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Erica Forman, of Hauppauge, shares her story to be a voice for the transgender community. Photo by Julianne Mosher

Her name was always Erica. 

Erica Forman, of Hauppauge, began to transition her gender from male to female in her late 20s. In 2012, she officially changed her name to Erica, one of two names her mother loved before she knew the sex of her baby 51 years ago. 

“This would have been my name,” Forman said. “Back then, you had to choose two names, so Erica was the name that was planned.”

Forman chose to share her story to commemorate Transgender Awareness Month. November has been dedicated to the transgender community across the country in hopes of bringing awareness to a community that rarely has a voice. Nov. 20 is dedicated to solemnly remember the lives lost to anti-trans violence on Transgender Day of Remembrance. 

‘I’m lucky I live here. There are parts of the country that I might go to, where I wouldn’t wear this shirt.’

—Erica Forman

According to GLAAD, an LGBTQ+ media force, TDOR was started in 1999 by transgender advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith as a vigil to honor the memory of Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was brutally killed in 1998 as a hate crime. The vigil, to take place Nov. 20, commemorates all the transgender people lost to violence since Hester’s death, something now called the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. 

This year, more than 30 transgender people were killed in acts of violence as of Oct. 6, according to the nonprofit Human Rights Campaign. The campaign reported it has not seen such a level of violence at this point of the year since it began tracking that data in 2013. 

Forman said she knew something was different as a child. At around age 12, she began experimenting when her mother wasn’t home. 

“I never really understood why I identified with girls’ things growing up, but I couldn’t really be open about it,” she said. “I spent a good amount of my time pre-transition trying to fit in.”

In college she was in a fraternity. “I love those guys,” she said. “They’re my brothers and I’m their sister now.” 

David Kilmnick, president and chief executive officer of Long Island’s LGBT Network, said acknowledging this month is important because it sheds light to issues that are rarely talked about. 

“We’re bringing visibility and awareness about the trans community and the issues our trans community faces,” he said. “We join together as one community to stop hate against all groups, particularly the issues of violence against trans women and women of color that are kept in the closet.”

Kilmnick said the names of those who perished from hate crimes are rarely ever said.

“This brings together our community to speak out and say whatever is on your mind — say what you want to see happen,” he said. “Say the names of those who were murdered by hate violence, so we don’t have to say another name ever again.”

Transgender people often experience harassment in the day to day, such as in the workplace.

After more than a decade presenting as male at work, Forman decided to transition full-time in 2008.  

“At my job, I experienced a whole a lot of resistance,” she said. “HR confronted me and said, ‘You know, we hired a man.’”

She said the job forced her to wear a tag with the male name she was assigned at birth, because she was still going through the lengthy and arduous process to legally become Erica on paper.

“It was awful,” she said. “Eventually I was able to hold on to it, and transition at the job, but it was a fight. There was a fight almost all the way. It’s one of those very difficult things that we face, finding work as our authentic selves — there’s just a lot of bias, and people will find other reasons not to hire you.”

Forman said she shared her story as an advocate to the trans community to let people out there know that things will be okay. 

“Would you rather be happy, or would you rather be miserable?” she said. “My days are filled with me wanting to be alive and wanting to do things, and now I’m able to interact with the world, like I never did before.”

Along with the LGBT Network, The Transgender Resource Center of Long Island, based in Manorville, is a relatively new nonprofit established by members of the transgender, non-binary and gender non-conforming community, their families, partners and allies. 

“We’ve helped hundreds of people,” said Ursula Nigro, the director of operations for the center. “Whether it’s a call for a resource, support groups, hooking people up together to go and rent spaces — we have a lot of homelessness in the trans community and it’s super difficult.”

Nigro helped found the group four years ago when her wife started transitioning. Their goal was to create a space that will help the local transgender community, while educating businesses, schools and offices on inclusivity training. 

“Trans folks want to be treated with respect and dignity just like everyone else,” she said. “I think there’s a fear that needs to be extinguished, and people need to be aware that quite a large population of the world is trans. It’s not a choice and it’s not a mental illness.” 

The month of November, especially this week ending Nov. 20, has become a time for the trans community to communicate tolerance.

“You’ve met somebody who’s trans in your life,” Forman said. “And did it hurt? Did that encounter hurt you? No, it doesn’t hurt anybody. The worst it does is wounds somebody’s heart and their memory of you.”

Being transgender means something different to each and every person. 

“The best way to think about is people need to be comfortable in their bodies and their identity and that looks different for lots of people,” Forman said. “That’s why identity is something in your soul. Only you know what feels right, what fits right and what sounds right.”

On Friday, Nov. 20, The LGBT Network will be hosting Transgender Day of Remembrance: Speak Out, a free virtual event to share stories to remember the lives lost this year to transphobic violence. 

“Speak Out is for everyone to join,” Kilmnick said. “It’s not just for the trans community — We have to join together to stop hate and violence.”

