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Bad weather can’t dampen Smithtown East’s spirit

by TBR Staff - October 5, 2022

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The threat of rain couldn’t damper the spirit of students and faculty at Smithtown High School East for the Oct. 1 homecoming game.

Students, families, staff and community members turned out to cheer on the East football team as the Bulls faced off against Connetquot.

The football teams’ offense and defense were well-matched, but the Bulls rally fell short, falling 13-7.

The halftime show featured a performance by the East Whisperettes kickline followed by the homecoming court to announce the 2022 king and queen — Jacob Wood and Alyssa DeGregory.

It was an extra special day for Jacob, who also celebrated his birthday on that day.

‘Time’s Running Out’ photography exhibit heads to Art League of Long Island

by Press Release - October 5, 2022

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Artist Scott Schneider. Photo by Joseph Peragallo

Sometimes art can be used as a way to raise awareness about issues that affect us in our daily lives. Such is the case with the Art League of Long Island’s latest exhibit, Time’s Running Out: An iPhonography and 3D(isaster) Sculpture Exhibition, which presents a body of digital photographic artwork and trash sculpture highlighting the contrast between nature’s beauty and the environmental pollution and decay found throughout the country, including on Long Island’s roadways, parks, and beaches.

Created by Scott Schneider of Toxic/Nature Studios®, the eye-opening show will be on view in the Jeanie Tengelsen Gallery from Oct. 1 to 28.

“Toxic/Nature Studios® features environmental photography that celebrates the majesty of nature and laments its demise, in small moments. Using close-up macro techniques, the photographs express my appreciation for and concern about the environment,” said Schneider. “As we become increasingly distracted by our devices, we tend to overlook small disasters beneath our feet. Likewise, we can fail to notice the beautiful moments present in nature. Beauty can also be found in the rust, decay, and textures of everyday objects.”

Schneider chose to take all photos by iPhone, “thereby leveraging the power of technology to observe rather than to distract,” he said. The artist then created archival, digital pigment prints using environmentally friendly inks on bamboo paper, which is highly sustainable.

In addition to photographs, the exhibit will also feature a series of sculptural pieces Schneider calls 3D(isasters). “This thought-provoking artwork is designed to challenge the viewer to make sense of the quantity of litter displayed in a #finditfillit container,” he explained.

Schneider hopes the exhibit will inspire others to notice the world around them and to take action to preserve its natural beauty. “We can’t do this while plugged in and tuned out,” he said.

“That’s why I ask viewers to unplug, look around, and get the small picture. By turning off our blinders of technology, and noticing the small detail of a piece of litter, a fallen petal, or an interesting bit of rust, we can then look up and notice the big picture, which is that the world needs our help.”

The community is invited to an opening reception on Oct. 1 from 1 to 3 p.m. Viewing hours through Oct. 28 are Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m., and Fridays and Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.

The Art League is located at 107 East Deer Park Road in Dix Hills. For more information call 631-462-5400 or visit www.artleagueli.org.

Girls swim team members move on to state and county championships.

by TBR Staff - October 4, 2022

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By Steven Zaitz

In a very congenial, natatorial setting, the Northport-Commack Varsity Girls swim team took on powerhouse Hauppauge-Smithtown last Wednesday at the Hauppauge High School pool.

Hauppauge-Smithtown defeated Northport-Commack, 104-74. But in a sense, both teams were winners as many of the girls qualified for state and county championships.

Lady Hauppauge Eagle senior Leah Treglia was the star of the meet, winning the 200-yard individual medley, 100-yard butterfly and was a member of two first place relay teams to boost the home side.

Northport-Commack Junior Makenna O’Brien finished a close second to Treglia in the 200-yard individual medley. Both ladies qualified for states in this event and Treglia, along with Sofia Burns, Sarah Lucca and MaryGrace Waring are going to states for their time of 1:52.02 in the 200-yard medley relay.

