Cancer. Half a century ago, it was a word only whispered, so dreaded was the disease. It was considered a death sentence. People who had it were often shunned, as if it were contagious. And hospital treatments were demonic. As one cancer specialist at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Boston put it, “We were kind of just pushing poisons and hoping for the best.”
But cancer deaths have plummeted in the last 30 years, as scientists and physicians have greatly improved their understanding of the pathology, and treatments now target some cancer-causing genes. Likened to diabetes, cancer might be thought of as a manageable chronic disease.
What exactly is cancer?
An excellent article in this Tuesday’s issue of The New York Times science section tackled that question. “Every day, billions of cells in our body divide or die off. Once in a while, though, something goes awry, and cells that should stop growing or die simply don’t. Left unchecked, those cells can turn into cancer,” writes Nina Agrawal.
Why that happens and how to treat the problem still puzzles scientists and doctors, but there has been great progress in understanding the disease in its various forms. While they used to think that mutations of genes caused all cancer, that has turned out to be only part of the story. Some mutations lay dormant an entire lifetime and never lead to cancer.
Separate from DNA code mutations, there are epigenetic changes, changes due to our environment in the way genes are expressed, that play a huge role. These may be caused by aging, dietary and environmental exposures, and chronic inflammation.
Some chemicals have long been known to cause cancer, like asbestos and those in cigarette smoke. Air pollution is now thought to increase risk, especially for lung and breast cancers, triggering inflammation. So does eating an unhealthy diet, which “can upset the balance of our microbiome, allowing certain bacteria to grow unchecked. Scientists think this may cause chronic inflammation, which can lead to colon or pancreatic cancers,”Dr. Davendra Sohal, a gastrointestinal oncologist, told The New York Times.
Interestingly, malignant tumors are made up of cancer cells, as well as normal cells “that have been recruited to support their growth,” according to The NYT. “Many of these normal cells are the same type of immune cells that will flood the site of an injury or infection to help heal that wound—by helping new cells multiply, generating blood vessels, stimulating new connective tissue and avoiding attacks from other parts of the immune system. These are capabilities that cancer cells can co-opt indefinitely to support their own growth.”
Epidemiologists estimate that 40 percent of cancers and cancer deaths can be caused by controllable risk factors. These include cigarette smoking, sun exposure, alcohol use and excess body weight. Some infections, for example, caused by hepatitis B and C viruses, human papillomavirus and H. pylori bacteria, can also cause certain cancers, according to the article.
Understanding better how the immune system works has opened up a new treatment field called immunotherapy, using T-cells, immune system fighters produced or processed by the thymus gland that kill cancer cells in lungs and skin, among others. Engineered by doctors, T-cells, forming CAR T-cell therapy, have been most effective against blood cancers, the reporter said.
Can cancer be cured?
While physicians are reluctant to use that term, newer treatments like stem cell transplants and CAR T therapy make for optimism, especially after a number of years elapse when a patient is in remission.
Research further to develop prevention and treatments must continue.
In my practice, many patients have resisted telling me they suffered from erectile dysfunction (ED). However, it’s a common problem. Because it can indicate other medical issues, it’s important that you share this information with your doctor.
ED affects about 24 percent of men, on average. If it occurs less than 20 percent of the time, it is considered normal; however, if it occurs more than 50 percent of the time, you should seek help (1).
Of course, there are oral medications for ED. You’ve probably seen the ads for approved medications, including sildenafil (Viagra, or the “little blue pill”), tadalafil (Cialis), vardenafil (Levitra, Staxyn), and avanafil (Stendra). They work by causing vasodilation, or enlargement of blood vessels, which increases blood flow to the penis. Unfortunately, this does not solve the medical problem, but it does provide a short-term solution for those who are good treatment candidates.
ED’s prevalence generally increases with age. An analysis of the 2021 National Survey of Sexual Wellbeing found that ED affected 12.7 percent of 35-44-year-olds, increased to 25.3 percent of 45-54- year-olds, 33.9 percent of those aged 55-64, 48 percent of those aged 65-74, and 52.2 percent of those aged 75 and older (2).
So, what contributes to the increase as we age? Disease processes and drug therapies.
