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Times of Middle Country

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Despite a few job openings, local school districts are ready for the new school year. Stock photo

With schools across the nation facing issues filling positions, including vital teaching jobs, local school districts, for the most part, are looking toward the new academic year in a good position with staffing.

While COVID-19 created severe obstacles for schools in the last couple of years, local districts are moving past them.

Some difficulties

Kevin Scanlon, the new Three Village Central School District superintendent, said the district is among those well staffed regarding teachers. Slight shortages involve jobs such as teaching assistants and monitor positions. Substitutes for teaching and various openings, including custodial, are also hard to find. Scanlon said that with more than 500 teachers in the district, 30 to 50 of them could be out on any given day.

Neil Katz, Smithtown Central School District assistant superintendent for personnel; Jim Polansky, Huntington school district superintendent; and Roberta Gerold, Middle Country Central School District superintendent, all said their districts are in the same position with permanent teaching positions being filled, but there are small issues finding noncertified employees.

Routinely, it can be challenging also to find candidates in the fields of English as a New Language, family and consumer sciences, technology and language classes. Scanlon added that it’s difficult to find certified American Sign Language educators. 

“Also, business teachers, which is unusual because 25 years ago you probably had your choice of teachers,” he said. “Some of the local colleges in New York also used to produce 120 candidates a year in tech teachers, now they’re producing maybe 12 to18. So, the numbers are quite short of where they were years ago in those specialized areas.” 

Scanlon added finding such teachers is even more difficult than finding math and science teachers.

“We are all competing against each other trying to find them,” he said.

Polansky said, from time to time, there can be last-minute resignations at the end of the summer.

“Those can present issues, but those are few and far between, and sometimes if you have an added aide position that comes up due to class formation, that doesn’t take place until late in the summer,” he said.

Gerold said, “One of the many byproducts of the pandemic has been a smaller pool of applicants, which has impacted the Middle Country school district’s ability — as it has school districts across Long Island and the country — to hire talented educators.”

Like other districts, Middle Country found ways to ensure it was properly staffed.

“While the hiring process has been particularly challenging heading into this school year, our human resources and personnel teams have worked hard to creatively find new solutions to attract the next generation of educators to lead our community into the future,” she said. 

There has also been a need to stay proactive regarding teacher retirements. While student enrollment has declined in some local districts, the number of teachers retiring has increased.

Katz said the number of employees currently retiring makes sense as the population was growing in the area 25 to 30 years ago and schools were expanding, which led to the need to hire more teachers at the time. Those employees are now meeting their retirement requirements.

“We’re hitting that point that there’s this balloon of the number of teachers that are eligible for retirement,” Katz said, adding COVID-19 exacerbated the problem in recent years.

Polansky agreed.

“You’re going to see more in the next couple of years because it is kind of generational,” he said. “That’s another thing that we need to take into account.”

According to New York State Teachers’ Retirement System, 33% of active members could potentially retire in the next few years.

Solutions

Some news outlets have reported states such as Florida dropping the requirements for people to secure a teaching position such as having a bachelor’s degree. Polansky said, “There’s a fine line between helping your teacher availability and compromising quality. You don’t want to be in a situation where actions are being taken that actually lessen the quality of the educator that’s in front of your children in the classroom.”

He added that such a move could cause more problems in the long run.

“We have to make teaching a desirable profession,” he said. “There are a couple of ways to do that, and it’s incumbent upon states and local school districts to make that happen.” 

Administrators said their districts always start the hiring process early in the calendar year to prepare for the first day of school, attending recruitment events at colleges in New York state, hosting their own career fairs and placing ads in papers.

Scanlon said the Three Village school district will run an ad in The New York Times at the end of January or early February. He added that advertising in the paper is something many high-caliber schools do. Looking toward the future, the superintendent said there are talks about bringing back a Future Teachers of America club to the high school to encourage students to choose teaching as a career.

