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By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Even as I type this, I’m sure my mom, and the parents of people in their 40s and 50s, are going to laugh.

You see, my daughter turned 21 recently. For me, her age comes as a bit of a shock, a take-stock moment and a time warp enigma.

I get it. She’s lived 21 years, but, somehow, her reaching that age seems to have happened suddenly.

I know it’s not all about me, but it is in this column, so, hang with me for a few more minutes.

I don’t remember many of my birthdays when I was younger. At her third birthday, I’m pretty sure I didn’t stop and say to myself, “When I turned three, I was wishing with all my might for a Big Wheel.”

That probably was what I wanted, but I don’t remember thinking that. In fact, I don’t recall other landmark birthdays all that vividly, even though my parents invited my friends over, sang to me, and insisted that I make a “really good wish” before I blew out the candles.

What I remember from that age was my ambivalence. I was uncomfortable with all the attention, but I enjoyed the excitement of opening new presents. One year, all I wanted was basketballs, so I got three of them from my obliging social group.

So, back to our daughter. She earned this milestone birthday, leaving behind a trail of bread crumb memories.

On the day of our daughter’s birth, my wife insisted that I stay with her in the hospital no matter what was happening with my wife, so that we brought home the baby that had been “cooking” as we called it, for all those months.

It wasn’t hard to find our daughter, who has a distinctive birthmark and was exactly twice the weight of the baby next to her in the pediatric unit.

She went through numerous stages on the journey from that first miraculous day to now. When we moved out to a suburb from Manhattan, she took a walk through a nearby wooded path. An inchworm dangled from a tree and landed on her small, thin outstretched finger.

She carried it, slowly and carefully back to our house, offering to show this miracle to our new neighbors. Having lived their entire short lives in the suburbs, they didn’t relate to this city girl’s fascination with small samples of nature and returned to their driveway activities.

She took us with her on a journey that included brief visits to ballet studios (that ended abruptly) and to gymnastics floors (that also didn’t take). We spent considerably more time on hot softball fields and in confined volleyball gymnasiums, where ear-piercing whistles blended with teams celebrating the end of each point.

We also attended numerous concerts, including jazz bands, where she overcame stage fright to play a tenor saxophone solo.

We went through phases where nothing I said was right, funny or even worth sharing. The silent treatment, the lack of communication and the dubiousness with which she interacted with us helped prepare us for the moment when her younger brother exercised his own need to push us away and assert his independence.

So, here she is, at 21, driving a car, preparing for her senior year of college, making friends, gainfully employed during the summer, and filled with so much of the same wonder that defined her earlier years. In fact, these days, instead of carrying inchworms on her now manicured hands, she maintains several ecospheres filled with snails on a small table in her room.

When children act out, parents sometimes caution them that they may one day have a child just like them. In her case, I certainly hope so. I couldn’t wish anything better for our now 21-year-old.

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With the cost of food spiraling out of control, public officials are scrambling for answers. 

A May report from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics indicates food prices have climbed 10.8% since April 2021, the highest 12-month increase in over four decades. The surge in food prices nationwide is being driven by a number of factors occurring both domestically and abroad.

Both Ukraine and Russia are major international exporters of grain, including corn, wheat and soy, among other staples. The price of these products has surged exponentially due to the war, affecting markets globally. 

“Food prices in the United States are going up because the oil to deliver the food, the cost of fertilizer, and the cost of planting and harvesting are all going up,” Martin Cantor, director of the Long Island Center for Socio-Economic Policy, said in a phone interview. “All of that has to do with inflation, it has to do with oil and gas, and it has to do with the war in Ukraine.”

New York State Assemblyman Steve Englebright (D-Setauket) addressed growing concerns over food prices. He said that the state Legislature has recently passed legislation that eliminates the fuel tax. This, coupled with actions at the county level, may help offset increases in food prices. 

“The main thing that we’ve been able to do in this recently passed state budget is to remove — at least temporarily for the rest of this year — the 16-cent state tax on fuel,” he said. “When you live around here, for most people, you need a car to get your food, so these escalating costs are related.” He added, “We’ve also authorized in the state budget the commissioner of agriculture to sharpen his pencils to see what he can do to bring more food to market.”

The Suffolk County Legislature has also suspended its tax on fuel, effective June 1. State and county measures combined, Englebright said residents are now seeing a 26-cent reduction per gallon of gasoline. 