Caitlyn Riordan, of Northport-Commack, won the 200-yard freestyle in 2:04.21 winning by more than two and a half seconds. Riordan also won the 100-yard freestyle in 55.99. O’Brien won the 500-yard freestyle earning six points for the team and 7th grader London Strasser placed fifth in that event. Halea Duryea-Stern was sixth for the Lady Tiger-Cougars.

Duryea-Stern led a trio of Northport-Commack swimmers to first, second and third in the 100-yard breaststroke. Dorothy Amato and Ornella Bley took home second and third in that event.

Lady Tiger Paige Schilling was competitive in her diving body of work, scoring 155.02 from the judges. Casey Ryan, of Hauppauge-Smithtown, won with 182.47

In the 400-yard freestyle relay, Northport-Commack took first and second place. Lia Edlin Miller, Paige Simon, Avalina Giehl and Caitlin Lopez were in at 4:05.86. Gianna Negli, Eleanor Johnson, Kristina Rezler and Strasser took second.

Hauppauge-Smithtown dominated in the 100-yard butterfly with Treglia, Lucca and Makayla Lee sweeping the podium for first, second and third.

Jets recognize Smithtown West football player

by Press Release - September 30, 2022

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SDZ_1202-Tpz-scaled — The Bulls celebrate Jack Melores, center, touchdown against Northport Sept. 9. Photo by Steven Zaitz

Jack Melore, of Smithtown High School West, was named the New York Jets High School Player of the Week.

On Saturday, Sept.24, in a 20-14 upset victory over No. 4 Half Hollow Hills East, Jack had 10
catches for 226 yards and three total touchdowns. On defense he had six tackles, including a
quarterback sack and batted away three passes.

For being selected as player of the week the New York Jets will be donating $1,000 to the West
football program.

Renaissance Studio owner retires, remembers Smithtown’s past commerce

by Rita J. Egan - September 30, 2022

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RonLiz 2014 (1) — Liz and Ron Denenberg, co-owners of Renaissance Studio, in a 2014 photo taken inside their Smithtown studio. Photo by Ron Denenberg

Smithtown residents have grown accustomed to an ever-changing Main Street, with businesses moving in and out on a regular basis. Recently, James Cress Florist moved a few doors down from its original location. For the last few months, people have noticed that the photos of smiling families, brides and grooms no longer fill the window of Renaissance Studio at 39 W. Main as the images have done for more than four decades.

While the business sign still remains, owner Ron Denenberg has cleaned out the building he first rented in 1979 and bought in 1994. Soon the storefront will be occupied by a new business. The photographer had already been working from home as much as possible during the pandemic. After the passing of his wife, Liz, in December, Denenberg decided it was time to retire.

He and his wife founded the business in 1971, initially working in Queens. The couple moved from Brooklyn to Smithtown in 1973 and opened their Long Island location in 1979. For a few years, the Denenbergs ran a little photo studio in their home in the town. They then discovered Smithtown residents couldn’t have such a business in their house.

“We didn’t know you couldn’t have a business in the house, because we knew people with businesses in their houses,” he said. “But, photographers are considered retail because they’re considered camera stores.”

He said he was surprised that camera stores and photo studios were lumped together because he never sold cameras, and throughout his career, he hasn’t met any professional photographers who sell merchandise in their studios.

The couple found Smithtown to be different from city life.

“It was a whole new world,” Denenberg said. “This was farm country.”

He remembers a time when a pizza place, cleaners and bakery were located across the street from his studio, where CVS is now. Behind it, when they first moved to the town, was Blue Jay Market, then King Kullen and eventually a hardware store and Strawberry Field Supermarket. Where the Thai House is now, there was once a store with a soda fountain counter.

Denenberg also recalls when Main Street was lined with locust trees from Route 111 to Maple Avenue until 1985, when Hurricane Gloria knocked down the majority of the trees. Traffic was different during the earlier years, too.