Gerold said one of the Middle Country school district’s “initiatives has been our successful partnership with Stony Brook University to fortify our roster of substitute teachers. During the pandemic, the district partnered with Stony Brook University to place student-teacher substitutes in schools. Through this, we’ve been able to satisfy the substitute teacher needs throughout the district and identify strong educators who are poised to excel in leading classrooms.”

Katz said the Smithtown Central school district tries to reach out to different associations and offer more competitive salaries. However, even using various hiring methods and starting early, sometimes a new hire will get a better offer right before the academic year begins.

“We’re getting into bidding wars,” he said. “Candidates are pushing one district against the other in bidding wars. Kind of like the housing market.”

Despite a few job openings, local school districts are ready for the new school year. Stock photo

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Every American can learn from what’s going on in Brookhaven.

Congratulations to the its residents who for weeks have turned out to participate in the ongoing redistricting process for the Brookhaven Town Council. 

Those on opposite ends of the political spectrum have found common ground, united in resistance to the two draft maps that first appeared on the redistricting committee’s website. During a virtual meeting on Thursday, Aug. 18, the committee demonstrated that it could listen to the public, approving three proposals that return Council Districts 1 and 2 to their current form, notably involving Port Jefferson Station/Terryville and Mount Sinai. Congratulations to the committee for its democratic response.

Despite this progress, residents in Brookhaven must understand that their work is unfinished. Beware of an incoming map that holds together the spirit and intention of the original draft maps while restoring the boundaries of Council Districts 1 and 2. This map, which passed the committee 5-2 on Thursday, has troubling implications. 

The prospects of partisan gerrymandering are real for Council District 4. Any attempt to move Ridge into that district will blunt the voting power of historically disenfranchised and underrepresented communities, likely barring these voters from a representative voice on the Town Council for another decade.

Council districts do not operate on an island. We cannot stand by idly while the committee gerrymanders CD4. If the proposed cracking of Port Jeff Station/Terryville was an offense to that community of interest, then the transfer of Ridge into CD4 is a moral affront to the entire process.

The Brookhaven Landfill has been a blemish in the town history since 1974. This historical injustice is reflected by the area’s lowest life expectancy rates on Long Island, revealing the fatal consequences of a lack of political representation.

It is time for the Brookhaven powerbrokers to release their 50-year stranglehold on the people of that area since the landfill was started. With a fair redistricting of CD4, the people there can for once have an equal stake in town government and a champion at Town Hall. 

To those who have fought valiantly for their own communities, redirect your energies to CD4. To the civic and business leaders, local organizers and every Brookhaven resident who demands better government, turn your focus to CD4. The people cannot rest until the committee puts forth a map that serves all communities of interest. 

To the redistricting committee and the Brookhaven Town Council: Put an end to this long and regrettable chapter of local history. Do not silence the people of that district for another 10 years.

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Upon prompting from tour boat operator Reggie Domangue, a 10-foot alligator approaches the covered boat amid a steady drizzle. Photo by Daniel Dunaief
Inches from its unsuspecting processed prey, an alligator closes in on a marshmallow. Photo by Daniel Dunaief
A self professed walker of the fine line between crazy and stupid, Reggie hand feeds an alligator marshmallows. Photo by Daniel Dunaief
Capable of swimming 10 miles an hour on the surface of the water, an alligator swims alongside the boat. Photo by Daniel Dunaief
A tug boat pushes a barge through floating plants along the Intracoastal Canal in Louisiana. Photo by Daniel Dunaief

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

The drive to the Louisiana swamps took over half an hour and was a world away from the incredible jazz, po’ boys and other sites, sounds and tastes of New Orleans.

Once we left the highway, the road curled so dramatically that 15-mile-per-hour speed limit signs seemed unnecessary.

Homes along the way provided a snapshot into the sobering reality of the lives of people who live along the path. The roof of a dilapidated front porch looked like a crushed soda can, blocking the entrance to a house. Across from another home, a white hearse with a rusted roof was parked feet from the intracoastal canal. In a steady drizzle, the driver’s side window remained open.

