By Linda M. toga, Esq.
THE FACTS: My husband and I are in our sixties and have three grown children. All were given the same opportunities growing up, but they did not all take advantage of those opportunities or make wise decisions about their futures. Our two daughters are financially secure and doing very well. Our son, however, has struggled and we expect will continue to struggle to make ends meet his entire life.
My husband and I have accumulated significant assets over the years. We have been generous to our children and have made an effort to treat them all the same despite the differences in their financial well-being.
Despite this fact, my son seems to be under the impression that because he needs more, he is entitled to more. He has made comments on a number of occasions suggesting that since we have the means to make his life easier, we should do so. It is clear that he expects that we will be leaving him a sizable inheritance, perhaps even more than we leave our daughters.
We are bothered by these comments for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that my husband and I are planning on using our hard earned money to travel and, if needed, to cover our health care costs. While we fully expect that all of our children will inherit some money from us, I do not believe that we will be leaving any of them substantial assets.
THE QUESTION: How do we make this clear to our son who seems to think he will see a windfall when we die?
THE ANSWER: You and your husband are not alone in having accumulated significant assets that you hope to spend on yourselves. Many boomers benefited by parents who were conservative savers and cautious spenders. Consequently, these parents often accumulated more wealth than they spent and passed that wealth on to their boomer children.
The boomers, on the other hand, may not have been such conscientious savers. Even if they were, they are finding that they are living longer, may need more money for health care and often believe that they need not leave substantial assets to their children since they did so much for them during their lives.
Like you and your husband, many boomers plan on using their assets to make their golden years golden. That is your right. You earned it. You can spend it. However, if you do not want your son to be surprised or resentful when he does not inherit the kind of money he may expect will be coming his way, the best thing to do is to tell him outright.
Perhaps you can share with him the choices you made over the years that resulted in having a significant nest egg. Then tell him how you hope to spend your hard earned money on yourselves while you enjoy a long and healthy life.
You may discover that the comments he has made about a large inheritance were made in jest and that he isn’t really counting on a windfall. That would be the best scenario.
Even if he expresses disappointment and/or anger, you and your husband should feel better about the fact that you were open and honest with him. He can ignore what you say or he can use what you tell him to better plan for his future. In either case, having the conversation will ensure that when you and your husband pass away, he is not blindsided.
Linda M. Toga provides personalized service and peace of mind to her clients in the areas of elder law, estate administration and estate planning, real estate, marital agreements and litigation. Visit her website at www.lmtogalaw.com or call 631-444-5605 to schedule a free consultation.