“I used to be able to walk across Main Street without looking in the ’70s,” he said. “Now it’s a race for your life.”

Ron and Liz Denenberg pose for a photo before the pandemic at Short Beach in Smithtown, one of Ron’s favorite places to shoot. Photo from Ron Denenberg

Throughout his career, he has photographed people in many local and surrounding locations. Among his favorite shooting spots are the Byzantine Catholic Church of the Resurrection on Edgewater Avenue and Flowerfield Celebrations with its ponds and fountains.

“It’s just one of the most gorgeous places to take photos,” he said.

Denenberg also counts Smithtown’s Short Beach and near the Smithtown Bull among his favorite backgrounds. Frank Melville Memorial Park in Setauket is another favorite as he said no matter where the sun is one can find a beautiful spot at the park.

Through the decades, he’s seen a lot of changes in the photo industry, too. He credited his wife with always thinking outside of the box.

When the first digital camera came out, she knew it could potentially hurt the profession. Liz Denenberg encouraged her husband to start offering more portrait photography and then commercial services where he would take photos of buildings, employees and even products.

“I pushed myself into learning different techniques,” he said.

The business owner said without depending on wedding photography, he and his wife saved time with less energy being spent after events creating albums and touching up photos.

“Our gross went down because weddings cost a lot of money, but our [bottom line] income went up because we weren’t spending on other photographers and employees,” he said.

Recently, the pandemic also affected the industry, he said, with many brides and grooms not only postponing but canceling their receptions. COVID-19 restrictions affected other celebrations such as Communions, also bar and bat mitzvahs.

It was a big change for Denenberg who, along with the photographers he hired, once photographed 200 to 300 children a year celebrating their First Communion in addition to an average of nearly 100 weddings each year and other jobs.

Now, as he retires, Denenberg puts all that behind him. The photographer said he is looking forward to spending more time with his children and grandchildren, as well as traveling. And while it will be smaller in size than the ones he used in the past, Denenberg has a new camera that will accompany him on his future adventures.

Local doctors address how to handle a mental health emergency

by Daniel Dunaief - September 30, 2022

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hands-1922053_1920 — Dr. Farquharson suggests showing a person experiencing a mental health emergency your hands with the palms open to show you are not a threat to the person. Stock photo

Long Island residents have taken CPR classes and learned lifesaving basics to help others with injuries through programs like “Stop the Bleed.”

But what about mental health emergencies?

Those may be more difficult to diagnose or understand, particularly for people who may not know the person in emotional distress.

While Suffolk County Police Department officers with specialized training, support service organizations like Diagnostics, Assessment and Stabilization Hub (known as DASH) and Family Service League, and mental health care workers are available to help, doctors offered suggestions for people who would like to provide assistance for a friend, coworker or relative while awaiting professional assistance.

Dr. Wilfred Farquharson IV, a licensed psychologist and director of the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Outpatient Clinic at Stony Brook Medicine, helped create a two-page patient education sheet titled “Mental Health Emergency Response Guidance Sheet — Knowing Your Options.”

The guide provides suggestions on how to respond to a variety of emergencies, starting with lower level crises, which could include a change in mood or side effects from a medication that is not dangerous to a person’s health.

The options in that case are to contact a mental health provider to schedule an appointment, to use a safety plan or to schedule an urgent visit with a primary doctor.

In situations in which a person is destroying property, is threatening physical injury and is not in a position for a safe transport, the guide suggests calling 911.

To ensure effective help from emergency responders, the guide urges people to go to Smart911 to complete a profile for the household.

Additionally, people who call 911 should indicate that there is a mental health emergency. The person making the call should be prepared to offer the person’s name and location, the reason for the call, the person’s diagnosis (if known), things that upset the person, such as yelling at them or getting too close, things that might help soothe the person, and special considerations.

While people are waiting for first responders, they can try to deescalate the situation, using tools similar to the ones professionals practice.