‘It’s very important that we focus now on funneling the money that we have in the state budget into these communities, not only to help the business owners, but to help the residents survive through this process and through this inflation.’ — Jodi Giglio

Despite the elimination of these fuel taxes, prices nationwide continue to swell. State Assemblywoman Jodi Giglio (R-Riverhead) said local residents are being hit particularly hard due to the already high cost of living on Long Island. 

“We pay the highest taxes and the highest utility rates here on Long Island,” she said. “It’s very important that we focus now on funneling the money that we have in the state budget into these communities, not only to help the business owners, but to help the residents survive through this process and through this inflation.”

The recently enacted state budget will offer residents some relief in the form of direct cash payments through the New York School Tax Relief Program (STAR). Giglio said she and her colleagues in Albany appropriated an additional $2.2 billion in the state budget and expedited the delivery of these checks to help residents deal with inflation and rising costs. 

“The $2.2 billion is for homeowner tax rebate checks,” she said, adding. “It’s a one-time check for STAR-eligible homeowners, and it’s for individuals and for families. New Yorkers are going to start getting these checks right away and they should be hitting within the next couple of weeks.”

This is tough. We’re in a really tough place with food prices, and families at the poverty level are suffering the most. — Kara Hahn

Elevated food costs will detrimentally impact food pantries as well. Suffolk County Legislator Kara Hahn (D-Setauket) expressed concerns that rising food costs will only compound the existing problem of food insecurity, making it even harder to feed those in need.

“Food insecurity has been a growing problem on Long Island,” she said. “We support a number of food pantries across Suffolk County. I’ve been part of supporting Long Island Cares and Island Harvest, trying to make sure that there is not food waste.” She added, “This is tough. We’re in a really tough place with food prices, and families at the poverty level are suffering the most.”

‘People will inevitably try to make their anguish heard and understood, and one way to do that is at the ballot box.’ — Steve Englebright

Midterm elections loom large as Long Islanders consider ways to get food on the table. At the current rate, food expenses will be at the top of the priority list for a sizable voting bloc. Englebright acknowledges that if food prices are not alleviated soon, there may be significant electoral consequences at all levels of government this November. 

“People will inevitably try to make their anguish heard and understood, and one way to do that is at the ballot box,” he said. “That is a possibility but I hope that the sense of urgency does not require that people use that as the only way to have a sense of empowerment, and optimism in the hope that we’re able to use the instruments of government, limited as they may be, to help offset some of these costs and give people a chance to put food on the table.”

Cantor reiterated these sentiments. He suggests voters are much more likely to vote for the opposition during times of great tribulation. “The reality is that when people are angry, hungry and can’t work, they usually vote the incumbents out,” he said. “When everything you touch costs more than you make, that gets you very angry and very upset. The poor and the middle class are going to get hurt the most.”

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By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but I tested positive last night for COVID,” was the text message from one of our staff in Wednesday’s morning mail. “My sister tested positive, and I was not feeling good so I tested. I am figuring I will work from home the rest of the week and should be OK to return Monday … I just have a headache and a really bad sore throat. No cough. [Not to worry] I wore my mask [this past] Monday and Tuesday at work because I was not feeling good.” 

These are the two ways the landscape for businesses has changed. 

First, at any moment, COVID can alter the day’s lineup. The wildly contagious coronavirus can attack anyone, even those who have been vaccinated, those who have also been boosted and those who have already suffered with a previous bout of the disease. No one is safe, unless they have stayed in a cave alone for over two years, and hence no establishment or sports team or orchestra is immune from shake up on a daily basis.

The second change is made possible by the ability to work remotely. Not every worker can do so. Conductors cannot drive trains remotely, sanitation workers cannot clean remotely and surgeons cannot remove an appendix remotely. At least not yet. But many jobs do lend themselves to being discharged from afar. And this has led to some unintended consequences.

Workers have discovered that they sometimes enjoy doing their jobs from home. Yes, they might miss the socializing that is a part of the office scene. And they might feel like they can come up with new ideas better in an in-person gathering. But they really like working on their own timetable, with time out for a walk or to throw in a wash. Of course, the typical work schedule is altered. They can sit at the computer well into the night, with no separation between work time and free time. And they can be with their families more, for better and worse. 

