean that other dogs share the same demeanor.

It’s important to note that dogs are territorial. In the April 28 Ask the Vet column by Dr. Matthew Kearns, the veterinarian explained that the animals are hardwired to protect their territory. If they feel threatened, they will feel the need to defend themselves. Certain movements may also trigger them.

Dogs can hurt other animals and humans. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are an estimated 4.5 million dog bites to people every year in the U.S. Dog bites can lead to a need for medical care and even fatalities.

It’s also possible for a dog off-leash to chase after smaller critters. The chase could lead to danger to wildlife and animals running out into busy streets. It’s also healthier for dogs to be walked with a leash as it lessens the chances of them engaging with other dogs, which can increase the spread of diseases such as distemper, and they are less likely to sniff droppings from other animals.

Plus, if your dog does get away from you, the leash signals that it belongs to someone, and the person who finds the pet knows to first look for a collar and ID.

Walking your dog on a leash also shows courtesy to your neighbors as pet owners have more control over where their dog goes when they have a hold on them. The lawn down the road is not your dog’s bathroom.

Speaking of dogs and bathrooms, remember to bring a bag with you while walking your dog to clean up any mess they may make.

With just a little care, dogs, humans and other animals can enjoy the great outdoors together and lessen the dangers that can occur.

Pixabay photo

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed.”                           — William Faulkner

The founding of this nation would have been impossible without letters to the press. 

In 1776, Thomas Paine had captured the spirit of his times and wrote the most influential pamphlet of the American Revolution, “Common Sense.” Paine was not writing to the powers that be. Rather, he addressed his essay “to the inhabitants of America.”

The Revolution was fought and won because ordinary Americans — people like Paine — had ideas they believed were worth reading. They wrote down their grievances of British rule and shared them with their countrymen. Through these revolutionary writings, a common folk resurrected an ancient principle: unearthing democracy from the ashes of antiquity.  

So what happened? Why have we lost touch with this uniquely American tradition?

 In this Information Age, we find that access to information has become, paradoxically, severely limited. With the introduction of the internet, we were sold the hope that new technologies would educate the masses, that instant messaging and social media would create a wider forum for democratic participation. While this has happened, our era also is marked by censorship and misinformation.

Americans no longer trust their institutions. Everywhere we look, we find politicians who disregard our interests and tech executives who monitor and monetize our activity online. Globally, powerful interests invest billions every year to restrict access to information and keep the people in the dark. Our technologies have become the instruments of autocrats, used to subvert democracy rather than promote it. 

To the readers of TBR News Media and the people throughout this community, do not put your faith in tech moguls to represent you fairly. Regular people are left not knowing what to believe and what are the facts. This is why letters to the editor in newspapers are so crucial. 

Democracy depends on ordinary Americans speaking truth to power. We must remember the example of Paine and be unafraid to let our opinions be heard. We must present our own unique ideas to our fellow Americans, reopening the robust political exchanges of the past. The staff of TBR News Media welcomes letters. Write to us because our democracy requires it.

Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Finally, two years later, we were going to see Billy Joel. We had bought tickets to a concert in April of 2020, which was canceled because of the pandemic. The rescheduled event last year was also delayed.

An anticipation had been building that reminded me of the seemingly endless three years between the end of the Star Wars film “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Return of the Jedi.”

Within a few blocks of the stadium, we ran into the heaviest traffic we’d experienced in Charlotte, North Carolina since we arrived four years ago. My wife asked if I wanted her to park the car so I could make sure I was in our seats on time. I declined, knowing I didn’t want to experience any part of the evening without her.

While we sat in our car, waiting for the slow line to move, we watched as many of the people heading to the stadium were our age or older. We were either being nostalgic or hoping Billy Joel’s music could be our musical time machine.

We arrived at the stadium well before the 8 pm start time, where every seat gradually filled. When Joel started the concert at 8:30 with “My Life,” the packed crowd roared its heartfelt approval.

The weight of time — the two years anticipating this concert and the decades that passed since I first enjoyed the song’s lyrics and melody — quickly slipped off my shoulders.

Flashing lights from the stage and enlarged images of Billy Joel’s 72-year old fingers dancing across the piano keys created a visual spectacle. Accompanied by saxophone and trumpet players who would have blown the roof off the building if there were one, Joel thanked the crowd for coming after a long delay.

With songs from several albums through the 70s and 80s, Joel shared some of his biggest hits. People in the crowd played their own version of the show “Name that tune,” shouting out the song’s title as quickly as possible.

Thanks to Linda Ronstadt, who Joel said encouraged him to play “Just the Way You Are,” he included that love song. Joel said he and his wife, for whom he wrote that song, got divorced, so people shouldn’t listen to him.

