Residents from across the North Shore gathered at Veterans Day memorials and parks to pay their respects Nov. 11.
North Shore residents pay their respects on Veterans Day
Yearly Archives: 2016
Rocky Point exits postseason in Division III semifinals
By Bill Landon
Rocky Point hadn’t lost a game since Oct. 1, when the Eagles suffered their second loss of the season, a 42-14 defeat, at the hands of Sayville. No. 4-seeded Rocky Point found itself back up against that same team in the Division III semifinals Nov. 12, and still struggled against the No. 1 Golden Flashes, falling 42-8.
“It’s not about one game — it’s about the year, and we have a lot to be proud of,” Rocky Point head coach Anthony DiLorenzo said. “I feel like we’ve put Rocky Point back on the map.”
The Eagles were on the move in the final minute of the first half, marching down the field during their first scoring threat. The team made it to Sayville’s 9-yard line, but the opposition’s defense denied Rocky Point, and took over on downs.
With just over six minutes left in the third quarter, Rocky Point was on the move again, making its way to the 4-yard line on 4th-and-goal. Again, the Eagles failed to find the end zone, and turned the ball over on downs. Sayville marched the opposite way during a sustained drive, helped in part by flying penalty flags on Rocky Point’s defense. Sayville punched into the end zone for its fourth touchdown with 4:13 left in the quarter, and after a successful point-after attempt kick, broke out to a 28-0 lead.
Carry after carry, Rocky Point running back Petey LaSalla ground and pounded the ball up the middle for most of what offense the Eagles could muster. As a result, the Sayville defense heavily targeted the junior.
On the opening drive in the final quarter, LaSalla — after several carries — punched into the end zone for the team’s only touchdown of the day. LaSalla lined up under center to attempt a 2-point conversion, and after a bad snap went over LaSalla’s head, he recovered the ball, slipped passed several would-be tacklers and threw the ball to senior running back Michael Brewer, who made the 15-yard catch and lunged over the goal line to bring the score to 28-8.
Despite the result, DiLorenzo was impressed with how his 7-3 team finished the season and its playoff push.
“I just thank the seniors for giving me their hearts,” he said. “I said to the kids as much as it hurts to lose 42-8 right now, we’re headed in the right direction.”
Kings Park cruises to sixth straight county, Long Island titles
By Bill Landon
Lauren Kloos continues to lead the way for Kings Park.
On Nov. 12, the senior outside hitter’s 12 kills put the girls’ volleyball team back in the state semifinal game. The Kingsmen bested Floral Park in straight sets, 25-10, 25-19 and 25-22 for Kings Park’s sixth straight Long Island championship crown.
Kloos said Kings Park (19-0) was ready for Floral Park, practicing defending against the unconventional ways its opponent would end up tipping and dumping the ball.
Junior outside hitter Sam Schultz, who finished with 12 digs and seven kills, and junior middle hitter Kara Haase, who added nine digs and eight kills, were also important contributors.
It’s been familiar stages for the Kings Park, and for the past three years, the Kingsmen have also seen a familiar foe at the county level.
Prior to the Long Island win, the dynasty did it again, as No. 1 Kings Park swept No. 2 Westhampton for the third straight year, 25-10, 25-15 and 25-13 for the Kingsmen’s sixth Suffolk Class A title.
Westhampton was plagued by unforced errors throughout the matchup, committing five of them in the first set alone to fall behind 16-7. Kloos made here presence known early, and spiked a kill shot that put her team out front 18-7, as Westhampton called timeout to try and throw Kings Park off balance.
It didn’t work, and as the team spread the ball around, the powerhouse surged ahead 23-9 looking to end the set early. And it did.
“A lot of hard work goes into it — the amount of practice we have to do to be able to execute [on the court],” Kloos said following the county win. “To be able to win another [championship] for the program is just amazing.”
“As a program, we still have a lot to prove. As time evolves we have a target on our back.”
— Ed Manly
The senior earned her fourth Suffolk and Long Island titles.
Dig after dig the Kingsmen got the ball to the junior Haley Holmes, and the setter spread the wealth. She aided the team in breaking out to a 13-5 advantage in the second set.
“It takes a lot of practice,” said Holmes, who finished with 28 assists and 10 digs against Floral Park. “We come to practice every day and we were ready for this. Our defense was perfect and that made it easy for me; the hitters just killed it.”