Once we parked at the Louisiana Tour company’s parking lot, we waited on a small dock, watching a tug boat push an enormous ship about 50 feet from us through floating plants.

Our tour guide and driver Reggie Domangue provided a compelling commentary.

Passing a cemetery along the water’s edge, Reggie described how flood waters pushed a friend’s grandmother above ground twice, forcing his friend to bury his grandmother three times.

Downstream from the cemetery, a fishing boat called Perfect Coup rested on its side, its decaying carcass a testament to the destructive force of an earlier hurricane. 

Reggie didn’t let several missing teeth slow him down. Sharing a narrative that mirrored the winding path through the water, he offered a few verbal gems. When talking about edible parts of the alligator, he suggested, “You fry it, we’ll eat it.”

Warning passengers about the dangers in the water, Reggie cautioned some clothing was more problematic than others. “You go swimmin’ out here, you don’t want to wear no white.” Moving slowly along the canal, he  pointed out the ubiquitous Spanish moss. Years ago, Reggie said, people stuffed it in their pillows until they realized the dried-out moss was flammable.

Heading toward a highlight of the trip, Reggie described the territorial alligators. Noticeable from the ripples atop the water and its v-shaped wake, a 10-foot alligator approached, as Reggie yelled in French, “ici,” for “here.”

Reggie tossed marshmallows to the alligators. He hand-fed one of the alligators, whose mouth closed so rapidly its teeth snapped. As we coasted slowly through the bayou, alligators swam up to the boat. Two raced toward the same marshmallow. After colliding, the only thing left temporarily unscathed was the floating marshmallow.

Reggie said alligators swim on top of the water at 10 miles per hour and below the water at 15. On land, they can move as quickly as 25, although they can’t make quick turns.

Alligators eat small animals and birds. If they catch deer, they can’t eat them because the meat is too tough. Instead, they trap them under a branch, marinating them for two weeks.

The gender of newborn alligators depends on the temperature of the water. Below 86 degrees, the alligators are female. Above that, they’re male.

Female alligators maintain a territory of half a mile, while males have one-mile territories. A male in search of a mate can travel 10 miles a day.

Louisiana has strict poaching rules. Anyone caught poaching an alligator can receive a mandatory 10 years in prison. “People have done less time for murder,” Reggie said.

If you think Reggie sounds like he’s straight out of central casting, you’re not alone. The writers of Disney’s “Princess and the Frog” movie agreed. According to Reggie, Disney executives came on one of his boat rides and modeled the character Raymond, the firefly who’s also missing teeth, after Reggie.

Disney thanked Reggie in the credits. His passengers, including my wife and me, felt the same way after a memorable journey.

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Screenshot taken from the Brookhaven Town website

The Brookhaven Redistricting Committee met Thursday, Aug. 18, in a virtual meeting with the committee’s mapmaker, David Schaefer. 

This meeting marks the first time throughout this process that the eight-member committee has met with the mapmaker. Before speaking with the various committee members, Schaefer gave his rationale for two draft maps that generated significant public interest and opposition. 

For Schaefer, political redistricting aims to balance populations across council districts. “Equal population is the reason we’re doing redistricting,” he said. “This is about one person-one vote, and all other criteria are secondary to that.”

Aside from this primary condition, Schaefer said that the New York Municipal Home Rule Law states several additional criteria that factor into the mapmaking process. Among these items are drawing maps that promote political participation of racial or language minorities; contiguity; compactness; unifying communities of interests; and facilitating the efficient administration of elections.

George Hoffman, a Setauket resident and committee member, pressed Schaefer on the two draft proposals that have generated significant public opposition throughout this process. He asked the mapmaker whether he had received any testimony that suggested swapping Mount Sinai and Terryville between Council Districts 1 and 2.

Schaefer said that though he had read through the public testimony to familiarize himself with the issues, those suggestions did not weigh into his drawing of the original maps. He considers the two proposals as rough drafts only.

