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File photo by TBR News Media

Every year we sit down with local candidates for our preelection political debates in the TBR News Media office. This year, of course, those debates were held via Zoom.

Despite the new format this year, one thing didn’t change — the first thing we do is thank each of the candidates for taking on the responsibility for running for office. We recognize being a public official is no easy task and running for office is just as difficult.

All candidates deserve an extra round of applause for their patience regarding the counting of mail-in ballots. After Election Day, as we reached out to the various candidates in our coverage area, those who were behind after in-person voting remained patient, and those who were ahead were humble. Most who were ahead didn’t claim victory as they understood the importance of making sure every ballot was counted, and they acknowledged every single vote mattered.

After a few long weeks, we would like to congratulate U.S. Reps Lee Zeldin (R-NY1) and Tom Suozzi (D-NY3); state Assemblymen Steve Englebright (D-Setauket), Mike Fitzpatrick (R-St. James), Steve Stern (D-Dix Hills); and state Sen. Jim Gaughran (D-Northport) for regaining their seats. We also welcome newcomers, state Sen.-elect Mario Mattera (R-St. James) and state Assemblyman-elect Keith Brown (R-Northport) to the world of legislation, as well as Sen.-elect Anthony Palumbo (R-New Suffolk) and Assemblywoman-elect Jodi Giglio (R-Riverhead) to their new roles.

Now that the votes are counted, it’s time to get back to business. We urge each of our elected officials to take the next few weeks to carefully assess what is going on in their districts, so after they are sworn in come January, they can hit the ground running.

It’s no secret that the coronavirus has wreaked havoc on our local businesses. Those in Albany and Washington, D.C., need to get them the funds they need to keep their doors open and their employees on the payroll. If the funds aren’t available, those in government need to work together to come up with creative ideas to keep these businesses afloat while ensuring public health safety.

Elected officials also have to look deeper as to how hard the pandemic has hurt their constituents financially. The loss of jobs and pay cuts have left many unable to make their mortgage and rent payments or keep their refrigerators full. Conversations with residents may provide vital information about what is truly happening within districts.

While New York is one of the fortunate states to have strong leadership during the pandemic, there is still a lot of work to do. And while we can hope for federal aid, we can’t count on it, as all of the states are going through the same struggle as New Yorkers are. We need to come up with new ideas to help keep Long Island strong.

Looking beyond the coronavirus, there is one thing that comes up every year during our debates. How are we going to make the Island more affordable in order to keep both our young people and retirees here, but at the same time, not overdevelop our valuable open spaces? It’s time to stop talking about it and start doing something about it. A closer eye needs to be kept on developers who promise affordable housing but are completely out of touch regarding what wage earners can actually afford. What’s the sense of building affordable housing in precious open space if the housing is out of reach financially for most residents?

Most of all, we ask our leaders in government to work together, to extend their hands across the aisles. We have seen what divisiveness in the United States has done to our country over the last decade — let’s see people come together against partisanship, now more than ever.

We have one thing in common besides our humanity. Both sides of the aisle are Americans.

Lily Bergh stands behind the counter at Little Switzerland Toys & Dolls. Photo by Lina Weingarten

Amazon is not going to go the extra mile and wrap your Christmas presents with professional flair. Amazon is not going to sponsor your local baseball or soccer team. Amazon does not know the names of customers’ family members or shops in the same supermarket that we do.

At the same time, Amazon is still raking in profits. The retail giant moved its annual Prime Day to October this year, essentially setting up an earlier holiday rush than usual. Amazon and other online retailers are anticipated to make $189 billion in revenue this season, up 33% from 2019. Meanwhile many of our local mom-and-pop brick and mortar remain without a hint of additional federal stimulus, praying they do well enough in the next few weeks to stay open in 2021. While Cyber Monday sales are expected to grow this year, American Express, which promotes Small Business Saturday, has reported that in a survey of owners 62% said they need to see spending return to pre-COVID levels to survive 2020.

Though that’s not to say the community isn’t getting involved. Many shop owners we spoke to praised their customers, the ones who have sought out their stores to see how they were doing, buy items or even gift cards.

