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Erica Forman, of Hauppauge, shares her story to be a voice for the transgender community. Photo by Julianne Mosher

Her name was always Erica. 

Erica Forman, of Hauppauge, began to transition her gender from male to female in her late 20s. In 2012, she officially changed her name to Erica, one of two names her mother loved before she knew the sex of her baby 51 years ago. 

“This would have been my name,” Forman said. “Back then, you had to choose two names, so Erica was the name that was planned.”

Forman chose to share her story to commemorate Transgender Awareness Month. November has been dedicated to the transgender community across the country in hopes of bringing awareness to a community that rarely has a voice. Nov. 20 is dedicated to solemnly remember the lives lost to anti-trans violence on Transgender Day of Remembrance. 

‘I’m lucky I live here. There are parts of the country that I might go to, where I wouldn’t wear this shirt.’

—Erica Forman

According to GLAAD, an LGBTQ+ media force, TDOR was started in 1999 by transgender advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith as a vigil to honor the memory of Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was brutally killed in 1998 as a hate crime. The vigil, to take place Nov. 20, commemorates all the transgender people lost to violence since Hester’s death, something now called the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. 

This year, more than 30 transgender people were killed in acts of violence as of Oct. 6, according to the nonprofit Human Rights Campaign. The campaign reported it has not seen such a level of violence at this point of the year since it began tracking that data in 2013. 

Forman said she knew something was different as a child. At around age 12, she began experimenting when her mother wasn’t home. 

“I never really understood why I identified with girls’ things growing up, but I couldn’t really be open about it,” she said. “I spent a good amount of my time pre-transition trying to fit in.”

In college she was in a fraternity. “I love those guys,” she said. “They’re my brothers and I’m their sister now.” 

David Kilmnick, president and chief executive officer of Long Island’s LGBT Network, said acknowledging this month is important because it sheds light to issues that are rarely talked about. 

“We’re bringing visibility and awareness about the trans community and the issues our trans community faces,” he said. “We join together as one community to stop hate against all groups, particularly the issues of violence against trans women and women of color that are kept in the closet.”

Kilmnick said the names of those who perished from hate crimes are rarely ever said.

“This brings together our community to speak out and say whatever is on your mind — say what you want to see happen,” he said. “Say the names of those who were murdered by hate violence, so we don’t have to say another name ever again.”

Transgender people often experience harassment in the day to day, such as in the workplace.

After more than a decade presenting as male at work, Forman decided to transition full-time in 2008.  

“At my job, I experienced a whole a lot of resistance,” she said. “HR confronted me and said, ‘You know, we hired a man.’”

She said the job forced her to wear a tag with the male name she was assigned at birth, because she was still going through the lengthy and arduous process to legally become Erica on paper.

“It was awful,” she said. “Eventually I was able to hold on to it, and transition at the job, but it was a fight. There was a fight almost all the way. It’s one of those very difficult things that we face, finding work as our authentic selves — there’s just a lot of bias, and people will find other reasons not to hire you.”

Forman said she shared her story as an advocate to the trans community to let people out there know that things will be okay. 

“Would you rather be happy, or would you rather be miserable?” she said. “My days are filled with me wanting to be alive and wanting to do things, and now I’m able to interact with the world, like I never did before.”

Along with the LGBT Network, The Transgender Resource Center of Long Island, based in Manorville, is a relatively new nonprofit established by members of the transgender, non-binary and gender non-conforming community, their families, partners and allies. 

“We’ve helped hundreds of people,” said Ursula Nigro, the director of operations for the center. “Whether it’s a call for a resource, support groups, hooking people up together to go and rent spaces — we have a lot of homelessness in the trans community and it’s super difficult.”

Nigro helped found the group four years ago when her wife started transitioning. Their goal was to create a space that will help the local transgender community, while educating businesses, schools and offices on inclusivity training. 

“Trans folks want to be treated with respect and dignity just like everyone else,” she said. “I think there’s a fear that needs to be extinguished, and people need to be aware that quite a large population of the world is trans. It’s not a choice and it’s not a mental illness.” 

The month of November, especially this week ending Nov. 20, has become a time for the trans community to communicate tolerance.

“You’ve met somebody who’s trans in your life,” Forman said. “And did it hurt? Did that encounter hurt you? No, it doesn’t hurt anybody. The worst it does is wounds somebody’s heart and their memory of you.”

Being transgender means something different to each and every person. 

“The best way to think about is people need to be comfortable in their bodies and their identity and that looks different for lots of people,” Forman said. “That’s why identity is something in your soul. Only you know what feels right, what fits right and what sounds right.”

On Friday, Nov. 20, The LGBT Network will be hosting Transgender Day of Remembrance: Speak Out, a free virtual event to share stories to remember the lives lost this year to transphobic violence. 

“Speak Out is for everyone to join,” Kilmnick said. “It’s not just for the trans community — We have to join together to stop hate and violence.”