“I don’t take it upon myself to put any weight on any of the testimony, whether it’s positive or negative,” he said. “I leave that for the commission to do, and I don’t think my draft is one that the commission should accept as anything more than a first draft.” He added, “If there are changes to be made or big issues to consider, those are in the next pass of what I would do.”

Committee member Krystina Sconzo, of Mastic Beach, raised the issue of evaluating election districts versus communities of interest. She said that she would like for the committee to prioritize communities of interest.

Sconzo and Gail Lynch-Bailey, of Middle Island, both reiterated one of the frequent complaints from the public regarding the legibility and accessibility of the draft maps. They both asked for future draft proposals to present as many details as possible. 

Schaefer acknowledged the request, indicating that a detailed draft proposal is relatively simple. “I can create individual maps that have every road, most of the street names on those roads, and I can do it very quickly,” he said.

Lynch-Bailey motioned for the mapmaker to produce a map addressing the population imbalances between Council Districts 2 and 6. She said these districts are the only ones falling outside the 5% deviation allowable under town code and, therefore, the only ones requiring change. 

“I request a map that addresses just those two districts, and please put back Mount Sinai and Terryville,” she said. The motion passed the committee unanimously.

Co-chair Rabia Aziz, of Coram, cited the considerable public testimony regarding the proposed changes to Council District 4. She said that while the initial draft proposals keep the diverse communities of Gordon Heights and North Bellport within CD4, they dilute the voting power of those areas through the incorporation of Ridge into CD4.

“If you dilute the ability of people of color to be able to elect someone that has their community of interest at heart, then I think that is not in concert with what the community would want,” she said. “It should be a council district of least change.”

Aziz moved to send all of the public map submissions to Schaefer and have him produce a map that loosely follows the boundaries set forth by the Logan Mazer map. Aziz’s resolution passed the committee unanimously. For more on the Mazer map, see the TBR News Media story, “Residents, elected officials fight to keep PJS/Terryville intact” (Aug. 11).

Ali Nazir, of Lake Grove, made the final motion of the evening. He asked to produce a map that follows the boundaries of Proposal 2, currently on the website, but restores Port Jeff Station/Terryville and Mount Sinai. Nazir’s resolution passed the commission 5-2, with Hoffman and Aziz voting “no.”

Members of the committee agreed to give Schaefer at least a week to prepare the three draft maps requested during this meeting. The committee decided to reconvene in the first week of September to mull over the new maps. To watch the entire meeting (starting at 4:21:50), click here.

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Nick LaLota, above, who won the Republican nomination on Tuesday for New York’s 1st Congressional District, will face Suffolk County Legislator Bridget Fleming (D-Noyac) in the general election this November. Photo from LaLota’s campaign website

After a contentious primary contest for New York’s 1st Congressional District, Nick LaLota won the Republican nomination on Tuesday, Aug. 23. 

LaLota, chief of staff to presiding officer of the Suffolk County Legislature, Kevin McCaffrey (R-Lindenhurst), has also served as a commissioner on the Suffolk County Board of Elections and a trustee of Amityville Village. He will face Suffolk County Legislator Bridget Fleming (D-Noyac) in November in a race to fill the seat of U.S. Rep. Lee Zeldin (R-NY-01), who is running for governor.

With over 95% of precincts reporting as of 9 a.m. Aug. 24, LaLota received just over 47% of the total vote count. Responding to the election result, LaLota put out a statement on social media. 

“Thank you, the voters of Suffolk County, for placing your trust in me,” he said. “Tonight, we celebrate a primary win against $3 million in outside special interests. Tomorrow, we fight for our community and country against a liberal rubber stamp for [the] Biden-Pelosi agenda.” He added, “Together, we’ll stand up for hardworking Long Island families, hit so hard by their tax-and-spend agenda, and always put #LongIslandFirst.”