What is the connection between medical conditions and ED?
Chronic diseases can contribute significantly to ED. ED might also be an indicator of disease. Typical contributors include metabolic syndrome, diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease and obesity. In the Look AHEAD trial, ED had a greater than two-fold association with hypertension and a three-fold association with metabolic syndrome (3). In another study, ED was associated with a 2.5-times increase in cardiovascular disease (4).
Patients with ED had significantly more calcification, or atherosclerosis, in their arteries when compared to a control group in a randomized clinical trial (RCT) (5). They were also more than three times as likely to have severe calcification. In addition, they had more inflammation, measured by C-reactive protein.
Which medications contribute to ED?
About 25 percent of ED cases are thought to be associated with medications, such antidepressants, NSAIDs (e.g., ibuprofen and naproxen sodium), and hypertension medications. Unfortunately, the most common antidepressant medications, SSRIs, have significant impacts on ED.
The California Men’s Health Study, with over 80,000 participants, showed that there was an association between NSAIDs and ED, with a 38 percent increase in ED in patients who use NSAIDs on a regular basis (6). The authors warn that patients should not stop taking NSAIDs without consulting their physicians.
Also, high blood pressure drugs have a reputation for causing ED. A meta-analysis of 42 studies showed that beta blockers have a small effect, but thiazide diuretics (water pills) more than doubled ED, compared to placebo (7).
How can diet affect ED?
The Mediterranean-type diet has been shown to treat and prevent ED. It’s a green leafy alternative to the little blue pill. Foods are rich in omega-3 fatty acids and high in monounsaturated fats and polyunsaturated fats, as well as fiber. Components include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, walnuts, and olive oil.
In two RCTs lasting two years, those who followed a Mediterranean-type diet experienced improvements in their endothelial functioning (8, 9). They also experienced both lower inflammation and lower insulin resistance.
In another study, those who had the highest compliance with a Mediterranean-type diet were significantly less likely to have ED, compared to those with the lowest compliance (10). Even more impressive was that the group with the highest compliance had a 37 percent reduction in severe ED versus the low-compliance group.
A study of participants in the Health Professionals Follow-up Study looked closely at both the Mediterranean-type diet and the Alternative Healthy Eating Index 2010 diet, which emphasized consuming vegetables, fruits, nuts, legumes, and fish or other sources of long-chain fats, as well as avoiding red and processed meats (11). At this point, it probably won’t surprise you to hear that the greater participants’ compliance with either of these diets, the less likely they were to experience ED.
References:
(1) clevelandclinic.org. (2) J Sex Med. 2024;21(4): 296–303. (3) J Sex Med. 2009;6(5):1414-22. (4) Int J Androl. 2010;33(6):853-60. (5) J Am Coll Cardiol. 2005;46(8):1503. (6) Medicine (Baltimore). 2018 Jul;97(28):e11367. (7) JAMA. 2002;288(3):351. (8) Int J Impot Res. 2006;18(4):405-10. (9) JAMA. 2004;292(12):1440-6. (10) J Sex Med. 2010 May;7(5):1911-7. (11) JAMA Netw Open. 2020 Nov 2;3(11):e2021701.
Dr. David Dunaief is a speaker, author and local lifestyle medicine physician focusing on the integration of medicine, nutrition, fitness and stress management. For further information, visit www.medicalcompassmd.com or consult your personal physician.
Recently, towns across our coverage area have had to confront the loss innate in progress, especially as it affects the delicate balancing scale of Long Island’s development. In Smithtown, the Kings Park Revitalization Plan enters its final stages leaving some residents overjoyed and others worried about congestion.
Simultaneously, in Setauket, the controversial battery energy storage facilities are being opposed partly because they would be located in population dense areas. These events have triggered vastly differing reactions, but all raise questions: How much change is too much? And, is change worth the loss?
The heart of the opposition in each of these issues is that Long Island is under threat of overdevelopment, as it has been for years. Despite this, it is becoming unlivable due to financial strains. Ever present in discourse across every sector, is the exodus of young Long-Islanders–the skills we lose when each one moves away taking their education and expertise with them, the sorrow of having a loved one no longer within driving distance.