So some in my office, who can perform their jobs from home, are asking to do that. In fact, they are requesting and getting software that enables access to their desk computers at work. They can then tap into the key items they need to complete their tasks. That also suggests they are still there. Which reminds me of the early days, when I worked at a large corporation, and we might leave a few minutes early but hung our sweaters on the back of the desk chairs to give the impression we were returning. 

One staffer even asked if she could borrow a desk chair from the office. She says it makes her feel totally comfortable when working in her house. It used to be that workers tried to transform their office space into reminders of home, with photos, pillows, plants and the like. Now we have the opposite. Employees are transforming their home workspace into their offices.

As you can tell from the text I quoted, we have no expectation of sick days. We assume that if we are conscious, we can still produce whatever we are responsible for producing. Where before we might have had food trays brought to us in bed, now we have our laptops perched across our midriffs if we remain horizontal.

What will happen next?

For some, working remotely is a dream come true. My oldest grandson has a terrific job that can only be done remotely, and he feels immense freedom to live anywhere he chooses. That’s not so different from when I had just graduated from college and decided where I wanted to live, knowing that wherever I moved, I would be able to find a job because there were more jobs than people to fill them in the 1960s. For others, a hybrid work week seems ideal: the best of the office for two or three days, and no commuting the rest of the week. Only those with no choice may be peeved.

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Suffolk County Police Sixth Squad detectives are investigating the circumstances surrounding an incident during which an unresponsive child was pulled from a pool at a Centereach home.

Sixth Precinct officers responded to 2 Barbara Drive on June 14 at approximately 6:25 p.m. after a 911 caller reported a 2-year-old boy was found unresponsive in the home’s pool.

The boy, who is a relative of the home’s occupants, was transported to Stony Brook University Hospital in serious condition.

Detectives are asking anyone with information on this incident to call the Sixth Squad at 631-854-8652.

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Suffolk County District Attorney Raymond A. Tierney released a statement on June 13 announcing the indictment of a then 16-year-old defendant John Mann IV of Centereach for Murder in the Second Degree for allegedly fatally beating 16-year-old Henry Hernandez whose skeletal remains were recovered in March 2020 in Centereach.

“This was a horrific and brutal crime committed for no rational reason but what is just as disturbing is that the defendant was 16 years-old when he allegedly committed this callous act,” said Tierney. “We will make sure that the victim gets justice and that this defendant gets to account for his alleged actions.”

Mann, now 19, was arraigned on the indictment today before the Honorable Supreme Court Justice Karen Wilutis who ordered him held without bail.

According to court documents, on March 15, 2020, skeletal remains were discovered in a plastic tub on the property located on Jay Road in Centereach. The remains were wrapped in two separate plastic bags. When the skeletal remains were further examined, it was discovered that the hands and feet were bound with duct tape, and the head and mouth were also wrapped in duct tape.

Subsequent DNA tests established that the skeletal remains were of 16-year-old Henry Hernandez.

The investigation established that the defendant and Hernandez were hospitalized together in Brunswick Hospital Center in Amityville in March of 2019. When Hernandez was released, he went to the defendant’s home located on Jay Road and stole the defendant’s father’s truck. Sometime around June 2, 2019, the defendant lured Hernandez to a location nicknamed the “Sand Pit,” where he duct taped the victim and struck him repeatedly about the body with a blunt object. The defendant placed the body in a hole and covered it with debris.

At some point the body, now just skeletal remains, was moved and placed in the plastic tub on the defendant’s next door neighbor’s property where it was ultimately recovered on March 15, 2020.

Mann is due back in court on July 13. He is being represented by Matt Rosenblum.

This case is being prosecuted by Assistant District Attorney Francis X. Schroeder of the Homicide Bureau.

 

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Criminal complaints and indictments are merely accusatory instruments.

Defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty. No one is above the law.

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Suffolk County Police today arrested a Centereach man for the murder of Henry Hernandez, then 16, of Riverhead, whose remains were found in Centereach in March of 2020.

 Following an investigation, Homicide Squad detectives arrested John Mann Jr., 19, of Centereach, and charged him with Murder 2nd Degree. He will be lodged at the Yaphank Correctional Facility and is scheduled to be arraigned June 13 at the Supreme Court in Riverhead.

 Below is the original release and initial update.

A criminal charge is an accusation. A defendant is presumed innocent until and unless proven guilty.