Michelle Bond and Anthony Figliola received 28% and 25% of the vote, respectively. Left photo from Bond’s campaign website, right courtesy of the candidate

Although he received the endorsements of the Suffolk GOP and the Suffolk County Conservative Party, LaLota faced two primary challengers before receiving his party’s nomination. 

Michelle Bond, chief executive officer of a cryptocurrency trade organization, and Anthony Figliola, a former Brookhaven Town deputy supervisor, received roughly 28% and 25% of the vote, respectively. Neither candidate could not be reached for comment for this story. 

Following the primary election result, the Fleming campaign also put out a statement. The Democratic nominee condemned LaLota for running on what she considers an extremist platform, arguing that his views are detrimental to the political process.

“Nick LaLota wants to govern from the extremes,” she said in a press release. “He has proven time and time again that he doesn’t know what’s right for our district. From trying to defund the police, to weakening gun safety laws, to disenfranchising Suffolk County voters and supporting efforts to strip women of their fundamental freedoms, LaLota is only committed to exploiting division and advancing his own dangerous agenda.”

Voters will have the final say on Tuesday, Nov. 8, when LaLota and Fleming face off in a general election showdown.

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The following incidents have been reported by Suffolk County Police:

Centereach

■ Walmart on Middle Country Road in Centereach reported that a known male shoplifter allegedly stole two Splatterball toy guns valued at $192 and a Magma hoverboard worth $144.

■ CVS on Middle Country Road in Centereach reported two shoplifters on Aug. 9. A man and a woman allegedly loaded a shopping cart with Tide detergent, diapers and paper towels before fleeing the store. The items were valued at approximately $300.

■ Walmart on Middle Country Road in Centereach called the police on Aug. 12 to report that a man allegedly stole $563 worth of assorted groceries along with a Roku Express valued at $145.

Commack

■ A resident on Wheatfield Lane in Commack reported that someone broke the window of his vehicle parked in his driveway and stole a wallet on Aug. 13. On the same day a resident on the same street reported that someone entered his unlocked vehicle and removed items and credit cards.

■ Scam alert! A woman loading groceries in her car in the parking lot of Costco Wholesale on Garet Place in Commack on Aug. 10 reported that she was approached by two men asking for directions and later realized her wallet had been stolen from her pocketbook.

■ Target on Veterans Memorial Highway in Commack reported a shoplifter on Aug. 8. A man allegedly stole three Razor scooters valued at $135 each.

■ Target on Veterans Memorial Highway in Commack reported that a man entered the store on Aug. 11, selected JBL earbuds, Heyday headphones and Tide Pods. He then picked out a backpack to conceal the items and allegedly walked out of the store without paying. The items were valued at approximately $240.

■ North Shore Paving on Townline Road in Commack reported that an unknown man stole a 2000 Ford F350 from the property on Aug. 12. The vehicle, valued at $12,000, had been left unlocked with the keys inside.

East Setauket

■ Walmart on Nesconset Highway in East Setauket reported two shoplifters on Aug. 11. Two women allegedly stole cleaning supplies, jewelry and clothing valued around $300.

Greenlawn

■ Greenlawn Fine Wines and Liquor on Broadway in Greenlawn reported two shoplifters on Aug. 12. A man and a woman allegedly stole five various bottles of liquor totally $854.

Hauppauge

■ A catalytic converter was stolen from a 2006 Honda Accord parked in the driveway of a residence on Helen Avenue in Hauppauge on Aug. 11. The part was valued at $800.

Lake Grove

■ Macy’s at the Smith Haven Mall in Lake Grove reported a petit larceny on Aug. 13. A man and a woman allegedly stole miscellaneous clothing items worth approximately $930.

Melville

■ A guest checking out of the Melville Marriot Long Island on Walt Whitman Road in Melville on Aug. 10 discovered that all four tires and rims had been stolen from his 2019 BMW X2. The vehicle was found sitting on two cobblestone blocks.