Some owners managed to take some of their business online during the height of the pandemic in spring, but many did not have the resources  to go further. Over the year, we’ve talked to other small business owners who said the additional stresses caused by the pandemic were simply too much to bear and have already closed up shop.

Yet the beast only grows bigger and hungrier. Amazon is planning for a total of three last-mile warehouses on Long Island, with the latest one announced to be in Shirley.

In the Nov. 26 issue of TBR newspapers, we shared the very real and very legitimate concerns of local pharmacists over Amazon’s new pill delivery service, which is rolling out at the end of this year. Amazon won’t know patients’ family history. Amazon won’t be able to look at a person at their counter and tell if there may be something else wrong healthwise.

All the emphasis on staying at home has led to the ballooning of mail-in delivery services for everything from packages, to food and even alcohol. Some of these delivery businesses, like Door Dash have been a minor boon to brick and mortar who were not allowed to open their doors. Others, such as Amazon Pharmacy, have been taking away larger and larger slices of the economic pie. Will there be a time when your local pharmacy or corner store can no longer compete with a national brand? Maybe, but we’re not there quite yet.

All our local shops were impacted by the ongoing pandemic, and though some industries have managed to compete better than others, the tell-tale signs of anxiety are there in each one. As New York City and Long Island witness increases in COVID-19 infection rates, all eyes are on Albany to see if there will be more restrictions. Experts have already said trends are worrying and have suggested stricter measures.

In that way, we ask people to be considerate not only of business owners but also to your neighbors as well. It may be smart to call ahead before visiting a local shop for a Christmas gift, so as not to spend as much time indoors, potentially with strangers. It’s better to get shopping done early, especially to avoid any kind of gathering crowds on the horizon.

But we have to see the end of 2020, we all crave the end to 2020, but we do not want to see the end to small business on the North Shore and all of Long Island. This holiday season, let’s keep our local mom-and-pops in mind.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

My five-year-old neighbor Jack keeps me and his parents on our toes, and for that, I am grateful.

In this strange and challenging year, Jack offers a refreshing, clear-eyed and honest assessment of everything he sees. He speaks directly, asks questions and expects people to treat him the way his kind, caring and supportive parents do.

During the spring, at the start of longer walks around the neighborhood with my dog, I started the pattern of wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts during cooler weather. After all, with nowhere else to go, I didn’t feel compelled to put on a collared shirt, to change my outerwear or to put on my dress shoes. Speaking of which, I don’t think I’ve even looked for my shoes in months. The search for those shoes, and the black socks at the bottom of a drawer somewhere, will be a welcome return to a more normal routine some day.

Anyway, back in the first stages of an endless homebound existence, Jack saw me one morning, greeted my dog , who is 30 pounds heavier than he, and asked me one of the many five-year-old questions that he shares.

“Why are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?” he asked, as if I were somehow on a walk of shame after an evening that stretched into morning in a college dorm.

“Oh, honey, he’s just wearing the same sweatshirt as yesterday. You do that, too,” his mother gently offered.

Then again, Jack was right. I was wearing the same sweatshirt and sweatpants.

Later, when a nephew who tested negative for the virus came to visit and took a walk with me, Jack listened to his mother chat with us. As we were walking away, Jack watched my nephew and me head to my house.

“Dan,” he shouted, “Don’t forget about six feet.”

Again, Jack was right. Comfortable as I was, even outside with my nephew, Jack learned the rules and was encouraging me to follow them.

Recently, Jack delved into the minefield of politics. Without any hesitation, he asked my wife and daughter about their votes for the presidential election.

His mother, once again, tried to provide a filter, suggesting that such a conversation might not be necessary or comfortable.

Our daughter, who has had extensive experience babysitting children of all ages, had no trouble answering the question in a way that wouldn’t upset Jack, regardless of his or, more likely, his parents’ thoughts on the subject.

Cliche as it seems, it occurred to me, listening to my wife recount this conversation, that Jack, and the need to meet his earnestness and honesty, offered a reminder about public discourse.

Five-year-olds may not know everything, but they know when an adult is being condescending or is belittling them. They need the same kind of honesty they give.

At the same time, they need answers that don’t insult them. Even if they, or their parents, have different views, they need to know that others respect them.