***UPDATE***

Suffolk County Homicide Squad detectives believe the deceased was a victim of violence. He was described as 5 feet 3 inches tall to 5 feet 5 inches tall, wearing size 4 ½ mens sneakers. He is believed to be dead for approximately one year prior to finding the body.

Detectives are asking anyone with information to call the Homicide Squad at 631-852-6392 or anonymously to Crime Stoppers at 1-800-220-TIPS. All calls will be kept confidential.

Below is the original release.

 Incident:         Human Remains Found in Centereach

Location:        75 Jay Road, Centereach

Date/Time:     Sunday, March 15, 2020 at approximately 5:25 p.m.

Suffolk County Police Homicide Squad detectives are investigating human remains discovered in Centereach this evening.

Suffolk County Police responded to 75 Jay Road at approximately 5:25 p.m. after a 911 caller reported skeletal remains had been found behind a home.

The remains were taken to the Office of the Suffolk County Medical Examiner to be examined.

Detectives are asking anyone with information to contact the Homicide Squad at 631-852-6392.

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Photo courtesy John Damaskos
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
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Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo courtesy John Damaskos
Photo by Raymond Janis
Photo courtesy John Damaskos
Photo courtesy John Damaskos
Photo by Raymond Janis

This past weekend, the Port Jefferson-based Chapter 319 of the American Hellenic Educational Progressive Association, also known as AHEPA, held its inaugural car show fundraiser in the parking lot of the Greek Orthodox Church of Assumption on Saturday, June 4.

George Kallas, vice president of Chapter 319, discussed the history of the organization. “Back in the 1920s, the Ku Klux Klan was persecuting Greeks in [the state of] Georgia,” he said. “They were intimidating the citizens not to go to the Greek diners and they were burning crosses on Greek lawns. A couple of Greeks got together, they went to Washington, D.C., they petitioned the president, they formed AHEPA, they were authorized to carry arms, they went back to Georgia and they pushed back against the Ku Klux Klan.” He added, “The whole idea was to help the Greeks assimilate into American culture and become American citizens.”

Michael Iasilli, a Greek Orthodox resident of Brookhaven whose father helped put this event together, spoke of the important contributions the chapter has made in bringing the community together and raising funds for people in need. 

“AHEPA is a believer in Hellenism, and there are a lot of social justice aspects that are a part of their mission,” he said.

Since its inception, AHEPA has stood for volunteering, community engagement, furthering education and philanthropy. In the Port Jefferson community, AHEPA hosts several regular events, including a fishing trip, New Year’s dinners at Pax Christi Hospitality Center and now a car show.

“The proceeds from this event will go to the church and will go to Ukraine,” Kallas said. Describing the car show, he added, “This is the first time we’re doing it. We want to do it on a regular basis, but we’re just feeling it out right now. It seems to be a success so far.”

— Photos by Raymond Janis

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A growing divide has emerged between the people of the North Shore and the Long Island Rail Road, and it is time for the local community to bridge this gap.

In board rooms and public meetings throughout this area, local officials today express similar frustrations about their various dealings with this public railroad company.

On Monday night, Port Jefferson Village trustee Bruce Miller described the complications that arose during a recent meeting with LIRR reps as neither party could agree on a common path forward. A day later, Brookhaven and state officials traveled to Stony Brook train station, echoing the decades-old call for the electrification of the Port Jefferson Branch line.

Local elected officials are most familiar and best equipped to handle the plights of their constituents. Yet in communities throughout this area, our leaders are meeting resistance with LIRR, whose leadership changes too often. While LIRR rightly devotes much of its energies to the more heavily traveled Ronkonkoma Branch, the residents of the North Shore pay taxes and have an interest in this company, too. 

LIRR officials should be aware of the frequency of riders who travel inland to the main line in the center of the Island. This suggests residents here are rejecting the railways in their own backyard for a longer drive to the train station — albeit a faster and more direct  commute into Manhattan. The unintended consequences of this are greater congestion on our roadways and more pollution generated by cars. This burdensome commute impairs our quality of life, costing us more energy and placing unnecessary strain on our physical and mental health.

For decades, the people of this area have asked LIRR to electrify the Port Jefferson Branch. Today, as the cost of diesel fuel surges exponentially due to inflation, this transition is more necessary than ever before. Despite the preponderance of evidence that electrification will reduce air and noise pollution, that it will cut costs for the railroad and the taxpayer, and that it will deliver a better ride for the people of this community, electrification has been nothing more than a pipedream.