Port Jefferson Station

■ A resident on Jayne Blvd. in Port Jefferson Station reported that someone entered her vehicle on Aug. 8 and stole cash, a cellphone, license and credit cards.

■ A vehicle parked in the driveway of a residence on Joline Road in Port Jefferson Station was broken into on Aug. 8. Two wallets containing driver’s licenses were stolen.

■ Uncle Giuseppe’s Marketplace on Route 112 in Port Jefferson Station reported that a man allegedly filled a shopping cart with $250 worth of assorted beer and fled the store without paying on Aug. 12.

Rocky Point

■ A resident on University Drive in Rocky Point reported that his car was broken into on Aug. 9. Assorted tools, karate apparel, headphones and cash were stolen.

■ Over 50 bags of used clothing were stolen from the PAL clothing donation bin in the Stop & Shop parking lot on Route 25A in Rocky Point on Aug. 2. The items were estimated to be worth $900.

■ A resident on Magnolia Drive in Rocky Point reported that someone entered his vehicle on Aug. 9 and stole power tools, hand tools and backpack.

St. James

■ Bruno’s Garage on Middle Country Road in St. James called the police on Aug. 10 to report that someone had stolen catalytic converters from two cars parked in the lot.

■ A resident on Washington Avenue in St. James reported that a catalytic converter was stolen from his 2006 Honda Accord on Aug. 10. Three men were seen exiting a silver Mercedes sedan, lifting the vehicle with a car jack and cutting the converter out before fleeing.

■ A resident on Alo Court in St. James reported that someone entered his backyard on Aug. 12 and stole a Dolphin Premier robotic pool cleaner. The equipment was valued at $800.

Selden

■ Rite Aid on Middle Country Road in Selden reported two shoplifters on Aug. 9. A man and a woman allegedly loaded a shopping cart with paper towels, diapers and baby formula valued at approximately $300 before fleeing the store.

■ Two motorcycles, a Suzuki DR200 and a KTM Duke 200, were stolen from a parking lot at Suffolk County Community College on College Road in Selden on Aug. 7. 

Setauket

■ A woman dining at Mario’s Restaurant on Route 25A in Setauket on Aug. 12 discovered that someone had removed a cellphone, wallet and phone charger from her vehicle.

Smithtown

■ A purple 2016 Dodge Charger SRT 392 was stolen from the driveway of a residence on Nissequogue River Road in Smithtown on Aug. 12. The spare keys had been left inside the vehicle which was valued at $60,000.

■ A muffler was damaged and a catalytic converter was stolen from a 2008 Honda Element  parked in the street in front of a residence on Blydenburg Avenue and a catalytic converter was reported stolen from a 2008 Honda Element parked in the driveway of a residence on Estate Road in Smithtown on Aug. 11. 

■ A resident on Brook Court in Smithtown reported that a catalytic converter was stolen from his 2005 Honda Accord and a catalytic converter was stolen from a 2002 Honda Accord parked on New Mill Road in Smithtown on Aug. 12. 

Sound Beach 

■ Catalytic converters were stolen from a 2001 Honda Accord on Mahogany Road, a 2001 Honda Accord on Rock Hall Lane and a 2002 Honda Accord on Soundway Drive in Sound Beach on Aug. 7.

■ Catalytic converters were stolen from a 2004 Acura TSX parked on Mitchell Drive and a 2005 Honda Accord parked in the driveway of a residence on Sound Beach Blvd. in Sound Beach on Aug. 8. 

Stony Brook

■ A resident on Sanford Lane in Stony Brook reported that someone entered his unlocked car on Aug. 9 and stole a wallet from the center console.

■ A 2021 Toyota Corolla was reported stolen from the driveway of a residence on Sheppard Lane in Stony Brook on Aug. 8. The owner was not sure if the car, which was valued at $15,000, had been locked.

Suffolk County Crime Stoppers offers a cash reward for information that leads to an arrest. Anyone with information about these incidents can contact Suffolk County Crime Stoppers to submit an anonymous tip by calling 1-800-220-TIPS.