“A lot of what we do is give the person space,” Farquharson said. “We show them our hands, with open palms, and let them know we’re not trying to be a threat. We don’t say too much. We allow the person to talk, as long as they’re being safe. We allow them to yell.”

Neutral tone

Dr. Adnan Sarcevic, chairman of the Psychiatry Department at Huntington Hospital, also urges people to provide “as much privacy as possible” for someone in distress.

Sarcevic recommended that supportive family, friends or community members be empathetic without being judgmental.

“Keep your tone and your body language neutral,” Sarcevic said. He urges people to remain calm and friendly.

People can help deescalate situations by acknowledging that someone else’s feelings are important and indicating that crying or being angry is okay.

Taking a cue from the person in distress can also help. If a person stops talking, “let him or her be there in silence. Let them reflect,” Sarcevic said.

Additionally, the Huntington Hospital doctor urged people to respect the personal space of someone who is struggling.

As far as his list of “don’ts,” Sarcevic said people shouldn’t use judgmental language or wag their fingers.

“Don’t ask, ‘Why’ or ‘How could you do that?’” Sarcevic advised.

Other resources

The Suffolk County Police Department implemented a 911 call diversion pilot program in 2021 which allows Emergency Complaint Operators to divert crisis calls, when considered safe, to the Crisis Hotline at Family Service League.

The SCPD collaborates with Family Service League on a 24-hour crisis hotline as well as a mobile crisis team of mental health professionals that can be deployed 24/7, officials from the SCPD explained in an email.

Additionally, the department said about 20% of SCPD officers are Crisis Intervention Team trained. Someone with that training is always on patrol.

In addition to 911, people can reach out to DASH, which is the Diagnostic, Assessment and Stabilization Hub. A community crisis program with a Mobile Crisis Team for Suffolk residents, DASH is open every hour of every day and offers services for people who have mental health and substance abuse disorders.

For situations in which there are no safety risks, Stony Brook Medicine suggested that DASH is a good option. Residents can call the hotline at 631-952-3333.

Additionally, residents can call the Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 988 at any time.

Dr. Stacy Eagle, director of Psychiatry at St. Charles Hospital, cautioned that what deescalates one person might be different from what helps someone else.

Offering physical comfort to some people may help, while others might prefer to have their own space.

All three mental health professionals said the pandemic has contributed to higher levels of anxiety and depression among the population.

“The pandemic has increased the level of distress for those patients,” Eagle said. The pandemic could be the “stressful hit” that triggers discomfort or a mental health episode.

Farquharson has noticed an increase in the acuity of symptoms for some residents.

The mental health practitioners said the response to a crisis depends on the person involved and the type of problem he or she
is experiencing.

“You have to use [your] judgment”
when dealing with various circumstances, Sarcevic said.

Mental health professionals urged people to develop a plan that includes having phone numbers nearby, for 911, 988, DASH and the Family Service League, among others.

Additionally, doctors suggested people can help by being supportive and being prepared.

Farquharson said people should learn what to do if someone is not feeling well emotionally or mentally when a doctor’s office might be closed.

SBU’s Brown Clarke named chair of National Fitness Foundation

by Daniel Dunaief - September 29, 2022

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SBJudithbrownclarke — Stony Brook, NY; Stony Brook University: Judith Brown Clarke, Vice President for Equity and Inclusion, Chief Diversity Officer

Judith Brown Clarke, a silver medal winner in the 400 meter hurdles at the 1984 Olympics, is taking a prominent role at the National Fitness Foundation.

Clarke, who is vice president for Equity & Inclusion and chief diversity officer at Stony Brook University, will become the chair from 2022 to 2024 of the only non-profit organization established by Congress to support youth sport, health and fitness initiatives. She will serve on the board until 2028.

The White House held a Conference on Hunger, Nutrition and Health on Sept. 28. Clarke said her goal after that conference as chair is to “take that call to action, look at what our role is in lifting some or those things off the page, and improving nutrition and physical activity, food insecurity and ending hunger.”