But listen to him and his music we did. When the lights were off, the packed crowd swayed back and forth, holding up cell phones with lit camera lights, the way previous generations of concertgoers held up their lighters.

As he’s done at other concerts I attended, Joel stopped singing and the band stopped playing during “Piano Man” while the audience sang the chorus, “Sing us a song you’re the piano man. Sing us a song tonight. Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody and you’ve got us feeling alright.” I’m sure I wasn’t the only one with a smirk and goosebumps.

Swaying and singing in our seats, we were active participants in this long-awaited evening out, allowing ourselves to enjoy moments of unity.

Not as spry as he’d been decades ago, Joel moved more gingerly. He still shared his storytelling and lyrical voice, captivating an appreciative crowd. In between tunes, he noodled at the piano, as if he weren’t in an enormous football stadium in North Carolina below the image of a ferocious panther but was, rather, in a piano bar somewhere in New York City. He said the “key” to his longevity was “not dying.”

When the nighttime air got too hot for us, a light wind, which is uncharacteristic for Charlotte, washed over our skin. Leaning in, my wife smiled and whispered, “cue the breeze.”

The music itself reached much deeper than the wind, refreshing our souls and allowing us to revisit people like Sergeant O’Leary, the old man making love to his tonic and gin, and the “Big Shot.”

Central Park. Pixabay photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

man I never met had a profound effect on my early life. Indeed, I could not have met him since his 200th birthday was this past Tuesday.

There are millions of others whose lives he has touched and continue to touch all over the country. His name is Frederick Law Olmsted, and along with a colleague, Calvert Vaux, he designed Central Park in the late 1850s. He went on to design many other parks and public spaces, but Central Park was his first. 

Olmsted was more than a landscape architect, and his philosophy and appreciation of community and human nature were built into his designs. Proving that I am not the only one who feels his importance, I was pleased to notice a special section about Olmsted published in Tuesday’s New York Times. All subsequent quotes are from that section, written by Audra D.S. Burch, with sayings from essays of Frederick Law Olmsted.

“In plots of earth and green, Olmsted saw something more: freedom, human connection, public health…Olmsted’s vision is as essential today as it was more than a century ago. His parks helped sustain Americans’ mental and physical health and social connections during the darkest days of the pandemic. As COVID-19 lockdowns unlaced nearly every familiar aspect of life, parks were reaffirmed as respite, an escape from quarantine.”

Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park. Pixabay photo

And this from Olmsted: “The park should, as far as possible, complement the town. Openness is the one thing you cannot get in buildings… The enjoyment of scenery employs the mind without fatigue and yet exercises it, tranquilizes it and yet enlivens it; and thus through the influence of the mind over the body, gives the effect of refreshing rest and reinvigoration to the whole system… We want a ground to which people may easily go after their day’s work is done, and where they may stroll for an hour, seeing, hearing, and feeling nothing of the bustle and jar of the streets, where they shall, in effect, find the city put far away from them.” 

When people ask me where I grew up, I answer, “New York City,” but I should answer “Central Park.” 

Almost every Sunday without inclement weather, my dad would take us to the park for the day, giving my mom time for herself. It worked out splendidly for him because he grew up on a farm and never liked the urban surroundings in which we lived. It also gave him some uninterrupted time with us since we didn’t see much of him during the work week. And of course it was welcomed by my mother, who then had a chance to sleep in and tend to her own needs. 

Dad would awaken early, make us a creative breakfast that always involved eggs and braised onions plus whatever other ingredients happened to be in the fridge. Never were two Sunday breakfasts the same. Then we would go off, my younger sister and I with him, to “The Park.” 

There were many different destinations once we left the street and stepped into the greenery. We roamed along countless paved paths, over charming bridges and through tunnels (always yodeling for the echo effect), climbed rocks, crossed meadows, watched baseball games on several ballfields, played “21” on the basketball courts (if we had remembered to bring a basketball), watched older men competitively play quoits (pitching horseshoes) and munched on crackerjacks — my dad limiting the three of us to one box. I usually got the prize since my sister wasn’t interested. 

On beautiful days, when longer walks beckoned, we would visit the merry-go-round and ride until we were dizzy. Or we would spend the afternoon at the small zoo. My dad taught me to row on the Central Park lake. And always the air was fresh, the seasons would debut around us, the birds would sing and the squirrels would play tag through the trees.

By pre-arrangement, my mom would appear with a pot of supper, some paper plates, forks and a blanket, and we would eat in a copse or a thicket of brush. Then, as the sun was setting, we would walk home together.

METRO photo

Work will begin once again on New York State Route 347, and North Shore residents couldn’t be happier.