— COMPILED BY HEIDI SUTTON

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Cartoon by Kyle Horne: kylehorneart.com @kylehorneart

As citizens of a free nation, we have the right to make our voices heard at the ballot box. 

This coming Tuesday, Aug. 23, we will cast our votes for congressional and state senatorial primary elections. But democracy doesn’t end when we leave the polling place. In fact, that is only where
it starts. 

Cartoon by
Kyle Horne:
kylehorneart.com
@kylehorneart

Recently, TBR News Media has witnessed a flurry of popular energy within our coverage area. Look no further than Port Jefferson Station/Terryville to learn what democracy looks like while in motion. 

Since the inception of councilmanic districts in the Town of Brookhaven in 2002, Port Jefferson Station/Terryville has fallen within Council District 1. However, two maps on the Brookhaven Redistricting Committee’s website propose dividing that community across separate council districts.

For three weeks running, the people of the united hamlet of Port Jefferson Station/Terryville have turned out in numbers, eager to keep their community intact under a single council district. In the face of uncertainty, the Greater Comsewogue community has stood up to power, spoken out and may make a difference.

While the redistricting process remains ongoing, Port Jefferson Station/Terryville has illustrated the power of a united public. Through their mobilized efforts, the people have demonstrated what democracy can and
should be. 

Politicians are in office to carry out the will of the people. When they defy the popular will in favor of their own agendas, it is the right and obligation of the people to correct course. 

Though democracy may die in darkness, it shines brightest when ordinary citizens light the way. In their moment of history, the people of Port Jefferson Station/Terryville remind us that there is no greater force in nature than a united people. 

Communities across Long Island should learn from this example. Through their actions, we uncover the formula for positive change in our own communities. If we all take a page out of their playbook, then there is no end to what we can achieve together. The redistricting commission and Town Board should take careful note of the wishes of We the People.

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METRO photo

By Daniel Dunaief

Daniel Dunaief

Have you seen images of the Greek gods on Mt. Olympus?

Sure, some of them looked like they were having fun, like Dionysus, while others were out hunting or frolicking, annoying their spouses and causing all kinds of havoc on the Earth below.

But when they weren’t getting ready for an intractable war with each other or with the Titans, they seemed bored.

Perfection wasn’t all that inspirational, peaceful or enjoyable.

Maybe the Greeks knew a thing or two about perfection. Maybe we shouldn’t crave or want perfection from our kids, particularly on the verge of the new academic year.

Mistakes provide an opportunity to learn, while adversity also offers a chance to grow and develop resilience.

Failing, striking out, falling down, biting our lips or tongue, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and getting a question or two wrong on a test provide opportunities to learn.

Your kids and mine are bound to get something wrong. The question doesn’t need to be a reflexive, “why did you get that wrong?” The better question is: “how will you respond to that moment?”

I have been at baseball games where parents are at their worst when their children don’t perform as they (the parents) would like. One parent, who coached with me when his child was around 11 years old, screamed at him for not swinging at a called third strike.

The other kids on the bench looked horrified, while the child sat off by himself at the corner of the bench.

The error didn’t happen between the lines. It happened on the bench when the father made a potential learning experience uncomfortable.

Change and growth can be painful. Parents, teachers and friends shouldn’t compound the discomfort.

I definitely live in a glass house. When I evaluate my parenting skills, I recognize deficiencies and have tried to improve.

I have told my children that I recognize that I made mistakes when I’ve said the wrong thing to them.

Maybe, before the new academic year begins, it’d help to have a conversation with our kids about the role they would like us to play. This may turn into something of a negotiation, as interactions with children often are, but at least we can have an idea before we repeat patterns that may not work for our children, of what they’d prefer.

It took me a long time to ask my daughter what she’d like me to say in response to moments of adversity.

Letting our children make every decision won’t always lead to the best outcome. They might, for example, prefer to eat cookies for breakfast and cake for dinner.