Kings Park continued to capitalize on Westhampton’s unforced errors, and surged ahead 23-15. On a bad serve, Westhampton handed Kings Park the break point, and the Kingsmen did what they’ve done all season, and put the set away, 25-15.
“Our energy, our intensive focus — every point we were mentally engaged, we knew where we needed to be, we knew our assignments,” Kings Park head coach Ed Manly said. “It was very hard. Our girls just work tirelessly all year long to play in this game. This is why you play volleyball, and we have the best kids around.”
Junior middle hitter Erika Benson, who had five kills and two blocks in the Long Island championship game, said her group continues to pull through and win as a team.
“Every game is a challenge, ” she said. “Our energy on and off the court never stopped. We never had a dull moment.”
Westhampton managed one last kill shot before Kings Park took the county title.
Having depth and help from all over makes Kings Park a contender for the state title. The team has to get through Glens Falls first, in the state semifinals Nov. 19. The Kingsmen have yet to take home a state title in the last five years.
“As a program, we still have a lot to prove,” Manly said. “As time evolves we have a target on our back. There are times when our kids feel like they’re not given the same credit as other teams around, for one reason or another, so they’re really inspired to play solid volleyball all of the time.”
Smithtown West wins historic county, Long Island volleyball matches
By Bill Landon
Smithtown West did what to many was inconceivable.
The boys’ volleyball team claimed the program’s first Class A Long Island title Nov. 12 with a four-set win over Plainview JFK (16-2) 25-18, 25-23, 24-26 and 26-24.
Junior outside hitter Chris Shanley had 20 kills, junior outside hitter Kevin Kelleher added 16 kills and senior setter Tom Bernard had 42 assists to lead the Bulls to the championship at Suffolk County Community College’s Brentwood campus. Senior libero Jake Torres had 17 digs and senior middle blocker Tom Keller had five kills and four blocks.
To claim the team’s first Class A championship just three days prior, the No. 2 Bulls handed No. 1 Sachem North its first Long Island loss in 52 matches. In fact, Smithtown West swept its opponent, a two-time defending Suffolk champion, 28-16, 25-19 and 25-17 at Suffolk.
Again, Shanley led the way for the Bulls (14-2) with 15 kills.
He helped the Bulls not only tie the game twice, but give the team a one-point edge two times in the first set. He also put the team in the right state of mind to get the job done.
“We were getting the sets where they needed to be, we were getting kills and we distributed the ball well,” Shanley said, adding that he knew his team would have to play a mistake-free game in order to get the job done. “But I knew that they could come back with any mistake we made.”
Both teams scratched and clawed at the net as Sachem North (15-1) retook the lead, 23-22, and took the game to break point. But after Smithtown West called for a break in the action, the Bulls rallied back.
“We stayed composed and we played for every point until the game is over,” Kelleher said. “We’re a hard team — we push.”
Needing to win the set by two points, the Flaming Arrows brought the game to the brink, only to have Kelleher’s kill shot retie the game 26-26. The Bulls fought off back-to-back set points, and won it on a block by Keller, who had nine kills.
“Our defense was the strongest part of our game — we pride ourselves on being the best defensive team on the Island.”
—David DeRosa
“Winning that first game gave us the confidence that we can do it,” Smithtown West head coach Michael Legge said. “We had a little bit of doubt, but that win gave us the confidence to go get them.”
The momentum carried over to the second set. The Bulls jumped out to 6-2 lead, and stood on the gas to make it a 14-8 advantage. Both teams exchanged points, but the Bulls maintained the margin, staying out front, 18-12. The team showed its defensive strength, as Torres dug and dove all over the floor — making nine digs on the night — and got the ball out to Kelleher and junior right side hitter David DeRosa.
“Our defense was the strongest part of our game — we pride ourselves on being the best defensive team on the Island,” DeRosa said. “[Assistant] coach Andrew Sanchez preaches defense, and that’s how you win games — you get the ball up, you throw it back at them and let them make the mistake.”
Sachem North did just that, making an unforced error to fall behind 22-14, and after giving the Bulls a point on a service error, a Bulls kill brought the match to break point, prompting another timeout in the match. After a sustained volley, the game was decided at the net off a blocked shot, and Smithtown West took a two-set lead.