Tackling a number of challenges, such as the obesity epidemic, access and affordability of healthier foods, the lower rate of participation in youth sports among girls, and a need to increase physical activity will involve working with numerous partners and taking a multi dimensional approach.

“Some of the things that complement what happens at home” such as the expectations in gym class and the overall approach to health and nutrition “need to be strengthened,” Clarke said.

Lower levels of activity among some children stem from concerns about safety. Children may not play in the park, ride a bike, jump rope or go outside because areas where they might engage in these activities could involve some risk.

The foundation will partner with parents, teachers and corporations.

“How often do you find within the ingredients [of popular foods and condiments] where there’s sugar and salt?” she asked rhetorically. Numerous foods have supplemental ingredients that may be for taste, but that are above the daily allowance. People start to crave foods with high levels of salt and sugar.

Working with companies that manufacture food products, the foundation hopes to encourage the kind of decision making that helps their customers and their workers.

“Unhealthy people” who have eating habits that include high levels of carbohydrates, sugar and salt have “higher levels of absenteeism” within a corporation, Clarke said. “It actually is a financial model for organizations and corporations to lean into this. There’s a return on investment as it relates to their organization’s enterprise model.”

Conference pillars

The foundation plans to use the five White House Conference Pillars to guide their efforts and assessment of their effectiveness.

The White House conference is focused on improving food access and affordability. This includes expanding eligibility for an increase participation in food assistance programs and improving transportation to places where food is available.

Another pillar is to integrate nutrition and health. By prioritizing the role of nutrition and food security in overall health, the conference hopes to address the nutrition needs of all people.

The third pillar is to empower consumers to make and have access to healthy choices.

Fourth, officials would like to support physical activity for people, in part by ensuring that people have access to safe places to be active. The conference also hopes to increase the awareness of the benefits of physical activity.

Fifth, the conference plans to improve nutrition metrics, data collection and research to inform nutrition and food security policy, particularly regarding issues of equity, access and disparities.

Xavier Becerra, Health and Human Services secretary, expressed confidence in the ability of the board to reach their goals. “This experienced group of advisors will enable the National Fitness Foundation to take the next steps in advancing the health of our nation through fitness and nutrition,” Becerra said in a statement.

In addition to serving as a role model through her success as an athlete, during which Clarke was a four-time national collegiate champion and 1987 Sports Illustrated Woman of the Year, she also hopes to encourage girls and their families to learn about the benefit of ongoing participation in athletics.

According to the National Fitness Foundation website, 30% of girls aged six to 12 participate in sports, compared with 39% of their male peers.

The foundation supports organizations committed to providing equal opportunity for girls to play sports.

In addition to leading healthy lives, women who participate in sports are often successful in the workplace, taking their disciplined approach to training, their ability to work together, and their recognition for how to handle fluid situations into a wide range of professional settings, Clarke said.

Ultimately, the effectiveness of some of these efforts may depend on the ability of people in communities to access these programs.

Editorial: Get real, go green

by TBR Staff - September 29, 2022

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natural-reserve-g15565ddc2_1920 — Go Green. Pixabay photo

Last month, President Joe Biden (D) signed the Inflation Reduction Act, a comprehensive investment package which covers taxes, health care and climate measures, too.

The climate portion of this act provides coastal communities across the U.S. with access to $2.6 billion over five years in federal funding through grants distributed by the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, or NOAA. These funds can be used for projects not only in response to sea-level rise and heavy storms but also to help communities to become more resilient against such disturbances.

Green infrastructure is a new trend in coastal resiliency that offers an alternative to traditional, human-engineered construction, also known as gray infrastructure. These are nature-based solutions, working with rather than against the natural terrain to battle the negative effects of climate change and related issues.

It is vital that Long Island communities make an aggressive plea for green infrastructure funding offered through the recent federal act.