Therein, it occurred to me, lies the lesson. We don’t need to avoid conversations with each other about topics on which we disagree. We are guaranteed the freedom to disagree with everyone, from our siblings, to our parents, to the president.

We also might do well to think of others who are speaking to us as Jack. We don’t need to picture others as five-year-olds. We can, and will, engage in more satisfying discourse if we follow some of the same principles when speaking with anyone. With so many challenges ahead, we will accomplish more together, and respectfully, than if we take each other down.

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Thanksgiving Day would have been my sister’s 78th birthday. But my parents were told at her birth that she would not live long because she had Down syndrome, a genetic disorder. In fact, one of the physicians at the hospital commented, “Best to just throw her in the garbage.” My mother, who was deeply religious, advised the doctor that he was not God, told him in no uncertain terms where he could go, and together with my father, brought my sister Maxine to our loving and supportive home.

That was 1942, when no one ever saw a Down syndrome child, with the characteristic physical markings of a round face, almond-shaped and up-slanting eyes and short stature, on the streets of New York. As a result, she was the object of stares when we were in public. Fortunately, she was a happy and social child, and when she saw people staring, she would wave at them, smile and say, “Hello.” If they stopped, she would continue with, “How are you?” and even, “How old are you?” She would then advise them that they looked much older and thus make them laugh.

Even as late as 1960, the life expectancy of people with Down syndrome was considered to be 10. But by 2007, on average and according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, persons born with Down would live to be about 47 years old. My sister made it to 65.

Why the dramatic difference within one lifetime? The easiest answer is the change in attitudes about children with Down syndrome. When Maxine was born, such children were routinely institutionalized, where they received notoriously poor treatment and lived in horrible conditions. Journalist and lawyer Geraldo Rivera, in 1972, exposed the neglect and abuse in Staten Island’s Willowbrook State School. It broke people’s hearts and was a change agent, and such facilities began to disappear.

Since the 1970s, a Down syndrome child is to be given a free and appropriate education like any other child in the United States by law. When my sister was six, my mother brought her to the neighborhood elementary school to register her for first grade. That was the first of many times she and Maxine were turned away. With great patience, my mother taught Maxine how to read “Dick, Jane and Baby,” to write her name and address between the lines, and to do arithmetic on a second-grade level. Ultimately Maxine attended a Catholic school in Brooklyn for children with special needs. My sister also had a natural gift for music, often spending many minutes playing familiar melodies by ear on the household piano.

I was reminded of all this by December’s Atlantic monthly magazine’s cover story, “The Last Children of Down Syndrome.” The article, by Sarah Zhang, focuses on prenatal genetic testing, the impact it’s having on the number of children born with special needs, and its effects on world-wide population as it becomes easier and more widespread. Her report is centered in Denmark, which in 2004 became one of the first countries to offer free genetic Down syndrome screening to every pregnant woman. She writes that since universal screening was offered, the number of parents who chose to continue a pregnancy after a Down diagnosis, in 2019 for example, was seven. What does the universal introduction of choice indicate about the future of humanity as genetic testing gets more sophisticated? she asks.

What is the value of a human life? The article poses the question, as well as dealing with the terrible pressures of choice. My mother was 36 when she gave birth to my sister. Age 35 and older is considered higher risk for the birthing of a Down syndrome child. There wasn’t the choice of amniocentesis then, certainly not other genetic testing, but had there been, I know how my parents would have reacted. They would have carried on in the same way.

Photo from Pixabay

‘Beaujolais wines are deliciously fresh to the palate. They charm you with their delicacy, tenderness, and lightness.’

Curnonsky {Maurice Edmond Sailland} French writer, 1872-1956

By Bob Lipinski

Bob Lipinski

Beaujolais Nouveau (known as Beaujolais Primeur in France) is the “new” Beaujolais wine that has been fermented to capture the ultimate in lightness and freshness besides its intense grapy aromas and flavors.

Beaujolais is a grape-growing district below the southern part of Burgundy, between Lyon and Mâcon. It is about 35 miles long and between seven and nine miles wide. Beaujolais is both the name of the place and the wine made there and was named after the village of Beaujeu. Beaujolais is made from grapes coming from the appellations of Beaujolais and Beaujolais-Villages within the district.