Giving them a chance, however, to suggest ways we can do exactly what we’re trying to accomplish, by supporting them, encouraging them, and helping them improve, may create a better and healthier dynamic for them.

The pursuit of perfection is tiring and is bound to lead to disappointment. Chasing ways to be better, however, and seeing growth opportunities can be rewarding.

We as parents made countless mistakes when we were our children’s age. We can’t prevent them from making mistakes. While we might also share stories about the discomfort brought on by our errors, we can’t even prevent them from doing the same stupid, inappropriate, ill-advised and awkward things we did, no matter how much we plead with them to learn from us.

What made those Greek gods so compelling were the stories of their imperfections. I’m not sure they learned from their mistakes, but, as the Greek chorus suggests in tragedies, maybe we can.

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Megan Bomgaars. Photo from Facebook

By Leah S. Dunaief

Leah Dunaief

“Born to Sparkle” is a book written, to my surprise, by a young woman with Down syndrome. The rest of the book title is “A Story About Achieving Your Dreams.” A review of the book appears in our Arts and Lifestyles section on page B23 in this issue, and it tells a heartwarming story about the author, Megan Bomgaars, who is 29 and lives in Denver. In the words of our reviewer, Melissa Arnold, the book “teaches kids that all of us are unique and have something special to share with the world, and if you dream big and work hard, you can achieve anything.” 

Why am I surprised? Because my sister, who was two years younger than I, also was born with Down syndrome, and like Megan, on Thanksgiving Day but 50 years earlier in 1942. While she was clever and wonderful in many ways, Maxine could never have written a book, in part because she would never have been imagined to do so. What a difference that half-century makes.

There is a broad spectrum of Down diagnoses, and Maxine was pronounced “profoundly retarded,” which surely limited expectations for her life. While Megan’s motto is, “Don’t Limit Me!”, and she has become a motivational speaker and the owner of a business, the professionals who examined my sister Maxine told my parents to institutionalize her “because she won’t live very long anyway with that condition.” She lived to be 65.

It was my sister’s bad luck to be born five decades earlier, when mental retardation was considered a stigma for a family, and the response to such a birth was to hide the innocent person. Megan Bomgaars, by comparison, shared her life’s story on television with six others in the A&E docuseries “Born This Way.” The show went on to win an Emmy in 2016.

It was my sister’s good luck to have two parents who recognized her as a fully entitled member of our family and tried to give her every advantage that existed then, which were very few. When the principal of the elementary school that I attended refused to accept her into first grade, my mother asked for the “Dick & Jane” series with which first graders were taught to read and patiently worked with my sister at home for many hours a day. Eventually, Maxine could proudly read that primer. She could also do simple arithmetic, adding and subtracting, and she was very verbal. 

In fact, that was the only difficult part of life with Maxine. She talked constantly and in a loud voice, as if she were on one side of a telephone conversation. Only two things could make her quiet down: music and baseball.

Maxine would sit quietly in the back of the room while I took piano lessons from a teacher who came to the apartment. After he left and I got up, she would slide onto the piano stool and play the melodies of the different pieces I had gone over with the teacher. We’re talking here Bach, Czerny and Mendelsohn. She also adored music that she would hear on the radio, especially show tunes that she could sing. And sing she did, in a Jimmy Durante voice. One of her favorites was “Oklahoma!”

Also, she loved to listen to baseball games on the radio and watch them played on our Sunday outings with our dad to Central Park. I don’t know if she followed the intricacies of the game, but she knew when to cheer and probably loved being part of the crowd.

Megan Bomgaars loved going to school and was a cheerleader in high school. My sister also attended a school in Brooklyn that was operated by Catholic Services. A bus would pick her up, along with my mother, each day and drive them to Brooklyn. Incidentally, my mother never let her out of her sight. My parents protected Maxine from a world that could not always be kind and safe. But for Megan, a person who incidentally has Down syndrome, today society learns from her.

 

 

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