There is no better time than right now to electrify the line. With a flood of infrastructure stimulus cash from the federal government, the opportunity is ripe for the taking. We must thank our representatives who are fighting to secure a better ride and remind them to keep applying the pressure. 

At some point, LIRR must soon give in and when it does, it will be for the better.

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The second in a two-part series, this article highlights the strain COVID-19 has placed on a mental health care system that was already resource-constrained. Mental health care workers, from social workers to psychologists, psychiatrists and emergency medical teams, have responded to the increasing need for their services, cutting back on vacation times and dealing with patients who threaten violence against themselves and others. During the pandemic, health care workers who focused on the emotional well-being of patients also sought balance in their own lives. To borrow from the TV show “Law & Order,” these are their stories.

For some, running half marathons, spending time with family, meditating and communing with nature helps. For others, staying connected and reaching out to the kinds of services they themselves provide also offsets the growing strains in their work.

Health care workers have shouldered the burden of the COVID-19 pandemic for more than two years, reaching out well beyond their job description to help patients amid a period of intense uncertainty that threatened their physical and emotional health.

The cost to health care workers, including those who work in behavioral or mental health, has been considerable, as time at the hospital and speaking with patients remotely cut into their personal lives and threatened their own sense of balance.

“It was very difficult to be a doctor through the storms of COVID,” said Dr. Stacy Eagle, director of Psychiatry at Port Jefferson-based St. Charles Hospital. Health care workers had to “deal with a lot of mental health issues” during the last few years.

Indeed, hospitals throughout the area offered varying levels of support while their staff were on-site, including meditation rooms and aroma therapy. They also suggested personal health checks and provided on-call services for employees who might be struggling amid concerns about their health and the well-being of family members and their patients.

While the general public has tried to push COVID into the back of their minds, attending sporting events and movies, going to restaurants and returning to patterns and activities that are reminiscent of life in 2019, health care workers have increasingly needed mental health support.

Employee Assistance

Over the last several months, Stony Brook University, which has an Employee Assistance Program, has seen a rise in the number of staff reaching out for help.

During the pandemic, Stony Brook launched an employee helpline for those who need mental health support, including psychotherapy and/or medication management. Compared to last year, Stony Brook is seeing a two-folded increase, or triple, the number of employees reaching out for services, according to Dr. Adam Gonzalez, director of Behavioral Health and associate professor of Psychiatry & Behavioral Health at Stony University Renaissance School of Medicine.

“There are high concerns about employee burnout, resignations and departures from health care,” Gonzalez wrote in an email. “Most concerning is the risk for suicide — the ultimate consequence of burnout.”

Stony Brook has an employee support team that implements wellness initiatives, including daily mindfulness meditation sessions, yoga and stretching, and confidential one-on-one support by a faculty and staff care team and employee assistance program.

Dr. Poonamdeep Gill, director of the Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program at Stony Brook Hospital, said the mental health team is “seeing more patients who are sicker from a mental health standpoint. People are really struggling. It does take a toll on you.”

Gill said Stony Brook is proactive with staff, making sure they can access services. The university also encourages staff to check in with their leadership team if they are feeling burned out or struggling.

Dr. Michel Khlat, director of St. Catherine of Siena in Smithtown, said he has seen some of the same health care fatigue that has beset hospitals and other health care facilities throughout the country.

“Staff members have gotten overwhelmed with the volumes,” Khlat said. “Some are altering their occupations to see more outpatients. Some are reverting to part-time and per diem work.” He has had a few friends in Florida who are seeing the same phenomenon, with health care workers quitting or cutting back on hospital time and going into private practices.

Bounce forward

The Northwell Health System has been working on the support of all health care workers, including in mental health, said Dr. Vera Feuer, associate vice president in School Mental Health. Northwell has adopted a stress first aid response, peer support, and a resilience model to recover from stress and trauma.

The military developed stress first aid to deal with situations like the pandemic, in which there is ongoing stress with an uncertain ending. That, Feuer said, differs from a single event, like 9/11, where something traumatic occurs and survivors build back from it.

The pandemic has involved over two years of continuous stress and this feeling of uncertainty, she added.

Stress first aid teaches people to support each other in resilience and to “bounce forward,” Feuer said. “It is difficult to maintain in a busy, stressful environment.”