Beaujolais is made from a red grape called Gamay, which produces light, fresh and fruity wines wherever it grows in the world. The wine owes its easy drinkability to a winemaking process called carbonic maceration (called whole berry fermentation). This technique preserves the fresh, fruity quality of the wine, without extracting bitter tannins from the grape.

Beginning in 1951, the official release date of Beaujolais Nouveau was November 15. However, in 1985 the release date was changed to the third Thursday in November regardless of the specific date.

This youthful wine has limited aging potential; therefore, it is enjoyed within a short time after fermentation. Nouveau is at its best when it first appears on the market. After one year it is tired and with few exceptions should be forgotten.

Beaujolais are fresh, fruity, uncomplicated, light-bodied wines. They are excellent wines for warm weather when fuller-bodied red wines may overpower. For best results serve Beaujolais Nouveau chilled at about 55 degrees Fahrenheit.

Beaujolais Nouveau should have the fresh, full, fruity bouquet and flavor of blackberries, candy-apple, cherries, plums, raspberries, red lollipops, strawberries, spices, violets, and an overwhelming freshness. On the palate, Beaujolais should be young, lively, and joyous.

Some cheeses to enjoy with this particular wine are Beaufort, Bel Paese, Camembert, Charolais, Cheshire, Feta, Fontina, Raclette, Tomme de Savoie, and Triple-Crèmes. Beaujolais Nouveau pairs well with salads, fried chicken, light chicken and turkey dishes, pork, artichokes, ratatouille, eggs, ham, salmon, swordfish, tuna, hamburgers (cheeseburgers), pizza, hot dogs, chestnuts, salami, picnic foods, and chocolate.

Brands of Beaujolais Nouveau worth searching for include Georges Duboeuf, Louis Jadot, Jean-Paul Thevenet, Louis Tete, Mommessin, Domaine Dupeuble, and Jean Foillard.

Bob Lipinski is the author of 10 books, including “101: Everything You Need To Know About Whiskey” and “Italian Wine & Cheese Made Simple” (available on Amazon.com). He conducts training seminars on Wine, Spirits, and Food and is available for speaking engagements. He can be reached at www.boblipinski.com OR [email protected].

A reader recently called the office and asked a member of the editorial staff why social media companies like Facebook and Twitter have been shielded from lawsuits over the content users post on their platforms, while newspaper editors usually take extra precautions when publishing letters to the editor.

Social media platforms have been covered by Section 230 of the 1996 Communications Decency Act, as they are not considered moderators of content provided by their users, but distributors. The same act protects distributors of books, magazines and newspapers.

It is a law that has become controversial, as The New York Times has pointed out, since it also covers websites that propagate hate speech. Websites can effectively set their own rules for what is and what is not allowed.

However, regarding newspapers, readers will often find that letters to the editor pages in many publications such as ours stress that the opinions of columnists and letter writers are their own. They do not speak for the newspaper. We also edit letters for length, libel, style and good taste,  and the editorial department vets them to ensure factual accuracy. While social media companies and internet service providers are protected under Section 230, newspapers, radio and television stations are held to a higher standard, allegedly due to their ability to moderate content and maintain editorial control.

At the same time, more social media sites are expressly moderating people’s posts. Facebook recently cited that it’s detecting and removing most hate speech before anyone sees it. If the argument was these sites didn’t have the capacity to moderate all its content, it is in the strange spot of arguing at the same time that it effectively can.

While outside content across the worldwide web is innumerable and almost impossible to keep track of, with a newspaper the content can be reviewed by an editor. Although most newspapers, including ours, are open to printing readers’ opinions no matter what side of the political aisle a person may take, as a privately owned business we have the option to decline to publish anything that comes across our desks. Based on our standard of ethics, letters can be declined if they include racist comments or defamatory statements — such as accusing a person of a crime, a breach of ethics or professional dishonesty. Newspapers can potentially bear the responsibility of being held accountable under libel laws if a letter claims something about a person that is known to be false or should have been known by the editorial staff. Of course, it’s hard to litigate libel in New York state, as one has to prove the defamation was made with actual malice.