Even with its strong teamwork, Smithtown West got off to a slow start in the third, before tying the set 5-5. The Flaming Arrows answered with three straight points before Shanley, from service, rattled off three of his own to knot the score at 8-8. Sachem North committed two more unforced errors, and continued to struggle to find a rhythm at the Bulls bounced out to a 17-11 lead.
The thunder from Smithtown West’s side of the bleachers echoed off the gymnasium walls, as the excitement behind, and thought of a first-time championship-winning sweep loomed.
DeRosa put up a wall on the right side, blocking shot after shot — making five blocks to go along with four kills — to help his team to a 23-16 advantage.
Legge said DeRosa’s play set the tone for the Bulls’ defense.
“Dave with those blocks on the right side — he just killed it — he was one-on-one with a lot of them and usually that’s an advantage for the other team,” the coach said, adding that those blocks were a difference-maker. “But big boy was getting up, getting hands on it — he was awesome.”
The Flaming Arrows flamed out, gave up the next two points and the championship.
“They’re a great team — they have the ability to come back from any deficit, so it wasn’t until that last point that it became real,” DeRosa said. “I was very surprised that it went three games, but we were ready for a dogfight.”
Smithtown West will return to Suffolk County Community College’s Brentwood Nov. 19 to make its state tournament debut. Pool play begins at 10 a.m., and should the Bulls advance to the finals, the first set it scheduled to begin at 2 p.m.
Photo of the Week
THAT’S BRILLIANT! The Greater Port Jefferson Chamber of Commerce recently announced the winner of its annual scarecrow competition that was held in conjunction with the village’s Harvest Fest. Port Jefferson Juniors & Cadet Girl Scout Troop 1390 beat out the competition with their scarecrow, ‘Harry Potter’s Hermione.’ The group wins a $50 gift card to The Pie in Port Jefferson. Congratulations! Take a Scarecrow Walk down East Main Street through November to view all the wonderful entries.
Send your Photo of the Week to [email protected].
Cinema Arts Centre to screen world premiere of ‘Undocumented’
By Kevin Redding
There is perhaps no one on Long Island whose story encapsulates the American Dream better than Huntington resident Harold Fernandez, who fled drug-and-murder-ridden Colombia when he was 13 years old; charted through the treacherous waters of the Bermuda Triangle; came into the U.S. not speaking a word of English; worked hard in school; gained admission to Princeton University; graduated from Harvard Medical School; got married and helped raise two children; and ultimately rose to the top of his profession as a cardiac surgeon, currently working at Southside Hospital in Bay Shore.
But his journey to the operating room was one of constant fear. As an undocumented immigrant, Fernandez had broken countless immigration laws by the time he arrived at Princeton. The secret he had harbored his whole life was about to be revealed and potentially undo everything he had achieved for himself and his family and send him back to Colombia.
Fernandez’s compelling and inspiring story is the focus of a new documentary titled “Undocumented.” Based on his memoir of the same name, the documentary will have its world premiere screening at the Cinema Arts Centre in Huntington on Sunday, Nov. 13, at 6 p.m. (sold out) and 8:15 p.m. The film will be followed by a Q-and-A with filmmakers Patricia Shih and Greg Blank, as well as Fernandez himself.
Shih, a professional local musician who had no prior experience in filmmaking, read the book cover to cover and knew right away that the story needed to be translated to film, not only because of its cinematic themes of danger, suspense and eventual triumph but because its message rang especially true today.
“Harold’s story … puts a human face on the abstract issue of immigration,” she said. “When the presidential election started, there was a lot of hateful rhetoric by one of the candidates about immigration, and specifically racial and religious discrimination. I’m hoping that [the film] will move people enough so that some hardened positions will soften. I can’t stress enough how amazing his story is.”
As an Asian woman whose own father was one of only 105 Chinese immigrants allowed to enter the U.S. in 1945 as a result of the Magnuson Act, Shih considers this an extremely personal topic. She hopes to combat the ever-increasing violence, racism and xenophobia that surrounds the issue of immigration with the film’s telling of Fernandez’s incredible life.
And incredible it is.