Instead of resigning ourselves to unsightly, inflexible, retrograde man-made sea walls to fight beach erosion, municipalities should explore more natural solutions for coastal hardening.

According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency in July, “During the 20th century, global sea level rose by roughly 7 inches. Global temperatures are expected to continue to climb, resulting in rising sea levels, amplified storm surges, greater frequency and intensity of storms.”

Our era will be defined by these changes. Entire communities may soon be washed away. As shorelines continue to erode, homes and critical infrastructure will follow suit.

The EPA suggests measures such as using plants, reefs, sand and natural barriers to create a living shoreline which in turn can reduce erosion and flooding. Wave heights can be reduced by restoring wetlands that serve as buffers against the water’s velocity and intensity.

Vegetative shorelines also help to improve water quality, aquatic habitat and carbon sequestration. Living shorelines also don’t have to be one thing. Designers can use native wetland plants, stones and rocks, oyster reefs, mussel beds and more to create different shorelines.

In many cases, natural solutions can be more cost-effective than gray infrastructure. Structures such as seawalls can deteriorate quickly after they are constructed, and they can be difficult and costly to repair and replace. Green alternatives can be more cost-effective, even though some critics say it is time consuming to replenish them.

Of course, while choosing natural resources may work in some situations, in certain circumstances a home may be ready to fall in the water, and a seawall may be the only or quickest answer to saving the property.

To meet the demands of this century, we must radically adjust our thinking. We are competing with other coastal communities nationwide for limited grant funding. If we choose to avoid the difficult environmental realities of our time, we are going to get passed by. In the intermunicipal survival of the fittest, communities that adapt themselves to the changing circumstances will survive and thrive. Those that don’t will wither away with the coastline.

To survive, we must adapt to the new pressures of an ever-changing environment. Moving forward, rigidity and narrow-mindedness will be our worst impediments, adaptability and realism our greatest resources.

D. None of the Above: What would I do if I gave up an historic Aaron Judge homer?

by Daniel Dunaief - September 29, 2022

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Aaron Judge — Facebook photo/New York Yankees

By Daniel Dunaief

If I were pitching to Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge, I would probably take a long pause before throwing my first pitch.

I know it’s absurd to think of this older man who never threw a ball much harder than low high school level pitching to a generational legend, but let’s play out the fantasy for a laugh or two.

I wouldn’t pause so I could figure out how to get him out. Sure, it’d be nice to do my job well and my teammates might appreciate it if I gave us a better chance to win a game.

Instead, I would need to ponder the moment that history might be calling. I’d be thinking about the best choreographed reaction to him hitting a home run. I mean, after all, the pitchers who surrender his long home runs are, in their own way, famous.

They share the moment between when they release the ball, and he obliterates it into the night sky, sending thousands of people screaming out of their seats, arms in the air, sharing in the majesty that wouldn’t be possible without my meatball pitch sputtering, laughably, towards his powerful bat.

If he sent a ball out of the stadium, I would be joining select company, with so many pitchers around the majors surrendering home runs in a historic year.

I’d be thinking about how I’d look in newsreels or newscasts or digital versions of the Aaron Judge year to remember.

I could imagine ways to overreact. I could throw my glove on the mound, gesture wildly by putting my hands in the air, or shake my head so violently that my manager and the trainer would have to waddle out to the mound to put me in a neck brace.

Or, maybe I’d hold my glove up to my face and appear to yell a stream of expletives into my mitt, as if, somehow, I knew I should have thrown a different pitch in a different spot.

Then again, I could rub my fingers in some dirt and write a capital “AJ” on my uniform, like scarlet letters, except it wouldn’t be anything puritanical, and I would be acknowledging my inferiority.

None of that seems like me, even in my fantasy world.

Being stoic would make me too much of a personality-less pitcher. Let’s face it: even in my imaginary moment of being an above average starter or relief pitcher, the time to focus on me would be incredibly short.

