These paraprosdokians were culled from the internet and intended to give you a chuckle.
A paraprosdokian is a form of wordplay where the latter part of a sentence is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
The effect is frequently humorous.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
4. War does not determine who is right — only who is left.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. They begin the evening news with “Good evening,” then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
7. To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism. To steal from many is called research.
8. In filling in an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify,” I put “doctor.”
9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
11. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
12. A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
14. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.
15. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
17. Finally: I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
18. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19. Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
20. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
21. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet.
22. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
And my personal favorite:
23. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.