When he and his 11-year-old brother Byron left Medellín, Colombia, in 1978, Fernandez hadn’t seen his parents for years. They had already moved to the U.S. to escape poverty, working in embroidery and clothing factories and struggling to make ends meet in West New York, New Jersey, with the hopes that one day they would earn enough money to be reunited with their children. His parents arranged for the two of them to be smuggled in, and so began their dangerous voyage to freedom.
Fernandez, his brother and a dozen other immigrants huddled in a small boat that seemed to constantly be on the verge of splitting in half as the harsh sea raged on in the thick of hurricane season. When he finally arrived in New Jersey, Fernandez was at a complete disadvantage, needing to learn a new language and catch up with his classmates academically. However, he saw how much his parents struggled to put food on the table and understood that the only way he would get ahead in life would be through a good education, and so he buckled down and devoted himself to his studies.
Fernandez became valedictorian in his high school class and was accepted to Princeton with flying colors, determined to help people through medicine. However, this is when his undocumented status came back to haunt him. The documentary explores how Fernandez overcame the very real threat of being deported and wound up where he is today.
As Shih had never tackled a film before, let alone a feature-length film, she approached Push Pause video journalist Greg Blank to see if he would help make this dream project a reality. It didn’t take much to persuade him to get on board.
Much like Shih, Blank had become extremely immersed in Fernandez’s memoir and thought that a lot of people would relate to his story on different levels. The two launched a Kickstarter campaign in an effort to crowd fund the film in April, wound up exceeding their cost goal, and with a final budget of roughly $20,000, shot and edited the documentary in five months — all under the complete cooperation and encouragement of Fernandez, who even contributed large quantities of footage when he visited his old neighborhood, school and home in Colombia this year.
The film features interviews with Fernandez’s parents, a professor of his from Princeton, as well as two former patients who say they owe their lives to him as a result of emergency open-heart surgeries, among others. The bulk of it was shot in Huntington, said the filmmakers, with segments in New Jersey and Princeton.
“This is the quintessential American story,” said Blank. “I hope people can see that it’s not just the story of Harold and one person succeeding in this country, but an entire family coming [here] and making the most of it, and really contributing.”
For Fernandez, seeing his story make its way to the big screen is really exciting. He said it’s an opportunity to show people that most immigrant families in this country are regular people who have dreams and are looking for ways to contribute to the American way of life. “I’ve been so blessed to be able to make my dream come true,” said Fernandez. “but I think that most immigrants that come here are really looking for simple things — living with dignity, just being able to work — and I think that’s what my story really portrays. And the main thing that I remember coming here to America was not really the excitement of coming [here] as much as just the desire to be together as a family again.”
Fernandez continued, “I think it’s one of the tragedies of the whole immigration issue right now. You have all these families apart, so I think the idea of being together again as a family was the most important part at the time.”
The Cinema Arts Centre is located at 423 Park Ave., Huntington. Admission is $16, $11 members. A premium admission of $22, $17 members, includes a wine and cheese reception. For more information, please call 631-423-7611 or visit www.cinemaartscentre.com.
Medical Compass: Prostate Cancer Prevention
By Dr. David Dunaief
Prostate cancer is the second most common cancer in men, after skin cancer. The American Cancer Society estimates that, in 2016, there will be almost 190,000 new prostate cancer diagnoses in the United States and just over 26,000 deaths (1). What better time to discuss prostate cancer prevention than in “Movember,” a month dedicated to raising awareness of men’s health issues?
The best way to avoid prostate cancer is through lifestyle modifications, which means garnering knowledge about both detrimental and beneficial approaches. There are a host of things that may increase your risk and others that may decrease your likelihood of prostate cancer. Your genetics or family history do not mean you can’t alter gene expression with the choices you make.
What may increase the risk of prostate cancer? Contributing factors include obesity, animal fat and supplements, such as vitamin E and selenium. Equally as important, factors that may reduce risk include vegetables, especially cruciferous, tomato sauce or cooked tomatoes, soy and even coffee.
Vitamin E and selenium
In the SELECT trial, a randomized clinical trial (RCT), a dose of 400 mg of vitamin E actually increased the risk of prostate cancer by 17 percent (2). Though significant, this is not a tremendous clinical effect. It does show that vitamin E should not be used for prevention of prostate cancer. Interestingly, in this study, selenium may have helped to reduce the mortality risk in the selenium plus vitamin E arm, but selenium trended toward a slight increased risk when taken alone. Therefore, I would not recommend that men take selenium or vitamin E for prevention.