Let’s say I didn’t blink after he hit the home run. Or, maybe, I tracked the flight of the ball carefully, like a zebra eyeing a lion suspiciously in the Serengeti. That might get me on TV and make me more than just another guy who gave up a home run to Aaron Judge.

Maybe I’d wait at home plate and give him a high five or a fist bump to acknowledge a full season worth of greatness. While kids do that in Little League, professional players generally don’t acknowledge the remarkable achievements of their opponents.

When he reached second base, I could put down my glove and clap from the mound, ever so briefly. Then, perhaps, I’d take off my hat and salute him.

Or, maybe I could take a page out of the more subtle but celebrated Mona Lisa textbook. I could give just a hint of a smile as if I were saying, “you beat me and you’re a pretty spectacular hitter. There’s no shame in losing this battle and now we’re weirdly connected, like we’re kind of twins, except that you’re great and going to be remembered forever and I’m just going to be remembered for starting the ball on its magical journey into the history books.”

Between You and Me:Listen to this: ‘Reflective listening’ is a new kind of hearing

by Leah Dunaief - September 29, 2022

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Modern senior couple spending time in the kitchen — METRO photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Have you ever heard of reflective listening? While I like to think of myself as being a good listener, and really I should ask others who speak to me to make that determination, I came upon this new technique and thought I would share it with you.

Reflective listening is a communications strategy that involves two steps. The first is, if you are the listener, seeking to understand what the speaker is saying. So many times in our lives, we think we hear what the other person is saying, and it turns out we didn’t hear that person correctly at all. I think that is particularly true when on the phone or when reading a text or an email. We don’t have the benefit of seeing facial expressions or body language. And even when on Zoom, we don’t get a good look at the other person, nor do they have a good read of us.

Then the second step is to offer back the thought, and even the words of the speaker, to confirm that his or her idea was understood. Here is just a simple example between two people who sometimes quarrel that could be misunderstood.

“Do you want to go to a Yankee game with me Friday night for a change?” asks the speaker.

The listener hears, “Do you want to go to a Yankee game with me?” as opposed to with another person Friday night, and so reflects back the question accordingly by repeating, “Do I want to go to a Yankee game with you?”

The speaker can then clarify with, “Yes, do you want to go to a Yankee game Friday night instead of going bowling?”

By repeating the words, the listener has given the speaker a second chance at making his meaning clear. The listener then answers, “Yes, I would like to go to a Yankee game with you Friday night.”

This is probably an oversimplification of how a speaker might be misunderstood, but the essence of the reflective listening is to pay respectful attention to the content and the feelings expressed by the speaker. The listener hears and then understands what is being said and lets the speaker know that she has gotten the message.

This kind of “checking out” requires responding actively while keeping focused completely on the speaker. It’s a step beyond what is normally thought of as listening. It’s reflecting back accurately on both content and feeling levels.

Reflective listening offers a number of benefits. It lets the speaker know that they have been heard, understood, and perhaps, even cared for and supported, depending on the nature of the exchange. It gives the speaker feedback on what he or she said and how it was understood.

It allows the listener to check his or her own accuracy in hearing what the speaker said. It avoids the illusion of understanding. It helps prevent what has been termed the “mental vacation” in which the listener is inattentive during conversation. It can give the speaker a second chance to focus on self, vent, sort out issues, express feelings and deal more effectively with emotions.

It allows the speaker to move to deeper levels of expression at his or her own pace. It can help the speaker to articulate more clearly. It may help the speaker to arrive at a solution to a problem being voiced. It helps the listener clarify what is expected of him or her. It helps the listener to deal effectively with the issue, problem or needs the speaker raised.

In a confrontational exchange, it gives a couple of seconds pause, which might enable a cooling down.

In a social situation, it can create a climate of warmth between speaker and listener. In another situation, directions can be clarified by the listener. And as a technique in leading a group discussion, effective hearing, then repeating all points of view, is certainly required.

I hope you can see why I thought this one communication technique was worth sharing.

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