Local newspapers like ours don’t always have the luxury of having numerous letters to choose from and, being familiar with the different viewpoints of community members, we have the right to decide not to publish letters that express extreme views. Still, we do our best to provide an outlet where everyone feels they can express their opinions and exercise their freedom of speech. However, unlike most posts on social media, we also understand the importance of protecting our community members as best as we can from hearsay.

Regarding Section 230, it may be time to hold social media accountable for the content that pops up in a person’s newsfeed. Let’s not forget which accounts have been suspended by Twitter or those who have been thrown in “Facebook jail.” It seems as if the technology is out there to decipher false claims and what is otherwise hate speech. The fact that these corporations seem to want autonomy while displaying they have the capacity to monitor their users’ messaging is untenable — the general political divisiveness and the proliferation of so much mistruth are reasons enough that laws need to change.

Considering how many rely on social media for information, it may be time for these platforms to step up to the plate and verify what their consumers read or risk government reform.

Photo courtesy of Pixaby

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Hello and welcome to the first and hopefully last Zoom Thanksgiving. Hey, hold on, I can see that you’ve muted yourself in Box 6 over there, Uncle Mary. Yes, I know I said Uncle Mary because I’m reading the name on your screen. Did you think that was funny? What are you saying that I can’t hear?

OK, so we’re going to forego the usual list of what we’re thankful for because it’s 2020 and we’re not together, and I promised the kids they wouldn’t have to talk to such a large group of faces who are all
looking in the wrong direction.

Seriously, what’s wrong with you people? Can’t you look at the camera? I know that might sound harsh. I just spent the last few hours before this fake happy scene trying to remember something about the Ottoman Empire. No offense to the Ottoman Empire, but I didn’t like history much when I was that old and now I’m trying to learn it again.

Yes, I know, Uncle Mary, it’d be easier for me to teach my kids these subjects if I pretended to be interested, but that ended in early April, when I had to try to remember something about the number of electrons in different orbits around atoms.

Anyway, I’m thankful we’re together. I saw that, cousin Clarence. Look, we don’t see you very often. The least you could do is not roll your eyes the entire time I’m talking. You’re doing it again! Cut it out! Oh, really? You have something in your eye? Let me see. Oh yeah, it does look red.

Okay, so we’re going to make this virtual Thanksgiving all about the senses. You see, we’re going to each search through our house for things that look like something else, put them on the screen and guess what the other person is holding. I read something about being creative this year, so this is it.

No, Alex, you can’t ask a question. Because I said you couldn’t. I’m running this virtual Thanksgiving, and I said you couldn’t. Well, then, your teacher is a better person than I am. I wish he was your father, too. No, no, I didn’t mean that. I just mean that we’re doing something differently this year. Okay, if you stop crying, you can ask a question.

Well, actually that is a good question. It doesn’t really have anything to do with Thanksgiving per se, but guessing what we’re holding is a way for each of us to connect. Okay, so, now, everybody, go get something and bring it back.

Ah, I see Uncle George has come back with something that looks like a baseball. Oh, it is a baseball? That’s not very creative. Oh, Uncle George, you’re not going to tell the story about how you almost caught a foul ball hit by Mickey Mantle, are you? Oh, you were? Well, that is a great story, and I’m sure there’s someone who hasn’t heard that story yet. By a show of hands, who hasn’t heard that story? Okay, well, Uncle George, it’s only because we all listen to you so carefully and we love to hear your stories. Maybe, though, we’ll skip that one this time. Are you crying too, or do you have something in your eye?

Okay, someone else go. Matthew, what are you holding? It looks like an origami bird. Wait, it is an origami bird? I wasn’t supposed to guess it that quickly? Well, it’s because you did such a great job. Now you’re crying?

Okay, it’s Jennifer’s turn. It looks like a huge glass of wine. You’re drinking it to test it? So, it was wine? And now you’re refilling it and drinking it again? One more time? Really? Okay, anyone else want to go?

METRO photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Thanksgiving 2020 will surely be remembered by all. Other Thanksgivings blend into each other on the impressionist edges of memory, in a sepia-colored haze. But this one will stand out like a gargoyle, in bas-relief at the center. Never before have we disinvited our children from our homes during this holiday. Never have we set the table for so few. Never have we been urged not to travel to reconnect with our families. Never have we been drilled on the three Ws: wash your hands, watch your social distancing, wear your mask. COVID-19 overhangs our lives.