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Sometimes common sense gets lost in arguments about transgender people using public bathrooms. File photo

Long before communities started talking about transgender people using bathrooms of the genders they identify with, our society has operated on a policy of privates being private. When someone walks into a male or female bathroom, no one already inside asks to inspect appendages or for legal proof of sex. And if urinators use separate, closed stalls, why does it matter what organs they have?

This apparently does matter for some, given the debates taking place on our local, state and national levels regarding transgender people and which bathrooms are safe or appropriate for them to use. Those debates, however, often lose sight of common sense.

There are those who want to prohibit anyone from using a restroom built for the sex other than the one they are legally labeled with, usually citing fear of predators posing as transgender to gain access to a different bathroom for nefarious purposes. We would like to ask those people two things: When has a legal limitation stopped a pervert from doing perverted things, and why would someone pretend to be transgender for a long period of time, enduring common things like public humiliation and bullying, just to one day enter a bathroom of the opposite sex and attack someone?

If the latter were ever to occur, it would certainly be a rare instance — too rare to make the legislation, which is impossible to enforce, worth the cost of further alienating a group that is already marginalized and just wants to be accepted for who they are.

It’s not like transgender people are using a toilet in front of others. In women’s public bathrooms, there are only private stalls, and a female transitioning to male would still use a stall in a men’s public bathroom.

The least controversial solution is, of course, to have only unisex, single-person bathrooms. To that end, we would encourage developers on new projects, wherever possible, to construct those kinds of bathrooms as opposed to shared bathrooms. They are simply more comfortable for everyone anyway — who doesn’t like to be alone in a bathroom?

But that isn’t necessarily a feasible fix for existing public spaces, not that we think they need to be fixed in the first place. In fact, the argument of transgender people using specific bathrooms opening a door for perverts reminds us of people who once feared homosexuals, contending that they were more likely to be pedophiles than heterosexuals.

The details are different but the message is the same — they seem to think accommodating or accepting LGBT people will put their society at risk.

We need to move forward in our thinking and understand that transgender people want the same thing in a public bathroom that the rest of us want: to pee in peace. Let’s not start a war over public toilets.

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Stony Brook University has changed its class policy during the coronavirus outbreak. File photo

Stony Brook University is steps ahead of the nation on its public restroom policies.

Last week, U.S. President Barack Obama required all public schools to provide restroom facilities for all students, including those who identify as transgender. But at Stony Brook, plans are already in place to accommodate students of any identification, making it the first school in the SUNY system to offer up all-gender restrooms and changing rooms.

Timothy Ecklund, dean of students at SBU, said the university introduced a draft diversity plan in December in an attempt to attack persistent issues of inequality affecting society as a whole. In an interview, he said the university’s plan to address gender and inequality, specifically pertaining to the transgender community, included requiring all new and renovated buildings on campus to have all-gender restrooms included in construction plans and installing at least one all-gender restroom in each existing campus building.

“As long as we have transgender people at our university, our perspective is they’re a member of our community and we need to support them,” he said.

Ecklund said Stony Brook University has a total of 24 all-gender restrooms, including three recently reassigned restrooms in its Student Activities Center building, which have multi-stall facilities.

“When we changed our restrooms to all-gender in the Student Activities Center, the feedback from our students was overwhelmingly supportive and positive,” he said. “I spend a lot of time on campus and I see students in and out of the restrooms there without any hesitation. It’s not an issue, for our students, at least.”

As for the students’ perspective, sophomore Sydney Gaglio, president of the campus’ Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Alliance, said the all-gender restroom discussion was long overdue, as it has always been a primary concern of her group.

“We are of course super excited about the all-gender restrooms on campus and it is definitely a point of pride on our campus,” she said in an interview. “As students, there has been some concern mentioned in that when it comes to social media sites like Yik Yak, where things are anonymous, commentary on the all-gender restroom policy on campus can get extremely transphobic, hurtful and invalidating. So there is concern for student health because of social stigma but, all in all, the conversation from members of LGBTA centers on excitement and validation.”

The issue has become a hot topic across the North Shore and greater United States. Last month, Port Jefferson school board members approved a policy for how district officials should interact with and accommodate transgender students, including on the way those students are referenced in school records and what bathroom and locker room facilities they can use. Other school districts on the North Shore have also tried to make rules for transgender students in recent years, but faced backlash from the community.

“Gender-specific restrooms still exist and if you feel more comfortable in those spaces, then that is okay,” Gaglio said. “But things like going to the restroom are personal things; let people do their business in peace and you do yours in peace and everyone will be happy. Allow people to occupy the space in which they feel comfortable in.”

But the university’s support for all of its students does not stop at the label on a bathroom door, the dean said.

Ecklund said the university is home to a number of transgender students, and the school is taking strides to accommodate them and be sensitive to their preferences.

“We are working now as a university at providing the opportunity for our transgender students to change their names,” he said. “We’re trying to make sure the places at which their names are present — especially on a daily basis — they’re able to use the name they prefer or the name that they have taken.”

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James Stewart, second from left, with participants at last weekend’s LI Gay & Lesbian Festival. Photo from Raj Tawney

A Greenlawn resident with a love for film has helped create a diverse and welcoming environment at the Long Island Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

James Stewart, a retired Nassau County police officer who is gay, said he’s had a love for film ever since he was a young boy.