Obesity
Obesity showed conflicting results, prompting the study authors to analyze the results further. According to a review of the literature, obesity may slightly decrease the risk of nonaggressive prostate cancer, however increase risk of aggressive disease (3). Don’t think this means that obesity has protective effects. It’s quite the contrary. The authors attribute the lower incidence of nonaggressive prostate cancer to the possibility that it is more difficult to detect the disease in obese men, since larger prostates make biopsies less effective. What the results tell us is that those who are obese have a greater risk of dying from prostate cancer when it is diagnosed.
Animal fat, red meat and processed meats
It seems there is a direct effect between the amount of animal fat we consume and incidence of prostate cancer. In the Health Professionals Follow-up Study, a large observational study, those who consumed the highest amount of animal fat had a 63 percent increased risk, compared to those who consumed the least. Here is the kicker: It was not just the percent increase that was important, but the fact that it was an increase in advanced or metastatic prostate cancer (4). Also, in this study, red meat had an even greater, approximately 2.5-fold, increased risk of advanced disease. If you are going to eat red meat, I recommend decreased frequency, like lean meat once every two weeks or once a month.
In another large, prospective (forward-looking) observational study, the authors concluded that red and processed meats increase the risk of advanced prostate cancer through heme iron, barbecuing/grilling and nitrate/nitrite content (5).
Omega-3s paradox
When we think of omega-3 fatty acids or fish oil, we think “protective” or “beneficial.” However, these may increase the risk of prostate cancer, according to one epidemiological study (6). This study, called the Prostate Cancer Prevention Trial, involving a seven-year follow-up period, showed that docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), a form of omega-3 fatty acid, increased the risk of high-grade disease 2.5-fold. This finding was unexpected.
However, this does not mean that men should cut back on fish consumption; the effects of omega-3s on heart disease prevention are significant, and heart disease is far more prevalent. Also, this is only one study finding. If you choose to eat fish, salmon or sardines in water with no salt are among the best choices.
Lycopene — found in tomato sauce
Tomato sauce has been shown to potentially reduce the risk of prostate cancer. However, uncooked tomatoes have not shown beneficial effects. This may be because, in order to release lycopene, the tomatoes need to be cooked (7). It is believed that lycopene, which is a type of carotenoid found in tomatoes, is central to this benefit.
In a prospective (forward-looking) study involving 47,365 men who were followed for 12 years, the risk of prostate cancer was reduced by 16 percent (8). The primary source of lycopene in this study was tomato sauce. When the authors looked at tomato sauce alone, they saw a reduction in risk of 23 percent when comparing those who consumed at least two servings a week to those who consumed less than one serving a month. The reduction in severe, or metastatic, prostate cancer risk was even greater, at 35 percent. There was a statistically significant reduction in risk with a very modest amount of tomato sauce.
In the Health Professionals Follow-Up Study, the results were similar, with a 21 percent reduction in the risk of prostate cancer (9). Again, tomato sauce was the predominant food responsible for this effect. This was another large observational study with 47,894 participants. Although tomato sauce may be beneficial, many brands are loaded with salt. I recommend to patients that they either make their own sauce or purchase a sauce with no salt, such as one made by Eden Organics.
Vegetable effect
Vegetables, especially cruciferous vegetables, reduce the risk of prostate cancer significantly. In a case-control study (comparing those with and without disease), participants who consumed at least three servings of cruciferous vegetables per week, versus those who consumed less than one per week, saw a 41 percent reduction in prostate cancer risk (10). What’s even more impressive is the effect was twice that of tomato sauce, yet the intake was similarly modest. Cruciferous vegetables include broccoli, cauliflower, bok choy, kale and arugula, to name a few.
Where does coffee fit in?
Surprisingly, coffee may reduce the risk of prostate cancer. It was recently shown in the Health Professionals Follow-Up Study, where there was a dose-response curve. In other words, the more coffee consumed, the lower the risk. Even those who consumed one to three cups a day saw a 30 percent reduction in the risk of lethal prostate cancers, whether the coffee was caffeinated or decaffeinated (11). Coffee contains bioactive compounds, such as phenolic acids, which have antioxidant effects.