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Paul Garske addresses the Rocky Point Board of Education about the accommodations for transgender students. Photo by Giselle Barkley

After dealing with the outcome of the defeated $20.4 million maintenance bond vote, the Rocky Point Board of Education is faced with another issue to tackle — accommodating transgender or gender-nonconforming students, particularly when it comes to bathrooms and locker rooms.

Although the board tabled the issue during its Oct. 26 meeting, that didn’t stop parents from voicing their concerns. The issue, to parents, is not that these students use the bathrooms or locker rooms they identify with, it’s the fact that these students have not made the full transition to the sex they identify with.

Paul Garske, a father of four, is one of several parents who are not in favor of the school district’s current practice, saying that it confuses younger children and allows for an increase in sexual harassment within the institutions. Garske also mentioned that privacy is difficult to maintain in a locker room setting as students will or may change in front of one another.

“Kids are taught about the difference between boys and girls and privacy,” he said. “When you take that privacy away, it defeats what parents are teaching their children.”

Garske said he has no issue with transgender or gender-nonconforming students, and wouldn’t mind if these students completed their transition into the sex they identified with. He said kids prefer they share a bathroom or locker room with students who have the same genitalia, and suggested that such students utilize the handicapped bathrooms. When he contacted the assistant principal, he was informed that the school’s accommodations for these students was part of the law.

The New York State Education Department issued guidance to school districts to help keep their students safe and prevent discrimination of transgender or gender nonconforming students. The document suggests that a school accepts a student’s assertion regarding their gender identity. While it doesn’t offer many specific means of protecting these children, the document does say “prohibiting a student from accessing the restrooms that match his gender identity is prohibited sex discrimination under Title IX.”

Jen Carlson, another local parent, said regardless of how a student identifies, kids develop differently according to their biological sex. During the Oct. 26 meeting, a further parent stated that residents should keep in mind that these transgender students “are children, and everyone here in this community is also part of keeping those children safe — whether you agree with it or you disagree with it.”

The resident continued addressing the board and those who attended the meeting.

“I hope the school board does the right thing and keeps those children safe,” she said. “If they identify as a girl, then they’re a girl; if they identify as a boy, they’re a boy and they belong in a boys’ bathroom or a girls’ bathroom.”

Both Superintendent of Schools Michael Ring and Rocky Point BOE President Susan Sullivan are determining what is best for these students.

“As is required, while we await a final policy from the Board of Education, the district is operating to implement the outlined material issued and required by the NYSED,” Ring said in an email.

Sullivan added that the board “is continuing to review the new and multilayered guidance document provided by the state Education Department and is seeking advice from our legal counsel about the appropriate steps our district should take in order to ensure our adherence to its contents.”

According to Sullivan, the guidance document is also supported by the U.S. Department of Education. Despite this, Garske doesn’t feel that government should interfere with how he raises his children, who he said feel uncomfortable changing and going to the bathroom with individuals who are not of the same sex physically.

“Do they have a right to be who they are? Absolutely. Do they have a right to their privacy and their comfort? Absolutely,” Garske said. “But not at the risk of my own children’s privacy comfort and their rights.”

The board plans to look further into the issue and make a decision at its next meeting on Nov. 23.

New trustee uses policy committee role to suggest better student accommodations

Smithtown Trustee Jeremy Thode is one of the newest members of the school board. Photo by Victoria Espinoza

The Smithtown board of education has decided to look into adopting policy for transgender students.

School board Trustee Jeremy Thode introduced the issue at the board meeting on Tuesday, Oct. 13.

Thode is a chairperson for the policy committee and said he thinks the board needs to start looking into this issue. He said that at some point in the near future the policy committee would try to obtain language for a policy on transgender students.

“It’s important to ensure that all students are accounted for,” Thode said. “So that they understand what their rights are.”

Thode said that this is purely the beginning and that there are not many other details currently about how the board will approach adopting local policy for transgender students.

New York State Education Commissioner MaryEllen Elia has had transgender issues in her sights since she first took office in May.

Elia released the Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Guidance Document in July to public school districts throughout New York State.

According to a press release from the New York State Education office, the document is intended to help districts foster an educational environment safe and free from discrimination for transgender and nonconforming students.

It includes information to help districts comply with federal, state and local laws concerning bullying, harassment, discrimination and student privacy.

“All students need a safe and supportive school setting to progress academically and developmentally,” Elia said. “We have a moral responsibility to foster civility in our schools, and to ensure that every student has equal access to educational programs and activities.”

This document also provides guidance on using pronouns and handling issues like restroom and changing room use. It will complement existing resources like the Dignity for All Students Act that was signed into law in 2010. DASA seeks to provide New York State’s public elementary and secondary students with a safe and supportive environment free from discrimination, intimidation, taunting, harassment and bullying on school property, a school bus and at school functions.

Smithtown school district Superintendent James Grossane recently renewed coordinators for this act throughout the school district.