The Kings Park Revitalization Plan struck the balance—nearly. Some people decry the development it promotes, while others say it is the very thing their hamlet needs and has the potential to bring life and energy back to their community, perhaps enticing young people to stay and build their lives, families and careers.
Each viewpoint, especially the critical ones, smoothed the rough surfaces of the plan. Paying attention to defects is an essential step in ensuring that we don’t become so infatuated with progress that we forget what we have.
Some people are still unhappy with the Kings Park Revitalization Plan as it enters its last step before it is voted on for approval. However, their voices help develop a more complete, well-informed opinion on what matters to our community.
Public hearings may slow down the process, delaying approval, but they prompt analysis and re-analysis, reminding us of the trade offs we need to consider.
A Column Promoting a More Earth-Friendly Lifestyle
By John L. Turner
John Turner
If you’re like most homeowners much of the mail you receive is unsolicited and of no interest, what we typically refer to as junk mail. Not surprisingly, much of it is never opened or read (about 44% according to one website) and gets tossed — hopefully in the recycling bin. Americans receive,and dispose of, about 3 million tons of junk mail every year. Especially notorious are catalogs offering various products— gifts, clothing, etc. — since they use much more paper than what is contained in a mere solicitation letter offering you a new product you don’t want.
Fortunately, there are several steps you can take to reduce the amount of unwanted mail you receive such as services which eliminate or reduce the amount of unwanted mail you receive. Some charge a small fee to process your request. One such service highlighted by the United States Postal Service is: DMAchoice, Consumer Preferences, P.O. Box 900, Cos Cob, CT 06807.
If you want to opt out of unsolicited credit card and insurance company offers, call toll free 1-888-567-8688 or visit optoutprescreen.com. Also, if you don’t want Valpak coupons go to valpak.com/remove-address to unsubscribe. Lastly, download the phone app PaperKarma that helps you to unsubscribe from unwanted mail.
A resident of Setauket, author John L. Turner is a naturalist, conservation co-chair of the Four Harbors Audubon Society, and Conservation Policy Advocate for the Seatuck Environmental Association.
Yes, I know it’s winter, with bitter cold days and even colder nights, and some parts of the country are probably experiencing snow or ice, which makes things even colder and more miserable.
Now, do people near the equator only drink chilled white wine and those near the poles drink only room temperature red wine? Certainly not to both statements.
Yet, during cold weather, we still drink cold beer, and we serve most of our cocktails cold or very cold, especially a martini, which we drink “arctic cold.” So, what’s wrong with serving a glass of a chilled white or red wine?
Here are some chillable wines for cold weather…
2022 Brigid ‘Pinot Noir,’ Marlborough, New Zealand. (9.5% alcohol; 80 calories per serving) Has a “Nutrition Facts” chart, like on a box of cereal, displayed on the back label. Light ruby with notes of cranberry, dried flowers, citrus, and tart cherry with hints of herbs and wet earth. A flavorful, easy to drink wine. A great accompaniment to cheese fondue.
NV Riunite Lambrusco, Emilia-Romagna, Italy. A perennial favorite since the 1970s. Although I’m not a stranger to this wine, I’ve not had a bottle in many years. It’s frizzante (lightly effervescent) and semi-sweet, with a luscious aroma and flavor of raspberry, rhubarb, and plum, with a bitter almond aftertaste. Try with a dish of salami, mortadella and provolone.
2024 Georges Duboeuf ‘Beaujolais Nouveau,’ France. (Made from Gamay grapes). Bright red colored; intensely fruity with hints of cherry, cotton candy, hibiscus, and red lollipops. Aftertaste of boysenberry, red currants, and spices. Drink with a spicy pepper, grilled cheese sandwich.
2020 Domaine Sérol ‘Oudan’ Côte Roannaise, Loire Valley, France. (100% Gamay grapes.) Oudan is a plot of hillside land on granitic soil, first planted by Stéphane Sérol over 20 years ago. Cherry-colored with a fruity aroma and taste of strawberry, red apple, and herbs. Hints of black pepper, potting soil, and fennel. A Margherita pizza says it all!