Nonetheless, for most of us, there is so much to be thankful for, even as we have to push past the anxiety and the upending of our lives the pandemic has caused to remind ourselves of the many ways we can be thankful.

First is for the good health most of us are lucky enough to enjoy: for our own and that of our loved ones. Perhaps, never has good health been viewed as such a blessing as now, as hundreds of thousands fall ill. Even without the coming vaccine, we can work to keep the virus at bay by diligently following the three Ws.

Next is the love we have in our lives that has become so manifestly important to acknowledge and declare. It is that love: for our spouses, our parents, our children, our dearest relatives and friends that is our safety net during these challenging days. We have always been aware of that love but perhaps not so appreciatively as now. The need to connect with them has not been so vital as now. And if we have a warm home and people who live in it with us, and enough to eat each day, how thankful we can be.

We can be thankful for our jobs, if we have them, and if we don’t, for the country we live in that supports us at least partially during our temporary unemployment. And if we are holding on ourselves, we can help others around us through our churches, soup kitchens and donations to our neighbors in need. To help others is a great privilege.

Though I never particularly embraced the computer when it appeared in our daily lives in the 1970s and 1980s, I am thankful for technology. Because of my computer, I can see my children and grandchildren regularly. I even have a place in the house nicknamed the Zoom Room. I can also see my friends, attend meetings, albeit virtually, and learn new subjects if I choose.

I escape from the news and the responsibilities of daily life with movies on Netflix and other streaming services. I still cannot stop marveling at Siri and the ability to find the answers to all sorts of questions by just pushing a button on my cellphone.

I sometimes think of my husband, whose poor sense of direction was legendary in the family, and how he would have loved the GPS. The ability to call someone from this marvelous invention I hold in my hand and tell them I am on my way but will be 15 minutes late or that I need help because I have a flat tire is a commonplace miracle of the 21st century. How lucky we are to be alive in these times, when a vaccine to overcome our version of the black plague can be developed in a matter of months.

Difficult times force us to turn inward and find the resilience to cope. And we can cope, we all can. If we believe in ourselves and have faith that this pandemic will end, which it surely will, we can then build back our lives and our world again. We can give thanks for that inner strength. Governments must help, charities and philanthropies do help, and we can help ourselves and each other. We can take inspiration from the natural world, which goes on in all its seasons of beauty despite periodic upheavals, and thankfully we will too.

Thanksgiving 2021 we will all together sit around the dinner table and profoundly give thanks.

METRO photo

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

Crazy time.”

That was the message a friend in California texted me yesterday. And she certainly summed up perfectly these days of our lives. Let us together count the ways we have gone off the rails. For starters, can you imagine a time when you had to decline a visit from your children at Thanksgiving in order to ensure your health and theirs?

I suspect the same for you; gathering around the table at Thanksgiving and appreciating our lives with our family and close friends has been a tradition for us as long as I can remember. After my children married and joined their wives’ families with ours, we have even traded off other holidays for Thanksgiving at our home every year. I guess we can include thanks this time for and via Zoom.

Could you imagine a political stalemate over the election at the presidential level like the one playing out in the courts in different states across the country? Yes, the 2000 vote was a handwringer, but it pales in drama when compared with this election. Back then, the decision hung on 537 votes. This time, with vital information withheld and with a pandemic raging, more is at stake than the outcome of the election. We are vulnerable to attack as a nation.

And as for that pandemic, as direly predicted this past spring, it is rearing its ugly head now that the weather has cooled and we are living more indoors and closer together. We have learned some things since the affliction started. Masks make a difference in protecting others and also ourselves from the spread of the virus. Fresh air, social distancing and hand washing continue to be vital. HEPA filters are powerful allies. And broad scale testing, followed by tracing, matter. Still, people are hospitalized, emergency rooms and ICU beds fill up and even some patients die, as we wait to be rescued by science. Incredible progress has been made developing a vaccine, and by more than one laboratory, but distribution to and acceptance by the general public of the vaccines will not happen during this imminent winter.