There is a caveat. Although, in this study, more was better, that is not always true in many other studies. Therefore, I would not recommend drinking more than three cups per day, because of other potentially detrimental effects. I think it is apt to finish with two thoughts. Aaron Katz, M.D., from Columbia University Medical Center, had it right when he mentioned that lifestyle modification was important. He was talking about those with early-stage prostate cancer. However, the same philosophy can be applied to prevention of prostate cancer. My goal in writing this article was to arm you with the knowledge you need to start protecting yourself or your loved ones today.
References: (1) www.cancer.org. (2) JAMA. 2011; 306: 1549-1556. (3) Epidemiol Rev. 2007;29:88. (4) J Natl Cancer Inst. 1993;85(19):1571. (5) Am J Epidemiol. 2009;170(9):1165. (6) Am J Epidemiol. 2011 Jun 15;173(12):1429-1439. (7) Exp Biol Med (Maywood). 2002; 227:914-919. (8) J Natl Cancer Inst. 2002;94(5):391. (9) Exp Biol Med (Maywood). 2002; 227:852-859; Int. J. Cancer. 2007;121: 1571–1578. (10) J Natl Cancer Inst. 2000;92(1):61. (11) J Natl Cancer Inst. 2011;103:876-884.
Dr. Dunaief is a speaker, author and local lifestyle medicine physician focusing on the integration of medicine, nutrition, fitness and stress management. For more information, visit www.medicalcompassmd.com or consult your personal physician.
Ask the Vet: Internet pet pharmacies: Too good to be true?
By Matthew Kearns, DVM
I recently saw an article in Forbes Magazine entitled, “Be Cautious Buying Drugs for Your Pet Online.” While many internet pharmacies are legitimate, there are also many that are not.
Illegal internet pharmacies have become such a problem that there is an annual international operation called Operation Pangea to try to tackle the sale of illegal and illicit medications. Pangea refers to a hypothetical land mass that included all continents before they separated. Operation Pangea includes help from over 100 countries, over 200 agencies, and targeted over 4,000 internet pharmacies worldwide.
The National Association of Boards of Pharmacy (NABP) estimates that a large percentage of internet pharmacies are not in compliance with federal and state laws, or NABP safety and pharmacy practice standards. Some carry outdated, counterfeit, mislabeled or incorrect drug dosages. Others buy in such bulk (in order to offer discounted prices) that they are not able to store medications in appropriate environments. Rather, they are stored in conditions that are too hot, cold or humid. Many illegal online pharmacies can also put us at risk for credit card fraud or identity theft.
So how does one find safe medications for our pets? The FDA has come up with the acronym AWARE to protect us and our pets in the world of online pharmacies.
A — Ask your veterinarian.
W — Watch for red flags such as the medication does not require a veterinarian’s prescription, the pharmacy does not list its physical address, phone number or contact information, the pharmacy is not based in the U.S., the pharmacy is not licensed by the State Board of Pharmacy in the state in which it does business, the pharmacy does not protect your personal information, and the pharmacy has medications at significantly lower prices than your veterinarian. These are all red flags that should make one very wary.
A — Always check accreditation. The NABP has created a voluntary accreditation program called Veterinary-Verified Internet Pharmacy Practice Sites, or Vet-VIPPS for short.
R — Report problems and suspicious online pet pharmacies to the FDA.
E — Educate yourself about online pharmacies. The best defense against an illegal pet online pharmacy is education.
I know it sounds self-serving but most veterinary hospitals will make every attempt to match reputable internet pharmacy prices and, in some cases, beat those prices. There are also rebates only available to veterinary practices that we can pass along to you. More importantly, veterinarians can ensure that medications we dispense are inspected and approved by the FDA and packaged and manufactured according to U.S. government regulations. Pharmaceutical manufacturers will only honor products that are prescribed by and purchased from the pet’s veterinarian.
Everyone remembers the saying, “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” I think it is a better idea to purchase medications directly from your veterinarian. However, if you do not, be AWARE.
Dr. Kearns practices veterinary medicine from his Port Jefferson office and is pictured with his son Matthew and his dog Jasmine.
Eye on Education: Navigating the college application process
By Judith Burke-Berhannan
New technology influences everything, including your child’s college application process. Websites, social media and streaming videos may be more common than catalogs as sources of information for the college-bound child, but the fundamentals of applying for college remain the same — along with the anxiety and anticipation. So how do you help your children make the most of their college search and selection process?