2023 Quinta da Lixa, Alvarinho ‘Pouco Comum,’ Vinho Verde, DOC, Portugal. Perfumed, with notes of honeysuckle, white peach, lemon, orange, and pear. Hints of green peas and pineapple. Pairs well with fish tacos.
2023 Quinta d’Amares, ‘Loureiro’ Vinho Verde, DOC, Portugal. Light citrine color; notes of perfume, lemon, bay leaf, and apricot. Nuances of minerals, peach, and melon. A delightful wine for hot and cold weather. Serve with a hearty bowl of fish chowder.
Bob Lipinski is the author of 10 books, including “101: Everything You Need To Know About Whiskey” and “Italian Wine & Cheese Made Simple” (available on Amazon.com). He consults and conducts training seminars on Wine, Spirits, and Food and is available for speaking engagements. He can be reached at www.boblipinski.com OR [email protected].
The DNA Learning Center at Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory doesn’t just provide educational opportunities for students; it can also inspire their teachers.
That was the case for PhD graduate Alexandra Nowlan, who worked in the lab of Professor Stephen Shea.
When Nowlan met her required teaching component at the center as a part of the graduation requirement for her doctorate, she found educating the next generation inspiring.
“It’s very rewarding to get kids excited about science,” said Nowlan.
Alexandra Nowlan giving a talk at CSHL. Photo from Constance Brukin
Indeed, Nowlan, who did her postdoctoral work at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in the Bowles Center for Alcohol Studies, has taken a job as assistant teaching professor in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at the same institution. She is teaching two neuopsychopharmacology classes and is preparing for an advanced molecular pharmacology class in the fall.
“I was really drawn to outreach opportunities and put more of my focus into teaching,” she said. “The opportunity presented itself, so I jumped at it. I’m having a really good time.”
Established in 1988, the DNA Learning Center was the first site to focus on genetic education for the public, offering classes to students in 5th through 12th grades.
The Learning Center, with sites in five different locations in New York, provides classes and labs for 30,000 students each year.
Amanda McBrien, Assistant Director of the DNA Learning Center, observed Nowlan in action.
“She had a magnetic energy about her,” said McBrien. “She came in and was young, enthusiastic and cool all wrapped into one.”
During a Fun with DNA course in the summer offered in conjunction with Women in Science, Nowlan was the “perfect role model,” McBrien added, who proved to be “utterly approachable” and enthusiastic, making her an engaged presenter.
Students can find information about these classes through the DNA Learning Center and can register for summer courses starting this week.
Recent publication
In addition to her professional journey into teaching, Nowlan recently published the results of a study she conducted in the journal Current Biology based on research conducted at CSHL.
Working with Shea and other scientists who followed her in Shea’s lab, Nowlan studied the way the mouse brain processes sensory signals such as odor and sound as a part of a pup retrieval process.
Important in the behavior of mothers and of surrogates who care for the young, pup retrieval helps ensure that developing mice stay closer to their mothers or caretakers.
“Pup retrieval is one of the most important things for mothers or caregivers,” Shea said in a statement. “It requires the ability to smell and hear the pup. If these things are both important, that may mean they merge somewhere in the brain.”
Indeed, during pup retrieval, neurons from an area of the brain called the basal amygdala carry smell signals to the auditory cortex, which is the brain’s hearing center. The basal amygdala is involved in learning and processing social and emotional signals, linking perception with emotion and social learning.
When Nowlan and others blocked the ability of maternal mice to access smell signals, the micedidn’t provide their customary parental pup retrieval.
Shea and his lab suspect that what’s reaching the auditory cortex is being filtered through social-emotional signals from basal amygdala neurons.
“We’ve known that pup odor is important,” said Nowlan. “People have eliminated odors and seen deficits.”
Deficits in vocalizations also can affect this behavior.
“The pathway that would allow olfactory signals to reach the auditory cortex was unknown and we’ve identified a pathway that is functionally capable of linking those two senses,” Nowlan explained.
A winding path
Nowlan, who grew up in Williamstown, Massachusetts, played rugby in college at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst. While three concussions encouraged her to search for a non-contact sport, it also piqued her interest in neurology.
After she graduated, she worked for four years in the laboratory of Sandeep Robert Datta at Harvard Medical School, where she learned about the importance of the olfactory system.