Weather has also been a villain. Violent storms and hurricanes, the ferocity of which has been unleashed, we are told, by climate change, have disrupted life for many in the United States and across the globe, even in the midst of desperate efforts to fight the pandemic. And further complicating rescue are the unprecedented fires burning in California and the far west. Then throw in assorted mudslides and tornados for good measure. Tragic!

The economy continues to worsen for many as it excels for the few businesses that benefit from the consequences of the virus. Restaurants, hotels, travel, transportation, formal entertainment, cultural events, retail, health care, child care, education — all have suffered huge financial blows. And the effects are not, curiously, shared equally among men and women. Most of the jobs in those industries are filled by women, who now have no jobs because of shutdowns, or have jobs they cannot get to because of child care responsibilities. This one issue is being viewed as a significant setback for women in the workplace, and for society as a whole, for years to come. Meanwhile construction, renovation, manufacturing and high tech, that makes Zoom and countless other products now deemed a necessity possible, are mushrooming.

The tenor of watershed events in people’s lives is tarnished. Weddings, graduations, significant and not-so-significant birthday parties, reunions, baptisms, funerals — all are put on hold or otherwise unwillingly altered in timing and attendance. Even an entitlement as innocent as looking forward to a thrilling freshman year in college has now morphed into a two-dimensional, remote experience. And returning college students are considered risks for households and communities.

There is no point in complaining. It will not alter this bizarre year and the troubles it has brought. The one thought I could offer my friend on a return text: “We will be able to say, as we someday will tell the tale, that we lived through it.”

METRO photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Are we coming apart together, coming together apart or just coming apart? The first in that list, coming apart together, gives us a chance to feel connected to others. By coming apart together, we are acknowledging the challenging year we’ve had and continue to have.

Without offering specific solutions, it helps to know we’re not alone and that, perhaps, through the together part, we can manage through conditions that are far from optimal, including the separation we feel from so many people we need in our lives.

Now, if we’re coming together apart, we are focusing on the fact that we can be, and are, together first, before we also admit that we may be hundreds or even thousands of miles away from people whose hugs, smiles and laughter fill the rooms we share. Zoom, FaceTime and other modern conveniences make it possible for us to see each other’s faces, even though the image of the other person can feel flat compared to the reality of sharing time and space.

The third of those possibilities, just plain coming apart, enables us to throw up our arms and acknowledge the reality of our world. Many children are home most, or all, the time. Parents are still working through
Zoom, looking at small squares of people on computer screens for way too many hours during the day. The sameness of each day can become tedious and wear on our nerves, especially during this time when we’d typically plan for family visits.

And, of course, without passing any specific judgment, the hot button election continues to drive wedges among families, friends and neighbors, who can’t imagine how the other side fails to see the obvious realities their favorite anchors or faux news and commentary shows echo each day.

It’s agonizing to see how the differences between camps have become a defining feature and have stirred a sense of frustration and antipathy for the other camp.

Where are the adults in the room? For so long, the country brought together people from different backgrounds, uniting us under the umbrella of an American Dream that was available to anyone who worked hard enough for it.

Our sports-crazed culture believed in the winners they cheered for and used their teams as an inspiration to get ahead, to put more into their craft and to try to win the battle for original ideas. Even fans of hated rivals acknowledged the skills and remarkable games they witnessed from their rivals during heated playoff series. I always rooted against Red Sox great Carl Yastrzemski, but I also recognized his incredible talent.

Will a vaccine enable us to come together, together? I hope so. Next year at this time, if we have returned to some level of normalcy that allowed us to visit with our friends, to celebrate weddings, graduations, birthdays, and newborns, we will have the structural opportunities to spend time indoors, even in crowded rooms, and support each other.

Between now and then, ideally we’d plant the seeds that enable us to move forward together. We are not an archipelago nation, separated from each other by the ideological, religious or other labels. We do best when we play to the strengths of a workforce dedicated to getting ahead, to providing for our children and to helping the country even as we help ourselves.

While many of us are physically apart, we can try to reach out to family, friends, and neighbors, even if their ideas temporarily baffle us. We can come together if we are there for each other and if we listen to views outside our own.