Who’s on first in Trump’s Washington ballgame
It’s become an Abbott and Costello comedy routine, except in the nation’s capital. Let’s take a look:
Trump: “Strange as it may seen, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.”
Costello: “Funny names?”
Trump: “Nicknames, nicknames. Now, on the Washington team, we have who’s on first, what’s on second, I don’t know is on third.”
Costello: “That’s what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the Washington team.”
Trump: “I’m telling you. Who’s on first, what’s on second, I don’t know is on third.”
Costello: “You know the fellows’ names?”
Trump: “Yes.”
Costello: “Well, who’s playing first?”
Trump: “Who was playing first, but I fired him.”
Costello: “You fired him? Who did you fire?”
Trump: “Yes. I most certainly did. It was time for a new first baseman. We’ve got a better one coming in to play first.”
Costello: “Oh yeah? Who is that?”
Trump: “No, who was on first.”
Costello: “What are you asking me for?”
Trump: “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Who was on first.”
Costello: “I’m asking you, who’s on first?”
Trump: “I already told you, not anymore.”
Costello: “Not anymore is on first?”
Trump: “Yes.”
Costello: “You won’t tell me the name of the fellow on first base?”
Trump: “Yes, not anymore.”
Costello: “OK, so not anymore is playing first?”
Trump: “He was, but he just left, too, so now I have no one.”
Costello: “You don’t have a first baseman?”
Trump: “Yes, I do, no one.”
Costello: “How can no one play first?”
Trump: “He’s very talented. He’s one of the best players I’ve ever seen at the position. He’ll win games for us.”
Costello: “When you pay the first baseman every month, who gets the money?”
Trump: “He did, but no one gets it now.”
Costello: “So, you’re not paying anyone?”
Trump: “No, we’re paying no one. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects his paycheck.”
Costello: “No one’s wife?”
Trump: “Yes. After all, the man earns it.”
Costello: “No one does?”
Trump: “Absolutely.”
Costello: “Washington has a good outfield?”
Trump: “Oh, it’s great again.”
Costello: “The left fielder’s name?”
Trump: “Why.”
Costello: “I don’t know, I just thought I’d ask.”
Trump: “I just thought I’d tell you.”
Costello: “Then tell me who’s playing left field?”
Trump: “No, who was playing first, but he was fired.”
Costello: “Stay out of the infield! The left fielder’s name?”
Trump: “Why.”
Costello: “Why?”
Trump: “I’m thinking of moving why to center field after he did such a great job in left.”
Costello: “Who did a great job in left field?”
Trump: “No, who only plays first and he’s not on the team anymore, so I don’t want to talk about him.”
Costello: “You got a pitcher.”
Trump: “Wouldn’t this be a fine team without a pitcher?”
Costello: “Tell me the pitcher’s name.”
Trump: “Tomorrow.”
Costello: “Why not now?”
Trump: “No, why is in left field. He never pitches, but he might play center field.”
Costello: “Now when the guy at bat bunts the ball against tomorrow — me being a good catcher — I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to no one.”
Trump: “Now, that’s the first thing you’ve said right.”
Costello: “I don’t even know what I’m talking about.”