At the Datta lab, she worked with then postdoctoral researcher Paul Greer, who let a flier on her desk about Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory’s graduate program.
“The umbrella program appealed to me,” she said. “You could get an education not only in the subject you’re interested in but you also had an opportunity to learn about cancer biology and plant genetics, which was exciting.”
Nowlan attended courses and meetings, interacting with top scientists across a range of fields.
The first year she lived in a house on campus near the water, where she and her fellow graduate students could see the lights of all the buildings at night.
“My classmates and I felt like we were at Hogwarts, this magical science camp,” she said.
Postdoctoral transition
When she was writing her PhD thesis, Nowlan became interested in motivated behaviors.
She had been following reports about the opioid epidemic and knew it was affecting Berkshire County, where she grew up.
She was curious about how opioid use disrupted noradrenaline signaling, which plays an important role in motivation, rewarding and the body’s stress response.
“I wanted to explore how these motivational circuits can get disrupted in examples where drugs that are commonly misused are involved,” she said.
She and others in the lab of Zoe McElligott at the Bowles Center were trying to understand various brain circuits as people undergo the painful experience of addiction withdrawal.
More information about these processes could reduce the negative experience and lead to better and perhaps more effective treatments.
Born on the same day
Nowlan met her husband Craig Jones, a Long Island native, through a dating app.
“I joked when we first met that the algorithm” from the app that brought them together was lazy, she said. They were both born on the same day, just hours apart.
Jones, who works as a user experience designer for fitness company Zwift, is “older and he won’t let me forget it,” said Nowlan.
As for her current teaching role, Nowlan is hoping to emulate the inspirational approach of Enrique Peacock-López, a college professor at nearby Williams College. In addition to coaching a soccer team with his daughter and Nowlan, Enrique-López took time to share chemistry demonstrations in primary school and to bring high school students into his lab.
Nowlan appreciated how Peacock-López connected with students.
“The way he made science exciting and accessible to members of the community is really inspiring,” said Nowlan.
Peacock-López has known Nowlan for decades.
“There’s a lot of satisfaction that I may have contributed a little bit with my grain of salt in their careers,” said Peacock-López. When he teaches, he seeks ways to motivate students to solve problems.
For younger children as a starter experiment, he works with reagents that reveal considerable color or that has fumes.
“They love to hear sounds or see colors,” he said.
Peacock-López’s advice to future teachers is to “interact with students” and get to know them.
A native of Mexico, he promised himself when he started teaching that he would treat students the way he would want to be treated.
As for Nowlan, she is eager to continue the teaching tradition.
“It makes me want to keep giving back and provide opportunities to educate the public about what we’re doing and why it’s interesting and important,” Nowlan said.
Her goal is to educate the next generation of neuroscientists and curious community members about how discoveries made in the lab are translated into treatments for disease.
The best watch parties have two things in common: good food and good company to root for your team with. Kick off your football feast on on Feb 9, Super Bowl Sunday, with touchdown-worthy apps made with a game day favorite — avocados — to amp up the crowd, courtesy of Culinary.net.
Championship Guac
Championship Guac
YIELD: Serves 8
INGREDIENTS:
5 large avocados, peeled and pitted
1 lemon juice only
1/2 cup white onion finely chopped
1 cup tomatoes diced
1/2 cup cilantro chopped
1 pound fried bacon
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
salt and pepper to taste
tortilla chips for serving
DIRECTIONS:
In a bowl, use fork to mash the avocados and lemon juice until creamy. Then add the onion, tomatoes and cilantro. Cut the bacon into squares then place it in a hot skillet over medium heat and cook 15 minutes, or until golden. Transfer to a plate to drain excess fat and let cool. Add the bacon, garlic powder, salt and pepper, to taste, to the guacamole; mix well.
To serve, put guacamole in bowl and serve with tortilla chips.
Gronkamole
Gronkamole
YIELD: Makes 4 servings
INGREDIENTS:
2 large avocados
1 teaspoon lemon juice
3/4 cup chicken breast cooked and shredded
1/4 cup blue cheese crumbled
3 tablespoons Buffalo sauce
salt to taste
corn chips for serving
carrot sticks for serving
DIRECTIONS:
In a small bowl, mash avocados and stir in lemon juice. Add chicken, blue cheese and Buffalo sauce to guacamole mixture. Add salt, to taste. Serve with corn chips or carrot sticks, if desired.