Talk to your child about his or her interests, strengths and goals early. During sophomore and junior year, keep college in focus by including him or her in conversations with family, friends and associates about their college experiences and take advantage of college planning and guidance resources available through your high school and library.
Help your child compile a checklist of what he or she wants in a college, so that by senior year, they can explain their reasons for applying. Research options by exploring college websites together. For example, the Stony Brook University website features a virtual tour, blogs from current students and tools to help you plan for college costs and scholarship opportunities.
The summer before senior year is an ideal time to tour college campuses and review essay topics and application deadlines. Encourage your child to complete all college applications before Thanksgiving. Remember that application and scholarship deadlines are non-negotiable.
At the same time, establish an email account for your child’s college correspondence. Colleges will correspond with applicants primarily by email, so make sure your child checks the account regularly and responds quickly throughout the application process. Remind them that all college correspondence is professional and their writing style should be formal to reflect how serious they are about applying. Make sure they use proper grammar and etiquette and don’t use any casual shorthand commonly used in text messages and on social media — in other words, no acronyms, abbreviations or emojis!
But remember, when it’s time to write essays and talk with the people who will provide letters of recommendation, step aside. This is your child’s college experience, not yours. Admissions committees can detect essays written by professionals and parents. Empower your student to take ownership of the process. Finally, take a step back and relax. Be confident that with the proper preparation and a positive outlook, your child will be successful in his or her college search.
Judith Burke-Berhannan is the dean of Undergraduate Admissions at Stony Brook University.
Passing the peer-pressure character test
The other day, my teenage son had a choice. No, he can’t vote and no, he wasn’t ordering a sandwich at a diner with an 18-page menu. He was with some friends who decided they wanted to get a better view of the street and, presumably, their peers who were walking below during a warm fall day.
They headed for the roof of a building, where a Private Property No Trespassing sign awaited them. They ignored the sign. When my son hesitated, they signaled for him to join them.
“Oh, come on, you’re not going to be like Joey,” they said in a complaining tone. I don’t know who Joey is, but when I heard the story I instantly wanted my son to meet him and hang out with him.“No,” he replied, “but I’m not going up there.”
What stopped him? Why didn’t he do whatever he wanted to do or, equally importantly, whatever his friends wanted? The other boys clearly expected him to fall in line, just the way our friends, our parents’ friends and our grandparents’ friends expected us and our ancestors to fall in line, too.
We send our kids to school every day to learn about differential equations, the American Revolution, the powerful prose of Ernest Hemingway and the anatomy of frogs and people, but somewhere along the lines, they have to learn to develop a set of values.
That can come from a dedicated teacher, who takes time out from a demanding schedule to teach a broader life lesson about the difficulty of making the “right” choice. It can come from a coach, a principal, a neighbor, a parent, a grandparent or anyone who goes out of his or her way to make sure that our children don’t lose theirs.
I understand that this moment isn’t the biggest challenge my son will face. Undoubtedly, someone will come up with an idea, a suggestion or a dare he feels pressure to do.
These small moments, however, lead to the bigger ones. It is the slippery slope argument. If doing something that might be a little wrong doesn’t cause problems or have any consequence, maybe doing something larger that might not be exactly right is also just fine because no one noticed or he didn’t get caught. Or, the argument that frustrates me the most, someone else did something worse, so this isn’t such a poor decision.
We all have those difficult moments, when someone whose company we enjoy encourages us to do something that might not be in our best short- or long-term interests and when, for whatever reason, that friend insists we participate to demonstrate our friendship. This is the moment when peer pressure threatens to silence the little voice in our heads that says, “This is probably a bad idea.”
We hear so many times about people who either don’t have that little voice or who have so effectively silenced it that the rules of our country don’t apply. They live with a freedom that they find exhilarating, until they get caught.
We are painfully aware of the destruction people who tumbled down that slippery slope create for themselves and society, through difficult and self-destructive habits.
There are so many other children who, thanks to the effort of the village of supporters around them who point to a true north, develop both self-control and self-confidence that allow them to say, “I’m not going to do that.”
Through any age, one of the hardest words for us to say, when those around us encourage us to join them in treading on someone else’s property or rights, is “No!”
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