D. None of the Above: A look at how different groups anticipate the arrival of Santa Claus

By Daniel Dunaief

Words, ideas, and concepts mean different things in different contexts. Some of those differences depend on the audience. The phrase “Santa Claus is coming to town,” for example, conjures different images, ideas and reactions depending on who is hearing it. Let’s consider the reaction of different audiences:

— A group of first graders whose families celebrate Christmas: These children might immediately wonder “when, when, when” this jolly man in a red suit is going to shimmy down the chimney and deliver what they hope are their favorite presents. It can’t be soon enough for many of these children.

— Parents of those first graders: These dedicated mothers and fathers might feel pressure to produce the kind of holiday they had or the kind they wish they had when they were young. The words might trigger some anxiety, as the approaching jolly man might mean they have limited time to generate holiday joy. Where, they might wonder, are they supposed to find some of the gifts their children crave and how can these presents arrive without causing their children to wonder about the boxes at the front door?

— Retailers: Store owners are likely to start feeling cautiously optimistic, as they are every year, that Santa and his minions will shop at their stores, helping drive their bottom lines and making it possible for them to afford to provide the kind of holiday treats their own children desire.

— Workers in retail stores: They may find the phrase charming and endearing initially, and may even enjoy the endless loop of holiday songs for a while. At some point, when they can’t get a particular song out of their head, they may crave other music and other sounds that don’t remind them of twitchy children who, like me, seem to be a perfect fit for a size the store doesn’t have at that time or that doesn’t exist because it’s between two typical sizes.

— Music teachers: These people, who put in extra hours every year that often extend well beyond any contracts or employment agreements, may be trying to find ways to coax the best sounds out of young voices or out of young musicians who are learning how to play their instruments without squeaking or hitting a wrong note. This year, they may also have tried to bring something original and new to the holiday concert, either by adding a new march or song or by offering their own take on the classic, which runs the risk of alienating audiences who come to hear the familiar version.

— TV networks: While many of us are a click or two away from new movies or streaming shows that we can binge watch, some people continue to watch ongoing holiday programming. The Santa Claus song may remind them of their stock of holiday movies, as they maneuver between old favorites like “It’s a Wonderful Life” and more modern comedies, like “Elf.”

— Dentists: Okay, so I’m a little obsessed about teeth lately. If you don’t know why, check out my column from last week. Anyway, given the propensity for cookies, cakes and candy, dentists may hear those words and picture ways to help people clean their teeth in the early months of the new year.

— Health club owners: Owners of gyms may hear these six words and immediately think about all the New Year’s resolutions that follow the holidays. They may hope that the desire for a sound mind in a sound body brings more people to their gyms, where people can use their equipment to sculpt and tone their bodies or to burn off some of the desserts that topped off a family meal.

— Narcissists: These people know who they are and are probably annoyed that it took me this long to think about them. They have better things to do than to read all the way towards the end of my column. Anyway, they would like to know when someone will be as good to them as they are to everyone else. 

— People who run charities: The arrival of Santa Claus may remind people to help those less fortunate, giving them an opportunity to provide something meaningful. These dedicated residents who focus on community service may hope to bring out the kind of holiday spirit and joy that enabled Dr. Seuss’s Whos of Whoville to celebrate even without their presents.