Tuna Stuffed Avocado
Tuna Stuffed Avocado
YIELD: Serves 2
INGREDIENTS:
1 can tuna fish
1/4 cup whole kernel cooked corn
1 tablespoon minced parsley
1 avocado
lemon wedges for serving
DIRECTIONS:
In bowl, combine tuna, corn and minced parsley. Halve avocado and carefully remove seed. Divide tuna mixture between avocado halves. Serve with lemon wedges.
Adopt Morris!This week’s featured shelter pet is Morris, a handsome 10-year-old orange tabby available for adoption at the Smithtown Animal Shelter.
Morris was found as a stray in early January. .His friendliness and ease around people gave caretakers hope that someone would claim him, but sadly, no one came for him.
Morris is an outgoing fella who loves people, which is evident upon making his acquaintance. He will not hesitate to introduce himself, excited to make new friends, especially those fond of being on the receiving end of infinite affection, purring, and cuddling.
Morris is every cat lover’s dream; he allows those around him to enjoy his playfulness, sweet and loving nature. He is very good at letting you know if he needs quiet time when overstimulated. Morris is a perfect gentleman who will bring companionship, joy, and cherished moments to a lucky family’s heart and home.
If you are interested in meeting this sweet boy, please fill out an application to schedule time to properly interact with your prospective soul mate in a domestic setting.
The Town of Smithtown Animal & Adoption Shelter is located at 410 Middle Country Road, Smithtown. Visitor hours are Monday to Saturday from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. (Sundays and Wednesday evenings by appointment only).
For more information, call 631-360-7575 or visit www.townofsmithtownanimalshelter.com.
Afew years ago, a friend of mine called the night before a major operation.
I could tell he was nervous. His usual, unflappable voice was weaker and unsteady, as if he weren’t sure how things would go and was reaching out for encouragement.
“There’s pretty much nothing you can do at this point,” I said. “You really don’t need to be sharp or focused or even attentive tomorrow. You better hope the doctor is getting plenty of rest and is at his best.”
“That’s true,” he laughed. “Maybe I should send over a good dinner or encourage him to go to bed early tonight.”
Doctors, like so many other people in other professions, deal with activities and routines that are unimaginable for the rest of us.
As a child, I watched my father slowly and carefully remove glass from the eyes of a construction worker who had been in an accident. I also sat in horror as he ate a steak just hours after being in surgery for most of the day to reconstruct the eye of a local patient who had suffered extensive trauma.
The medical world’s ability to get past the “ick” factor is pretty incredible. These professionals, on whom we rely for our overall health and for the health of our specific organs and systems, improve and extend our lives, offering the best of modern medicine to counteract the effect of bad habits, hidden genetic problems that can complicate and threaten our lives, and pathogens that cause damage and destruction.
Recently, I visited a urologist. If you’ve been reading this column long enough, you might recall that I’ve had kidney stones. These are exceptionally unpleasant, causing pain and vomiting, among other discomforts.
Long ago, I shuffled into an emergency room, bent over double from the pain. After I told the admitting nurse what was wrong, she didn’t even bother with paperwork or with taking my blood pressure. She immediately took me to a room, where another nurse almost instantly provided a painkiller. I am still grateful to them years later.
So, you see, I feel the need to monitor the health of this system to reduce the risk of future such episodes.
This year, I was meeting with a new urologist. I tried not to think about the parts that are unpleasant but that are much less problematic than a kidney stone.
He knocked politely on the door, as if he might have been delivering a dish of salmon with steamed vegetables and couscous.
Who is it? I was tempted to ask in a falsetto voice. What difference did it make? Anyone who knocked was coming in regardless of what I said.
He washed his hands – thankfully – sat down and asked me to tell him about myself.
“My health history?” I wondered.
“No, I mean, are you married, do you have kids, what do you do for a living?”
Well, I write about weird meetings like this. But enough about me, how do you do what you do? I wondered. No, I didn’t say that. I smiled and offered the 20 second tour of my life.