Drivers navigating the roadway from Gibbs Pond Road in Nesconset to Hallock Road in Stony Brook have noticed construction cones beginning to appear. The upcoming work is part of a $71 million state Department of Transportation project, which continues the roadway improvements made to Route 347 years ago in the Smithtown area. Future plans include changes on the state road as far east as Port Jefferson Station.

Through the years, it has become more and more apparent that the road built decades ago is over capacity. Called the Smithtown Bypass in its western portion, the roadway initially served as a way to avoid the heavy traffic of downtown Smithtown. Today, drivers use side roads in the town to avoid Route 347.

Rerouting presents various problems. As drivers speed through residential neighborhoods, congestion appears in spots previously unanticipated. Residents who once lived on quiet streets now have trouble just backing out of their driveways or are hesitant to let their children play anywhere near the roadway.

Adding new travel lanes, traffic signals, raised planted medians and crosswalks to 347 will help ease congestion and keep cars on the main thoroughfare instead of traveling through residential areas.

According to NYSDOT, the road work between Gibbs Pond and Hallock roads will be completed by 2024. While that is a two-year span, the benefits will be well worth the wait.

Suffolk County residents are reminded regularly of the importance of building affordable housing and independent living units to keep our young people and retired residents here on the Island.

Accelerated by the pandemic, which prompted rapid urban flight from New York City, we are also facing an increase in population with more people attracted to the North Shore.

As our area experiences population growth, our infrastructure needs to be modernized and expanded. While there is some hesitancy to widen roads, add overpasses and traffic circles — since these changes might attract more development in the area — traffic is here now. With smart planning, our elected officials on town, county and state levels can work together to determine which roadways in our towns and villages could benefit from widening and other improvements. Continuing the roadwork on Route 347 is a step in the right direction. There is also the prospect of federal infrastructure bill monies.

While many don’t want Long Island to become life in the fast lane, it’s time to accept that it’s no longer country roads taking us home. A proper balance needs to be found to make life a little easier for those who live here as they navigate their day on North Shore roadways.

Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

We all try, more or less, to say the right thing in the moment.

“Wow, so nice to see you again. You look wonderful.”

“How are your children?”

“How’s work? How many days a week are you back in person?”

But after cutting up turkeys, ham and other food, the real carving occurs in the hours and days after gatherings, when we separate into smaller groups and snicker, judge and let loose the parts of our sinister souls for which we seek atonement during religious and other holidays.

Now that family gatherings have restarted in earnest, despite the COVID clouds still hovering over us, we have a chance to turn moments of discomfort into a collage of complaints.

While I’m sure there might be a few people who don’t practice the fine art of conducting post-gathering analysis about friends, family members and loved ones, I have yet to meet them.

We ought to break the process, lighthearted ideally though it may, into various categories.

Clothing: Wardrobe choices are often the subject of discussion. We sometimes marvel at how revealing or tight an outfit was or how casually someone dressed for a larger gathering.

Defensive guests: Sometimes, what people say, or hear, has nothing to do with a question they were asked or even a conversation in which they participated. While I was recently cleaning dishes, another guest walked in and told me everything he had contributed to the confab. His need to share his contribution, or to allay any guilt he might have felt, was revealing.

Conversation interrupters: While many families have long-winded storytellers, some gatherings include a conversation interrupter. They are the people for whom any dialog that doesn’t revolve around them or their opinions is unwelcome and unworthy. They interrupt other people’s stories to interject their views on a topic or, perhaps, on something completely unrelated to the discussion.

Exacerbaters: These are the people for whom conflict is nearly as delicious as the homemade apple pie or fruit cobbler that awaits after dinner. Sensing conflict in a marriage or between siblings, they will figure out how to help build any tension in the moment. When challenged for their role as instigators, they will frequently play the victim card, claiming that making people angry at each other or at them wasn’t their intention and that everyone doesn’t understand how they were really only trying to help and to resolve the conflict.

Welcome to Narnia guests: No party is complete without at least one person who needs to bring everyone into their perspective or their world. These people often see everything through one perspective, whether it’s about saving stray dogs, the challenges of having difficult neighbors, or the difficulty of finding good Thai food in their neighborhood. The discussion could be about the challenges educators faced during the pandemic and, they will say, “Oh yeah? Well, that reminds me of the challenges of finding good Thai food.”

The revisionist historians: Often, some, or even many, of the people in a room spent considerable time with each other. Stories have a way of evolving over time, either because they sound better one way or because the storyteller’s memory has altered some of the facts to suit a better narrative. No, you didn’t invent the yo-yo, no, you didn’t predict the year the Cubs would finally win the World Series, and, no, you didn’t always use the phrase “just do it” before Nike added it to their ad campaign.