“My grandfather was a film usher,” Stewart said. The first film he ever saw with his grandfather was “Gone With the Wind.”

“To me, the Academy Awards are a holy night,” Stewart said. “Everyone who knows me knows not to call me that night.”

The festival celebrated its 18th year at Cinema Arts Centre in Huntington over the weekend, and it was Stewart’s third year as executive director. When he first got involved five years ago, he was the men’s feature program director and then the program director, before he became the executive director.

The executive director handles all of the programming for the festival, and the planning starts as early as March, he said. The festival was five days long and had more than 10 films, ranging from documentaries to feature films.

“My job is to balance everything out and make sure we have an equal amount of light movies, serious movies and documentaries and more, ” Stewart said.

There is also a balance of domestic versus international movies. Stewart said there were films from Australia, India and Mexico this year.

After almost every film, there is a food and cocktail reception, where Stewart said he hopes audience members will interact and help the festival become more of a social experience.

“It’s really about community,” Stewart said. “We hope to be starting new friendships.”

Stewart said he’s tried to get as many LGBT groups to sponsor the receptions as possible to encourage a communal feeling. At the receptions, there are also performers, including musical artists, comedy acts and more.

“I try to be as eclectic as possible,” Stewart said.

For the final night of the festival, Stewart said the entertainment included Broadway performers.

Everyone involved in this festival is a volunteer, and Stewart praised the staff he works with to make this festival possible. He also said Cinema Arts Centre is extremely generous and gracious with the flexibility they give the festival and describes it as “a match made in heaven.”

Stewart said he also likes the opportunity the film festival gives to independent movies that have a very little chance at getting shown on Long Island.

“A lot of these movies you wouldn’t normally get to see on Long Island,” Stewart said. “These are great films, but either they don’t have the proper distribution or enough money, so this is your chance to see them.”

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Paul Garske addresses the Rocky Point Board of Education about the accommodations for transgender students. Photo by Giselle Barkley

After dealing with the outcome of the defeated $20.4 million maintenance bond vote, the Rocky Point Board of Education is faced with another issue to tackle — accommodating transgender or gender-nonconforming students, particularly when it comes to bathrooms and locker rooms.

Although the board tabled the issue during its Oct. 26 meeting, that didn’t stop parents from voicing their concerns. The issue, to parents, is not that these students use the bathrooms or locker rooms they identify with, it’s the fact that these students have not made the full transition to the sex they identify with.

Paul Garske, a father of four, is one of several parents who are not in favor of the school district’s current practice, saying that it confuses younger children and allows for an increase in sexual harassment within the institutions. Garske also mentioned that privacy is difficult to maintain in a locker room setting as students will or may change in front of one another.

“Kids are taught about the difference between boys and girls and privacy,” he said. “When you take that privacy away, it defeats what parents are teaching their children.”

Garske said he has no issue with transgender or gender-nonconforming students, and wouldn’t mind if these students completed their transition into the sex they identified with. He said kids prefer they share a bathroom or locker room with students who have the same genitalia, and suggested that such students utilize the handicapped bathrooms. When he contacted the assistant principal, he was informed that the school’s accommodations for these students was part of the law.

The New York State Education Department issued guidance to school districts to help keep their students safe and prevent discrimination of transgender or gender nonconforming students. The document suggests that a school accepts a student’s assertion regarding their gender identity. While it doesn’t offer many specific means of protecting these children, the document does say “prohibiting a student from accessing the restrooms that match his gender identity is prohibited sex discrimination under Title IX.”

Jen Carlson, another local parent, said regardless of how a student identifies, kids develop differently according to their biological sex. During the Oct. 26 meeting, a further parent stated that residents should keep in mind that these transgender students “are children, and everyone here in this community is also part of keeping those children safe — whether you agree with it or you disagree with it.”

The resident continued addressing the board and those who attended the meeting.

“I hope the school board does the right thing and keeps those children safe,” she said. “If they identify as a girl, then they’re a girl; if they identify as a boy, they’re a boy and they belong in a boys’ bathroom or a girls’ bathroom.”

Both Superintendent of Schools Michael Ring and Rocky Point BOE President Susan Sullivan are determining what is best for these students.

“As is required, while we await a final policy from the Board of Education, the district is operating to implement the outlined material issued and required by the NYSED,” Ring said in an email.

Sullivan added that the board “is continuing to review the new and multilayered guidance document provided by the state Education Department and is seeking advice from our legal counsel about the appropriate steps our district should take in order to ensure our adherence to its contents.”

According to Sullivan, the guidance document is also supported by the U.S. Department of Education. Despite this, Garske doesn’t feel that government should interfere with how he raises his children, who he said feel uncomfortable changing and going to the bathroom with individuals who are not of the same sex physically.

“Do they have a right to be who they are? Absolutely. Do they have a right to their privacy and their comfort? Absolutely,” Garske said. “But not at the risk of my own children’s privacy comfort and their rights.”

The board plans to look further into the issue and make a decision at its next meeting on Nov. 23.

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