We even chatted about the Yankees losing Juan Soto to the Mets. Would they be better or worse this year?
After he asked me about my health history, he told me to lower my pants and underwear and put my elbows on the examining table.
“You’re going to feel some pressure as I examine your prostate,” he said.
I thought of my dog, whose head is often in my lap or near my face when they probe parts of his body he’d just as soon no human ever touched. He makes a face I imagine was similar to mine at that moment. Shocked expressions transcend species.
Afterwards, the urologist smiled at me, gave me a quick assessment and told me he wished me and the Yankees well this year.
Later, I tried to imagine sitting at a meal with him, chatting in an airport waiting room, or standing outside the backstop of a softball field as we waited for the chance to hit.
I couldn’t do it. Routine as his work might be for him and necessary as it might be for me, I struggle to disconnect from an exam that is a routine part of his work.
But, hey, I’m not anticipating that either of us will call the other on our birthdays this year. I’m glad he’s there, doing his thing and hope not to need additional services.
The articles I’ve read recently call it “financial infidelity” and blame it on some percentage of all couples, but especially on Generation Z. “It” refers to hiding money from each other, or if not exactly hiding, then not sharing either the money itself or its existence. And since money seems to be the primary issue couples argue about over the long term, the question of how much to share is highly relevant to any relationship.
A survey by consumer financial services firm Bankrate indicated that 67 percent of 18 to 28- year-olds hide money information from each other in committed relationships. That drops to 54 percent of millennials, 33 percent of Gen Xers and 30 percent of baby boomers, according to Newsweek. For some reason, older than baby boomers aren’t in the survey. I can try to offer that perspective since I am in the older group.
“Hidden debts, undisclosed spending, or secret accounts can, as well as undermining a partner’s trust, disrupt shared financial plans, such as saving for a home, retirement or children’s education, causing long-term financial strain,” according to the article.
Some 40 percent of couples in the United States have kept secrets from each other about money, according to the study involving 2217 adults. These secrets may include spending more than a partner would approve of (33 percent), keeping hidden debt (23 percent), having a secret credit card (12 percent), a secret savings account (15 percent), or a secret checking account (13 percent).
Yet these figures exist despite 45 percent of those surveyed disapproving of what is termed financial infidelity and even equating it with actual unfaithfulness. If a secret financial situation is discovered, it tends to disrupt the trust that relationships are built upon and perhaps cause speculation over what else might be hidden
One senior industry analyst, Ted Rossman, maintains, “Money secrets can undermine a relationship. It’s hard enough to meet your financial goals when you are pulling in the same direction. It’s almost impossible when you’re pulling in opposite directions.”
Rossman goes on to say that being open about your finances doesn’t mean you need to combine all your money. A yours-mine-ours is a possible arrangement for those who feel more comfortable that way.
Despite the importance of money in a marriage or committed relationship, half a century ago, when I was married, money was the last thing on our minds. We were entirely caught up in the romance and didn’t consider the business aspect of lifetime coupling. So when the time came to buy a house, my husband and I counted our pennies and came up a little short for the down payment on the mortgage.
“I’ll take a loan from the bank, using my stocks as collateral,” I said.
“Stocks?” he responded with surprise.
“Yes, I think I have just enough to bridge the difference between our savings and what we need,” I said. “I have been buying a couple of shares of stocks each year with my allowance since I was a child,” I explained.
It had never occurred to me to tell my husband. Needless to say, he was delighted to discover this mysterious side of me. Marriage arrangements were traditional at that time. The husband was the breadwinner, the wife the homemaker. The husband’s paychecks went into a joint bank account andboth drew from that account for expenses.
Husbands may have laughed at the saying, “What’s mine is hers and what’s hers is hers,” but they subscribed to it. What we brought to the marriage financially was of little concern since we were young and generally without any serious assets, and we didn’t think of pooling those. We wives were advised then, in women’s magazines for example, to keep a little stash on the side for personal expenditures that needn’t be discussed.
Many couples are older now when they marry, and both work, thus the landscape is different. So I don’t know what to advise. Maybe that’s why we elders weren’t polled.
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