Finding balance

Doctors suggested they engaged in a wide range of activities to help with their own mental health.

A believer in the value of nutraceuticals and supplements, Dr. Jeffrey Wheeler, the director of the Emergency Room at St. Charles Hospital said he also works on focused breathing.

Eagle, his colleague at St. Charles, urges people to pursue some of their hobbies, such as reading or painting. She also recommends staying off of or limiting social media, particularly for younger children who might find the information and the reaction to postings unnerving.

Stony Brook’s Gill believes in physical activity and exercise. She ran a half marathon a few weeks ago on Long Island.

“I make sure I stay active,” she said. “We need to take care of ourselves before we can take care of other people.”

Stony Brook’s Gonzalez stays closely connected to family, friends and work colleagues.

“I also try to stay active and explore nature,” Gonzalez said. “I regularly practice mindfulness [which is] tuning into the present moment in a nonjudgmental way.”

Gonzalez enjoys a good TV show or movie to disconnect and unwind as well.

Northwell’s Feuer said she’s worked harder than she ever had, but, at the same time, she feels fulfilled by the hope and meaning in her work.

For Feuer, the silver lining is the attention to mental health, which “we know has been a problem for a long time. I’m hoping the right resources and interventions” will help those who need it.

To read the first of this two-part series, “Mental health strain for Long Islanders,” visit tbrnewsmedia.com.

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Wedding. Pixabay photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

We’re finally here.

These poor couples have had to wait for days, months and years to tie the knot in front of family and friends. It’s such a relief that we can all gather again, celebrating the love that binds two people forever and that may, if it hasn’t already, lead to children.

It seems that the list of dos and don’ts for weddings has changed, just as so many other parts of modern reality have altered the way we go about our lives.

Here are a few of the dos and don’ts, starting with the don’ts.

— Cough. Ever. If you have to cough, swallow it or make it sound like a strange laugh. No one wants to hear a cough, least of all at a wedding. Go outside to cough. Cough in the car. Cough into your hand like you’re saying something private and being discrete. Go to the edge of the parking lot and cough.

— Chew with your mouth open. No one wants to see the food you’re eating, especially not in the third year of COVID-19.

—  Point to the food and say how much better you could make it. Look, we know that you’ve lost a step on your social graces from being home so often. We know that you’ve spent a great deal of time cooking meals to your satisfaction. We know that you are a great admirer of your own food, your own voice, and your own way of doing things. Appreciate that someone else has made the food and will clean it up and that they do things differently than you do. You can have food you know you love as soon as you walk back into your fortress of solitude.

— Talk about politics. You’re not going to convince anyone who doesn’t agree with you already of your views. So, why bring it up? This isn’t the time to try to make a reasoned argument with relatives who only share genes and nothing else. Smile if they bring something up you find disagreeable.

— Complain about the weather. The bride, groom and the extended family have no control over the weather. If it’s too hot, get a drink. If it’s too cold, shift back and forth from one foot to the other or bring a sweater. The weather is either perfect, dramatic, lovely or dynamic.

— Talk about your own wedding. If people were there, they remember. If not, they don’t need you to compare what’s going on to what you did. Your wedding may have been lovely, but you’re not there right now.

— Point to someone else’s mask and ask them why they’re wearing it. Do whatever is comfortable for you. Don’t tell anyone else what to do because, well, that doesn’t work and it gets people angry. They do their thing, you do yours.

— Binge watch shows while you’re waiting for the ceremony to start. Yes, the invitation said the party would start at 7 p.m. and it’s now 7:18 p.m. So what? You’re there to celebrate other people and to witness this lovely moment. Netflix and other shows can wait. Live your life.

— Show pictures of your pet. Many of us added dogs, cats and fish, particularly during the pandemic.

Okay, so, here is a short list of dos:

— Give other people a chance to talk. Silence, periodically, is okay. You don’t need to fill every quiet moment, if there are any, with your opinions, thoughts and experiences.

— Ask someone to dance who seems eager for a partner. Grab your mother-in-law, your brother-in-law, or your something-in-law by the hand, lead him or her to the floor, smile, and appreciate the chance to dance.

— Remember that you won’t have to see many of these people until the next blessed event, whenever that is.

— Thank the bride, groom and their families for a lovely event. Even if you hated it, you’ve got some good stories to share and you gave your wonderful pets a short break from you.

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